As James and I made it back to the hotel, I could feel butterflies in my stomach. I've never felt so loved by someone so true, someone so famous in the government. But behind all of those adjectives and nouns they assigned to James, I saw a different man. There are some flaws of course, but it's those flaws that make him who he is, perfection. His ego does get the better of him, he does get angered easily, and he does act on impulse, but beneath this armor is a delicate human being who cares deeply for the safety of the people close to him.
He gently held my hand as we walked, in the elevator, and down the hallway. His grip was delicate but under all of it, there was a strong grasp on my heart. He wouldn't let go even if the world was burning to ashes. He smiled at me and I saw the happiness in his eyes, which gleamed of a beautiful turquoise. I didn't deserve him.
The night was full of happiness, James and I sharing all between us, sipping lightly on the finest of champagnes and dancing away to some music he played from the audio player in the room. It was when "New York, New York" came on that I stopped thinking about everything and remembered our very first dance in Montenegro next to the castle. As if on cue, James pulled me in and we recreated the dance we shared for the very first time. He remembered all of the steps, every single dip and spin, every single footstep we both took. It brought tears to my eyes as he remembered every moment we spent together.
"Darling, why are you crying?" he asked when the song was over.
"I can't believe that you remembered this dance." I answered, a little tear escaping my left eye.
"How could I forget? New York, New York!" he sung as he then wiped away my tear with his delicate touch.
"My sun and stars, you brought some light into my life and I will never forget it." I answered him.
"My moon, you are the most graceful and intelligent person I have ever met. You are the Alpha, literally, to my Omega." he answered as he held my hands in his.
I put a hand to his cheek and brought him down to me to kiss him. I melted under his lips, his strong arms circling my waist and holding me tight against him. I slipped off my shoes and instantly dropped in height by at least three inches while James still dominated over me in height. It was a cue for him and he undid his tie and slipped off his dinner jacket. I let my hair loose as he slipped off his shoes and undid his shirt. I turned away from him, my back facing him and I felt his fingers pull at the zipper of my dress. It slipped off like a satin dress from me, and I was left vulnerable in my undergarments.
Before I could even move, James picked me up and tossed me onto our bed. I bounced back happily and rested on the soft surface while James climbed in after me. He then turned facing me and looked me deeply in the eyes, grasping my hand tightly.
"I will never leave you, my love." he said and kissed me firmly.
I woke up the next day in a bit of a blur until I saw a peacefully sleeping James next to me. He wore a goofy grin while he slept which made me smile happily. His breaths were steady and calm, his strong arms grabbing at his second pillow. He could embrace me in his sleep but he opted for the pillow. I was moving slightly around when he woke up and his eyes set on me.
"Where do you think you're going?" he asked in his scratchy morning voice.
"Nowhere, really." I answered as he pulled me back in closer to him.
"Good." he answered as he tighten his grip on my waist and pressed me to him.
He kissed me tenderly until he decided that he had wanted more. I knew the time was coming and so I joined for a moment but then abruptly got up to slip on my red wrap dress and put on my nice sandals to go "get food" even though I was going to go transfer the money. Time was running out and I had to be on time. My phone rung once and I new that it was a notification from them that they were easing there. I threw on a cardigan and kept my messy morning hair the way it was as I gathered my purse. As I was dressing, James wrapped himself behind me.
"You've stopped wearing it." he noticed as it was the first time that I had not worn my Algerian love-knot. It surprised me that he had noticed.
"Ah. Yeah. It was time." I replied.
"Time enough to get over someone?" he asked closer.
"To realize that sometimes you can run away from your past." I reply with a small smile tugging on my lips.
My cell phone rang at that moment and I grabbed for it to see the message. I was always expecting them to write or call, this time it was a message. I have to go and soon, leave James and everything behind, steal the money. I try to cover for myself so James doesn't notice something is wrong.
