I GASP AWAKE AND PROP UP ON MY ELBOWS, my breathing shallow. A shiver licks its way up my spine as I wrap my arms around myself and try not to cry. My efforts seem pointless as moisture leaks from the corner of my eyes anyway. Dim lights turn on detecting my consciousness. Trying to calm my stuttering heart, I slip out of bed and pad my way towards the bathroom. The floor cool and slippery beneath my bare feet.
The automatic lights flicker on, the brightness nearly blinding me as I step underneath the shower head. I adjust the water till its temperature is low enough to make me flinch and force myself to stand underneath the nerve-numbing spray of cold. The water numbs out all heat and tension in my body leaving nothing but a frozen body in its wake.
I step out of the shower, wet clothes sticking to my skin. I turn the faucet on to fill the bathtub with normal tempered water and step inside the tub. I lay down and stretch my legs in front of me. My teeth chatter and my lips quiver from the lack of warmth but I ignore it and concentrate on the chill in my bones rather than the burning in my heart.
I watch the tub fill with water, watch my body sink into its sparkling depth. I turn the tap off until water splotches off from the brims.
Silence.
Ruthless silence greets my shivering body.
I lay horizontally, facing the gleaming ceiling and sink into the depth. Holding my breath, I close my eyes in the clearing of water as the flashbacks overwhelm my head again.
"Little baby."
His venomous tone echoes throughout the empty space around me even though he's standing outside in the hallway. My little hands cover my ears as I rock back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, hiding inside the tiny little cupboard.
"I'm invisible." I chant in my head, keeping my eyes pressed shut. "I'm invisible. I'm invisible. I'm invisible. I'm invisible. I'm invisible. I'm invisible. I'm invisible. I'm invisible. I'm invisible. He can't see me. He can't see me. He can't see me. He can't see me. He can't see me. He won't see me. He won't see me—"
The door to the room clicks open and I bite my lip forcing myself not to scream.
"He can't touch me. He can't hurt me." Tears flow down my chubby cheeks.
"I know you're in here." His voice is hollow. "I'd love it if you would come out and stop hiding from me. I promise we can play your favorite game."
"Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away." I think as I press my eyes against my knees, shudders racking my little body.
"What was it called again?" The door creaks open and I hold my breath as more tears break out. He moves around my room. "Tag you're it?"
"Leave me alone. Leave me alone. Leave me alone. Leave me alone. Leave me alone."
"I'm up for some tag you're it, if you are."
I clench my teeth and bite down a whimper as I feel his silhouette move towards the cupboard, his scent a few feet away from me.
I stop breathing.
The door jerks open and I let out a bellowing scream.
"DON'T TOUCH ME. PLEASE. JUST— Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Let me go." I scream desperately, thrashing against the arms trying to hold me.
"Rachel. Rachel." The voice is deep and serene. "Calm down. It's ok."
"Don't hurt me, please." Tears seep out of my closed eyes, I dare not open.
"I won't ever hurt you, sweetheart." He whispers.
I feel my fighting arms go limp and look up to see him. My head rests on the cold, tiled floor and the bright lights almost scandalize my eyes but his shadow retains the solace I need. Kneeling at my side, he looks over me with tight eyes and asses my wet-clothed, shivering body. His gaze angry but settled. I shiver from the chill seeping into my skin from my wet clothes.
He grabs my head, encasing the back in his fingers so he can try to lift my skull up from the floor.
"Deep breaths, sweetheart." Warner rubs my arms soothingly. "It's ok."
I take deep, lung-bursting breaths. My pulse galloping and my whole body wrecked in shudders, I try to lift myself up. The weakness is too empowering and I almost fall back onto the floor but his hand snakes under my back and lifts me as his other goes under my legs.
"W-What are you doing?" I manage to croak out a whisper, my throats feels raw.
He doesn't say anything as he lifts me up from the floor and moves towards the door. I feel my head become weightless and dizziness washes over me. I let my head hang over his arm, my neck exposed to the air rather than resting against his chest. That would be too intimate. He gently places me on the bed, the muscles in his arm corded with tension as he pulls them out from under me.
He steps away from the bed, he speaks loudly. "Let them in."
The door clicks open and two young girls step in, hands folded in front of them.
"They're going to help you change." He tells me.
I manage a nod as I'm too speechless to actually form any words as a coherent reply. He leaves the room without hesitation as if staying in the room would be too overbearing for him. One girl moves towards the dressing room to get clothes and the other towards me. She smiles weakly before helping to sit upright with my back resting against the headrest of the bed. The fatigue in my limbs is almost agonizing but I manage to step out of the bed.
The girl gasps. "You don't have to get out—"
"It's ok." I manage to smile and then wince. "Can you just pass me the clothes and leave. That'd be all the assistance I would need, if you don't mind."
"But Sir told us to help—"
"You're doing a great help by just passing me the clothes." I press my hand against the poster of the bed for support. "Trust me I'm fine."
She shakes her head, small threads of red hair escaping from her braid. "No, no. He specifically told us to help you change. You're too weak to manage on your own. It's no problem for us to help you change."
