The summer ended faster than we had thought. One night, we fell asleep to our window wide open, and the next morning we woke up freezing cold, Kihyun's lips a touch of blue. We changed our bed sheets to thicker ones, while throwing our pillows at each other. I didn't yet wear my winter uniform as it was still the middle of October, but I became used to carrying a sweater with me when I went to class - a sweater I ended up giving to Kihyun after school anyways. While I was clumsy, he forgot the little things.
In just the span of a few weeks we had gotten used to each other. Kihyun always walked down the stairs next to me because I tended to trip over a step. He was a very light sleeper, and whenever I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet, he turned on the flashlight of his phone so I wouldn't fall over anything. I made it my task to always pack two sweaters. When Kihyun fell asleep after we had watched a drama while he was still reading something on his phone, I laid it on his nightstand and tucked him in his blanket so he wouldn't be cold when he woke up because our room resembled the Antarktis these days.
Strangely enough, whenever my fingers were dragging the blanket over his body and stopped right below his chin, I caught myself letting them stay there for a second, looking at Kihyun sleeping. He looked like an angel, his hair cuddled and his lashes slightly fluttering. One time, I had even thought about just laying down next to him. I mean, it's what we were doing while watching dramas anyways, right?
But it never seemed to be the right idea. I always released my fingers from the blanket and lied down in my own bed, turning my body so I was facing him.
I also lend him pencils, because he always forgot his pencilcase. He drew little doodles and wrote down song lyrics, but he never hid them. I tried skimming through sign language dictionaries on the Internet, but soon discovered that sign language wasn't very commonly used in Korea. There were almost no sources and no way to find out what he had really said to me that day in the bathroom when his fingers had been dancing in front of his eyes.
I had created different scenarios in my mind on what he had wanted to convey. I never really knew what I wished he had said. There was only scenario that got my heart racing and I didn't know why. I had searched for every sign that meant "you", hoping one would resemble the strange sign he had made that looked like he was shielding his eyes, until I had thrown my phone on my matress and buried my face in my pillow.
The next morning, I was lying in bed ill with a cold - inevitable, considering the heaters still weren't on. At least I didn't have a fever. I tried to keep quiet when we were getting ready for school, but just a few seconds later a coughing fit shook my body, making my lungs burn. Kihyun insisted I stayed at home that Friday, even though I had a test. To be honest, I felt so horrible I didn't have anything against his decision.
He went to the convenience store and bought some soup and tea to keep me warm. He made a living burrito out of me with approximately a hundred blankets until I was sweating buckets. When I refused to take pills because I hated the feeling in my throat, he glared at me until I gave up. He could achieve everything with just a glance - I even tried to stop him from climbing in the bed next to me, trying to shove him away so he wouldn't become sick, too, although that's exactly where I wanted him to be. But in the end, we ended up where we always did - shoulder to shoulder. It was a better cure for my cold than any medicine.
It was a bit of time later, when I had already fully recovered, that it was Jooheon who brought a touch of light into the darkness.
"Hey, can I ask you something?", he said on Friday, one week before the autumn holidays. I was leaning over my plate of food, eating the chicken with my hands because I was too hungry to torture myself with cutlery.
"Sure", I answered when I had already swallowed, lifting my glance from the book opened next to me. Because it was the last day of the week, there weren't any classes in the afternoon so there wasn't any need to hurry. It was my second plate of chicken and I was planning on getting a third one.
"Have you ever been in love, Changkyun?"
I almost spit out the precious chicken. "What? Why are you asking this all of a sudden?"
"Just out of interest."
I stopped eating for a moment, staring at him before shrugging. "Guess ... not."
"You're guessing?", Jooheon laughed. "That's something you should know about."
"N-no. I gue--- I mean, no. No, I haven't." I shot a cautious glance at him. "And you?"
Now it was his turn to shrug. He played with the chopsticks in his right hand. "I don't know. Honestly, I wanted your advice on this topic. I'm not this experienced with girls. I even searched on the Internet. Do you see how pathetic I am?"
"And you think I'm experienced with girls?" I laughed. "God, Jooheon, I've never even been in a relationship. Which is really fucking depressing considering I'm turning eighteen soon."
We sat a moment in silence, until I dared to ask: "Is it about Seoyeon?"
