Chapter 16
The Fishbowl was at its usual raving self for the unders at six in the evening. Darla and Daniel had been up dancing for the whole of an hour and Hedgehog and Daisy were probably doing the same downstairs but Casper was waiting anxiously in a booth in a corner on James and Logan to arrive.
It's not that he was waiting on James. He just wanted to know the reason why Logan was irritated and taking it out on him, which involved him waiting on James to hear of that specific reason and - oh who was he kidding? He was totally waiting on James.
He watched as Darla got down and dirty with Daniel, giving him the best of dance moves Casper knew she only saved if it were someone special, someone worthy. By the look of Daniel's face he fully appreciated the title and tried his best to move with her, to show that he thought she was worthy to him but knowing Darla she already knew that. Hell, Casper knew that.
Obviously, despite his better advice and judgement to Darla she'd gone along with seducing Daniel anyway and it was going smooth like sailing and Casper resented her for it. If Daniel stopped talking to them after she left his heart crushed and broken he'd stop talking to her forever because this time it would be unforgivable. Hurting friends just wasn't cool.
It was surprising though that he was still here, that Darla still had her hook on him. Usually Darla was fast and getting her catch but this time it was almost as if she was taking her time. Casper put it up to the whole friendship thing. The time would come for a broken heart because it always did when Darla was involved. Daniel was just a special catch that would soon be devoured and Casper could do nothing but sit back and watch.
It wasn't anything new - watching that is. Even when Daniel wasn't in the group and the numbers were even Darla ended up buggering off with some poor soul leaving Casper to judge her heavily as he watched her scamper away. Daisy and Hedgehog were usually dancing and James and Logan tended to whatever it was they did (Casper tried his hardest to ignore James and his life completely at this time and those around him). He wasn't always along though, James and Logan would stay with him, just not talking to him and sometimes left to talk to a group of girl or the occasional mosh pit, Casper would always find someone to talk to, he wasn't a total closet case, he could hold a conversation when needed to, especially when he went here nearly every week, the faces and people started to seem familiar with each other. When James did remember his existence, it would be to annoying the fuck out of him.
Thinking about it, James was a little prick back then.
Anyway, Casper didn't mind being left at the booth, keeping their seat. It was the furthest away from the speaker and the laser lights and the smoke machine so he wasn't getting blinded and deafened while he choked to death.
He hated dancing, only joined it when it just involved jumping around wildly and looking like an idiot or simplistic moves. Still , James would have always given him that look that ruined his mojo and jump less enthusiastically because old James seriously like to make Casper's life a living hell. Seriously, he's totally glad that the exchange of kisses has stopped James from being such a cunt (okay, maybe a little more than kisses). They all ended up together, crushed into the booth at the end of the night anyway, sweaty, exhausted and laughing senselessly. Casper loved those moments the most and the reason why he always tagged along most Saturdays, that and it was kind of a requirement when you started listening to a certain type of music, dressing a certain way and dying your hair.
As he was watching the two on the dance floor a movement caught his eye to the left and he saw Hedgehog and Daisy coming up to him, Daisy in front and pulling Hedgehog behind her.
Casper mused at how Daisy stuck out like a sore thumb in this place. While everyone sported some sort of corset, dyed hair that was straightened to the death, something ripped and something black daisy was wearing bright yellow and her honey brown hair bouncing in waves behind her. Unlike her girlfriend with her black tank top and cargo pants with millions of pockets and a heavy chain hanging in a way that it pulled her trousers down to show pale skin between the hem of her shirt and the ridge of her trousers. Oddest couple ever.
Daisy had him in her arms as soon as she was close enough. "Hello Casper."
"What's up Daisy?" He grinned, patting her back.
"Where's your boyfriend and his boyfriend?" Hedgehog asked, slumping down into the booth next to Daisy and instantly putting her arm around her when Daisy let go of Casper.
Casper scowled at her, his cheeks reddening."They'll be here soon."
Sure enough, as Casper, Daisy and Hedgehog sat listening to the screams of the club while Daniel and Darla disappeared, a menacing grin on Darla's face as she locked eyes with Casper as she lead Daniel out of the room which Casper rolled his eyes at despite the sick feeling in his stomach. James and Logan appeared as soon as they were gone, both laughing and back thumping as the usually were which was a good sign in Casper's book.