I plead. "I want some privacy." She hesitates. "Please."
"We won't look while helping you change—"
My eyes water. "Please."
She snaps her mouth shut and gives a curt nod. The other girl, with her swift steps, comes to stand next to her and places a shirt and jeans on the bed. She's about to move towards us to help me out of the clothes when the other girl leans into her ear and whispers. She stops, shocked and confused and looks over at me.
"But Sir told us to—"
"Don't, Selma." The redhead gives her a look. "She said she needs privacy."
Selma looks flabbergasted, her dark eyes wide. "But what if we close our eyes? We can still help her get out—"
The redhead shakes her head. "I tried to reason with her. But she said—"
"But Alina she nearly drowned, she's too weak to—"
"I'm right here girls." I smile, my heart aches for loneliness. I look at the brunette. "Listen to me, Selma. I know that you and Alina have the best intentions of helping me out of my clothes so I can get into more warm and comfortable ones. But I would really, really appreciate it if you both of you would give me some privacy."
Both look at me, eyes wide with concern.
Tears slip out, I'm too weak to hold them back. "Please."
They both snap their gazes to each other, conversing with their eyes and give a nod before moving towards the door, their steps almost uniform. Selma turns around before they open the door.
"If you need anything, we'll be right outside."
I nod at them as they slip outside, closing the door behind them.
I wait ten seconds before I sink to the floor, exhausted and fatigued beyond words. Wiping the tears from my cheeks, I start to tug down my wet jeans. His words reverberating around my brain.
"I'm it, little baby." He smiles malignantly. "Run."
***
It takes me more than fifteen minutes to take off all my wet clothes and undergarments so that I can shrug on the warm, dry ones. My arms are aching and my muscles scream with each effort I make, I take comfort in each current of pain.
I'm alive.
I throw the wet ones to the side of my bed, the clothes thudding when they hit the floor. I move to the other side of the bed, the other one was wet as Warner had placed me there in my wet clothes. I sigh sinking into bed and covering myself in the warmth of the comforter. The door clicks open and I shut my eyes tightly.
"Go away." I say loudly enough to be heard.
The thudding footsteps don't falter and stop beside my bed. He sits on the comforter, my right leg making contact with his form through the comforter. Despite it being a ghost touch, I flinch my leg away.
"What part of 'Go Away' is difficult for you to grasp?" I mutter into the pillow.
"What made you do it?"
His voice is so unbelievably quiet that I find myself elevating my head to look at his face. The chill and hollowness etching through his features is indescribable. I try to lift myself and rest against the headrest, looking straight ahead. Not meeting his eyes.
"You should leave." I whisper.
"Rachel." He sounds a bit tired.
"I think it'd be better for both of us if you'd leave." I snap, pushing myself down inside the comforter.
His hand grabs hold of my arm and pulls me towards him. My whole body glides over the silk sheets before stopping in front of him, eye to eye.
"Let. Me. Go." I hiss.
"Answer me and I will." He growls.
I steel myself and narrow my eyes. "Go to hell."
"I've had enough of your games!" He clenches his jaw, glaring at me. "Answer the damn question."
I jerk my arm out of his grip. I press my hands against his hard chest, giving him the strongest shove my weak arms can manage. He barely moves back. I slam my fist against his chest, he doesn't flinch. I hit him on his chest again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And ag—
He grabs my hands, wrapping his hands around my red knuckles. Weakly, I try to pull back but his grip remains resolute.
"I wanted to die." I whisper, my head hanging low between us. His grip tightens. "I almost was hoping that I'd kill myself. I wanted to ... just end the nightmares. End it all. Even—"
I break off with a sob. He doesn't say anything. Barely moves or reacts to any of my words. I pull my hands back from his grip.
"Is that what you wanted to hear?" I raise my voice. "Did you want to know why I let myself drown? BECAUSE I WANTED TO GO AND END MY LIFE AND I DIDN'T CARE ENOUGH ABOUT ANYONE TO NOT WANT TO DIE! DYING SEEMED EASIER THAN TRYING TO LIVE AND BREATHE IN IN THIS DISGUSTING WORLD FILLED WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOU!"
I break off panting.
"Did you get your damn answer?" I sniff.
I finally raise my eyes enough to glare him. His eyes are oddly cool, lips pressed shut as he looks at me. Just looks at me. The way you look at the words in a book. Deciphering many of them at a time. Eyes moving across each line. Reading. Understanding. But he can't read me or decipher what I am at all.
I am a blank sheet smeared with dark ink with no words to hold me together.
"You kept screaming as ... as if someone was trying to harm you. Trying to hurt you," He says still looking at me. Just looking at me. "Who was he?
I snap my eyes away. "I was delusional from the water in my system. I don't have any idea about the shit I was screaming about."
"Liar." His eyes flare up. "You even said his name and don't say you were delusional. You're eyes were glazed over, as if you were reliving a past memory. You were shaking and shudd—"
"Does it ever occur to you," I find my shaky voice. "That I might not wanna tall about it."
He lets out a deep sigh. I turn over to my side to glare at him, he presses his forefinger and thumb against the bridge of his nose.