Jooheon's head literally shot up. "Wait, what? I thought you didn't have any experience with girls." Needless to say I really hadn't, not one bit - but I also didn't want to explain to him I just thought of Seoyeon because Kihyun had drawn my attention on him and Seoyeon in the first place.
Another shrug. "I don't. But, well, you talk alot. And she's nice. You have the same kind of personality. You even visited her at work. It's kind of obvious."
"Not for myself", he responded and propped his chin on the palm of his hand. "I've really asked myself if I like her. I mean, everything they tell you on the Internet is literally how I behave. It's scary. I didn't know everyone behaved the same when being in love. What if she notices?" He looked up at me beggingly. "If she ever does, just kill me."
"W-what do they tell you on the Internet?", I asked, ignoring his request. Quickly stuffing another piece of chicken in my mouth I waited for his answer to a question I didn't even know why I had asked it in the first place.
"Well, that you always want to be around your crush. Talk to your crush, be noticed by your crush, touch your crush ... not even in any inappropriate way, just ... touch, you know. That you get jealous when they don't pay attention to you. That you want to know what they're doing, that you want to protect them, to make them happy. All of this kind of stuff." Jooheon sighed. "I'm not dumb, I knew what being in love felt like. At least I thought I knew. But with Seoyeon ... I don't know. It's just different. A good kind of different."
"D-do you want my chicken?"
"What?", he asked confused, looking at my plate. "I thought you were hungry. Didn't you even plan on eating a third ---"
"Just eat it." I swallowed, standing up and almost tripping over the chair I had just been sitting on. "And ask Seoyeon out. Ask her for a date or something."
"Are you crazy? Changkyun, is that you or some alien inside your body? Come on, sit down and we ---"
"Look, just ask her. I'm almost sure she likes you back." I lifted the tray off the table after I had put my plate with chicken next to Jooheon's and took a step back. "There ... I mean ... I just remembered there is a new episode of my favorite kdrama coming out that I really need to see."
"A new kdrama?", Jooheon laughed while I quickly hurried away to give back my tray. "A kdrama that releases episodes at lunch time? What's it called?"
"It's ..." I sighed. "It's a kdrama, okay? I mean, a really awesome kdrama. So awesome I can't remember the name I mean don't ask me! Okay. Ask Seoyeon out. Bye."
I didn't wait for an answer from Jooheon, but instead almost ran out of the cafeteria. I was feeling sick in the stomach, or maybe it wasn't even the feeling of sickness but something else, something I couldn't quite name. I felt slightly bad for leaving Jooheon like this but I had felt like my head would've just exploded if he had said on more thing about crushes.
Back in our room, I fell down on the bed and took out my own phone, resisting the urge to google everything we had just talked about myself.
I folded my arms behind my head and stared up at the ceiling, trying to remember the crushes I had had until now. But I didn't. Because there hadn't been any. I still remembered this one guy in middle school who had always talked about who he was in love with - a new girl every two weeks or less. I had just listened to him, thinking about how it would feel to have a crush on someone. But being younger, it had never been something I had particularily wanted to experience. It still wasn't. Because although I still remembered this guy's happiness whenever he had had a crush, I also remembered the sad, faked smiles and endless sighs after he had asked a girl out who had just rejected him.
I had never been asked out, not once in my life. It's normally the boys' task to do that. And I thought it was good like this, I still did - because it was better getting hurt while being rejected than having to reject someone else.
Hard to say how long exactly I had been thinking about this topic when the door to our room suddenly opened and Kihyun took a step inside, his glance falling on me. I was paralyzed for a split second, until he raised his hand and waved, showing me a smile that seemed kind of tired.
I moved the crooked fingers of my right hand away from the palm of my left - Are you okay?
He clenched his hand to a fist and spread his fingers next to his cheek - Of course. An index finger pointing at me, a little movement with his index finger and thumb touching each other away from his mouth and a shake of his fist - Why are you asking?
I pointed at him, but then switched to speaking, not knowing how to express myself in sign language. "Because you're so late. We didn't even have classes in the afternoon. Did she made you stay again?"
I somehow had been really afraid when he had come back so late the first few times, a few weeks ago. Some self-conscious part of me had tried to convince myself that he was annoyed by me and therefore tried to spend as little time as possible with me. Dumb me had been relieved to hear he had just been assigned to extra classes with Mrs Lee. Not even classes to teach him, but instead classes to teach Mrs Lee because he was fluent and she wasn't. That's at least what he had told me.
