I Can Wish

Oh My Gosh

I broke down six times at school today.
Three of these happened before the first bell had rung.
Two happened during class.
One happened at lunch.
That's a new record for me.
But on the bright side.
Tomorrow I'll be a week clean.
I know that violently scratching yourself until
you nearly bleed isn't really as bad as cutting.
But I'm really proud of myself.
And my friends are proud of me too.
And that makes me happy.
To know that I can now control the urge to drag my nails across my skin more than I could before.
It honestly sounds stupid.
But you know that something is out of hand when you have to have someone hold your hands for thee quarters of a maths lesson because they don't trust you to not scratch.
I've come a lot further than I thought I would.
I honestly thought I would have given in to all the urges by now.
But I'll keep fighting.
Because I have people in my life that are worth fighting for.
I won't name any names.
I'm sure that all of these people know who they are.
And I want them to know that they all mean so much to me.
And they are the reason that I keep going.
They help me get through the day.
And I'll never be able to thank them enough.
For the things that they do.
I know that I'm not fully okay yet.
I know that it's gonna take some time.
And I'm glad that I have my friends there to support me.
I know that for a while I won't be completely happy.
But I can wish.