I never once considered the possibility of Asher leaving me. I mean why would he? I never considered the possibility of ever dating him either. And look where that got me.
He never returned from L. A.
A few weeks after the accident I was allowed to travel so I came back home. Asher didn't come with me. Said he had some work. Never even called again. Last time he did that he disappeared for weeks and before that for two whole years. For two years, before the senior year of high school, it was as if he didn't exist for me. But I saw him everywhere.
"Thanks for coming with me," I said to Ashton as he drove the rental to a place that I was dreading to visit.
"I would've never let you go alone in that condition," he glanced sideways at me and smiled slightly.
"I'm almost as good as new," I said.
"Almost," he pointed out.
I had finally read the letter Nora left me the day before my eighteen birthday. It said to visit the address I was heading to, among other things. But I was still pissed to dwell over the other things.
I reached for my jacket at the backseat as Ashton stopped the car in front of a house that looked identical to every house on the street. The front lawn was sparse with hardly anything growing. It became a little warm during the daytime here, but still cold enough that I couldn't do without a jacket.
"Want me to go with you?" Ashton looked at me.
I shook my head. I had to do this alone. "I'll be fine," I assured him.
I opened the door and stepped out. He did the same. I pulled on the jacket, looking at the house and sighed. I hadn't even realized my heart had started pounding.
"You sure?" Ashton came to stand beside me.
I nodded.
He gave me one of his dazzling grins. "I'm sure they'll love you," he said, brushing away strands of my hair the wind had blown over my face.
I didn't say anything. How was I supposed to play family with some people I had never met before? Never even knew they existed? But I wanted to meet them. I just wasn't sure if they wanted to meet me.
"I saw a Wendy's not far away. I'll wait for you there. Just give me a call when you're done and I'll pick you up," he said, nodding in the direction we came from.
"Okay," I said, letting out a deep breath.
I walked through the front lawn and up the porch steps. When I looked back at Ashton and he gave me a thumbs up. I turned towards the white door, the paint was chipping off from some places. I raised my hand, knocked twice and waited.
After a whole minute the door opened revealing a woman who looked my grandmother's age. A few stands of white hair peeked from under brown hair. She looked at me furrowed eyes. I fiddled with my fingers, thinking what to say. Finally I cleared my throat and swallowed.
"Um. Hello. I'm Ellie Anderson and you probably don't know me, but I'm-" I was cut off as she pulled me to her chest, wrapping her arms around me and squeezing the life out of me.
"You came. You are here," she kept whispering as if she couldn't believe it.
My hands were at my sides and I stood stiff as a board. She let me go after what felt like forever. When she stepped back her eyes were covered with a sheen of tears.
She touched my cheek lightly, smiling a watery smile.
She gasped as if she just remembered something. "Come inside. Don't stand there," she pulled me in with her. When I glanced back I caught a glimpse of Ashton watching us. I'd told him to go.
The door closed behind me.
"Jason!" she called, pulling me into a sitting room. The house was small, but immaculate. The walls were decorated with paintings and photo frames. A man wheeled in to the room, from the other side.
"What is it, Millie?" he grumbled. He didn't look up from a book that was opened on his lap.
When he finally saw me, it seemed like his throat dried up. Millie was smiling from ear to ear as she went behind his wheelchair and wheeled him to an empty space to one side of the table.
Then she came to me and made me sit on the couch, sitting beside me. For a moment all we did was stare at each other.
I started to feel really awkward. I shifted and that seem to break the spell. Millie shot up to her feet. "I should make you something," she said.
"It's not necessary. Really," I said looking up at her.
But she just shook her head and went the way Jason had come from.
I thought I should introduce myself to Jason so I started to speak but he didn't give me a chance.
"You look just like her," he said in wonder. My eyebrows furrowed. As far as I knew I looked nothing like my mother. He wheeled his chair to a corner of the room and picked up a photograph from the top of a drawer.
He gave it to me and I took it, my hands shaking a tiny bit. I looked at the picture and instantly recognized Nora. Watching her at this age, I could clearly see the resemblance. But it was still going too far to say that we looked alike.
It was a photo of her prom night and Nora was wearing a maroon gown.
"That's not my father," was the first thing I said when I looked back up.
I always thought my parents were high school sweethearts, but if they hadn't even gone to prom together. I kept the photograph on the table.