Casper took James in and cursed how he good look so damn good but so effortless at the same time with his baggy gray shirt that showed off his collarbones, tussled red hair and baggy jeans with scabby converse poking out from the bottom. He honestly looked as if he just rolled out of bed and shoved on whatever without thinking about it and still looked unfairly hot. Casper loathed him.
James instantly latched himself onto Casper's side in the booth, his green eyes twinkling and a soft smile on his face."Hi."
Casper smile to match." Hi."
Logan made a noise as if he was vomiting.
Casper guessed that not all things were going to change overnight as he gave Logan a look of amusement. Logan grinned back at him.
Yeah, James and Logan had totally worked it out and Casper was so going to force it out of James later and by the look on James' face as Casper smiled slyly at him but with wide, innocent eyes, he knew as much too.
"I feel like I haven't seen you too in ages." Daisy smiled at the two boys while leaning into her girlfriend, their hands intertwined.
Casper laughed," You saw us yesterday Daisy."
"Yeah I know but that's just school, plus you two are always disappearing off somewhere together." Daisy's eyes were lit up with mischief and hedgehog smirked behind her.
Casper blushed." Don't forget that time I caught you both in the disabled toilet," he retorted.
Daisy gasped." You promised!"
"What? What happened in the toilet?" Logan demanded excitedly.
Hedgehog groaned into Daisy's hair while Daisy tried to bury herself in her own arm draped over her burning face while Casper chortled loudly and James grinned with amusement despite also not knowing what happened in the toilet but could give a pretty good guess to what it was.
Casper and James were proud to say they had done nothing of the sort in the school grounds and never would. That was just weird.
"I hate you, Faye." Daisy hissed, still hiding underneath her arms.
"Love you too, Scott" Casper replied through his laughs with no hesitation.
"Well if everyone is just going to be cute with each other and not tell me anything I think I'll take my leave then..." Logan huffed, turning away from his friends. Before he even took a step there was an uproar of protest from the four. Logan grinned," to get refreshments! Anyone want water?"
"Me please!" Daisy smiled.
"Got one thanks." Casper said lifting his plastic cup still half full.
James and Hedgehog also said no and then Logan went over to the bar on the other side of the room, through the dancers and the smoke. The group hardly ever actually bought stuff from the bar. The lack of giving alcohol to the unders and the extortion of a packet of Haribo was ridiculous. Thank god they put out free cups of water, cups that did end up crushed and left in its own puddle of what was its consistence because some people liked to make a nuisance of themselves but what do you expect from a bunch of rebellious teenagers banging around to songs of redemption and wishes of acceptance.
All they wanted to do was act as if they didn't care, to cause a riot no matter where they were.
Basically they were the sort to leave all their shit behind for someone else to clean up, to get a handful of salt packets and pour them all out on a table for no reason, start shouting and running in a supermarket only to get kicked out for fun, heckling people in the street because they could, and all that other shit that made Casper cringe to be associated with them.
Still it happened and Casper had learned to deal with it, just not around him because if Logan even tried him and Daisy would have his ass handed to him because he should know better - or any of them for that matter.
As Logan disappeared into the mass of bodies and smoke Darla and Daniel decided to come over to the booth, sweaty and laughing and hanging all over one another. Darla was wearing one of her usual skimpy outfits: tiny shorts, fishnets, the tightest crop top Casper had the pleasure of seeing and laced hooker boots. Casper would expect nothing less (or totally would) from Darla.
None of the group even batted an eyelash at her appearance but he could see others leering as she passed them. Casper remembered when he first met her how she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen and although her dress wasn't as revealing as they are now, males and females alike were affected by her, she had always been alluring and sensual. She made you feel like you were the most important person in the world and then she was done with you.
Casper hated the way people looked at her, like she was a piece of meat because Casper had it in his head that she was more than what she more, that she had a depth that was more beautiful than her appearance. He was right, of course. Darla was beautiful inside and out but she was also nothing like Casper thought she would be and his deluded crush ended as it was; pulverised into tiny little pieces.
He learned that Darla liked the attention, liked the sick stares of mutts in heat, liked to keep them guessing and liked to destroy them inside then out. She liked the power of it and Casper learned that Darla sort of scared him and counted his blessings that Darla never saw him as a play thing but a potential friend and Darla was now dear to him in ways he'd never thought was an option. And he truly loved her, she was almost the sibling he'd never had.
Yeah. He loved her but she could be a right shagger.
