As soon as the front door slammed shut I was on my feet, brushing crumbs off my jumper and sprinting down the stairs. I leapt into Jack's unsuspecting arms, inhaling deeply. He smelt like cigarettes and expensive cologne. "Oh God, oh God," my voice muffled against his neck. "You're home!"
"Yeah I'm home," he chortled gently easing me out of his grip and setting me back on the floor. His suitcases and bags were pooled around his feet. He looked tanned and a hell of a lot thinner than I remembered. "How you been?"
"It's been so boring without you," I bent down picking up some of his bags and waddling up the stairs. "Come on, I'll make you a drink...some food too, you look like you've not fed in a week."
As soon as we were both upstairs he snatched the bags from my grasp and discarded them. I was in his arms and in a flourish of giggles and kisses I was swept away to the bedroom. We didn't resurface for another two hours.
That evening, Jack insisted on taking me to a Beatles show despite it having been sold out months prior. He lounged on the bed stark naked with a fag protruding from his plump lips as I sat at the dresser meticulously applying makeup. He watched with an avid interest as I glued false eyelashes on. I squeezed myself back into the cocktail dress I'd worn with Angie and did a small twirl.
"Looking good, girl." He leapt up, shoving on any old clobber and rapidly running a comb through his hair.
"Do you think so?" I pulled a disconcerted face, angling sideways in the mirror. "I feel like I look really bloated."
"Awh," he squeezed my arm as he rushed by. "Has someone been comfort eating in my absence?" I rolled my eyes and decided against responding.
The Beatles as always were top class. We had our own little balcony with Charlie and his wife. I felt like Lady Muck perched up high above everyone else. The crowd was going barmy. Proper crazy. Girls just screamed and screamed, tears pouring down their blushed cheeks and a sea of arms and grasping hands soared above their heads as everyone tried to rip themselves their very own member of a Beatle.
After the show we were lead backstage into the dressing rooms. The lads were sat down, sweat spilling down their foreheads and seeping through their satin shirts. Satin and sweat was a terrible mixture. Occasionally the odd fan was allowed in, big-eyed and trembling bottom lip. I must have been a similar age to most of them and yet they looked so much younger, so much more innocent. If I was forced to pick a Beatle to spend the night with then hands down it would have been Ringo. I didn't really know what it was but there was something quite sexy about him. Angie thoroughly disagreed, arguing that clearly, the only choice was John Lennon.
The after party was at some grand club I forgot the name of. It had high ceilings with massive chandeliers that quaked with the music. I spotted Anita a mile away and disentangled myself from Jack, making a beeline straight for her.
She popped something in her glass which made the alchohol fizz. "Here," she drawled forcing the flute into my hand. I tried to hand it back. "No seriously dear, you'll want this."
"Thanks," I frowned still trying to awkwardly hand the glass back to her. "I'm not really into drugs so-"
She pushed her index finger to my mouth shutting me up instantly. "Shh! I see you a lot and you're so tense, always so uptight. Maybe it's how stern you are that attracts Jack to you. Kind of like a matron feel, yes?" She raised her eyebrows and shimmied her shoulders with a light laugh. I wasn't uptight and strict. As the lights, blue, red, green danced across Anita's skin she looked mystical, ethereal almost. "It is a nice notion, you know, to be the rock of reality at his side but it will wear him down. You won't keep him."
I gazed at her, my stomach knotting and a prickly feeling creeping along the back of my neck. I wanted to discard what she was saying but Anita had been on the scene far longer than me. She knew this world better than I did, she saw through me, could see quite plainly I was an outsider looking in. Sucking in a deep breath I glanced down at the glass, no longer fizzing quite so vehemently.
"What's in this?" I asked barely loud enough to be heard above the club.
She smirked and lifted one shoulder, "It's a breath of fresh air, dear." I bit on my bottom lip as I stared back down into the glass contemplating whether I would cave. I went against my instinct and brought the glass to my lips, bracing myself with some courage before downing the entire contents, debris at the bottom of the glass included. Anita applauded, "Well done! Yes! Give it a couple of minutes to kick in and then let it take you where you must go."
I returned to Jack who swiftly handed me a glass of wine. Nothing happened. I was wondering if Anita had given me a dud *whatever* and I was supposed to pretend to feel trippy or else perhaps she was trying to trick me into it. I shrugged it off, well no one could say I didn't try to loosen up.
Returning from the ladies loo I fanned my face hard, wobbling a little drunkenly toward Anita and Keith who were huddled closely laughing over something. I wiped a hand across my forehead and was horrified by the amount I was sweating. "Jesus," I continued to fan, "It's so bloody hot."
"It is quite hot," Anita pulled a face. Keith watched the two of us bemused. "How do you feel?"
"Fine," I shrugged, "I think whatever you gave me was a dud."
"When did you take it?" Keith interjected, still fighting off a grin.
"Like half an hour ago, forty minutes, not too sure."
"Yeah," he patted my shoulder, "You're nearly there."
I left them to it, wandering back to Jack feeling like I was out at sea my head was swishing around so much. He pulled me close but quickly pushed me away, wiping his hand dramatically down the front of his shirt. I began dancing with myself, bobbing around. As one of my waving arms crossed in front of my vision my mouth fell open. It was almost cartoonish the way the light slowed and followed after my arm. I tried it out again. Waggled my fingers in front of my eyes. When I started to laugh I thought I'd never stop.