Yes. I'm sorry.
"Why are you sorry?", I asked confused. "It's not your fault she's letting you stay longer at school, even during lunch break."
I almost felt like Mrs Lee was spending more time with Kiyhun than I did. I didn't know where he had spent the first few lunch breaks a few weeks ago, but apparently now he wasn't spending them with me or the others because he instead had to teach Mrs Lee.
He shrugged, letting his bag fall off his shoulder onto the chair. I decided not to ask him further about it. He didn't look too happy whenever he came home from the extra classes. Maybe it was Mrs Lee's revenge for the papers he had refused to give her and instead thrown out of the window.
Stretching, he turned around again to face me. I tried to ignore the streak of pale skin that was shown for one second before hid again under cloth. A quick tilt of his raised index finger, a hand laid against his own chest, fingertips moving against each other from both sides, a movement in my direction, the back of his right hand laid flat against the palm of his right and a shake of his fist, combined with a very confused look in his eyes - Why are you laying in my bed?
It took more than just a moment for me to process what he was asking me. Then, I almost jumped up and looked around me, noticing he was indeed right - without thinking about it, I had just sat down on his bed instead of mine. Apparently, I was so used to his scent by now that I hadn't even recognized it as something abnormal.
"I'm - I'm sorry", I immediately responded, so confused I both spoke and signed my answer. The corners of his mouth were lifted a bit higher.
Forming two V's with his index and middle fingers, he moved his hands two times in front of his body, the palms facing upwards. Doesn't matter.
For a short moment, we were just awkwardly looking at each other. I was still laying on his sheets and felt kind of paralyzed, while he seemed to be thinking about something. Not knowing if it really didn't matter of if he had just tried to be friendly, I was on the verge of getting up, until he suddenly signed, pointing at himself and then shaking his fists a bit like he was shivering: I'm cold.
I wanted to ask him if he wanted to wear one of my jackets, but he was already kicking his shoes off his feet. Next thing I knew was the mattress sinking down as he let himself fall onto the bed next to me, trying to get the sheet over us both. At least the cold cloth hid my red cheeks for a second before I slid up a little higher so my head was on the pillow.
It was the same situation we were in every evening when we were watching kdrama, laying next to each other with shoulders and knees touching, but I couldn't avoid feeling something else; like something was drastically different. I wanted to name it so I could get rid of it but my brain didn't seem to be functioning.
"Are you warmer now?", I asked with a trembling voice after a few minutes, not knowing any other way to break the silence. I felt Kihyun nodding next to me.
The next awkward silence. Well, somehow it should feel awkward. It was, but it wasn't at the same time. My first thought about getting up had completely vanished. Although Kihyun had said he was cold, I could feel the warmth radiating off his body, wrapping me up in a cocoon.
"Is ... is it okay if I sleep a bit?", I decided to ask. I didn't think he would have a problem laying next to me as he had initiated the contact, but maybe I just needed an excuse for myself.
He nodded again.
I didn't close my eyes for a damn second for the next fifty minutes. If it hadn't been this ridiculous and frustrating, I would've laughed. But I was just confused. Confused and excited and trembling with Kihyun right next to me. I didn't know if he was sleeping but whenever I turned my head to the left, I was able to feel his breath against my neck. I let my head stay like this. I liked it.
Knowing that he was right next to me made me feel calm and excited at the same time. It was like my wish to lie down next to him that I had been hiding for the last few weeks had finally been fulfilled. If this wasn't a problem for him, maybe we could spent more time like this. Maybe I would finally gather the courage and just do it. I mean, it was obviously normal for him to do this with a friend, right?
The only problem was that I definitely wouldn't get a second of sleep if we were to spent the night like this. Although I was tired and the room wasn't even this bright as it had begun to rain a few minutes ago, the sound of the drops hitting our window creating a lullaby, I wasn't able to fall asleep, not wanting to miss a second of Kihyun's breath on my skin and at the same time being too excited to even process anything that was going on.
