•Sunday | April 9th, 2017 | 11:34am•
"Please rise" The pastor said
Everyone stood to their feet and bowed their head waiting.
"Almighty God, you love everything you have made and wash over us with your unending mercy. We rejoice in your promises of healing, joy and peace to all who love you. In your mercy turn the darkness of death to the dawn of new life, and the sorrow of parting to the joy of heaven; through our Savior Jesus Christ who died and rose again and who lived forevermore."
"Amen" We all said in unison
"Okay now please be seated" He instructed
"We meet here today to honor the life of Jilanne. We give thanks for her life and ask God to bless her now that her time in this world has come to an end. For Jilanne, the journey is now beginning. But for us, there is loss, grief and pain. Every one of us here has been affected, perhaps in small ways, or perhaps in transformative ones, by Jilanne. Her life mattered to us all. It is important for us to collectively acknowledge and accept that the world has fundamentally changed with her passing. We are all grieving. Life will not be the same, nor should it be. Together, let us open our hearts and commemorate the impact Jilanne had on us."
"Members of Jilanne's family will be coming forward to share thoughts on her life, but first let us listen to a song that she loved." The pastor spoke
Take my hand started to play and that's when the tears started to fall. This is a song that my mom would sing every Sunday as she cleaned, or cooked, basically anything she did.
Once the song was over family was expected to go up. That meant me, Chris, my mom's brothers and sisters, and her cousins.
"Jilanne and I met when we were in highschool. She was on the track team and I was on the ball team. One day after practice I caught a glimpse of the track team practicing and once I spotted Jilanne it was like love at first sight. She was beautiful, fast, and nothing like I'd ever seen before. At first she wanted nothing to do with me, she thought I was one of them one time guys, which I was at the time but for her I knew that could all change. Next thing you know we're going to prom together, became the power couple, everyone wished they had the kind of relationship we had.
"Next was college, which you know parties and stuff but we were still going strong. She was the love of my life. One day I was in my dorm and she barged in crying. She talked about us making a mistake, and her parents would be disappointed. So I told her to calm down and explain. That's when my whole world changed. She told me she was pregnant with our son. Whats funny is that while she was crying a whole river I couldn't help but have a wide smile stretched across my face. I was about to be a father, I was about to have a child. There's no way I could explain to you the amount of joy that brought me. Eight months later this beautiful boy popped out" He said pointing to me
"I know I haven't been there for you as much as I should've, but there wasn't a day in my life I loved you any less. No matter what, you will always be my son and I will love you till the day I die. Jilanne and I may not have been together, but she still holds a very special place in my heart. She birthed the one person that means the most to me, and I will love her forever because of that."
Everyone got on there feet and started to clap. Chris walked over to me and opened his arms expecting a hug, and I would've totally walked past him but we're in public so I just hugged him back.
Now it was my turn to speak. I honestly didn't know what to say. I let her down. All she wanted was to be forgiven and I let her die thinking I hated her.
"All my life my mother was the one there for me. Many of you know that my father wasn't around at the time so mom took the role of being both parents. She was a workaholic, always was at work to make extra money just to put food on the table. When I was younger I used to hate that about her, that she'd always be at work. I wouldn't talk to her whenever she would miss a track meet I had or a talent show I was in, or even when I played the lead in our middle school play Annie. How can you tell your child that in order for you to accompany a game or show that they're in that they would have to sacrifice a meal or maybe even their home. It's not possible.
"So she dealt with my stage of hating her even though I know it broke her heart. It wasn't until I grew up a little and realized what she must've been going through, working seven days a week, and double jobs. I even tried to get a job but if you know her you know how stubborn she is...was, I think that's a trait I definitely took from her. So it wasn't until two years ago that she finally found a good and stable job, enough to provide for us. Even then she was still all about work but I at least got to see her more.
"What I'm trying to say is that my mom never gave up looking out for me and protecting me. She sacrificed a social life, heck she sacrificed a personal life so that I could have whatever I needed. I'm a teen guy, so you can only imagine the amount of begging I would have to go through during a week to get her to buy me the newest and latest J's coming out that saturday. She never let me walk out of the house looking broke, but that meant she had to dress in the less expensive clothes. She did all that so her son didn't have to be made fun of or bullied.
"My mom and I recently went through an argument which ended in us both saying some unforgivable things. I...I..." I stopped and just looked at the people sitting in the rows
All the people that came to support my family in this loss of ours. Then I looked at the front row, where Dillon, India, Dom, Tyler, Chris and Veronica sat. The whole row was occupied besides two seats, mine and one with Damien's name on it. He never showed.
"When my mom died I was lost. It made me regret all that I had said, made me regret never forgiving her every time she apologized. If it wasn't for my friends sitting up here in the front row I don't know if I would be in the mood right now. It's taking me so much strength to not cry, not because it's not what she wanted but because if I let myself get knocked into depression again I don't think I'll recover from that. She may be gone, but she'll never be forgotten to me. I love you mommy"
Everyone was on their feet clapping out loud and cheering, I guess they forget we're at a funeral and not a football game. Then again my family is made up of loud ass people so I guess. Afterwards I went to stand on the side while my moms siblings and other family members talked about her.
