I didn't understand why I was running; it wouldn't fix anything. all I ever did was run and cry.
I suddenly came to a stop and to my surprise, someone ran right into me, pushing me over.
I almost regret everything as I though it as chris to yell at me for going to phil when I wasn't supposed to in the first place but I then turned to see phil also on the floor.
he scrambled to get up and offered me a hand then hoisted me up.
"I'm sorry, are you okay?" he asked me, anxiously waving his hands around me without a clue of what to do.
"I'm fine." I assured him and he nodded, letting his hands fall to his sides and let his head fall.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry, I don't know why I ignored you, why I didn't tell you, I'm sorry. I'm a mess and I'm so angry to the point where all I want to do is cry and punch something but all I'm doing is closing myself off because I can't cry and I feel so empty and I am so sorry."
I was a bit shocked but I reached out slowly and placed my hand in his cheek, taking a step forward and looking at his face.
he was his usual pale self but the bags under his eyes were darker than usual and I could almost feel the frustration he was filled with that was strong yet weak as he stared at the tiled floors.
"it's okay," I told him. "I was simply surprised and upset that you did that to yourself. I'm sorry about what's happened and about your loss."
his brows furrowed slightly. "my mum despised me so why am I sad? my entire family doesn't like me, so why do I feel bad when anything happens to them? I'm a mistake to them so why did I cry at my mum's funeral?"
"because you care for her and them." I whispered and the pain in his eyes were immediately replaced with anger.
"I'm pathetic. complaining isn't going to do me any good. cutting isn't going to help. crying like a little bitch isn't going to help me either. my family hates me and that's just how it's going to stay."
"phil?" I said quietly but he moved away and leaned against the wall, covering his face with his hands.
I attempted to reach out to him again but when I placed my hand on his shoulder, he swatted it away and glared at me.
I took a step back in fear he would shout at me and placed my hands at my sides.
"don't comfort me, I don't deserve it," he snapped and I could see his jaw clench as he turned his face away.
"I just wanted to help-" I tried to say but another voice interrupted me, making me jump.
"phil!"
chris ran down the hall and took phil's shoulders, shaking him softly.
"I thought you promised to stay in the room until you felt safe enough to leave," chris scolded but phil didn't seem to care at the moment for he pushed chris away from him angrily.
"don't touch me."
"let's make this easy, okay? get back to the room," chris said but phil was pulling his own hair now and his body shook slightly.
chris's expression remained emotionless as he took phil's hand to pull it away and didn't budge when phil slapped it away.
"I said don't fucking touch me!" he yelled, pushing chris again.
"push me one more time and I'm not going to hold back, alright? get moving." his voice had become very low and intimidating but phil wasn't at all bothered.
he pushed chris with more force but chris practically threw him against the wall and held an arm against his neck to keep him in place.
I stared at them as I watched phil struggle to escape but I immediately moved back when phil kicked chris and began to run down the hall where chris ad come from.
chris swore loudly but didn't waste a second and chased after phil.
didn't he say there was no swearing?
don't try to be funny.
I ran after them to see chris catch hold of phil's sweater and in a swift motion, he pushed phil to the floor, placing one knee onto his back as he held his hands behind his back firmly.
"don't be so difficult," chris ordered. "when I let you go, you are going to walk back to the room or I will call greg to calm you down, got it?"
phil's body relaxed and he nodded immediately. chris took a moment to compose himself before letting phil go and standing up.
phil glanced back at chris who gave him a warning look and phil walked past me without throwing me a glance.
"chris," I said when he walked past me but he gave me a tired look and let out an exasperated sigh.
"not now, dan."
he continued to walk and all I could do was stand there and watch them, feeling useless and guilty as my mind buzzed with questions.
***
I can't believe chris took down phil.
he was doing it for phil's own safety.
that didn't look very safe. who do you think is stronger?
I don't care.
chris looked scary, though, you have to admit.
he did.
how do you feel knowing you were the cause of that?
leave me alone.
someone knocked on my door which startled me and pulled me out of my thoughts.
I was glad in a way; I didn't want to continue talking to grey.
I went and opened the door slightly to see chris, eyes on the floor with his arms crossed.
I could feel my heart beat faster and I opened the door fully, ignoring the fact that my hands had started to tremble.
"hey," chris said and entered, shoving his hands into his pockets.
"hey," I muttered.
"I'm sorry you had to witness what happened earlier." chris sighed.
I shook my head. "it's my fault, I shouldn't have gone to him."
"he told me what happened, it's okay. I know you wanted to check ok him but when he's in the galaxy room and I don't tell you to see him, it's best to leave him alone. he can't control his anger and he loses control, so it's best to let him settle down no matter how long it takes."
I bit the inside of my cheek nervously. "are you okay? you guys were quite... harsh with each other."
chris scoffed. "don't worry about me, I'm fine. it happens more often than you'd think, he will always try to fight me but I know how to take him down by now."
"who's greg?" I asked.
"he's another employe that works here and watches over us but when someone is being difficult or fighting like phil would, he takes you to another room where you're given medication and have to sit alone on a chair in a dark room for a few hours. it's like the galaxy hall but it's dark and it's empty with nothing but you on a chair." chris explained.
"what does he do? have you been taken by greg?"
"you're very curious," chris teased. "I am pretty sure he's not allowed to do this but if you try to escape or fight him, he ties your hands together and your ankles together. you have no control over anything and it's not very exciting. he's taken me once when I was new here. I got lucky and only had to stay for an hour. phil, on the other hand, has had to stay for three hours and I could tell he had been tied up as well because he tried to tell heather that greg was insane and that he should be fired. 'course, that didn't happen. I think all the employees assume we're liars as he's still doing it and hasn't been questioned."
"you mean, they haven't even checked to see if it's true or not?" I said in awe.
"no, we've just learned to accept it and try to not get into trouble so don't go fighting people, especially not him if you see him." chris warned me and I nodded.
"is phil okay?"
"he is, he just needs to be alone. he wanted me to tell you he was sorry if he upset you, he didn't mean to," chris told me. "also, he's alright. I mean, his wrists, they're not too bad. he told me you found out."
"I didn't mean to, he shouldn't feel bad-" I began to say quickly but chris stopped me.
"it's okay, he was going to tell you but he felt bad you found out that way. I'll tell him tomorrow that you said he doesn't need to be upset. you should really try to get some sleep, okay?"
I looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was quarter past midnight. I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep but I nodded anyways.
"hey, listen, what happened today wasn't your fault. you were worried and I don't blame you but now you know why I suggest you leave him alone when he's like this. I hope you understand. goodnight, I'll be waking you up at eight like usual." he said and gave me reassuring smile before walking out of my room and softly closing my door.
I lay in my bed and stared at the ceiling like usual, still feeling guilty as grey began to shout again, not letting me sleep.
*****
i knowwwwww i haven't updated in ages iM sOrry
i thought i'd have a update schedule but me? schedule? consistent updates? mE ? MHMHMHMHM
i will say though i am trying to update as frequently as possible im just very good at forgetting i need to update
anyways ayeeee update are you still here are y'all still with me or have i managed to lose everyone that was reading this because if so, i would not be surprised
i need to skedaddle and update my other story (it's called alice cough it's the sequel to mad hatter cough they suck but i mean spon check it out if you want spon i'm sorry i'll sTop)
bYYEEEE