My heart was racing in my chest like it was trying to jump out and I was almost certain Kihyun had to hear it. It sounded like an explosion in my ears. Maybe because my body wasn't able to balance the two extremes anymore that were growing stronger - the wish to just throw the bed sheets off me and somehow get out before I could do anything dumb (but what exactly?), and the desire creating a undescribable mess in the pit of my stomach to just ... do something ... something incredibly dumb and oh my god why was I even thinking this and why was there this knot in my chest that was hurting every second I reminded myself it was absolutely impossible that ...
"Oh my god", I breathed out, searching for some way to get something, whatever it was, out of my body before it would kill me alive. Never before I had felt an urge so contradictory in every imaginable way ...
Something tugged on my sleeve beneath the sheets. I turned around.
Kihyun didn't look like he had been sleeping but how would I know? He signaled me with one hand to give him his phone that was placed on his nightstand.
Did you have a nightmare?, he tiped before showing me the display.
"No", I answered carefully. "It was ... it was actually a nice dream. Just ... very confusing."
What was it about?
"Y ... Yeah, it was about something beautiful, I don't quite remember. What time is it?", I stuttered.
He showed me the clock. "Already six?"
Do you want to go eat something?
"Sure."
Kihyun was still trying to get my sweater over his head when we met Jooheon and Hyunwoo in the hallway. The former was shooting me a glance like he was trying to ask something without actually speaking, but I just shrugged. I couldn't even exactly understand myself why I had just run away at lunch.
The only thing that was able to distract me from staring at Kihyun from afar when we were eating was Jooheon's statement: "You know what, I'm going to ask Seoyeon out tomorrow."
The others were just staring at him in shock while I was trying to balance half a potato between my chopsticks. There were several ways to avoid thinking about feelings, and I felt like I had become a master in every single one of them ever since Kihyun had entered my life. He had introduced me to various new ways of avoiding a topic, trying not to look a someone, controlling your racing heartbeat or rather successfully supressing feelings.
Emphasis on rather.
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I actually did sleep that night, because when Kihyun came out of the bathroom, he lied down in his bed instead of mine and I didn't have the courage to slip under his sheets. Still, it was a very light and short sleep because I tended to overthink everything that didn't fit the norm, and with Kihyun, there was a mass of things that fell into that category.
I hadn't actually thought Jooheon would make his announcement reality, but it was the next morning, a Saturday, when a knock on our door made both Kihyun and me look up in surprise. Kihyun had been sitting at his desk, various sheets, books and folders spread out in front of him. I had just come out of the shower and was still trying to get the winkles out of my tshirt. Thankfully, the caretaker or whoever was responsible for the heaters had decided we had been suffering enough, so our room was finally at an adequate temperature.
I was still unsuccessfully trying to dry my wet hair with a towel when I opened the door and immediately stopped. "Huh?"
"Look, it's an emergency code red", Wonho announced, leaning on the doorframe. "Red. A bright red. A screaming red. Imagine a red so bright it screams into your face."
Minhyuk next to him - the two of them looked like twins with their bright hair and the posture they shared with propping themselves on the frame - aggressively nodded like he was trying to show he shared Wonho's opinion even though he probably didn't have a clue what the other was talking about.
"Let me guess, it's about your clothing? What you're going to wear today?"
"Exac--- wait, what?" Wonho looked annoyed for a second. "No, of course not. It's about Jooheon. He turned up at our room approximately two minutes ago and said we should get ready because he was going to visit Seoyeon at the restaurant to ask her out."
"And?"
"And of course we don't want to get ready and we don't want to go to the restaurant! We're tired and we just want to sleep." I let my glance wander over their clothes and only now noticed that both were still in their pajamas. "He told us that you advised him to just ask her out. So we think it's your responsibilty to help him overcome his anxiety."
I sighed. "Are you serious?"
"You know Jooheon, he is so afraid of everything he's never done", Wonho stated. Approving nodding from Minhyuk.
"Okay", I gave up quicker than I would've normally but there wasn't much to say considering I was already dressed and they weren't and it somehow really was my fault. "What about Hyungwon?"
"Are you seriously asking that?", Wonho laughed. "I tried to wake him up, he tried to slap me and I came to the conclusion that it's probably healthier to just let him sleep."
"Sounds plausible", I laughed and nodded once again. "Okay. When is he leaving?"
"He said he wants to catch her after her shift, so in about five minutes? God Changkyun, I didn't know you could be this convincing."
