November 16th 2001
7:30AM
I'm so over this school year already. I hate this school, I miss Moriah, and Donault hasn't returned any of my calls or text. I can't believe this is how my freshman year of high is going and it's not even half way over yet. I feel so awkward at my school it's like I don't fit in anywhere. I'm not exactly trying to fit in anywhere but it would be nice to have some friends, someone to talk to, eat lunch with, something. I've always struggled with social anxiety and being at this school isn't helping. Moriah and I text all day everyday but it's nothing like having my best friend here with me. And with Donault acting funny I'm just feeling really alone. I can't seem to piece together how this summer was so amazing and now everything is as if it were all a dream of mine. When school first started you know everyone ask how your summer was and what you did. I told a few of the girls that Donault and I had gotten really close and we were really feeling each other. The looks on their faces told me they thought I was lying or they'd already been told something different. I didn't put too much thought into it because frankly I didn't care what anybody thought. See a lot of females in my city liked Donault. He was kinda "the man" at the time. He was tall, and handsome with the body of a Greek God and the complexion of an African King. His skin was as perfect as a baby, big deep dimples, and the biggest brightest smile I've ever seen. Braces and all. I hate the fact that he gang bangs but it's that thug in that attracts me to him more. When I'm with him I feel safe, he makes me feel special in the fact that his phones blowing up with females calling yet he boo'd up with lil ol me. He calls me his ride or die, he trust me with his shit and around his boys. He makes me feel like a woman. And I know I'm only 14 but I swear I love him and I want to be with him forever. But now that he's like what we had this summer meant nothing to him I regret every day letting him into my flower bed. Had I known he would treat me like this after giving myself to him anytime he wanted I would have never allowed him to touch me. Thinking back there would be times I didn't hear from him for days then he'd call saying "I need you." and I go running with no hesitation. And by he needed me he meant he needed sex. I just can't figure out why he isn't calling. Especially because I have something so important to tell him. Something I have been afraid to tell anyone but I need to tell him, I have to tell him. I just don't know how he will react.
Shonda walked through her house to the kitchen, where she lived with her adopted brother, mom and grandma. Her grandma sitting on the couch watching the news. As Shonda walked back to her room with her plate of leftover chicken alfredo from the night before she stopped and her heart dropped.
"14 year old Donault Pilar was arrested earlier today and charged with attempted murder for a stabbing that happened last week in Detroit, MI. No further information has been released." The news reported stated.
"Isn't that your little friend?" Shonda's grandma asked taking a drink of her Blue Raspberry MD 2020.
Standing there in shock she faintly replied "Yeah." and walked back to her room where she dropped heavy salty tears picking up her pen and journal.
Is this what he's been doing? Going around tryna kill people? Is this why he hasn't reached out to me? Because he knows he out here doing bullshit and he don't wanna hear my mouth? What was he thinking? Why would he do this?
The next day Shonda woke up with her pen in hand and journal on her face that was itchy from dried tears. Immediately she began reaching out to DU, Tre and Ant to get any information on Donault. Tre hadn't heard anything and advised her the second he does he would call her. DU was waiting for Donault to reach out to him so that he could know what was going on because his mom wasn't returning DU's calls. And Ant wasn't returning Shonda's. Ant had been trying to get at Shonda and was upset at her rejecting him for Donault. As weeks went by and no new information had been given she began to panic. She had written Donault a six page letter explaining her feelings for him, how she felt that summer, and how he neglecting her when school started affected her. It wasn't long after that DU finally sent Shonda the address to where she could send her letter.
"Who writing you letters from jail?" Shonda's grandma yelled to her walking in the house from work with the mail.
Shonda ran out of her room anxious to read the letter from Donault. It had been a month a half since she sent her six page letter pouring her heart out to him.
Shonda, I can't talk too much about my case but I don't want you to worry bout me. I'm good I promise you that. I know you mad at me but you know I was doing my thang I wasn't tryna have you in the streets wit me or have you at home wondering what I'm doing every night. I haven't forgot about anything we did or talked about this summer. You was my ride or die. You still is my ride or die for even writing me. And you crazy for writing 6 whole pages girl. I read each one tho and I didn't know you felt that way about me. I mean I knew you really liked me and I like you too you my shorty but you talking bout love. I aint never had no girl say dat, I aint never had no girl treat me the way you do it's like you think I'm the best dude walking. But anyways man why didn't you tell me that you was ever pregnant? You didn't have to go thru that alone man, I wish I coulda been there. So you had a miscarriage I know you was scared huh? We coulda had a baby man that's crazy. It woulda been cute too cause you fine as hell. I'm not sure what to say except I'm sorry I was an asshole and you didn't wanna tell me. You probably thought I was gone trip huh? Man I miss you. I need your kisses right now bad. And I miss that lil pussy the most too. You better not be giving my pussy to nobody else I'm foreal bout that. I'm glad you put yo number tho I'll be calling here in a couple days so pick up. Aye and send some pics next time too lol. Be good out there and stay beautiful -Nault
The first letter of many from Donault made Shonda's heart melt in indescribable ways. On paper he was everything she had wanted him to be. The two wrote letters every week and talked on the phone every night for Donaults four and half year prison sentence. Donault didn't want Shonda visiting him and she didn't want to see him in a prison anyways so they agreed that they would wait until he got out to see each other face to face. In that time the two had gotten really close. They'd talked about marriage, children, moving away from the city and everything. Shonda was head over heels for Donault and couldn't wait for him to come home so the two could start their life together. She was sure that Donault felt the same way based on his 1001 I love you's a day and I can't wait to come home to you. October 14th 2006 Donault was released on formal probation. In prison he had gotten his GED and taken substance abuse classes while maintaining good behavior. Shonda never did ask him what actually happen the night Gregory Yale was stabbed. She never wanted to know if he had actually done it or not so she chose to remain oblivious. Shonda now 19 years old, was on her way home from work when she received a phone call from a blocked number. Donault usually called from a blocked or 800 number so she assumed it was him. She answered the phone and didn't even realize that this time when Donault called there was no automated operator on the line beginning the call.
