Here's a little history about myself: Ashley and I were the dynamic duo in high school. We did everything together between studying to partying. In high school she was known as the prettiest girl around. Perfect skin, cute freckles, green eyes like emerald's, and long blonde hair that would make even Rapunzel jealous.
Then there was me: The smarty pants, nerd, and kiss up that just so happened to be valedictorian as well. Everyone came to us for advice. Gossip and relationship advice was Ashley's specialty, and homework or what classes to take was me. We had our own system that seemed to work smoothly in our school. No one really questioned us.
Had we not met in middle school we would probably have never started talking to each other. I guess we were solid in high school but by college I realized that living with my best friend was a terrible idea. It's not like I wasn't used to living with Ashley. Her family was basically my second one, but sharing a room was like bringing our small town to campus.
I still love Ashley—but going to the Uni was supposed to me a fresh start for me. I wanted to be something other than 'the smart girl' or 'Ashley's best friend' or even 'Jeromy's girlfriend.' Whenever I tried to make new friends, my past would come and haunt me. I know Ashley never intentionally tried to give people a view of who I am, but starting fresh was all I wanted. And having my shadow follow me around in the dark is unnatural.
I texted Ashley the next day after I had arrived back home. Our families were going to get together for Thanksgiving. It's been a tradition for several years that we combine our dinners. But before the dinner, she really wanted to hang out again like old times.
It was cold outside, but I bulked up with all my clothes. I forgot what it was like to wear so many heavy layers. It was snowing lightly, so Ashley and I agreed we would walk through our favorite park. At the end of the park is our favorite coffee shop. A small—almost sketchy looking—cabin that is owned by a nearby family. The coffee there is absolutely amazing. And the cabin itself is super cozy.
"Hey!" Ashley yelled when I pulled into the park's parking lot. She was jumping around and waving her hands. "Parker! Park! Oh my God!"
I smiled and got out of my dad's car. Ashley was instantly on me, squeezing me tightly into her hug. "Ash!" I replied hugging her back. "It's so good to see you."
"I miss you so much!" She said still not letting go. "Why'd you leave me?"
I laughed and we started walking down the trail. Ashley and I weren't phased I had left. It felt like I hadn't left at all. The way we acted and talked didn't change. We looked a bit different, me more tan and her with a haircut. As we walked through the trail, she was very diligent on catching me up with recent drama.
"So have you met anyone?" I asked.
Ashley dates frequently. I mean...she doesn't get around like Matt does. People instantly look at her and think she's someone that sleeps around. It's that sort of judgmental crap that I really wanted to get away from. Ashley is actually still a virgin, but her looks deceive her. She always attracts guys who are uncaring and egotistical. We were both surprised when I was the one to lose my card before she did.
"I have," She gave me a dreamy smile.
I forgot what it was like to walk in snow. My feet would crunch the blanket every time I took a step. It was awesome. Nothing like the sand at the beach that would envelope my foot and then wash away with water. Snow is stiff and unchanging.
"What's he like?" I asked.
"So sweet Parker. Actually, he's the guy that helped me pass chemistry. Without him, I would have failed."
"Oh Cheesus," I said grinning. "Could you have found a nerd?"
Ashley blushed. Her cheeks were already red from the cold, but the blush was noticeable. "Who would have thought right? Actually, when I started talking to him I kept thinking of you."
"Why's that?" I asked even though I knew the answer.
"You're a nerd," She sang softly. "He's a nerd. All the guys you've ever liked and the one you dated—all nerds."
I shrugged, "I had a type."
"Had?" Ashley turned to face me, a wide smile brightening her lips. "Have you met someone Park?"
Now it was my turn to blush. "You did!" Ashley pointed an accusing finger in my face. "You did you did you did!"
"Not really Ash," I said stopping in my tracks to pick up some snow. "It's complicated."
"I don't care," She almost shrieked. "I want to hear all about it."
I contemplated to tell Ashley the truth about my roommates. She was probably the only person who lives in Michigan I could trust in telling about Pierce and Aaron. Maybe she wasn't great at keeping secrets, but there's a difference in telling old acquaintances of mine and my parents. Ashely isn't the person to go around and tell my family.
I took a deep breath, "He's my roommate. Or at least one of them."
Ashely's mouth dropped and she grabbed my arm to start shaking me violently, "What?"
"My roommates are brothers," I added as I tried to get out of her grip.
She took a step back, putting her hand to her mouth. "Who are you and what have you done to Parker?"
I chuckled, "Told you it's complicated."
Ashley and I kept walking towards the cabin. She was still in shock and kept glancing at me like I grew a third eye. "Have you like..." She moved her hands in the form of an innuendo.
