Lets review my options;
1. I could do it! Shag him. Have sex with Chris. Through caution and inhibition and insecurity and other words beginning with ‘in’ to the wind. Just rip my clothes off and throw myself in front of him like a piece of medium-rare steak, ready to be eaten (okay, maybe not like that, but you get the idea)
2. I could not do it. Not shag him. Not have sex with Chris. Not throw words with ‘in’ to the wind. No steak. No eating!
My mind had never whirled around so fast. It felt like someone had removed all my thoughts and thrown them into a blender, or a tumble dryer. I was dizzy from trying to sift through them. There wasn’t a single coherent thought I could grab onto, just fragments….
“Yes, he’s hot”
“No…don’t sleep with strangers, or pretend fiancés’
‘ But so sexy….”
“Yes…. No, but I like him. No, but scared of sex, YES, no, YES, no, YES, no, YES, no, YES, no, YES, no YES, no, YES, no, YES, no YES, no, YES, no, YES, no”
SHIT!
It felt like we’d been sitting still there for twenty minutes before my thoughts finally settled to a simmer, although in reality, it was probably more like two minutes. But each second was so slow and painful and loaded with so much sex.
Sex. Sex. Sex.
Chris cleared his throat- a definite sign that he too was feeling the discomfort. I couldn’t do this; I knew absolutely nothing about him. He was basically a stranger. This moment needed to end and I needed to be the one to do it.
“Chris” His name came out so loud and fast it was jarring.
“Annie.’ Shit, he was saying my name in a soft, sultry tone.
“Chris!” I said it again, in hopes that he would pick up on the big red line that I was drawing in the sand vocally.
“Annie.” His tone was slightly more normal now.
I took a deep breath and started, “I just…” But the words were not coming. “I… I, it’s just that-“
“I get it.” He said firmly.
“You do?”
“Totally.”
He said it all with such authority that I wanted to believe him, but without actual verbal confirmation, we could be speaking about different things.
“What are you talking about?” I asked him.
He looked at me oddly, “Why? What are you talking about?”
We looked at each other blankly.
“Well?” I asked again, “What are you talking about?”
“Same thing you’re talking about Annie.”
“But I haven’t said anything, how do you know what I was going to talk about?”
He shot me an odd look again, “The thing that you were going to say, but then I said not to worry, because I know.”
This conversation was going nowhere. We were skating around the subject like absolute idiots. I would have expected Chris to be more straightforward and to the point. He said everything else he thought, just not this. If he wasn’t going to say it, then I was going to have to be the one to do it.
My mouth opened-
“Sex!”
Chris swallowed hard and his pupils dilated.
“What about sex?” His tone was slightly hushed again.
“We’re not having it.” I was firm.
“Who said we were having it?” His words stung and a bolt of panic shot through me as I wondered if I’d been wrong? Maybe I’d misinterpreted this entire situation.
“I didn’t say we were having it.” I said trying to hide the distinctly defensive tone in my voice.
“No, definitely not,” he said again. By now my heart was sinking and the humiliation was rising fast. “We don’t have any cigarettes.”
“What?”
“Cigarettes. You can't have sex without cigarettes to smoke afterwards.”
He was clearly referring to the sex scene we’d just watched. He was also throwing me a gift. A chance to turn this whole conversation into a joke. To toss it away with humor- which in my opinion- was the best thing we could do right now.
“I agree. And certainly not without subtitles either.”
“Although...” Hang on, what was happening here. His voice was doing that strange lilting thing again. The soft inflections. The husk, “I did see a vending machine that sells them in the reception?”
“I’ve heard that smoking is bad for you?” I quipped.
“Sometimes the best things in life are.”
“Like chocolate.” I offered.
“Or Coconut Run Cocktails.”
We smiled at each other. His eyes were more bright than I’d even seen. His boyish quality was shinny through, and a part of me wished that he would just take the reigns and steer us in the direction that the not-so-subtle-subtext was taking us. But we’d probably missed the moment now. It had passed and what was left was an intense discomfort that hung in the room like a thick mist. The discomfort felt physical.
Tense, and building.
Like a balloon that had been blown up to bursting capacity. You know it will eventually pop, so you watch it with a certain trepidation, with your hands over your ears, waiting for the loud and frightening ‘Bang’.
The conclusion to the inevitable.
Ha, good metaphor. I mentally congratulated myself as we continued to hold each other’s gaze.
“It’s getting late,” I said, finally managing to pry my eyes from him.
“I suppose it is.”
“I should go to bed.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to sleep downstairs?”
I shook my head, “No. Like I said. I like the view.”
I got up and started walking away, but before I left the room I felt compelled to look back at him. And I was glad that he was still looking in my direction.
“Thanks for a nice night Annie.”
“Pleasure.” I walked up the stairs and left Chris in the room. A part of me regretted it, but another part of me- perhaps the bigger part- felt relieved. It would be messy with Chris. I liked him. He lived in LA. And after this holiday, I would never see him again. It would be a terrible idea to sleep with him.
In fact, it would be an all round terrible idea to let anything happen with him.
I would not let it happen.
But just as I was opening the door to my room I heard that familiar rustle of the palms. I had almost forgotten about our unpleasant neighbors.
I turned. It was Trev, and he was looking at me suspiciously.
“Have a disagreement did you?”
What?” I had no idea what he was talking about.