"Hey guys." She giggled. Coming over to them and all but leaping over James' lap to hug Casper. James grunted in surprise, probably bracing his balls with the sudden impact. Casper didn't react, just patted her on the back until she let go and started to slide of James, stopping only to kiss him on the cheek leaving behind a great big red smooch. James gave a cry of protest and wiped excessively at it. Darla smirked while Casper laughed at him as he turned it into a smudge that took over most of the left side of his face.
"What's up Dan?" Casper greeted Daniel happily.
"Hi Cas." He smiled.
"You've got a little something like all over your face Jimbo." Casper said gleefully.
"Shut up." James grumbled rubbing harder until he was scarlet with the mix of the lipstick, the friction of the rubbing and embarrassment. He looked adorable and Casper felt like he was going to melt into a puddle of very manly goo.
"C'mere you big baby." Casper beckoned him closer to him then grabbed his cup that was now less than quarter way full, yanked his black hoodie over his hand and poured an amount of the water onto it and slapped it right on James' face and attempted to clean the cosmetic and with more of a result than James had done from what he could see.
"I think they're getting worse than us, Luce." Daisy stage whispered to Hedgehog." We need to up our game."
Hedgehog complied with a hum, playing with their fingers.
"You're all disgustingly gross," Darla said hopping up on one of the tables and swinging one leg over the other one." Any more of it and I'll actually vom."
Casper made a face to which James smiled at with a fond tenderness.
Darla sighed."They're actually playing good music this week and you're all sitting here like limb dicks. No one likes a limb dick."
"I don't think you care what kind of dick it is Darla." Casper grinned and felt James erupt into surprised laughter in his hand before he heard it and could hear everyone doing the same; Daisy's bell like laughter, Hedgehog's snorts through the nose. He dared to look away from James and to Darla but saw Daniel grinning with amusement behind her and while Darla's smile remained her eyes were narrowed dangerously.
Oh shit, Casper was going to pay for that later.
So worth it though.
Darla stayed her eyes on Casper a little longer before turning to Daniel."Speaking of dick," she smiled."Where is our dearest Logan?"
Casper waved vaguely in the direction of the bar which was almost hidden by the smoke but Darla turned round anyway and turned back nodding a little and then went for Daniel's hand to drag him to the other side of the club.
Casper was surprised at how Daniel just let Darla control him like that but with the calm, pleased look he had on his face Casper could only be sure that he was more than fine with it..
"Bye guys!" She called behind her with a wave of her free hand.
"Bye." Daniel also said a bit breathless.
The four left at the booth all held up their hands for a goodbye but almost looked like some sort of salute.
"Oh god she's going to eat him alive." Daisy sighed as they all watched them go.
"I'm not sure he'll mind, poor guy." James said in the same fashion and then a little lower so only Casper caught it, "Besides it's not him that I'm worried about."
Casper craned his neck to look at him, his face quizzical," What do you..."
But James shook his head and though Casper was reluctant he let it go, even when James got up from beside him, whispering his ear as he did so saying he would be back in a minute and walked in the same direction where Logan, Darla and Daniel had went. Casper looked at him go like the others and narrowed his eyes knowing something was up but he couldn't quite figure it out.
Only turning his attention elsewhere when Daisy almost made him shit himself as she popped up at his side with a large grin.
"Jesus..." Casper mumbled."What do you want, you freak?" He said as he grin just widened.
"How's it going with James? You haven't told me a thing."
Casper instantly blushed and Daisy giggled teasingly.
"Maybe I don't want to tell you anything," Casper retorted.
Daisy snorted," Oh please. You tell me everything."
It was true. Daisy was his confession box of all things immoral and developments in life. He couldn't help it, she had the most honest face.
So he told her. That everything was great, he enjoyed being with James, enjoyed his company and seriously, seriously enjoyed the things that went on in his company - not even the make out session (which were freaking awesome, thank you very much), but the simple things, ordinary things that they never used to do with each other like just hanging out. And sure, yeah, they fought but that was them. They couldn't expect to turn from hating each other to being all friendly 24/7, could they?
But yeah, James was great.
He didn't say this much to Daisy though, he couldn't. The music was too loud and the people were louder so all he could manage was:
"It's great, James is great. Honestly, it's great." He said - well, shouted but in a club it was the equivalent to saying something.
Daisy's smile faltered a bit and Casper frowned.
"What?" he bellowed in question.
