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Therapy Session
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"So she told you she was a lesbian and you decided to become one too?"
"Didn't you hear one word I said? Her saying she was one just made me realize I couldn't fight against myself anymore. I had derailed from the "normal" ways of the world way earlier than her. I was being stupid for letting society dictate my life. Her parents moved their entire family to a different state because they thought where they lived was a bad influence on their daughter. But just because they moved, didn't mean her feelings would change. Same for me. Just because my parents are sending me to therapy to cure me does not mean it will. I've been here what, an hour now and I still feel the same way. I like girls. No let me rephrase that. I love girls. I will always love girls and I will always love Lacey. Nothing will ever change that. Not my parents, not God or you. Only I can change me."
"Hmm...You're really smart for your age. I didn't have anything figured out when I was your age."
"Living in small town all your life will do that for you. Everyone around you is very narrow-minded. Change is hard to accomplish. Another reason why I'm here, because of my town.."
"If your town were a little more open-minded do you think you wouldn't be here?"
"Yes and no."
"Why?"
"Because even if my town were open-minded, I know for a fact my mother would never accept it. I would mostly likely still be sitting here. I don't know about my dad, but mother would never allow me to be who I am. I think, no I know for a fact she would lock me inside my room and never let me out so I would stop being gay."
"That sounds harsh."
"It is, but I'm used to her hating me."
"Shall we continue?"
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Flashback
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A few weeks after our afternoon in the clearing, we became inseparable, never one without the other, two peas in a pod, glued to the hip...get the point I'm making? Well if you're not, I don't care. And if you are, well bully for you.
The more time we spent together, the more I fell in love with her. There wasn't anything I didn't like about her. Lacey would never bore me. I was certain of that. We had too much in common to get bored. We were disagreeing on some topics though.
For example, I was religiously a rocker at heart. I did enjoy the occasional pop song and was a sucker for artists like Adele or Sara Bareilles. There was something about then that sucked me into their vortex. I liked to think it was their lyrics, but in fact it was the simplicity of their songs. Simple was sometimes better than complicated. But start talking about Usher or Nelly and you lost me. No offense to you fans out there, but I didn't see what everyone liked about their music. And when I told that to Lacey she was shocked. So that's why she's been bugging me about it for the past few weeks.
"Please? You don't know what you're missing out on," Lacey pleaded with me for the millionth time this day. We were on our way to the clearing, now called The Place. Lacey thought we should name it something and so we named it The Place.
I looked over at her. She was pouting. If she kept that up, she would forever have a pout on her face. It would be cute, but after awhile I would get bored of it. Smiles looked better on her face, the twinkle in her eyes, the way she titled her head-I sighed. Shit. I put my eyes back on the road.
"Alright. Fine. But it better be good." I couldn't say no to her anymore. "If it's not, you owe me." It was getting harder to say no to that angelic face.
"It will. I promise and I know." She replaced my iPod with hers and the sounds of pop filled the interior of my car. Not bad. Usher's voice whispered at me. What? Just because I don't like his music doesn't mean I can't recognize his voice.
I can't win, I can't reign
I will never win this game
Without you, without you
I am lost, I am vain
I will never be the same
Without you, without you
I won't run, I won't fly
I will never make it by
Without you, without you
I can't rest, I can't fight
All I need is you and I
Without you, without you
I made the turn off the road and parked the car. Oh boy.
I can't erase, so I'll take blame
But I can't accept that we're estranged
Without you, without you
I can't quit now, this can't be right
I can't take one more sleepless night
Without you, without you
I won't soar, I won't climb
If you're not here, I'm paralyzed
Without you, without you
I can't look, I'm so blind
I lost my heart, I lost my mind
Without you, without you
Everything I felt when I went to bed at night was being sung. If I wasn't with Lace, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't function. I needed her sunshine to get me through the day. I needed to hear her voice when I woke up or she had to be the last person I talked to at night. Of course Usher was talking more about having lost someone already, but I felt like that and I had Lace here with me. What would happen to me if Lacey were gone from my life? I couldn't remember my life before she busted in. I think everything was in shades of gray and now I could see color. And it felt great.
"Lie?" I blinked a few times. "I know I'm pretty, but I think a picture will last longer."
"Sorry." I was fighting the urge to blush. I hadn't meant to stare so long, but thinking hard made me zone out for a long time.
"It's okay Lie. So did you like the song?"
"It's alright." I wasn't going to tell her the truth which was that I loved it. Oh. You're probably wondering why she's calling me Lie. I don't know. Just one day she started calling me Lie. I never told her to not call me that so here we are and she's still calling me Lie.
"Want to hear another one?" As tempting as that was...I had other things on my mind. "How about 'Just A-"
"Lace?"
"Yes, Lie?" She was blowing at the few strands of hair that stubbornly refused to stay behind her ear.
I bit my lip. Nervous habit in place, I looked her in the eyes. The sun was shinning from our left and it made her irises light up, making her eyes look transparent. I loved that the best, when the sunlight would envelop her, giving me the illusion an angel was in front of me. She titled her head to the right. She was trying to figure out what I was going to say. I knew all her movements. I had them memorized in the little computer in my head. Anything about her went into storage.
