“No, stick your tounge out,” Harry laughs as we take pictures together.
“My tounge is a weird shape though!” I protest, I stick it out anyway and he snaps another picture.
“I like doing this,” He smiles “You always look really happy and that makes me happy.”
“That’s adorable.” I lean in for a kiss and he takes a picture so I just laugh.
“I don’t want you to go later,” Harry frowns, dropping his phone onto the bed below us.
“Me neither but I have a German essay to hand in tomorrow morning.” stupid college.
“When can I see you again?” he asks.
“Urm, I don’t know I can come down again it just depends on what work I have to do” I say.
“Okay” we stay quiet for a bit and flick through the pictures we took on Harry’s phone. We haven’t left the bed yet but Tara said she’d ring when Harry is needed.
“Hollie didn’t come back last night did she?” I ask.
“I don’t think so, I didn’t hear her,” he replies. My phone buzzes and its Tara saying she’ll pick us up in half an hour.
“Urgh I can’t be bothered, we have interviews today,” Harry groans.
“Can I come with you?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he smiles “what are we telling people about us?”
“Urm, I don’t know” I reply.
“I don’t want you getting people asking you stuff all the time,”
“I don’t want that either really,” I admit.
“Shall I just carry on saying I’m single? Its what the producers want me to do, they say its best to protect you and it also keeps the fans hopes up or something like that,” he tells me.
“Yeah, that’s good just do that,” I say. He gets up off the bed and I shuffle to the edge.
“How are you today?” Harry asks.
“Urm, achy,” I smile “Very achy.”
“Sorry,” he grins as he thinks about last night.
“No way,” Hollie bluntly says as she sees me walking towards her with my legs slightly apart, it aches so much.
“Shhh” I say, putting my finger over my lips.
“Well?” she raises her eyebrows at me when I reach her “How was it?”
“Painful, but good.”
“So boys we have sugarscape this morning and they’re pretty cool people so you can relax on that one, I’ll tell them not to ask personal questions and stuff for you so it should be okay, they’ll mainly want to know about the competition and stuff,” Tara says.
“Tell me more when we have time,” she smiles.
“Alrighty,” I laugh, I’m not really planning on telling her that much, what is there to tell?
“You coming with us girls?” Tara asks as Harry snakes his hand round my waist to squeeze my hip.
“Yeah if that’s okay with you?” I reply.
“Yeah, we have space in the black cab thing.”
We drive to some office building somewhere and get shown up to a room on the third floor, which instantly puts the McFly song Room On The Third Floor in my head, where we have to wait for whoever it is that will be interviewing the boys to walk in.
“Will you stop singing I have a headache” Hollie groans, leaning on the side of the white sofa we’re sitting on.
“What even happened last night, you all look tired?” I ask, the boys are being put in front of a camera and Tara is messing with all of their hair, Harry is the only one that looks awake.
“I don’t know, but I think I might have kissed Liam-”
“What?” I almost spit-take the complimentary cup of ribena onto her.
“Or he kissed me I don’t know,” she waves her hands round in confusion.
“Like a proper kiss?”
“Yeah, I think? I can’t really remember but yeah…” she sighs.
“What does that mean then?” I ask.
“What? The kiss?” she asks and I nod at her “Nothing, people kiss other people all the time its no biggie.”
“But do you like him though?” I ask, he only lives twenty minutes away from us, that would be perfect if they went out. Its not like Harry and I where we live an hour and a half away from each other.
“I don’t know, like he’s nice and all but its just awkward because Niall thinks he likes that dancer girl Danielle or something,” she picks at her nails.
“I did those stop it,” I say separating her hands “But he wouldn’t have kissed you if he liked her.”
“I don’t know…” she sighs again.
We fall silent and the interviewer girls walk in and sit next to the camera pointed at the boys who are flicking each other’s foreheads for no reason at all. I’d bet anything that Louis started it.
“I can’t even believe Tara let you all get drunk, half of you aren’t even legal to drink anyway,” I scoff “My dad did warn me not to let her take me clubbing and now I see why.”
“It was fun though,” Hollie laughs before Tara comes and sits next to me.
We spend the interview watching the boys, I pull faces at Harry and Tara keeps telling me not to but I carry on anyway. He laughs quite a few times and the boys just join in to cover it up but the interviewer girls aren’t stupid. I just hope they don’t make a story of how this girl kept making Harry laugh, they had one on them eating at McDonalds the other day-how interesting. Luckily the girls don’t ask about the boys’ love life so I’m kept a secret.
When they’re done we head back to the house to get ready for the show tonight, they have the group performance to rehearse straight after lunch so we eat some sandwiches the lovely Sainsbury’s women prepared for us.
Once we’re in the studio I kiss Harry goodbye and he’s whisked off backstage and we go and sit in our seats, its like six hours until show time but we thought we’d might as well make ourselves at home.
“So you’re not going to tell me any more about you and Harry last night then?” Hollie asks as we watch some guys testing the lights.