Daisy opened her mouth to say something but closed it again as if re-thinking and opened it again, "you just seem a little put off, that's all." She said and shrugged." Are you sure it's all great?"
Casper looked at her for beat. Her eyes were earnestly worried and Casper sighed.
It was great. It really was. He just didn't know what 'it' was.
He'd been thinking about it for a while. They'd been doing this little song and dance for weeks now; kissing and groping whenever they could or thought they could get away with it and they saw each other nearly every other day. Casper really liked James, and there was no way in hell James didn't really like him back too. They were more than friends. Friends did not spend long periods of time giving sweet and long kisses He just wanted to know what exactly they were before they got any further.
"You totally wanna DTR!" Daisy squealed just as the music changed. Everyone in a hearing range, which was a lot, turned at the pitch.
"Jesus Daisy." Hedgehog groaned just as Casper went "DTR?"
Before Daisy could even open her mouth, caught up slightly in her own embarrassment as people still looked at her Hedgehog answered smoothly," to define the relationship."
Daisy and Casper both stared at her in surprise."What I sometimes tune into that crap you watch?" She replied nonchalantly to her girlfriend who was wearing the biggest grin Casper those her face would crack, Hedgehog sighed at Daisy's reaction but Casper caught the slight quip of her mouth and glint in her eyes.
"So, to define the relationship?" Casper said t get the attention back onto him.
Daisy grinned at her girlfriend a little longer before turning back to Casper."You totally want to be his boyfriend. Officially."
And shit he did. That's what it was. The niggling in his brain as James sighed sweet nothings into his mouth while he raked his hands through his hair so gently, when he curse at him and shoved him off the bed affectionately whenever he got the better hand in a video game, when they shared that look in classes and sniggered into themselves like they had a secret that no one else knew. Casper wanted to be official. He wanted James to want make it serious, something that mattered that didn't seem like a regular booty call... without the booty. Okay so a little booty, just touches of the booty, handfuls maybe, over clothing grasps of the booty. And what a fine booty it was.
And Casper even realised that they were doing things that couples do, this was basically an official relationship that hadn't been talked about to be official and Casper wanted to talk about it, and he really, really wanted it to be official by the end of it.
And why wouldn't it? Everything Casper was willing to give was being seen half way and forward by James too. And of course with two post-straight boys they had taken this leap - this risk of dipping onto the unknown and has been totally illuminated and enlightened that this was working. They had taken the plunge and found themselves entering a world which was exactly the same but with a new perspective.
Oh fuck - Casper wanted it so bad.
He gave one look at Daisy again, her smile toned down but her eyes were wide with anticipation and excitement. Casper didn't even want to get into how much she invested in his love life but smiled all the same as he slide out of the booth to find James before he could think of the dark side - it was called the dark side, right? Or was that Star Wars? - and end up chickening out.
It was hard though, despite the years of making the Fishbowl being a consistent hang out he still couldn't really manoeuvre though the people and the smoke and the surprise stack of strobe lights, especially when the Time Warp decided to blast through and everyone scrambled to get on the floor and Casper barely got out with his life. Being impaled with the heel of a Goth boot was not quite the way he thought or wanted to go.
And then he spotted Darla.
He grabbed her shoulder and shouted over the constant cheers and sing-a-longs to Magenta before screaming to the chorus, "have you seen James?"
Darla scrunched up her nose in confusion," WHAT?"
Casper sighed and tried again a little louder, "HAVE YOU SEEN JAMES?"
"Oh," Darla laughed slightly, "no I haven't. Have you seen James, Logan?"
Casper blinked, just noticing Logan was there. Logan looked about the room for a second and shook his head. Casper gave a, what he hope was, a grateful look with an undertone of you-are-totally-useless-thank-you and tried looking on his own again.
Only when a guy with a bright green Mohawk caught his attention for a moment then moved to reveal James behind him and leaning against the bar. Casper took a deep breath and started to make his way over when he noticed who was with and stopped.
Jessica.
Fuck - Jessica who was now leaning into James and hugging him tightly.
Jessica had been James' old girlfriend, a serious one that ended in mutual terms - at least Casper thought - but James had been even more of an insufferable prick after words so looking back he must've have really liked her.
Maybe he still did, Casper thought as James smiled, hugging just as eagerly, and whispered something into her ear and she broke the hug to laugh throatily. Even from here he could see the happiness in his eyes and the way she looked at him-
Casper felt like he's been pierced right through the heart. It fucking hurt. He felt cold all over and he couldn't fucking breathe as he looked at them looking so perfect and so normal.