"No Ash," I said rolling my eyes. "I'm not that changed."
She nodded, shrugging a bit. "So what's his major? Mathematics? Physics? Does he wear suspenders and snort when he laughs?"
Picturing Aaron doing all that made me laugh to a point where tears were in the corner of my eyes. "No he's not a nerd from the 70's. What about your guy? Does he snort when he laughs?"
"No," Ashley blushed more. "He does tuck in all his shirts in khakis and wears big glasses though."
When I started laughing, Ashley joined in. We both seemed to have changed a lot after verging. Maybe if I had stayed in Michigan, we wouldn't have changed at all. It's one of those 'what if' questions we would never find the answer to.
We finally reached the cabin and as we walked up the steps, Ashley was telling me about everything she was doing on campus. I told her all about Miami and how different it is compared to here. She asked if maybe sometime she could come visit. I told her to just give me a heads up but that I would love for her to come.
"I'm glad you moved on from Jeromy," Ashely said as we grabbed our coffees. The cabin is cozy and warm. A small fire burning in the corner where a few people were sitting around and reading books on comfy sofas.
We went to a window seat, where we sat down on a couch and faced each other like little girls that were gossiping. "How is Jeromy doing?" I asked curiously.
Here's the second piece of history about myself that I've vaguely mentioned before: I had a high school sweet heart boyfriend named Jeromy. We were friends our sophomore year in high school. Junior year rolled around and we got a lot closer because we took a lot of the same classes. He asked me to be his girlfriend when summer started. We went through a summer love and we dated through senior year. I lost my virginity about a year into the relationship—which for me seemed like a good amount of time. We were each other's first everything. First relationship, first kiss, first hook up. Everything.
When we started the Uni together, we were still strong. A few months into the year and it started dwindling. Jeromy would say things that hurt me in ways you couldn't imagine. I was easily aggravated and annoyed by everything he did or said.
We started arguing too much. Everything I said was wrong. And if I ever asked for help or advice, everything he would say to me would make me feel worse. So I started harboring feelings that would explode all at once. I would yell at him about pointless things. The whole relationship started taking an emotional toll on me. Some nights I would scream and yell at Ashley because I would have to get it out. Other nights I would cry in frustration because I didn't understand what was going on.
And then I realized we fell out of love.
I had been planning on breaking up with Jeromy when he texted me one night. Yeah, it was a break up text. I guess that was the final straw that showed me how much he didn't care. A part of me was disappointed. There's always a small piece of hope where you think you can mend a broken relationship. But I was miserable. And tired. So I gave a sigh of relief.
That night I slept fine. It was like all this pressure was released from my shoulders. Ashley was with me and I felt better. The next three days were rough. I went through an emotional three day hump. I've read that people who smoke or are addicted to something have to make through a three day hump—that's what I went through. Afterwards, it was smooth sailing.
Whenever I passed Jeromy on campus, a small part of me started to ache. But I was finally happy. It had been a really long time since I had been genuinely happy. And having Jeromy out of my life gave me such a new breath of air that I was making it through fine. Until a few weeks later when he started talking to me again.
Maybe another reason I left was to get away from him. I couldn't handle any more emotional exhaustion. He would tell me he missed me and I would push him away as much I could, but it's hard to act like I don't care when a small part of me did. He was persistent for a while until he finally caught on that I wasn't interested in ever being with him again. Not after everything he said and did to me. He cried when he found out I was moving to Florida.
My cruel self found it funny and laughed.
The question that always came up from my friends was if I regretted dating Jeromy. Yes and no. The honeymoon stage was always going to be with me. No matter how much I could hate him, that part of me will always love him. But at the end of the relationship, his true colors soared. I learned a new lesson: If you don't like the way your boyfriend acts with his friends, don't date him. Because eventually, he'll treat you the same way. That whole 'he's changed and treats me differently because he loves me' is bullshit.
Ashley scrunched her face up, "Do you think I talk to that asshole?"
I rolled my eyes. What's in the past is in the past. I can't change, so why try to deny it?
"I'm not going to go off." I said, "I'm honestly just wondering. Is he happy?"
Ashley was looking down at her coffee. Her fingers moving around the mug nervously. "Yeah," she finally sighed. "He's got a new girlfriend."
I laughed, "I wish her luck with him."
Ashley frowned, "You're not mad or jealous?"
I shook my head, "I'm done with that part of my life. He's irrelevant to my present and Jeromy is just a blimp in my past."
Ashley got up and applauded. "My best friend has grown up. Miami has toughened you out."