"Though apparently not your employer. Back in one month." I say as I fake type the message and drop the phone on the shelf, "Come on, walk me down. I'll get money, you get supplies." I say with a smile as I throw a pillow at him.
We go down in the lift and we step out in the lobby, arm in arm as happy as can be. I take a look around and the man who I saw from the boat is in the lobby near the concierge. He must be the one.
"Someone you know?" asks James, pulling me back from my thoughts.
"No, I just saw him in the canal." I reply innocently.
"It is a small town. Meet you back here in half an hour?" asks James as he wraps his arms around me.
I kiss him passionately, knowing it will probably be the last one ever. I give him a smile and I leave for the piazza San Marco. I turn around every now and then to see any men who would be sent by the others, but I am also being wary of James. As I reach the bank, I recite the account number in my head and I cannot help but tear up for a moment when I remember the password that James gave, my name. I withdraw the money and am given an aluminium briefcase which I then take. I leave the bank and make way for the address they have given me.
I make my way through the crowded streets and walkways, aware of looking quite obvious with a shiny briefcase in hand. I have little time until I need to be at the building. I can sense a horrid feeling in my stomach, a sense of fear and disgrace, but I keep going. I approach the meeting area and I wait in the empty courtyard which is surrounded by construction panels. I see two men, Gettler and the other man I saw in the hotel walking towards me. I hold the briefcase tightly in both my hands in front of me.
"Hello dear, who are your friends." I suddenly hear James say.
My heart stops as if covered by pure ice and I am left with no words. He knows. He caught me in my doing, in my betrayal. The face he wears if full of hurt, deception, and anger. I don't blame him. My neck is suddenly held captive with a dagger threatening to cut it. I catch my breath and stand motionless. I see James tense up but there is nothing but anger in his eyes.
"I'll kill her." says Gettler, bringing the dagger closer against my skin.
"Allow me." says James and I cannot help but let out a gasp.
He wants to kill me. I've deceived him and now he wants to get rid of me. I deserve it but I couldn't believe it. I hurt inside as if a chainsaw has been put instead of my heart. Suddenly, an exchange of fire happens but I somehow stay intact. I am dragged off into the building under construction and I try to turn around to see James and the only thing I see is him running away from bullets.
Gettler punches me in the mouth, to which I react with a split lip and blood trailing down my chin. He drags up a set of stairs and pushes me into an empty elevator cage. The whole place looks like it's about to go to shit anyway but my head turns as I start to look around. I see blurry images and a massive headache is taking over me. I see a figure run up to me where I lie and I try to make it out but the only thing I see is the hatred in James's eyes.
"James..." I try to say but my words turn out like slurs.
"Don't go anywhere, dear. You're the big picture. Now, where is your--" he trails off as he speaks. He slams the accordion door to the elevator shut and a figure is behind him.
I try to warn him but no words come out of me, only wide eyes. James takes the cue and he slams Gettler and himself into the void as he misses the blade. A sudden explosion takes down one of the supports upholding the building on the water and the whole infrastructure shakes. I shriek as the elevator violently moves. Soon enough, I lunge at the accordion door with all of the might I have but I am too late and the elevator cage swings back as it lets go of the landing. A scream escapes my lips as I am violently thrown back against the wall of the cage.
The elevator cage sinks down a floor and I see James running towards the ruin of a floor. I see the hurt he carries in his body, his eyes, his expression. He throws himself towards the cage and tries to pry open the doors which are crooked already from the crash. I feel myself reach out to him but instead of helping him open the door, I feel the key against my fingers and I lock it. I remove the key so he can't grab it.
"I'm sorry, James." I say through tears as I see him looking at me.
When he realizes what I did, he tries to fight the door into opening but it's futile. I look him deep in the eyes and his shoot fear. I am pushed back against the wall as the cage slips with another crash and plummets down into the water. I am submerged into the canal water. This is the end, I am going to hold my breath and count to ten, then I am going to let go.