"Ah yeah. That's Owen," he said, pushing back his glasses on his nose.
I didn't ask who Owen was.
Mille came back holding a tray. She kept it on the table and sat beside me, taking my right hand in hers.
"I'm so glad you decided to visit us. You've grown so much. You were just a little baby when I last saw you. I really missed you," she said, caressing the side of my head.
I didn't say I missed you too. How could I? This was the first time I was meeting them.
"I'm glad I came," I smiled.
"Taste them. I baked them myself," she said when she saw me looking at the cookies. I picked up a cup of tea in one hand and a cookie in another.
It wasn't until I tasted the cookie that all my feelings caught up to me. Until then I was weirdly out of it. Not really believing I was meeting my grandparents for the first time. The cookie tasted just like when Nora baked them. My eyes filled as I struggled to swallow that small bite. I kept it back on the plate and didn't look up.
"Tell us something about yourself," Jason said.
"Yeah, we want to know everything," Mille said.
"There's nothing much to know," I tried to laugh a little, but it sounded like I was choking.
"I like baking," I said, because I didn't want to let down their expectant faces.
"Really? Eleanor loves baking!" Miller said.
"You do too," Jason added.
Miller looked really pleased. Her smile reminded me of Nora.
I wanted to ask them questions. A lot of them. I wanted to ask them why they didn't stop Nora from leaving me. I wanted to ask them why they never came to meet me. Why they never called me over summer to spend time with them. I didn't ask any of those questions.
"Tell us more."
"I suck at painting," I said, grimacing as one after another the images of the paintings I tried to make went through my mind.
Jason laughed. "Well, that's all you," he said. He waved around him. I looked at the painting covered walls. "Your mother was a really good artist. These are all her works."
Intrigued, I stood up and went over to one of the paintings. Different shades of blue merged together to from waves that clashed with each other. It was simply breathtaking. Without meaning to my eyes fixated on the shade of blue that was the color of Asher's eyes. My chest constricted painfully.
Tearing my eyes from the painting I went over to the next one, then another. Jason and Mille were saying something but I could only nod and hum my answers. I wasn't paying much attention as my eyes fell on a framed photograph kept on the dresser Jason picked the other photograph from.
I reached for it and realized it was me. The oldest picture of me that ever existed. It seemed to be taken right after my birth because Nora was still wearing a hospital gown. My mother held me in her arms and looked at me like I was the most precious little thing that she had ever held. The love in her eyes was so evident that I couldn't imagine a love stronger than that. I traced the picture, my finger reaching for my mother. I didn't even realize I was crying until a drop of tear fell on the picture.
Why did she leave me if she loved me so much?
I wiped my eyes and kept the picture back on its place. When I turned back, both Jason and Miller were looking at me silently with rueful eyes. With the look on their faces I wondered for a moment if I said that out loud.
"I-" my voice cracked. I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to speak again. "I should go," I started toward the hallway. I needed to leave before I broke down.
"Wait," Millie instantly stood up. "You can't leave. You just came," her accent slipped in. She sounded British.
"I need to go. My friend is waiting for me. I'll keep in touch," I said as I backed away.
"But..." she trailed off as she wrung her fingers. She looked behind me and seemed to be thinking if locking all the ways out was worth a shot.
"Millie, let her leave," Jason said softly, almost tiredly.
"But she just came here. I can't let her leave like this," Millie argued, scowling at Jason for even suggesting that.
"We lost that right long ago," he said. His face looked apologetic and I felt like I had kicked some puppies. That made me want to cry even more.
Millie's gaze dropped to the floor.
"I'll visit again, I promise," I said and because that didn't seem enough I gave them each a hug.
When I was out the door and on the road, walking towards the Wendy's Ashton claimed he saw on the way here I thought about how this visit went. I never pictured how this would go so I didn't have anything to compare it with.
Did they try to stop my mother when she decided she didn't want me anymore? Or did they support it for whatever reason? I was terrified to know the answer.
I didn't call Ashton to pick me up. I kept walking not even watching where I was going. I wrapped my arms around myself when the cold wind made me shiver. I was starting to think he was lying when I saw the familiar sign. I saw Ashton leaning against the car and I slowly made my way to him.
When I neared him he took one look at my face, stood up straight and opened his arms. I stepped into his arms and let him wrap them around me. A sob worked its way up my throat and I clutched him tighter.
