Song: "Hole Hearted" by Extreme
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December 27 found Harry and me at his house, getting it into "show" condition, meaning packing , cleaning, storing, sorting, purging. What would normally be menial labor was still enjoyable just because I was with Harry.
We hadn't been together very long, and it was precisely for that reason that I enjoyed spending time with him. Despite the short span of our relationship, we shared something early on, something inexplicable that just drew us together. We had both tried to explain it to each other and never came up with the right words, but deep inside each of us, we both knew we were supposed to be together. We used words like chemistry and fate and destiny but none of them completely defined what we knew to be true. Even in the earliest days when I was intimidated by the memory of his late wife, something in the very center of my being told me he was "the one."
Eventually, we discussed this concept of "the one," and it seemed a little weird because although Harry had already found "the one" for him, she was now gone. And I realized that I'd been selfish (and pretty silly, to be honest) to sulk about the fact that I wasn't his first love. The reality was that most people didn't marry their first love; Harry and Cathryn were one of very few couples who could say that.
I was growing to understand that Harry loved me deeply and that he wasn't emotionally crippled by losing his first wife to such an extent that he couldn't love me the way he loved her. The truth was that he loved me in a much different way, but he still loved me enough to know he wanted me for the rest of his life. And I knew the same about him. Cathryn had her space in his heart, a space where her memory would always live, and I had no business trying to move into that space. The space in his heart for me was different and just as honored, and it would eventually grow and change as we grew and changed together.
All of these realizations from the past four months made my brain hurt sometimes, but it made my heart exceptionally full.
"When do you want to bring these to the library?" I asked Harry of the gorgeous set of children's books he was planning to donate.
"If you'd like, you can start boxing them up." He pointed to the massive pile of boxes we had collected from various stores and warehouses after their shipments had come in.
I chose several smallish boxes since it would do no good to load a huge box full of heavy books. I set to work, admiring the glossy covers and their strong, solid spines. I decided I would get some bookplates made to place inside of them, as a surprise for Harry.
The unfortunate bit of working together at Harry's house was when the Metlers arrived to go through Cathryn's things. I had vaguely remembered him telling her to come by the house, but I was in no way prepared to see them again. I heard the knock and Mrs. Metler's voice so I scrambled to stand up off the floor in front of the bookcase. Lord knows, I didn't need to be on the ground as they stood above me.
I gulped anxiously as they entered the living room. Mrs. Metler gave a slight nod towards me, simply greeting me with an faint utterance of my name. Mr. Metler nodded, not saying anything. That was better than what had happened last time. I could decide to peacefully co-exist if they could. In other words, if they ignored me completely, I'd be happy.
Sadly, Mrs. Metler couldn't seem to stay away. Harry and Mr. Metler had gone upstairs, at Harry's request, to move a large armoire that Harry was returning to them. It had been in the Metler family for three generations and Harry didn't see any reason to keep it. With them out of sight, she saw fit to launch an attack.
"What exactly are you doing with all those books?" Her words were vicious, as if I stealing diamonds from her personal stash.
I stood up again, not letting her make me feel small. "Harry is going to donate them to Woodward County Library in Cathryn's memory. We have a beautiful children's-"
"What?" She snapped. "Cathryn bought those for her classroom." She stopped when she started getting choked up. "And...and for my grandchildren some day." All right, either I really didn't know how to read this woman well, or she was pulling a total guilt trip on me. Yes, she had lost her beloved daughter, but her sorrow in this moment seemed as phony as the smile on her face when I'd seen her last.
I took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry this is upsetting to you. I'll continue later." With that, I made my way upstairs to work on packing some things away in the guest room.
Harry and Mr. Metler managed to get the armoire out into the small moving van that the Metlers had rented. There was also a makeup table for which Harry had no use, clearly, and two small bookcases that matched Cathryn's childhood bedroom set. Harry had told me he was happy to get rid of the pieces since it meant fewer things for him to move. I wanted to ask what kinds of things he had kept as mementos, but now wasn't the time, not with her family in the house.
The guys had just carried out the last of the furniture when Mrs. Metler found me in the guest room. "Do you know where he's hiding it?" She asked. Her voice was softer than earlier but still held an accusatory undertone.