"Yes, right." He rubs his plans against his jeans. "I shouldn't push you right now. You've just ... anyway I should let you rest."
"Yes, you should." I cluck my tongue. "And that's a crappy semi-apology."
I should be accepting it anyway but with my current mood all I want to do is whine and bitch about.
The corners of his lip curl. "You don't need much time to heal, do you?"
I look at the ceiling, the back of my eyes burning. "Yes. I'm indestructible."
I feel his warm hand cover mine above the comforter. I look at it before glancing at his eyes, they look warm for once. I shut my eyes and take solace from his fingers for a whole of three seconds before pulling my hand away.
"You should leave."
He gives a curt nod before standing up and moving towards the door.
"Warner." I whisper.
He looks over his shoulder. "Yes, sweetheart?"
"Don't tell Juliette." I gesture towards myself. "About anything."
He presses his lips together. "She deserves to know."
"Please, don't." I try to get up, fighting the fatigue. "I can't handle any more pity or disappointment from anyone. Especially her."
"That's for me to decide if she gets to hear of this or not."
Ass. "It's not your secret to keep."
"That isn't of any significance to me."
Even in pain, I roll my eyes. "Who warned you about me, anyways?"
"The cameras alerted me when you woke up, these automatic lights have sensors." He gestures towards the dimly lit lights, I curse at them. "And any sort of suicidal attempts can also be detected."
I frown and wrinkle my nose.
He sighs. "The sensors can detect if you haven't breathed for over a minute or not."
"Ok." I raise my brows. "That's not creepy at all."
"Creepy but resourceful." He gives lopsided smile but then sobers. "I trust you won't make the same foul mistake again."
"You and me both." I snort. "Does anyone but you know about this?"
"Gomez does." He clicks open the door. "He won't speak of this to anyone."
"One more thing." I raise my voice a bit.
He lets out a sigh. "Yes?"
"Can you have the cameras in my room removed?" I gnaw on my lower lip. "I kinda forget that at times and that could be quite a handful considering I don't pay much heed to my nudity. I'd appreciate it if you—"
I see his eyes narrow as he cuts me off. "I'll see what I can do."
"Promise me."
"I'm not making any promises, sweetheart."
"What if we make a deal?"
He cocks an eyebrow. "I doubt any deal, you could make with me, can possibly influence any of my decisions."
"I know I'm a handful." I admit grudgingly. "I know that I've only been here for two days and in those two days I've made you annoyed as hell. Like these two nights might've been the worst in your life. Mine too, don't worry. What if I promise you I'll be on my best behavior, I'll even wear the dumb clothes you selected."
He pauses and narrows his eyes. "Consider me intrigued, sweetheart."
"I won't even sneak out ... to meet Juliette." I swallow hardly. "I'll .... behave."
He looks at me, lips pressed together. He seems to be amused and I can only glare at him in response. He moves towards me and comes to stand at the foot of the bed, leaning against one of the posters. His orbs piercing through my layers of defense.
"So?" I prod. "Do we have a deal?"
He taps his chin. "And what do you need in exchange?"
"No mentioning of this event to any solider or anyone. Even Juliette. Especially her. And no cameras, microphone or any sort of sensors around in my room or bathroom." I blurt. "Even the dressing room. There shouldn't be more than one guard outside my door. And that guard is going to be Kenji Kishimoto."
"Pardon?" There's a spark of anger and confusion ringing in his voice. "I thought it was clear that you nor your sister would affiliate with any of the soldiers or officers."
"I didn't affiliate myself with anyone. " I snort. "I trust them as much as I trust you. Not even one bit. But Kenji is a bit more ... civil." I give him a knowing look. "He's the only guy here who doesn't look at me as if he wants to jump my bones."
He gives a grunt. "We'll have to see what I decide about the recruitment of the single bodyguard, sweetheart."
"That doesn't sound like a deal to me, to be honest." I mutter dryly.
He thinks over the situation for a whole minute before saying. "I'm willing to accept your terms, except for recruiting Kishimoto as your guard."
"Why the hell not?" I huff.
"He can barely look after himself, let alone you." He says. "His records are extremely unsatisfactory, he's not qualified for this."
"Fine whatever." I pull the comforter up to my neck. "Gomez then."
He moves towards the side of the bed where I lay. He extends his hand.
"Do we have a deal-promise?" I ask.
"Deal-promise." He curls our fingers together.
We both snatch our hands back after shaking them. It was awkward. I hope he doesn't realize my intentions were to take advantage of my vulnerable situation by asking him some favors, to strike up a deal. Now, regardless of my weakness—mental and physical— I have an upper hand on the situation. I had spun it into my favor.
I hope my plan works.
I fall asleep with my haunter's face clear as day in my head. I shudder and try not to break down again.
***
OMGGGG THANK UUUUU FOR 1K reads. I love you all soooo much. Silent readers and voters and those who comment, you all make my day :'). I wrote a bit more than usual and took longer too, exams are on my head, but don't give up on me. I'll keep it up with the shitty updates.
H. R. S
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P. S: Check out the cast I selected in another chapter ^-^