I shrugged. "I just told him he should ask her out. Why always wait? Also, I really think she likes him back. They're perfect for each other."
"Tell me how it went later", Wonho said and yawned. "I think it's time for us to go to bed again, right, Minhyuk?" Nodding. "Good night."
I closed the door behind them as soon as they had disappeared out of sight. Kihyun, who had turned around to witness the scene, tilted his head questioningly.
"Hey, it's your fault for making me notice the tension between them", I laughed and he grinned, laying his index finger against his lips and dragging it down to his chin like he was telling me to be quiet about something. Sweet.
"I really think Seoyeon likes him", I thought out loud while opening my side of the closet to get a hold of my jacket. "I'm incredibly oblivous about things concerning love but after your comment it was pretty obvious, honestly."
The cloth of my jacket beneath my fingers suddenly felt a lot warmer, as I noticed what I had just said. Unconsciously, I had summarized everything I had been thinking about last night. Since Jooheon's statement about crushes, I had begun to ask myself if maybe I had felt like this before without noticing. Was it even possible to crush on someone without knowing it? It wasn't something you actively decide to do, but wasn't it something you should be conscious about?
As soon as I had closed the closet door, Kihyun was already signing like he had been waiting for me to look at him. With the side of his right hand, he touched the palm of his left two times - already -, before pointing at me - you. With index finger and thumb he formed half a rectangle and let his hand lower next to his body - person. Lastly, he held the back of his hand against his nose and mouth like he was trying to smell something - like a lot.
Have you ever liked someone a lot before?
I felt like all breath was suddenly leaving my body. Sometimes I had the impression Kihyun could read my thoughts because he always asked or talked about things I had been thinking about. Not even lying, I just shrugged, forming a circle with index finger and thumb and laying it against my forehead. I don't know. A careful movement in his direction. You?
He stared at me for one second before showing his thumb. Once.
I was still trying to put on my jacket which seemed to be a more difficult task than first expected. Maybe just because I was contemplating on asking the question that was laying on my tongue. Scolding myself why I was even nervous about something as casual as that, I pointed at him, grabbed the air while showing him the back of my hand, repeated the sign for person and made the knuckles of my fists touch two times while spreading my thumbs.
Are you and the person a couple?
This time Kihyun didn't hesitate with his answer. Lowering his head, he smiled a bit and then shaked his index finger before turning his hand so the palm was facing his chest and shaking his hand once more.
The first sign meant no, but I didn't know the second. Not wanting to ask him because it probably was just a basic sign also meaning no, I just nodded and finally managed to successfully put on my jacket. Grabbing my phone from my desk, I hesitated a moment before I raised my voice (as my vocabulary was still awfully tiny): "Do you want to come with me?"
He looked up from his notes. Are you sure?
"Yeah, why not? You look like you could use a break from calculus", I laughed and let my glance wander over his face. He didn't really look like it. One thing I had learned about him in the span of just a few weeks was how flawlessly he looked whatever he was doing. Even when sleeping, he resembled an angel. While my face was often decorated with dark circles at the end of the semester, his eyes always sparkled and his hair was always soft. His dyed brown hair had already washed out a bit and was darker now, forming a perfect contrast to his pale skin.
His lips immediately formed a smile, silently laughing a bit. Okay.
"Jooheon just needs someone to walk him so he doesn't die out of excitement or turn around. I surely won't stand next to him when he talks to Seoyeon. He just needs that psychological support, you know?" I chuckled. "It's cute that he's so excited."
Somehow I felt really happy that Jooheon had decided to visit Seoyeon. Maybe not only because of him but because I was selfish and wanted to spend time with Kihyun. I would've never thought it would be so easy to be friends with someone who didn't talk, but admittingly, Kihyun also made it easy for me.
When we were already on the verge of leaving the room, I quickly ran back and opened my closet to take out a second jacket. Kihyun looked at me confused, but his expression turned into gratefulness once I had placed the jacket over his shoulders. His fingertips against his chin were solely there to convey a thank you, but I had learned to notice a lot of things involved in that movement - the gentleness and softness in his actions, how the speed he was signing in told me how serious his words were to be meant, and how his facial expression could contribute so much to a single tilt of his fingers. When he wasn't hesitating but just plainly showing his emotions, I didn't even need the signs. His eyes and the corners of his lips told me a thank you as grateful as the movement of his hand. Nonetheless, I followed said movement with my eyes until his fingers had fulfilled their purpose. Kihyun had beautiful hands, something I probably would have never noticed about someone else.