I laughed softly, "Sit down Ash. People are staring."
She sat back down and grinned, "I miss you Park. You best not think of me as a blimp in your life too."
"Never," I put my hand out and Ashley smiled even more. We did our handshake that we made up in eighth grade. Then spent the rest of the day catching up on the rest of our new lives.
*************
Thanksgiving was nothing like I had expected it to be. It actually went sort of terrible for me. My mother—in hopes that I would decide to stay—basically invited the whole town. Because my dad sells nearly every house in our town, he knows literally everyone. We're the Finch family, which means my mom decided to throw a Finch Thanksgiving Party.
It was way too crowded and cramped. Everyone was moving around the living room, kitchen, and then outside to the deck where there was some room. The problem with having a huge party in Michigan on Thanksgiving, is that it's dark. Which means it's cold outside.
I saw people who I hadn't seen since high school. Ashley and my brothers decided to stay by my side during the party. There were at least three different turkeys and food everywhere. People were laughing and having a good time. One by one, my brothers were picked off of me as they were lost in the sea of people. Ashley and I finally decided to go outside and sit on the deck. We would be covered underneath the roof of dining area outside, but we'd suffer the cold.
"I thought Thanksgiving wasn't meant to be this big," Ashley said frowning. "Not to say anything against your mom, but what?"
I rolled my eyes, completely understanding. "And I had to live with this for eighteen years."
"You poor soul," Ashley said laughing softly.
Every so often someone from our high school would come outside and say hi. Ashley and I seemed to be the dynamic duo again, people instantly remembering our friendship. Eventually, when they would get cold they would walk back inside. We had created the perfect system. Any time we started getting cold, we would go inside and get another cup of hot cocoa. And if we needed another layer of clothes we'd quickly slip into my room to get a blanket or jacket.
"Of course I still love Manny Dean," Ashley answered. "How dare you even think I wouldn't."
"My roommates aren't big fans!" I said absolutely stunned. "I think they're crazy."
"Have they seen the new movie?" Ashley asked.
"One of them has."
"And he didn't like it?"
I shook my head, "Nope."
"He's crazy," Ashley scoffed lying back in her chair. She took sips from her cocoa and shook her head in agreement with my statement.
"It's hell in there," James said as he joined us on the deck. He took a seat across from us sighing in relief. His breath became white in the air. "Mom is crazy to have invited so many people."
Just as if our mother could hear us talking about her, she instantly appeared at the door. "Kids," She said getting our attention. "We're about to give thanks. Will you come inside?"
"Yes Mrs. Finch," Ashley said politely while standing up.
James and I groaned. We gave each other a mutual look before our mother gave us her You-Better-Come-In look. Everyone was gathered in the living room and kitchen. All their attention was directed towards my father and brothers who seemed to be leading whatever thanks it was we were giving.
I took a step next to my dad as he started his speech about how Thanksgiving is one of the best holiday's know to man because it's his excuse to get fat. Everyone laughed softly at his joke. Ashley stood by my side, her parents by hers. As my family went around to give their thanks of everyone being here, Ashley elbowed my arm lightly.
When I glanced at her she twitched her head and eyes in a direction. I followed them only to see a guy my age. His sandy dirty blonde hair was cut short and combed in a direction. He was wearing a flannel polo underneath a sweater. His eyes looking straight in mine.
Oh look, I thought to myself. It's asshole Jeromy.
He gave me a smile and wink, which I instantly answered with a deadpan face and rolled eyes. What was he doing here? My brothers hate him. No really, they hate him. Maybe at one point they considered Jeromy a friend, but now all I could imagine was my brothers beating him up. Because they did.
My mom caught my attention by calling my name. "Are you going to give thanks Parker?"
"Right," I said suddenly realizing everyone was looking at me. There were way too many people in the room to go around and get thanks. I didn't want to stand here for an hour and I think the way my mom was planning on doing this was to later ask if anyone had any thanks to give.
I cleared my throat realizing I would have to speak loudly for the people that are in the back to hear me, "I give thanks to my supportive parents who support me one hundred percent in my field of study. I thank my entire family for loving me so much that they encouraged me to go to Florida for college. And I'm thankful to have all these old friends back here to share this delicious food. Cheesus bless."
Some people probably thought I said Jesus. And that's fine. When I looked back at my family, my brothers looked like they were at the verge of laughing. My dad simply looked disappointed and my mother was to be holding back a firestorm with her face. Everything I had just said was a lie.
Whoops.
Some people said some very heartfelt thanks. Others simply wanted to be thankful for their families. We didn't go through everyone—which is one thing I am truly thankful for. After that, the party continued like nothing had happened. Except now there was dessert.