"Hello?"
"Wassup babe what you doing?"
"Hey, nothing just getting home from work." "I miss you why haven't you called in a few days?"
"I miss you too, and I just been meeting with my lawyer and shit"
"Oh okay. I'm just now walking in the house hungry as hell. Yall have that chili today?"
"You got jokes huh?" He laughed. "Naw babe but what's your address again?" "My mom wanted to bring you some stuff and I'm finna call her when I hang up withcu."
Shonda not thinking anything out of the norm was going on gave him her address. They hung up the phone and she started some dinner for herself. Shonda had her own place now and was working in a daycare center.
*Knock, knock*
"I swear if his lady is asking if I've seen her puppy again I'm gonna lose it" Shonda shook her head walking to open the door of her studio apartment.
She was shocked and overjoyed to see that it wasn't her annoying neighbor who had lost her dog over two months ago.
"Wassup babe" Donault said with his arms open for a hug and his smile even more beautiful without his braces.
"OMG what are you doing here? Is this real, are you staying?" Shonda cried falling into the arms of the love of her life.
"Yeah it's real, you gotta let me go so I can come in babe." He laughed. Donault was just as excited to see Shonda as she was to see him.
The first time the two had seen each other face to face since the summer they were 14. Shonda's small studio apartment quickly filled with emotion. They talked, hugged, kissed, laughed and repeated for hours. Donault asked Shonda to cook so she ran to the store to get groceries. Donault stayed behind wanting to settle in and get comfortable. He wasn't really ready to be out in public yet. His friends had stopped writing him and answering calls after his first year in prison and most of the community still hated him for being involved in the stabbing of Greg. He made himself at home, and cleaned up as much as he could before Shonda came back home. She made his favorite fried chicken, sweet potatoes, greens and mac and cheese. Before she even had time to make her plate and join her love he had already demolished his plate and was asking for seconds. She handed him the plate she had made for herself and went into the bathroom where she began preparing desert. Starting a warm bath and filling the tub with lilac and lavender bubble bath and white rose petals. Setting the mood with candles lit and a Jodeci album playing. She yelled for Donault to join her.
"Daddy!"
"Huh?" He yelled back with a mouth full of food.
"Hurry up and eat, I have bath water running."
Spitting the food he had in his mouth out, he set his plate in the kitchen where he also left his shirt and pants and rushed to the bathroom. Shonda sat effortlessly seductive in the bubble bath waiting for her man. She had dreamed about this night for years now. Donault stopped in the doorway of the bathroom admiring his lady. Donault is realizing that Shonda is one of the best things that's happen to him and he is so appreciative of her, but he also knows that he is not deserving of her. As he looks at the girl who he met at 14 years old, the girl whom he robbed of her innocence, he feels a sudden guilt.
"I'm waiting babe. You gonna stand there naked all night?" Shonda said as she played with the bubbles alluringly spreading them all over her body.
Donault quickly got over his guilt and submerged behind Shonda in the tub. Wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer. He cupped the warm water in his hand and poured it over her caramel brown skinned body. She tilt her head back to fit in the space between his head and shoulder. Relaxing her mind Shonda's eyes closed and Donault hands began to caress her. The Jodeci CD playing had ran its course and room filled with sweet whispered moans as Donault fondled her chamber of secrets. The bubbles had disappeared and the water had gotten cold but the two did not care. They continued enjoying each other until Shonda accidentally kicked the plug and started letting the water out. They laughed and shared another passion filled kiss. Donault climbed out of the tub first and helped Shonda out after. Still dripping wet he carried her to the bedroom. For the first time in 5 years the two were going to be body to body again. Donault rock hard wasted no time thrusting himself into Shonda's garden. Her loud erotic moan turning Donault on even more.
"Harder!" She whispered, using her tongue to play with his ear.
He grabbed her waist and began penetrating harder. The two made love all of 10 minutes.
"I know it's been some years but damn. I been dying to crash that shit how the fuck I bust that fast."
Shonda not disappointed at all rolled over and kissed him on the neck.
"You're home now, and you're not going anywhere. We have forever and a day to make and babies."
As they curled up under the covers and kissed one another good night, both still lied awake for a few moments contemplating. In the years that Donault was away in prison Shonda wasn't as innocent as he remembered her to be, and Donault was in more relationships than with just her. Donault pulled Shonda closer to him and they both fell asleep with heavy hearts, secrets and lies that they knew were about to come out one way or another.