“There’s nothing else to say, we just like had sex,” I blush at the word again, its awkward talking about it even if it is with my best friend.
“Did he finger you though?” she asks, a little too loudly for my liking. Its not like anyone could hear but I still look around to check no one’s listening before I answer.
“Yes,” I whisper.
“Ohhhh okay,” she laughs.
We stay quiet while people stand around checking things, Dermot O’Leary stands and practices his little speeches on stage.
By the time the contestants all walk on stage, I really need the toilet but I promise myself I won’t go until Harry is offstage. There are cameras filming them for the Xtra Factor or something during the rehearsal and the song sounds great, they’re singing Forget You. The vocals are actually prerecorded but they still have to dance around and stuff. I start laughing when Louis gets to say the ‘I really hate you right now’ bit. Hollie and I sing fuck you instead of forget you and jig along to the catchy song and by the time it’s over I’m bursting for the toilet.
“I’m going to the toilet,” I tell Hollie once everyone is off stage.
I walk down the steps and out the side door towards the nearest toilets. When I reach them there’s a sign telling me that there’s a male cleaner in there at the moment so I decide to walk around and find some others.
“You okay?” I hear Tara call to me.
“Yeah are there any other toilets? Those are being cleaned.” I tell her, she takes me backstage and shows me to the ones there. I thank her and walk in to be met with Cher, standing in front of the mirror applying fake eyelashes. Great. My happy mood rolls downhill as she glances at me then returns to her eyelashes.
“Hello,” she smiles as I try to sneak behind her into one of the cubicles.
“Hey,” I answer quietly, still walking to the toilet.
“You know it won’t work,” she says.
“What won’t?” I ask turning to face her, she’s looking straight at me through the mirror and I feel quite intimidated by her full face of makeup.
“You and Harry, you do know it can’t last,” my heart begins to beat faster with every syllable leaving her mouth, “You living wherever you live and Harry being here. It can’t work.” she shrugs.
“What do you mean?” I timidly ask her.
“You’ll never get to see each other then you’ll decide neither of you can handle it so you’ll break up, promise you’ll stay friends and never talk to each other because after the Xfactor even if they don’t win I know Simon will sign them. He reckons they’ll be massive, world famous he thinks,” she begins to brush mascara onto the lashes, aren’t they massive enough?
“That’s not going to happen,” I tell her “I mean the signing and the famous bit might but there’s no way we’re breaking up.”
“Never say never,” she flutters her eyelashes at me before picking up a lipstick.
“No, its not going to be how you think it is, Harry and I are stronger than you think,” I inform her.
“How come he spends so much time with me then?” she smirks.
“What the hell?” I cough, is he really spending time with her? He hasn’t told me, but then again he wouldn’t if he wanted to stay with me.
“Yeah, we went for a Chinese the other day,” she shrugs, as if it was nothing “Just us two.”
“Just shut up Cher, I don’t care how many lies you tell yourself but Harry and I are not breaking up for you.”
“That’s not what he said”
I literally want to rip those extensions out of her hair and slap her with them, why is she doing this?
“What exactly did he say then? If you think he said that what did he actually say?” I say gaining confidence as I take a step towards her.
She drops her hands onto the counter underneath the mirror “He said that if I was serious about us two, he’d end it with you,” she turns round and leans on the sink, “He said you’d probably cry for a bit but you’ve got some other friends you can get with.”
“That’s a lie, he wouldn’t say that,” I angrily snarl “I don’t know what you’re trying to do but it won’t work you don’t know what our relationship is like, you can’t see how durable our relationship is so if I were you I’d just leave him alone because I know that he doesn’t want you sniffing around him for any scrap of attention he might give you like a hungry dog.” Did I just call her a dog? That’s new, I can’t undo it so I have to just go with it. If I crumble now, God knows what she might say next.
“Can I not see what you’re like then? You don’t think he’s told me about how you call him up telling him you miss him like the pathetic, needy child of a girlfriend you are, because he tells me everything. I know more about his thoughts than you do that’s for sure,” she spits and picks up her tatty makeup bag before leaving the bathroom, her hi-tops shuffling along the floor as she walks.
I’m not sure weather to scream, cry or do both so I just stand still in shock. Is what she said true? Is he really telling her how he feels about me? I can’t even begin to imagine what I might do if he left me for her, it would crush me. Everything last night would have meant nothing to him, everything we’ve ever done ruined by one bitchy tart like her.
The anger inside me is mixed with an unexplainable sadness, bitter pessimism runs constantly through my head as I think about the possibilities. I’d choose her over me too if I were him, despite the layers of makeup on her face she’s still beautiful, she manages to look good in everything she wears, she’s an amazing performer and most of the time, she’s here and I’m not.
She’s handing herself to him and there’s nothing stopping him from taking her.
I’m a reason, I should be stopping him from seeing her or paying any attention to her. I’m his girlfriend and if Harry is as I think he is, he wouldn’t cheat on me.
But what if my hope is not enough, what if I’m not a good enough reason for him.
What if it’s too late and I’m not competent for him.