"I'm sorry," I answered, standing to meet her gaze once again. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."
"The locket!" She sneered. "Don't play stupid with me. I know Harry's hiding it. It was Cathryn's favorite piece of jewelry and she wore it often, although we begged her not to be so careless with it." She lowered to a whisper, seeming as if she was going to tell me a juicy secret. "It was worth over $25,000. I know that Harry loved it, too, because he always complimented it. But it's rightfully ours."
While the value of the piece shocked me, I did my best to keep a straight face. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Metler, but I'm quite certain I've never seen anything like that."
"You're lying for him, aren't you?" She prodded. That was it. I wasn't afraid of her anymore. I was furious.
I spoke strongly, no longer intimidated by this pathetic woman. "Mrs. Metler, you may be accustomed to people lying, cheating or stealing in your circles, but I do not hide things from people. I am very sorry for the loss of your daughter - I know she meant the world to Harry and to you, of course. And I'm sorry for the awkwardness my presence must create, but I love Harry dearly and I'm here for him and him alone. I refuse to be drawn into your family's drama. So please, just leave me out of this."
"Very well," she said and left in a huff.
Thank goodness. On top of my intense feeling of pride for standing my ground, I was relieved that she backed down. I felt sorry for her. It was enough to have lost her child, but she seemed to thrive on melodramatics, of which her family had no shortage, obviously. I was happy to consider my own family who were a little crazy and a little overprotective, but they were, as far as I was concerned, fairly normal. That was much more than I could say for the tiny snippet I'd seen of the Metlers' life.
The extent of their family dysfunction was made evident when, just before they left, they made Harry sign a document, saying he had willingly allowed them to retrieve the items from his house that had been rightfully willed to him. To some extent, it made sense since Mr. Metler was a lawyer and likely knew first-hand that legal contracts could prevent some pretty ugly scenarios. But it still felt so formal, artificial even, to not have any trust for their loved ones, especially Harry since he was, in his words, like family to them.
Once they were gone, Harry expelled a deep sigh of relief. I walked straight into his arms. "Glad that's over with, huh?"
"You have no idea," he answered, bending down to smooch my lips. "By the way, I wanted you to know that I heard your conversation with Mrs. Metler upstairs. I was going to step in if things got out of control, but you spoke up and it was brilliant. I just wanted you to know that it wasn't because I wasn't willing to defend you, but you told her exactly what she needed to hear and I was quite proud of you, if I may say so."
"Thank you," I said and his smile gleamed. "I did feel rather empowered after that. After all, I'm not her family or anyone she has to associate with so she can't bully me."
"Darn right, she can't," Harry said in a growling kind of laughter.
"Do you have any idea why she won't believe you? About the necklace?" I asked. "I mean, damn $25,000 is a lot for a piece of jewelry, but why does she keep pestering about it?"
Harry shook his head adamantly. "I don't know. We all suggested from time to time that Cathryn wearing it too often was a bad idea. Her parents would have liked her to keep it under lock and key at all times. But she loved it too much. It was a part of her and she regularly had it checked to make sure the clasp and chain were intact. My best memories of her include that beautiful locket around her neck. It was from her grandma, so she kept a picture of her grandmother in it."
"Aww, I can see why it meant so much to everyone. It really is a shame if it was lost in the accident," I said, hugging him tightly. "Was it strange having them here?" I asked eventually. "I just mean, I could understand if it seemed out of context for them to be here without Cathryn in the picture."
"You don't miss anything, do you?" Harry grinned warmly down at me. "Yeah, it's a little weird, but it's gotten better over the few times they've been here. It's all part of adjusting to the new normal, I guess."
"The new normal?"
"Yeah, you know, my new standard of normalcy. My old sense of normal was annihilated after she died and now I'm finally moving on without her. It's like she used to fit in this wonderfully circular space in my heart but then she was taken and that hole just sat empty with no purpose to it. Now it holds her memories and the place in my heart for you looks completely different than hers did. but no less important," he stressed. "I'm finding my new normal. And that, my sweet, includes you."
I answered him contentedly. "I'm so glad it does."
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