He couldn't look at them, so he turned and stumbled away from the dark and crowded room. He felt sick. He felt so hurt and angry turmoil inside of him.
He needed air. He - he needed out. He needed to leave. He couldn't... He just couldn't.
Casper barely noticed Daniel as he ran passed him but he noticed him as he followed calling his name but Casper couldn't even hear, just a dull thrum in his ears.
Casper practically burst through the back door, startling a few smokers. He moved away from the huddle of smokers until he was almost isolated and leaned against the wall and slid down it until he was gasping into his knees.
Jesus Christ, he had no reason to be upset. Of course it was stupid of him to think James liked him back like that, it was just a bit of fun. It was nothing serious. Of course to James this was just a bit of experimenting that meant nothing because he was always straight and his time with Casper was just... nothing.
The fucking bastard.
And Jessica - god, Jessica. She was beautiful and he remembered how funny and smart she was, Casper had loved her and hated how a bastard like James had managed to her to like him. He probably regretted letting her go, probably looked at her tonight and then wondered why he was wasting his time with Casper when he could have that.
Casper gave a bitter laugh, he was so bloody stupid. To think he got serious about this when it was all just a past time for James.
"Casper?" a voice said and hands came to his shoulders, shaking him, "Casper, mate? What's going on?"
Casper lifted his head to a pair of great big brown eyes full of concern.
"Daniel..." Casper breathed. "I'm so stupid."
Now there felt like too much air was getting into his lungs. He felt kind of dizzy. He wanted to punch a wall, scream, cry and throw up all at the same time.
"What do you mean, Cas?"
"So stupid..." he mumbled again.
And to think he was just about to ask James to be his boyfriend. Fuck, that would have been awkward.
As Casper continued to not give Daniel a clear answer he didn't push him but sat next to him on the dirty ground until he was ready.
Threatening tears burned Casper's eyes and he instantly kneaded both the heel of his palms into his eyes as he squeezed them shut in frustration, willing them to go away.
Why was he crying? It was his own fault for getting his hopes up, should've known that James, the fucking prick he'd always known that he was, would just be playing him as he had always done. He didn't deserve to cry.
Shuddering out a breath, staring at the next buildings wall still daring the tears to disappear wherever tears came from, with Daniel sitting beside him silently until he get back to his bearings which he thought was just great of him.
He breathed deeply another few times before forcing a smile and turning to Daniel."I'm not really feeling up to spending the rest of the night here. I'm just gonna go home."
He started to get up.
"Yeah," Daniel got up with him hastily, wiping his ass in case of dirt" yeah, I'll go with you."
Casper gave him a grateful smile and they both made their way back into the club building.
Casper went to go down the stairs to the exit but was stopped by Daniel pulling his arm.
"One sec I need to grab my jacket," Daniel said before quickly running back into the club room.
It took almost a full minute before Casper realised Daniel never had a jacket in there; you gave in your stuff into the cloakroom.
He wasn't in there to bring his jacket back.
Before Daniel turned up with the last person he wanted to see Casper turned around and ran out the club, not sure where to but he knew he just wanted to get the hell out of there knowing that he couldn't handle seeing James.
I think Casper running away from his problems (James) is becoming a reoccuring thing... what can I say the boy is chicken *sniggers into her own bad pun*
So yeah... this took a while. For those who don't follow me and didn't get my message I deeply apologise for the wait. Exams y'know? They caught up with me and I just gave up on everything. Sorry again! And sorry for the angst, this wasn't planned I swear!
I am blown away that I still got more followers suring my short leave (hello you guys!) and more reads and votes. Honestly so awesome to see how people like the stuff you work on, you guys are amazing. I am so freaking grateful. And for those new followers, if I haven't left a personal message on your profile page then I am saying thank you now. I lost track of who i thanked and who I didn't because of how little I was on wattpad since christmas... hate me all you want, I deserve it. OH! also a late Happy New Year for those who didn't get my broadcast message!
I find it weird how much I write now comapred to the first couple of chapters, maybe I should try and cut down I feel like I'm just rambling a lot lately... and on the authors note. I should stop now.
P.s. thank you all last chapter for your comments and thoughts on Ingrid. She was the best and I'm sure she'd appreciate your words. You guys are awesome!
Thanks for reading~