"That was very disrespectful young lady," My mother said to me as I was at the dessert station grabbing some marshmallows.
"Did you invite Jeromy?" I asked completely ignoring her statement.
My mom seemed shocked for a second, like she hadn't expected me to ask that question. "I invited his family, why?"
"He's here."
"Well that's not all bad," she said shrugging. "Maybe you can talk to him and rekindle a fire that wasn't met to be put out."
I stared at my mother like her hair had just turned into snakes and she became Medusa. "Mom...are you insane?"
It's partially my fault. I never told my mom the true story as to how Jeromy and I ended. All she knew was that we got into a fight, and suddenly I had applied to transfer schools. No, it had nothing to do with Jeromy. But I was glad to have made the decision because seeing him on campus always made me nauseous.
"Well there he is now," She gave me a smile. Wishing me good luck before being pulled into a conversation with someone else.
I tried my hardest not to turn around. I even decided to take a full lap around my house just so I could get to the deck door. Ashley was already waiting for me there. I walked through my kitchen, the dining room, and the living room. Finally, I opened the door to the deck.
"Hey," I said to Ashley. She had already taken her seat and was eating some chocolate mousse. "Could we get out of here?"
"Leaving so soon?" Jeromy said from behind. I turned around seeing him at the door. "It wouldn't be nice for the daughter of the hostess to leave."
"Go to hell Jeromy," Ashley said through a spoonful of mousse.
I took my seat by Ashley watching my ex-boyfriend intently. Once upon a time I thought he was the smartest person I knew besides me. He wasn't bad looking either, but simply mediocrely average. "It's good seeing you Jeromy," I said trying to be civil.
He smiled. I once loved that smile, now it looked like it belonged to a villain. "You've become a lot tanner Park."
"Ok," I said in my monotone voice.
Ashley kept her glare on Jeromy as he looked between us. Finally, he let out a sigh. "Could we please talk? In private?"
I blinked twice before glancing at Ashley. She was waiting for my cue, I could tell. I finally flicked my head and she nodded at me once before heading back into the house. I knew she was going to be watching from the window, that's how Ashley and I worked. We were a covert team. Seal Team Six worthy if there was a drama squad in their division.
Jeromy took her seat across from me. He was wearing a coat now to keep himself warm. "It really is good seeing you," He added.
"We've established that." I said without looking up at him. There was this nagging feeling in the back of my mind. I couldn't get over the fact how annoyed I was.
"I have a new girlfriend," He leaned back on the chair. A small smirk playing at his lips. "She's nothing like you though."
"Ok."
He was getting frustrated and I could tell. I was almost amused if I weren't so annoyed. "Could you please talk to me more than a few words?"
"What do you want?" I asked finally looking up at him. Just having him in my presence was emotionally exhausting. Looking at him was like looking in a mirror of my past. I don't want to see myself then when I love myself now.
"I want to ask if you're coming back to Michigan," He said eagerly. "I miss you."
I said nothing, simply watched him closely.
"Come back."
Nothing.
"We could be something again Parker," He said trying to convince me. "We could be us again. All you need to do is change your major and everything will be great."
There it is, I thought almost grinning.
"I'm not changing my major." I answered causing a new roll of frustration to come off him.
"Why not?" He said almost furious. "Jesus Parker, you're one of the smartest girls I've ever met. Yet you're so selfish."
I said nothing.
"You could be a doctor or lawyer and genuinely help people," he said it again. I couldn't count how many times this conversation came up at the end of our relationship. Along with other things that would always make me feel guilty and I would think of myself as a terrible person. "Instead you're choosing a field because you think building stuff is fun? Are you shitting me right now? You can be a somebody but you choose to be a nobody."
"Ok."
"Parker," He clenched his teeth. "Your mom is looking out for you. That's why she wants you to do something different. I care about you, but you're going to be a waste. You won't be able to support yourself. Look at this in the long run. Do you really think you could start a family with someone? Own a nice house? Travel? You've always wanted to travel."
"I love architecture," I answered. "Nothing is going to change that."
"You love me," He said. "You used to say you would do anything for me. I'm asking you, change your major."
"I'm sorry," I said my eyebrows furrowing. Suddenly I was confused, "I'm not your girlfriend Jeromy. I chose architecture over you."
"That's bullshit."
"No," I lazily rolled my eyes. "I just at least know architecture has a spine. Unlike you."
"You're right." He said standing up. For a moment we seemed to be having a staring contest. "Our relationship is a lost cause. Just like you are."