But with him, there were a lot of things I noticed. And the way he hid his face beneath the collar of my jacket was definitely one of those that made a shiver roll down my spine.
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"And you are sure she likes me?"
"I can't guarantee you a yes but I think so, yeah."
"And what does Kihyun say?"
I looked over at Kihyun, who was signing in Jooheon's direction.
"He says you should trust him and that she likes you."
Walking between Kihyun and Jooheon, I had somehow come to accept my role as a translator. Knowing I could understand what he was saying, Kihyun felt a lot more comfortable about signing in the presence of others than he had in the first few weeks. Although I still had my problems with a lot of words, I was getting better and could easily follow his sentences as long as he was signing them at an adequate speed.
"I hope it doesn't begin to rain", Jooheon said while looking up at the sky. "I originally planned to ask her if she wants to go eat icecream but if it rains that doesn't seem like the best option."
"You can still eat icecream", I responded. "There's no weather for icecream and she doesn't seem like someone who would complain about something like that."
"Why am I so nervous?", Jooheon asked us and hid his face behind his hands. I just sighed, while Kihyun smiled. "Because you like her, you idiot."
It was cute to see Jooheon so excited. Normally, he was more like the cool guy, not letting anything destroy his attitude. Only since Kihyun had drawn my attention to his behaviour around Seoyeon I had been able to notice changes in his personality - suddenly, he was a lot more shy and self-conscious.
Kihyun and me were at least ninety-five percent sure Seoyeon liked him back. I didn't know how she behaved when Jooheon wasn't around as I hadn't known her before and whenever I met her she was with him, but I thought it was kind of obvious. Now we just had to hope for the best - and prevent Jooheon from tripping over the sidewalk and getting run over by a car, because he honestly looked like he was going to trip over something any second. He was pale and constantly chewing on his bottom lip. After we had crossed the street, I couldn't bear it anymore.
"Stop that", I scolded him and he looked at me surprised. "You don't want to have chapped lips when Seoyeon kisses you."
Kihyun had to laugh so hard he would've almost tripped if I hadn't tugged on his sleeve. Jooheon looked hilarious, but my glance was focused on Kihyun. I had become used to his laughs that were inaudible, however he managed not to make a sound while laughing. Sometimes I caught myself wishing to hear his voice, but immediately felt bad after. It was a selfish thought - but I couldn't help but wonder.
Once we arrived in front of the restaurant, I gave Jooheon a pat on the shoulder and tried to calm him down, before Kihyun and me left in the other direction. Other than originally planned, we entered a convenience store at the end of street, and hid behind a shelf with cup noodles because we were too curious how it would turn out. Additonally, it was all for Jooheon's best. For the unlikely possibility Seoyeon would turn him down, we would be there to catch him before he would hit the pavement.
After two minutes of Jooheon awkwardly standing around, we were able to see Seoyeon leaving the restaurant while searching for something in her bag. It seemed like she was surprised to see Jooheon when she noticed him standing outside the door, waiting for her. We weren't able to hear what they were talking about, but when a smile appeared on Jooheon's face that didn't seem fake, the first tension left us. A few seconds after, both of them were already walking away, talking and laughing.
I turned around to Kihyun and he gave me a high-five. Mission completed.
"God, I'm so relieved", I laughed when they had disappeared out of sight and propped myself on the shelf. "I was afraid I would have to spent the night trying to talk Jooheon out of possible suicide thoughts."
Kihyun just laughed and we agreed on going home as the clouds above our head were getting darker and darker by second. The convencience store was as empty as ever, only one lonely employee was counting bills behind the counter.
But we only managed to walk two or three steps until all hell broke loose - heavy raindrops falling down from the sky and drenching our clothes. The wind was so strong I had to shield my eyes to prevent my hair from blocking my sight. Wordlessly, I took Kihyun's hand and ran back into the store, him behind me.
It was the worst storm I had seen in quite a while. The trees on the other side of the road where leaning to the side as the wind took their leaves. All light seemed to had vanished, the sky was a dark grey now, blocking every possible ray of sunshine. It was loud, a constant hammering in our ears as wind and thunder were mixed together.