“Sleeping upstairs are you?”
I needed to think quickly before our cover was blown.
“No. No. Um… we’ve run out of dry towels downstairs. We were bathing, and I remember there were some here.” I smiled at him hoping he was buying this story.
I ran into the room quickly. God I hoped there were towels there!
I looked around frantically; pulling open drawers, throwing blankets off the bed and looking in the shower. But nothing.
Not a towel in sight.
And I just knew that Trev was waiting outside with that little face framed by palm leaves, waiting patiently to catch us out.
I walked out the room and threw my hands in the air. “Well what do you know! No towels” I shrugged, hoping this little act of mine was working.
“Here,” Suddenly Trevs head disappeared for a moment and then his hand popped through the foliage holding two towels. “You can borrow ours.”
The absolute gal of this man.
The unspeakable, unimaginable inappropriateness of him. The lack of all propriety.
“No thanks.” I said as quickly as possible, “I could never. Shame, you might need them.”
Trev shook his head, “I insist Anne. It’s the least we can do.”
And without any invitation, he tossed them.
The towels landed at my feet with a splat and with him glaring at me, I had no choice but to pick them up
“Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.” He flashed me his snow white smile, which seemed even whiter in the pale moonlight. “What are neighbors for hey?”
I tried to muster some kind of smile- at this stage a grimace would have sufficed. But internally I felt sick. The towels reminded me of the toothbrushes squashed into the same cup. Sure they hadn’t been used, but it still felt like the most inappropriate sharing imaginable. All I could think about while holding them was their naked bodies rubbing up against the fabric.
“If you need sugar, just let me know” And with that he was gone. The palms smacked together as his face disappeared. I knew I had no choice but to take the offensive towels and sleep downstairs, for fear that Trev might investigate later.
But going back down was the last thing I wanted to do. To step back into the lions den.
I inched my way down the stairs, trying to psyche myself up for seeing Chis again after that explosively sexual incident. I was vaguely aware of the sound of running water, but by that stage was so trapped in my thoughts I didn’t quite register---
---I walked in on Chris, stark naked in the shower.
The big, open shower.
The shower that was directly in my line of sight.
He had his back to me washing his hair. And against all my better judgment- I couldn’t help it- I stared. His back was broad and manly and the bum attached to it was, well, perfect. I was overcome by this urge to squeeze it. I could almost feel my nails digging into it, pulling it closer. As he washed his hair and shifted the weight from one leg to another it would flex, accentuating those dimples on the sides. The temperature of my blood rose and it coursed through my veins like a raging rapid. It rushed to my pelvis and I started getting this burning sensation between my legs.
Oh God! I was getting so ridiculously horny!
And then he turned. And because my eyes were so focused on his bum, something else suddenly came into full view.
Penis.
Staring me straight in the face.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away I was so shocked and fascinated at the same time. I had almost forgotten that there was a whole body attached to it. It was all I could see. I’ve never really been a fan of the way they look. Over the years I’d seen a few interesting ones. Some that are a little to triangular in shape. Some that are a bit too mushroom like. But his was… perfect.
The shape, the size...perfect.
I heard a little gasp, it came from me and it was totally involuntary.
“Annie!”
Abruptly I remembered the head, mouth, eyes and brain that were attached to the apendage up North.
I jumped.
I screamed in fright.
The towels went flying and then I went tripping backwards over the couch.
I did a kind of backwards flip and landed head first on the ground with my legs and bum in the air. I heard a thud and felt a sharp pain as my elbow connected with the side of the table.
“Ouch!” Why is hitting your elbow so damn painful? I grabbed it and rubbed it hard, trying to sit up at the same time and knocking a knee on the same table as I went.
“Are you okay Annie?” Without warning two hands grabbed me under the arms and pulled me to my feet where I came face to face with a wet, soapy Chris.
“Here, let me help you sit,” I felt his hand come around to the small of my back as he guided me onto the couch.
But as I sat, I came face to face with it again.
I slapped my hands over my eyes this time as I saw Chris slap his hands over his…
“There’s a towel on the floor,” My eyes were tightly closed and I was pointing in the direction that I’d thrown them.
I heard Chris shuffle around and then I heard the sound of the fabric as he wrapped the towel around himself.
“It’s safe to open your eyes now.”
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to... but Trev saw me going into the other bedroom and..”
And then Chris laughed loudly and collapsed into the other couch, “That was quite a reaction.”
“I guess I got a fright.”
“Wow. I’m not sure whether that’s a compliment, or the biggest insult I’ve ever gotten in my entire life.”
I felt my cheeks go red and hot again, “Good fright.” I managed to whisper coyly.
“Glad you approve,” Chris sounded rather pleased with himself, “Good to know.”
Yip, I had definitely walked back into the lion’s den, and this time it was ten times worse than before.
“ Sorry.” I said again, trying not to look in his direction for fear that my eyes would automatically make a beeline for his crouch.
“It’s okay. But if you don’t mind I need to get back into the shower again, I have shampoo running into my eyes.”
“I won’t look this time.” I said.
“Why not? It’s not like you haven’t seen it before.”
Chris got up and walked back to the shower. I heard the towel drop to the floor and knew that he was completely naked again.
My blood started doing that hot, rapid rushing thing again.
God I wanted him so badly.
I wanted nothing more than to take my clothes off and climb into the shower with him...