My mind instantly moved to Aaron. I wonder what he would be thinking right now. I was basically mimicking the way he acts around everyone. With the short curt answers and lack of facial expressions. Of course, my voice didn't sound nearly as good as his, but it was a start.
Ashley stepped foot outside, my brothers right behind her. They looked like they were about to punch a wall. "What are you doing her Jeromy?" Matt asked.
"Didn't you learn your lesson the last time you came here?" Will asked. He stepped foot in front of Ashley and the rest, his body was tense and hands clenched into fists. "Get the hell off my property."
Jeromy put his hands up in surrender. He was trying to act cool, but I'll still remember the day he showed up with bruises on his face and a black eye. I was originally really mad with my brothers. But now that I look back at it, I'm glad they did what they did.
"Your brothers are going to beat me up again?" He asked me with a raised eyebrow and smirk.
"And her new Miami boyfriend," Ashley added instantly causing me to look at her. "Don't mess with our girl you insufferable ass."
Jeromy looked confused as ever—even a bit hurt. Not by Ashley's name calling—we're all used to that. He quickly recovered from Ashley's remark before asking me, "Is he a low-life like you too?"
Will took a step before I jumped off my seat and put my hand on his chest. My brother looked down at me wondering what I was going to do. I took a few steps towards my ex, the whole way looking down at the ground. When I finally looked up at him, he was about a white breath away.
"Get over yourself," I said in what I believed to be Aaron's tone. "And go fuck yourself while you're at it."
Here's another piece of history about myself: I hardly curse. In case you haven't noticed. I think the most I ever curse is when I'm speaking about Jeromy.
My brothers looked at me in complete shock but approval. Ashley looked like a proud Mama bird with her arms crossed over her chest and a cool smile on her lips. Jeromy was stunned and it took him a few seconds to recover before pushing through me and my brothers back into the house.
"I hate that damn weasel," Matt said through clenched teeth.
"I'm sorry you ever dated him sis," James added.
Once upon a time, Jeromy was the sweetest person I knew. I don't know what happened to him. He suddenly believed that everything had to be his way. That his way is the only right way. He used to pick me flowers and take me on picnics. We would have fun at the Great Lakes. Climb trees and make out on the top. We loved each other. We really did.
I don't know what happened.
"It's fine," I said somewhat sadly. In that moment, I started to miss Pierce and Aaron. Maybe Aaron wouldn't do anything, but Pierce would have said something funny to make me feel better. And if Aaron gave me a smile I knew I would melt away and forget this had just happened.
I also realized, that I wanted to go home. It was an absurd thing to be thinking. This is home. This is the house I was raised in and grew up in. I know every crook and cranny in this old house. Yet now it didn't feel like home. I wanted to be back in my apartment, eating Pierce's spectacular dinners and watching How I Met Your Mother with him. I wanted Aaron to talk to me and stop acting like a child. This home just isn't home anymore.
"So," Matt asked his eyebrow raised.
My brothers decided to corner me and Will asked, "Who's this new Miami boyfriend you haven't mentioned?"
"I made him up," Ashley quickly stated. She always had my back. "Just to piss Jeromy off some more."
James smiled, "Good thinking Ash."
"I like to think I'm as smart as your sister," She added before taking a step at my side and linking her arm with mine. "So if you'll excuse us."
As we walked past the three into my crowded home Will added, "If he does exist tell him we'll kick his ass if he does anything stupid."
"Aye-Aye Captain Will," Ashley shouted back sarcastically. We pushed our way through the masses of people until we reached the stairs to my room.
After the drama that unfolded, I sincerely wanted to just lay down. Ashley knew it took. She was curled up on her side of my bed and falling asleep minutes prior to the confrontation. I wasn't even sure how she was sleeping with all the noise taking place downstairs. I tried to sleep like her but I found it harder. So I checked my phone only to see several texts from Pierce and one from Aaron.
Happy Thanksgiving Birdie, Aaron texted.
I smiled even though I know something like a three-word text shouldn't make my heart so happy.
Then I read Pierce's texts:
Happy Thanksgiving Parker!
Just wanted to let you know that Aaron misses you but he's too prideful to admit it...
I miss you too, but not enough to be listening to Coldplay all day.
My smile brightened and grew wider. I screen-shotted the conversation with Pierce and sent it to Aaron. In my caption I put, Miss you too loser.
*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*
Disclaimer: I was born and raised in Miami. But I've never stepped foot in Michigan.
So...thoughts of the chapter? I promise the next one is a lot more worthwhile but I still hope you enjoyed it. Keep the comments and votes flowing, they're much appreciated :)
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