I can't live as a traitor, especially since I betrayed James. He trusted me with everything and yet I let him down. I let him down to protect him. Better that I, a simple Treasury worker dies than to have a double oh' be gone. Considering the fact that I have just betrayed my country, my lover, and my morals, I quite deserve to die.
I see a figure swimming towards me. My vision is starting to blur and I have more difficulty retaining my breath but I make out James's body moving fast towards the cage. He pulls at the doors with all of his strength, trying to pry them open but I just stay in the corner. I look at him in disbelief. After all that I have done to him, he still wants to save me, he still wants to be with me. He's shaking at the door, his hands going through the steel bars and wrapping around the handles. He looks desperate. I move to be closer to him. He deserves the world, he deserves everything he has ever wanted but I don't deserve him. He deserves so much better than me. I hold his hands in mine. I feel the callouses under water, his strong hands gone through so much work. He looks at me with such desperation as if there was nothing more important than saving me and I can't help but be overcome with a wave of sadness.
If I die, I'll cause no more trouble. If I die, I won't betray my country, I won't betray him. If I die, I'll finally be able to run away from the past and be at rest, no one's life on my conscience, no more blood on my hands, no more. But James is desperately trying to get me out. I hold his hands and lean my cheek into them, feel his skin against my face one last time. I close my eyes as I let myself indulge in his touch. I kiss his hands one last time with as much love as I can muster and I look up at him and see the hurt in his eyes. He knows that I am sending myself to my death. I can see how his mind is frozen, how he cannot believe what I am doing. It kills me to see him this way but I cannot keep living like a traitor.
I pull away and I intake water. I push myself back against the far wall of the cage, the water filling my lungs painfully as I cry. James fights with the doors of the cage, yanking at them, but it's too late. I start seeing black spots everywhere, I can no longer breathe, but as my lungs are filling up with water, I look at him and reach out, saying one final "I love you".
The last thing I see is James's arm reaching for me through the doors, his body moving furiously to break them. He screams, I can see his cry despite my blurred vision. And then I can't see, I can't breathe and I feel pain in my chest. And then, I disappear.
Among the darkness that surrounds me, I see nothing but space. A sudden force pushes me backwards and I fall. That same force pushes for another twenty-nine times, making me fly in the open from one side to another, like a bouncing ball against a stone floor. I touch my lip, there is no bruise or cut. I am no longer wet, but as dry as the desert. For a few seconds I am left in peace but then the pushing force starts again. A sudden flash of white light manifests itself before me and I start to see something in front of me. I run towards him but the race is endless. James is standing there as I run through the strong force to get to him. I'm getting closer, I am almost there, I see the blue of his eyes. A smile forms itself on my face as I am getting closer. The force is bringing me to him one step at a time. I reach out my hand to him as I run through the darkness, bouncing against the emptiness as if I were made of springs.
One.
I am almost there.
Two.
My hand touches his.
Three.
There is no three, he disappears, and I fall beneath myself into a pit of darkness, an inaudible scream escaping my lips, and I am blinded.
I am dead.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear readers,
I thank you all so much for living through Vesper with me over these maybe I think two years. I loved writing this story even though the ending took me too long to write. I couldn't face ending it. But here I am, writing the end.
Many of you requested that I don't end the story, that I divert on something else, that Vesper doesn't die. But I am pulling a George R.R. Martin and being vile and killing her off. But since you love her so much, I am offering something else: An alternate ending.
The official ending is this chapter but for all of you who want to imagine a life without her cruel death, I am working on "What happened if she didn't die?"
I thank you again so much for all of the lovely support you have give the story because each vote and every comment meant the world when writing. So if you could leave your trace behind on this chapter, it would mean the universe now. I want to know what you thought, what you would maybe want in an alternate ending?
Meanwhile, The London File is as exciting as Casino Royale except that it is my own take at writing a Bond story so please go check it out!