I slowly leaned forward. Lacey's lips parted. Did she know what I was going to do? She licked them and I almost moaned. She was tempting me to lose my cool. I wanted our first kiss to be calm and collected. But knowing me, she would be up against the passenger door in seconds. Her breathing was shaky and uneven. She was anticipating the moment. I could feel it.
I let my lips lightly brush up against hers. I heard her gasp and I didn't waste a second. I took her lip between mine, sucking gently. I pulled back. Her eyes were a dark gray now, filled with lust and her cheeks were flushed. I let out a shaky breath.
"You don't know-" I never got to finish that sentence. Her body crushed into mine and I was slammed into my side of the car. Her lips covered mine and she was teasing and nipping at my lips. I was trying to remember to breathe. My heart had taken off a long time ago, no trace of it anywhere. I put my hands in hair and pulled her closer to me. I opened my mouth giving her access. She took well to my invitation and proceeded to play tag. Peppermint. She tasted of peppermint, yummy, yummy peppermint. I moaned when she bit my lip.
My cell rang. "No matter which way you go, no matter which way you stay. You're out of my mind. Out of my mind. Out of my mind."
We jumped and my head hit the roof.
"Jesus!" I yelled. Fucking-a. Wait a second. I grabbed my phone and looked at the caller. I started laughing. God, we were idiots.
"What's so funny?" Lacey looked like she was gonna piss her pants. I guess Sara Quin's voice had scared her more than me.
"Did you pay attention to the ringtone?" I said in between fits of laughter. "Check your phone." She looked at me like I was suggesting she take off her clothes. Not a bad thought but not the time. "Just check your phone."
She reached into her back pocket and pulled out her phone. She started laughing. "I can't believe my butt was the one that scared the living crap out of us." She had accidentally butt dialed me. I don't know how because she had a fully touch-screen phone. No buttons except for the camera, the lock and volume. Lace grabbed both our phones and threw them in the backseat.
"What are you doing?"
"Making sure we don't get anymore interruptions." Her lips were once again on mine and once again I was pulling her in closer to me. We stayed making out like that for a few minutes before I realized we had to talk. I mean kissing her once was one thing, but making out was another. We knew the consequences we would face if we didn't talk about what we were doing.
"Lace," I said trying to pull away from her. "We have to-"
"Shh. No talking." Her lips closed over mine and I lost my mind. She was doing things to my insides that I had no clue what to call the effect she was producing within me. If she kept this up, I would be pure mush.
"Lace. We have to talk. Please."
"Fine." She was pouting. She couldn't do this to me right now. I looked away. I had to be strong and ignore her cuteness.
"Lace." I ran a hand through my hair. "I like you a lot. I have never felt this way before, but..." But what? What did I want to say to her? I wanted to kiss her again. I wanted us to be together, but we had to think this out. My town wasn't known to be homosexual friendly. They were disgusted with people like us. They had been clear about it a few years ago. When a couple of boys were caught kissing, at church they gave a sermon about the sins of homosexuality.
"I don't want to pretend to be normal, Lie. These past few weeks have been torture. Do you know how much I've been wanting to kiss you?" She was still sitting in my lap. I did know how much torture it was. I had gone through the same.
"I have an idea. Can we do this? Now that I've kissed you, I don't want to go back to before. I want to be able to kiss you everyday. I want to be able to hold you and kiss away any hurt you may go through. I don't care a shit about what anyone else thinks. But do you want to do this? If your parents found out about this, it could be worse for you than last time."
"What could be worse than moving?"
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Therapy
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"Do you know how much I wish she had never said those words? This is worse than we both imagined. She can't see me and I can't see her. I'm almost 18, and I'm being treated like a child with a disease. This is hard. Harder than anything I've ever faced. Facing my parents' wrath was easy compared to not being able to see her. But you know what? I would do all over again. I would still kiss her. I would still love her even though she's a girl. Just because the parts don't fit, doesn't mean we aren't meant for each other."
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Flashback continued...
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"I don't know. But I don't think I want to find out."
"Then let's not. Let's keep us a secret until we graduated. We only have 6 months left. We could leave this place together. We can leave them all behind. We don't need them, Lie." We could make it, if we were careful. What could happen in six months?
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End of flashback
Therapy
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"Naïveté. That's the problem with us youth. It's not until we face something horrible do we straighten up. It's then that we realize, we could lose everything or realize we lost everything."
"I don't think you were being naïve. I think you were just trying to be hopeful. We all want to have hope. It's one of the things that make us tick. If we don't have hope, we end up a lost cause."
"Aren't you supposed to be 'curing' me?"
"What if you're already cured?"
"How is that possible?"
"What if there was nothing wrong with you in the first place?"
"So you're on my side?"
"Time's up. We'll talk more about this next week. Just think about what we've talked about."
"Okay. If you say so."
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If you haven't figured it out yet, the bold is Charlie talking to her therapist. The next chapter will be up sometime before this week ends. Hope you enjoy. Thanks for reading. Comment, vote, fan.
--brknshdws