"Thank you family, now please may we all stand for our second prayer"
I walked back to my seat, closed my eyes, and bowed my head.
"Eternal God, we pray for ourselves and for Jilanne. We stand where Earth and Heaven meet, where life is brought to death. Deliver us from grief, fear and doubt, from despair and unbelief, and bring us to the light of your presence. Grant us that peace which the world cannot give so that we, with Jilanne may trust in you and find our life through you. Lord, you renew the face of the Earth, gather to yourself Jilanne, whom we have loved, and grant her those things which eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor the human heart imagined. Great Father God, watch over us this day and all days. Give us the strength to accept what is past, to appreciate what is present and to look forward to good in our future. Grant us peace; sacred moments of communion with the Universe and faith in whatever most expresses our deepest inner truth. Bless us and heal us; breathe peace and grace into our lives"
"Amen!"
"Jilanne is now safe. She is already on her way to heaven to enjoy all which awaits there. Let us say this final farewell to her body as we commit Jilanne's physical form to its natural end. Jilanne, we bless you and thank you for being a part of our lives. We honor your life on Earth and we pray for your peace ever-after. We will not forget you. Go well into the kingdom of heaven."
"Amen!"
"Please sit." He concluded
We all took a seat and listen to what he had to say. Dillon reached for my hand and interlocked our fingers in a sign of being here for me.
"We have been remembering with love and gratitude a life that touched us all. I encourage you to help, support and love those who grieve most. Allow them to cry, to hurt, to smile and to remember. Grief works through our systems in its own time. Remember to bless each day and to live it to the full in honor of life itself and of Jilanne. We often take life for granted and yet it is the greatest gift God gave us."
"You did great up there" Dillon whispered in my ear
"thanks" I sighed
"I have an understanding that the family will be hosting a repast right after this, they would like you all to join. May we go in peace to love and to serve the lord" The pastor concluded
The choir started to sing and everyone started to get up to go to the casket. Watching people go and say their final words to her was the hardest thing for me to watch. She was loved by a lot of people and there's no denying that.
"Hey you don't wanna go say goodbye?" Dillon asked standing up and pointing at the open casket
"no, it'll only make things worse" I said looking at it from a distance
Even though I have more important things to be worrying about there was only one thought on my mind. He didn't show. Was he that mad at me that he would not show up to my mother's funeral? Especially the time I need him the most.
"what's wrong?" Dillon asked kneeling in front of me
"He didn't come" I whispered
I could tell Dillon had been thinking about the same thing because all he did was sigh. I kept repeating that in my head and later felt a tear roll down my cheek. I'm so tired of being so fucking emotional all the time, I fell like Kim Kardashian every time I cry.
"don't cry" Dillon said pulling me in for a hug "I'm still here"
"at least I know you won't leave me" I whispered
We stayed like this for a while until he pulled away.
"Trust me, Damien's not leaving you just yet. You just gotta wait and let him figure his shit out" As he spoke he was looking behind me as if someone was there
"what you looking at?" I asked
He nodded his head towards whatever was behind me but when I turned around there was nothing. For a second I actually thought Damien was here, but of course I was just getting my hopes up.
"nevermind" He said
"wait what was it you had to tell me yesterday?" I asked
"shit you just reminded me"
Dillon's face went rock hard. He got up and started to walk towards the casket, where Chris was now standing. When he reached, he pulled Chris back and punched him right in the gut making him drop.
"Dillon?" I yelled in confusion as I ran towards him
A small crowd was starting to grow and everyone was whispering things. It's just like senior night all over again.
"what the hell?" I asked
"you notice anyone missing, besides Damien?" Dillon asked standing over Chris who was still clearly in pain
I started to think about everyone who was here and who could possibly be...missing
"where's Athena?" I asked finally catching on to what Dillon was trying to get at
"This...bastard...beat her...till the baby...died" Dillon said as he punched him with every word he said
My mouth fell open but no words came out. I was shook. This was all my fault, she came to me for help and I told her to talk to him.
"is...she she okay?" I asked barely able to get words out
"she's alive if that's what you're wondering" Dillon responded
"h-how do you know?" I asked
"the hospital called, said she wanted them to call me. she told them she fell down the stairs but I'm not that stupid" Dillon said then kicked Chris in the stomach
What surprised me was that Veronica was just standing there watching her husband get beat up in tears. Actually now that I think about it everyone was just standing there and watching, no one saying a word.
"Dillon let's get out of here" I said grabbing his arm
"not until I kill this son of a bitch" He said kicking him again
"Dillon! Let's go" I tugged him
India, Dom and Tyler were behind me and followed as I dragged Dillon out of the church. This isn't how I expected my mothers funeral to play out. Then again if the funeral has taught me one thing it's that life is inevitable.
•W•R•O•N•G•F•U•L•🌺•L•U•S•T•