"nothing's alright anymore. because im broken. because of you."
"you dont remember him?" makoto's mother questioned.
all makoto had done was contort her face into a confused expression.
"you dont know who i am?" the guy from before had asked.
"mhm. who are you?" makoto had asked.
makoto felt the urge to cry for not recognising him, but the guy had already hardened his expression.
"its fine. oh god, this situation is so stupid," he had said.
"hes yuzuru, you know?" her mother had questioned.
everything seemed like such a blur.
why had all her memories of him disappeared?
more importantly, what was the thing the white light had said she would forget?
were they memories with irrelevance?
or full of happiness?
who was she supposed to believe or think?
did you really have much to believe in after you technically almost died?
more importantly, what happened that made her forget everything
or even end up in this white confinement.
"what happened?" she had asked her mother.
makoto's mother excused yuzuru out of the room before explaining her everything from the start.
"you had received a threat letter from one of evgenias fans and the next thing we knew, during your pairs skating, you seemed like you had willingly fell out of place with kei and from a throw about 2 meters or above you fell with your head hitting the ice before your entire body landed down. and then everythings a mess from there and here we are. but before the accident, you told me to keep it all a secret from yuzuru. and we've caught the people sending the threats."
"if he was that important, why cant i remember him?" makoto said.
she didnt know whether to cry or to be happy. she wanted so badly to cry, but there seemed to be nothing else to fuel her sadness.
she wanted to smile, but there seemed to be nothing to be happy for.
so tell me, when you dont know what to do
what do you do?
"its fine, go take some rest now. just sleep for now, i'll get him to understand. oh and kei will be heading here tomorrow because today he's busy with... something," her mother had said.
and as her mother left, the guy named yuzuru had entered.
"maybe this can help you remember me. and if it doesnt, then ill try to make you remember," he had told her, passing her a winnie the pooh charm bracelet.
and she felt her hand tingle. as she brought it up, she saw a matching eeyor bracelet.
were they so close to get matching bracelets?
she examined the charm bracelet.
it seemed laughable that this tiny girly thing was worn by this guy.
was she worth so much so he had to wear it?
but she felt a lingering feeling to check the rim of the plated winnie charms.
and so she did.
and she found some engravings along the rims.
"well it looks like i love you
but do you?"
who engraved that?
"who got you this?"
"you did."
she did.
she wrote that.
and now she was staring back to a face she didnt even know anymore.
it did shock her.
now she knew that she used to love him.
then why did she forget him?
"maybe these will help better," yuzuru said as he passed her his stack of letters.
and she begun reading them.
they all even seemed to fit together.
but she couldnt piece them together if they were never a part of her.
from the start to finish, she had read her letters on how it all started to how she ended it all.
it was weird to her that she had actually sacrificed everything for the people around her.
call it dumb, call it stupid
but eventually, she gave in, and gave everybody else the love she only ever wanted
expecting nothing in return
but a knock on the door of death.
until of course, the white light showed up.
but it still didnt seem to fit together.
then she remembered her own charm bracelet, and proceeded to see what she had engraved.
"stay gold."
what did that mean?
she never really knew.
she wasnt a precious metal
technically, she couldnt "stay gold"
so why?
"did i ever say anything about staying gold?" she asked.
"nope."
wasnt that weird huh?
she never really knew what it meant, or whether the memory was precious but it just
disappeared.
faded away just like how these memories never shouldve meant something to her.
yet why did they come back?
and then she read on more, until the last few pages of her letters.
she herself didnt want to remember
so why commit now?
"i... dont want to remember."
and yuzuru looked shocked.
really shocked to her.
but he shouldve guessed that this was going to happen.
"why?"
"because the more i read, the more i feel myself being sucked into an endless pit of forgive and forget. so much so that i even had to forget and i wanted to forget. so whats the point of remembering?"
"so you can remember me."
yuzuru had said that quietly.
but the ward was so eerily silent that she could hear it.
and yes, it made her heart pound.
yet she herself didnt know why.
she couldnt even remember him, so why heart pounds now?
"ill remember. eventually. but since i never wanted to remember, its best if i dont. what if all my memories just wind up in a tiny pile of trash? then what happens? you wont be there to save me. because i cant trust you. because i dont know you anymore."
"but you can try to remember me."
"its why im going to give time my best shot. if i remember you, then great, i get my memories but. but ill live with the hurt of not being loved back. whats the point of it all?"
yuzuru's heart clenched.
her words seemed as sharp as knives as he actually heard the already known realisation cast upon him through her voice. he knew that it would hurt that way yet, he tried to press on. only because he knew he loved her. it took him so long to realise but he did.
and now it was all over before it started.
because she didnt even want to acknowledge the fact he was there
or the fact that she loved him.
it was all just
gone.