"What the fuck?" Jack grasped my arm and steered me to the side. "What are you doi-your eyes. Your pupils have blown."
"Yeah."
"Since when d'you take drugs?"
"This is so cool, I feel so buzzed," I smiled and grasped Jack's face between my palms. "You must dance with me. It's like the whole world's slowed down...but it hasn't? D'you get me?" I brushed away from him, my eyes flowing around the club drinking in every bursting colour and moved along to the music. Perhaps Anita had done me a favour?
It took a long time to come down from the trip, ten hours later back at the flat I was still out of sorts. I felt so sleepy but there was no way I could sleep. Jack sat beside me on the sofa, both of us lolling around smoking listening to Pink Floyd.
****
A month passed and I was sleeping in. I didn't care that it had gone noon hours ago I was firmly committed to my bed. Jack had been out the entire night before and only just returned ten minutes ago. He was cooking a fry up and I could smell everything slowly burn.
The phone began to ring, "I'll get it," Jack shouted and moments later picked it up. I shifted into a slightly more comfortable position in the middle of the bed, snuggling the pillows up underneath me. "Ruby it's Angela!" He sang.
I groaned, rolling out of the bed, holding the sheet around me as I shuffled from the bedroom and reluctantly went to the telephone. Holding the phone to my ear I grunted. "So I thought you were going to be my P.A? What's up with that?"
"Oh God, sorry Angie, it's completely slipped my mind." I winced preparing for the bollocking of a lifetime. Jack was straining as far from the hob as he dared, desperately trying to listen in.
"Well I've been planning on America! It's a big deal. I'm gonna need at least six months out there. I need someone with me, I can't do it alone." She sounded excited and out of breath.
"Six months, really?" I pushed my knotted hair out of my face. "That's a long time."
She hesitated before sighing, "Ok well ring me back tonight. I need an answer as soon as." She hung up and I slumped on the sofa fighting the urge to fall back asleep.
Until Jack nudged me. "What's that?" I explained to him my deal with Angie and how I was beginning to regret it. Hey, I hadn't been entirely sober at the time I'd made the deal and besides I wasn't sure I wanted a life running around after my best friend. By the look on Jack's face he wasn't so taken to the idea either. He shook his head. "For God's sake Ruby! When are you going to stop living your life according to everyone else around you and just do you? You're obsessed with Angie, obsessed with pleasing her and tryna be her. It's kind of pathetic. When are you going to grow up?"
I stared at him stunned. Shaking his head once more he turned and began dishing his eggs and bacon out onto a plate. I wedged a fag in my mouth and lit it, taking a deep pull. I exhaled, "I'm not obsessed with her." I took another pull as he snorted. "She's just a lot more fun than I am."
He snatched up his cutlery, "Here's the thing if I wanted to be with fucking Angie I'd be with her. I like you better when you're not around her."
With the fag poking out the corner of my mouth I lurched to my feet, grappling the sheet around myself. "When you're drunk sometimes you try to get off with me and call me Angie." His face was set furiously, his food forgotten in his hand. "So either you've had her or you want her Jack. So fuck you." I stormed out of the room back into the bedroom. I got dressed as quickly as possible and rushed out of the flat without another word.
I took a taxi. My only plan had been to drive around until I'd cooled off and bill Jack for the expense. Instead I ended up at a beautiful country house with an odd roof and a pool that didn't look right. I knocked on the door hoping nobody was in. My heart hammered.
Brian was standing in a kimono, his blonde hair ruffled and his muttonchops adding years to him. He looked unwell but despite this, his expression perked up at the sight of me. "I'm not surprised to see you here," he spoke softly in a wise tone. He let me in and we sat in the lounge drinking exotic tea. There were empty wine bottles everywhere and in the background, his beloved tribal music played. I could have fallen asleep.
"I've not seen you since Christmas," I cleared my throat when neither of us had spoken in a long time. "And even then not for very long."
"No," he agreed, sitting with his elbows on his thighs. "And the time before that we-"
"I-I know," I pursed my lips. "How are you, Brian?"
His eyes which were so often fractured and glazed over rested on mine for a solid few seconds. "I don't know. I know things are slipping away. I know that much. I heard their whispers from the corners, whisper whisper, they want me gone. I'll be out of the band soon enough." He was despondent. I swallowed as I stared at a man slowly fizzling out before my eyes. He broke my heart. I wiped the tears away before they had a chance to fall. "I-I had a fight with them."
"You did?"
"Yeah, they said I wound Jack up on purpose...I don't remember it too much. I like it like that. I don't remember anything, I'm just free, you know." His lips tilted up for a split second and he slumped back into his seat.
I put the tea back on the table, got up and joined him on his side of the sofa. I took his hand in mine and squeezed. "Why are you sad?"
"No I'm not sad Ruby," he shook his head, slowly bringing his hand out of mine. "I'm not. Just this is me, dear." He leaned against me, his head on my shoulder and the two of us remained quiet for the longest of times. He cleared his throat, "Why are you here?"
I bit my lip and tried to think of why exactly I was there. I replied somewhat hoarsely, "I guess I like your company."
"Yeah," he said with a sly smirk, sitting up. "Company you call it. Can't get no satisfaction from Jack?" He winked and I laughed.