To everyone Asher and Ashton looked the same. To me they both were totally different people. One wasn't better from the other, they were just different.
And right now, standing in Ashton's arm reminded me how much I wanted Asher to be here. How much I wanted him to be with me when I met the people who were really important to me. I wanted him to be there just to support me and hold me like Ashton was doing now.
I was now crying for an entirely different reason. Missing him was a constant ache that I felt and it became hard to ignore it at times like this.
Ashton pulled back and looked at me.
"I'm sorry," I said for crying all over him.
He shook his head. "It's okay," he murmured as he gently wiped my tears away.
"Where is he, Ashton?" I asked. I had lost count of how many times I had ask this question to him.
"I don't know," the same answer as always. No matter how many times I asked his answer never changed.
"Please," I mouthed. The sheen made my eyes look glassy.
He looked away. I knew if anyone had any idea of his whereabouts it would be him.
I gripped his arms. I had done whatever I could to find him, coming up empty handed each time. He was my last resort. My only option.
He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "Ellie, I really don't know. If I knew I'd tell you," he said walking away from me.
"That's the thing, Ashton. You're not telling me!" I was getting angry now. I clenched my fists.
"Why don't you call him?" he asked, his voice calm.
"I did. A million times! Only if he answered. It goes straight to voicemail every fucking time I call," I furiously wiped the new tears that fell.
"Maybe you should leave a message," he said.
"What?"
"Leave him a message," he turned back to me.
For a moment I just stared at him. I had called Asher several times in the past three months, but I never once left him a message. I guess, it was me being angry that he wouldn't pick up my call or maybe it was fact that I didn't really know what to say.
My hand reached in my pocket on its own and I took out my phone. I took a deep breath and nodded to Ashton.
"I'll give you a minute," he said and started to go toward Wendy's. He paused a few feet away from the entrance and turned.
"And Ellie?"
"Huh?" I looked up.
"Tell the bastard to get his ass back home," he said and went inside.
My hand trembled as my thumb hovered over his name. I prayed once that he picked up this time and pressed call.
My heart hammered in my chest as I heard the call going. It kept on like that for a long time, my hope dying a little every second that passed with him not answering.
He didn't pick up and the call was again sent to voicemail.
I remained silent for a while.
"Hey," I breathed finally.
Then I started my pitiful monologue.
"I'm not gonna ask you where you are. I know nobody, not even me, especially not me," I chuckled humorlessly. "would be able to find you if you don't want to be found. So yeah, I'm not going to ask that. I just... I just want to know that you're okay. And please call me. If you want," my voice broke at the end and I had to wait a few moments before I spoke again.
"I miss you," I whispered before ending the call.
A single tear made its way down my left cheek and I let it fall. I clutched the phone in my hand and tried not to cry again. I had lost enough tears for a day. I realized the car was unlocked and waited for Ashton inside.
He came back after a while. He didn't say anything as he started the car. I looked out the window as he drove, trying to not think about anything.
The traffic hit the road and the car came to a standstill.
Ashton fumbled with the stereo system of the car as we waited for the car ahead of us to move.
"Do you mind?" he asked.
"No," I said.
A melody started which was faintly familiar to me. I racked my brain to remember where I had heard it when a voice filled the car. My head snapped to the dashboard and my heart leaped to my throat.
I could recognize that voice anywhere. The words that accompanied the melody were beautiful, but the voice singing them was more beautiful. The lyrics made my heart ache with longing and my eyes filled again. I remembered he was playing around with his guitar when we were hanging out in his bedroom, the day Linda told me I should meet my mother. He was strumming out the very same tune. I listened to the whole song and would put it on repeat if it wasn't a radio broadcast.
I looked up at Ashton. He was grinning and I was surprised to find myself smiling too. For the first time in a long time I felt really happy.
📚📚📚📚
Lower down you pitchforks people! I know y'all wanted more of Asher, but this is how it ends. I still hope you like it, though and don't kill me. 😅😅
I'll be posting an epilogue soon so I'm guessing all your hopes are not butchered by me yet. 😐😐
Also, thanks a lot for staying with me all this time and letting #Eller tell their story. 😇😇
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS STORY IS GOING TO HIT 100K VERY SOON! AND EVERYDAY IT CLIMBS UP IN THE WHAT'S HOT LIST.
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Bye!
-K