The sound of Alex slurping milk brings back memories. Every Friday afternoon after school Alex would come over to mine and, along with Tabs, we'd devour at least two packs of cookies as well as several glasses of milk. It was just a tradition that started from being bored and peckish after school. Now, sitting in the window seat of our flat that overlooks London, old memories come flooding back.
"You know, you don't have to dip the cookie and then suck the milk out. You could always take a sip of milk and a bite of cookie."
Alex looks scandalised before laughing. "Am I being too noisy?"
"I can deal with the slurping," I assure her. "But don't you hate the lumps of cookie at the bottom of your milk glass?"
She shakes her head. "Nope. It tastes nice."
I stick my tongue out.
"Anyway, you're the one who drowns everything in ketchup. That's disgusting if you ask me."
"I didn't," I say pointedly.
I cross my eyes at her and she scrunches her nose at me and then we both laugh.
It's good to see Alex. I can blow off steam having chats with her in a way that I can't with anyone else. It's not that talking with Sam isn't a good way to chill out, but with Alex it's different. I've known her for forever. In a life before Sketch and Sam. That life seems so distant now, but in reality it's only been a few months. It's strange how sometimes time can go so fast that you don't notice the days and weeks passing by. So much has happened in such a short space of time that it's a mental blur when I try to think of all the things separately. Individual moments and feelings. It's like I'm watching a movie and someone keeps fast-forwarding parts, making the overall plot jumpy and hard to follow.
"How's uni?" I ask Alex. I'm conscious that I've been spaced out thinking for the last couple of moments.
"Good," Alex replies. Her eyes flit towards Vince and Ollie's bedroom, where Vince is on the phone to his parents. They never ring and the urge to assume that something is wrong is on all of our minds. "My next lecture isn't until tomorrow afternoon," she adds.
I nod. "Are you staying over then?"
Alex blushes and for a moment I'm not sure why. Then I realise I spoke without thinking again and I can feel my cheeks getting warm too. I noticed her carrying in an overnight bag with her earlier and I didn't get the chance to ask for sure; Sam ran off with the packet of cookies and I had to indulge in a ten minute play fight to get them back. Not that I minded of course.
"I didn't mean," I try.
Alex laughs and I realise her face has paled back to its usual tone. "It's fine, Emmy. It's you after all."
I smile. "Me with the whole saying inappropriate things."
"Yeah."
"Yeah, what?"
"Yeah, it's you and your big mouth." Her face takes on a more serious expression and her voice lowers. "And I'm staying over."
"Cool." I grin and Alex punches my arm. "What?"
"Cool." She imitates my voice and I snort with laughter. "Seriously though, Emmy. I haven't shared a bed with him yet."
They're not as lucky as Sam and I. They only get to see each other when their schedules are free. I look up and notice that her face seems paler than before and I can tell that she's worried.
I stroke her arm. "There's no need to be nervous."
"I mean, I really like him."
"I know." Our heads are bent close together and there's a waterfall of red and blonde hair around us as we whisper. "I can tell."
For a moment Alex's smile wipes away any worry from her features. "I don't want to mess it up."
"How can you?" I ask.
She shakes her head. "I don't know. I guess I don't want to rush things."
I get what she means. Vince is only free all the time at the moment because we don't have a record deal and soon Alex will have loads of uni work and deadlines to contend with.
"It's not like I don't trust him," Alex adds. "It's just the next step I guess."
I nod. She really has nothing to worry about. Vince isn't a bad person. He can be a little dumb at times and others a little annoying, but I've never seen him do anything to make me think that he'll hurt Alex.
"I get the impression that he's suave and a bit of a player, maybe even a charmer, with some people. But with me he messes up his speech sometimes and blushes and tells really lame jokes." She smiles, her eyes off in a distant space. "But I know it's the real him."
Unlike me, Alex has had boyfriends in the past. The relationships didn't last long but I know that she's been hurt before. I feel lucky again. My eyes search out Sam and my heart swells when I spot him looking at me. His smile lights up his eyes and for a split second he looks younger, his features soft. Then he winks and the sight of his unruly eyebrow makes me chuckle.
When Alex blinks out of her thoughts to look at me again I grin at her. We don't say anything for a long moment and the silence between us is filled with the sounds of Ollie and Sam laughing and shouting as they play video games. I can tell that Ollie is winning; Sam keeps claiming that he's being cheated but I know that he's just being a sore loser. They're both having fun really. The brother bonding time is good for them. I know Sam worries about leaving me out when he's playing video games, but with Alex here he knows I won't be bored.
I smile at Alex again but my mind stays on Sam. I can't remember how nervous I was about first sharing a bed with Sam. I think of the spider incident and cringe. I hadn't meant him to give up half of his bed for me. I don't know what I'd been expecting the outcome to be, to be honest. Probably for him to move the spider or, more likely, for him to tell me to grow up and go away. A laugh in the form of a sigh escapes my lips as the memory of Sam being cold towards me surfaces. Those times certainly seem light-years ago. I can't imagine not talking to Sam now. A huge chunk of my life would be missing.
Are we moving too fast? Thinking about it, we really could be. I mean, to put it bluntly, it's almost as if I got in his bed and never left it. I wonder if Sam noticed this? I sure didn't, until this very moment and now I can feel the unfamiliar sensation of regret winding through me. I hardly ever, almost never, care what other people think about me. But now, if this was a known fact, would people think I'd planned this? Have Ollie and Vince had these thoughts before me? Did it occur to them that I moved in quick.
I've been picking at my nail varnish. Purple flakes coat my jeans and Alex watches me. Her thin eyebrows peak upwards.
"You and Sam are fine."
I roll my eyes on impulse. She always was a mind-reader. I laugh, feeling suddenly shy around her and look out of the window behind us. London in twilight is beautiful. It's a hushed version of the day, with the headlights of cars and street lights twinkling in the black outshining the stars.
"Yeah," I say finally. "It's not like we've done anything yet." I sound like I'm trying to convince myself.
Alex shakes her head at me. "It takes time, Emmy. Don't just sleep with him because you feel like you have to."
I fight a blush. "I wouldn't." I swallow hard, admitting something to myself. "It's not like I haven't thought about it. I love him, Alex." It comes out in a whisper, but I'm not at all scared to shout it from the rooftop.
Alex grins at my admissions and we share a girly laugh. It's reminiscent of Jasmine or Holly and I didn't know I was capable of making such a sound. Remembering Vince's last conquests I realise how much he's grown up since he was introduced to Alex. It's like he's stopped sniffing around girls and gone for a woman. I'm proud of him and Alex.
"That's amazing," she says. "But things still take time. One person's pace is different to someone else's."
I nod, certain now. "It'll happen when it feels right."
"No regrets or mistakes," Alex agrees.
I don't know if Alex is speaking from experience, where past boyfriends are concerned, or not. Either way, I hug her hard.
"I've missed you," I say.
"I've missed you, too," Alex replies.
I hold onto her for a long moment, only breaking apart when I feel something on my ear. I pull back, seeing Vince with his arm outstretched.
"Did you just flick me?" I ask.
He smiles and it widens when he looks to Alex. They really are so cute.
"All good?" she asks him.
Vince nods. "Yeah. You?"
He's different with Alex, I notice. Not sarky sounding or loud, but sincere and open.
I get up and push him down to where I was sitting without saying anything. As I walk away, I hear them start to talk. The clock says half past eleven and after directing a soft smile at Sam I head to his room. Our room.