"How the hell could it get so bad this fast?", I asked, laying my hands against the store window that was ice cold beneath my fingertips after I had awkwardly noticed I had still been holding Kihyun's hand. "I hope Jooheon and Seoyeon are okay."
Before I could even turn around, my phone rang. I looked at Kihyun who was busy tiping something into his own.
Kihyun: < I bet they're somewhere safe. They have probably also seeked shelter in a store or something.>
"Hopefully." I looked out the window once more. A newspaper was flying around outside, being ripped in several pieces by the wind. "Looks like we're going to spend some time in here."
I followed Kihyun's movement and let myself sink to the floor, sitting down beside him and leaning with my back against a shelf with crackers and snacks.
Kihyun: < At least I don't have to do my calculus homework. >
I almost cracked up. Laughing, I tiped: < Good to know it has an advantage. >
We spent a minute or so just sitting on the floor and looking outside. It really didn't look like it was going to get better any soon. A glance to the counter told me the cashier had also vanished, probably he was doing something in the back of the store. I couldn't see anyone else around. It felt like Kihyun and me were separated from the rest of the world in this little convenience store.
Being too lazy to speak, I just completely switched to tiping into my phone.
< What are you going to do in the holidays? >
< Not too much. I'm staying here, so I'll probably just study and watch dramas while consuming a load of junk food. >
< Really? You're staying at the dorm? Omg I'm happyyy >
< What, why? Because I can protect our precious belongings from thieves that break into our dorm in the middle of the night? >
< If that is an allusion to our first encounter, it's NOt FuNNy. I'm embarrassed. But IF there is a thief a lamp really seems like the right weapon. Trust me, it's heavy >
< And no, not because of that - I'm staying myself. Like every holiday >
< Why don't you visit your family? >
I hesitated a little with my answer.
< My family ... it's not like I don't love my mom but she can be very exhausting sometimes. I dread the summer because then I have to go home. As long as I can avoid it I'm staying here >
< I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked >
< No no no, it's fine okay? You can ask me anything. Why are you staying? >
< My aunt is on a business trip for the next two months so there isn't anyone I could stay with >
< So you're living with your aunt? >
< Yeah >
< And ... your parents? >
< I don't want to talk about them >
I didn't know what to answer. I knew parents could be a sensitive topic but I hadn't thought he would respond like that. Maybe they were also the reason why he had been so late for the schoolyear? That would've been one of my next questions that I still wanted to get the answer to but now I didn't dare to ask anymore.
When I saw he was tiping, I didn't know what to expect, but it was just one word: < Wait >
Before I could even register the information, he had already stood up and disappeared behind a shelf. I was left sitting on the floor and staring out the window once more. Were his parents really a topic this sensitive? Although I was curious I would be careful not to talk about them anymore if he responded like this.
After a minute or two, he came back again, this time with several things in his hands at which I was staring surprised.
Signing, pointing at me and moving his fists like he was shivering, he said: You're cold.
Before I could protest, he had already handed me two heat packs and a blanket that was wrapped in packaging. Sitting down beside me once more, he teared the packaging open and tucked me in the blanket so fast I couldn't even blink.
The last thing he had bought was a bag full of crisps he was now placing between us.
< You lied beside me when I was cold so look at this like a way of paying you back >
I didn't know how to respond. It was like I was overwhelmed with information and emotions and didn't know how to express any of them. I had noticed this happening to me whenever I was around Kihyun, but this time it was especially bad. I just managed to tipe a weak: < You can always be close to me if you're cold >
I learned a lot of things about Kihyun that day, as we were trapped inside this little convenience store for two hours. That his favorite colours were yellow and green, that he knew how to play piano, that he liked too many novels to name a favorite, that he not only forgot jackets and pencils but also telephone numbers and addresses, that he was horrible with calculus but great with languages, that he was always cold and that he obviously hadn't the slightest problem with physical contact because after a few minutes we both ended up under the blanket, sharing the food and warm packs.
When I told him I liked chocolate icecream and he promised me to buy some because it was his favorite, too, I was close to tiping something in my phone - that only remained as an unsent message in my mind in the end.
< You never have to apologize for getting close to me when you're cold, because whenever you're around everything gets so warm I need something to remind me I'm not becoming crazy >