(Alexis)
I woke up around 9 in the morning and when I looked over at Austin I saw that he was still sounds asleep. I know that I've said it before but he is seriously the most adorable sleeper ever. After a few minutes I finally turned away and lay on my back and stared at the ceiling. I thought about waking him up but I decided against it. He had trouble falling asleep last night. He tossed and turned for a while but was finally still other than the occasional movement.
I wondered why he couldn’t fall asleep. Was it because of what happened last night after dinner? I felt bad about lying to him about what my mom had said but I didn’t want him to get hurt and more upset than he already was. Something tells me that he didn’t believe me though. He was almost always able to see right through me. There were times when I did a good job of hiding it.
Like when he proposed for instance. I mean of course I was insanely happy and I did love him and want to marry him. But there was a part of me, a voice if you will, that said something was going to go wrong. I didn’t believe it. He wasn’t like that anymore. I had faith in him and I believed he meant it when he said he cared. I didn’t believe that he was going to do any of the stuff my mom said he would. He seemed truly sincere. Whatever.
I shook the thought from my head and checked the time on my phone. An entire hour had passed and he was still asleep. I smiled as an idea came to my mind. I started bouncing on the bed until I saw his eyes flutter open. I smiled and in a cheery voice said
“Morning sleepyhead.”
“Morning.” He said with a forced smile.
“Babe what's wrong?”
“Alexis we need to talk.” He said suddenly sounding serious.
“Okay.” I said slowly. “What is it?” he sat up and faced me so I did the same.
“I did a lot of thinking last night.”
“Yeah you were up for a while.”
“I know. I had a lot of trouble figuring things out.”
“What do you mean?”
“Alexis you know how much I love you, right?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. He looked down and didn’t say anything. It scared me.
“Austin you’re scaring me. What is it?”
“Before I say it I need you to know something.”
“Okay.”
“I meant every word I said about loving you and never hurting you. I really did.”
“I know you did.”
“In order for me to keep that promise I-“
“Please don’t say it.” I said feeling my eyes fill with tears.
“We have to break up.”
“Why?”
“It’s the only way I won’t be able to hurt you anymore.”
“You think this isn’t hurting me?”
“Alexis we fight too much to be a couple.”
“Austin that’s what couples do. They fight.”
“Yes I know that. But you deserve to be with someone who isn’t always hurting you.”
“What I think I deserve and don’t deserve is up to me. It’s not for you to decide.”
“You’re not thinking straight Alexis. You deserve better than me. It’s the right thing to do. Its what's best for the both of us.”
“God Austin why do you do this?”
“Do what?”
“Why do you always make your decisions based on what you think is best for others? Why can’t you do something for yourself for once? Don’t think about whether or not this is wrong. Think about what you want.”
“But what I want is something that I don’t deserve. It’s not fair to you.”
“Austin I’m not letting you do this.”
“Alexis please don’t make this harder.”
“Austin I’m just saying-“I started but he cut me off.
“I don’t care. It’s not going to change anything. Nothing you say or do will change my mind.”
“Austin I-“
“I don’t want to be with you anymore! You’re too depressing. You have no self-confidence despite the things I tell you to try to convince you otherwise. Do you know how frustrating that is? I need to be with someone who likes themselves. I can’t be with some depressed girl who hates herself.” He yelled. I froze. I didn’t know what to say. All I know is that I felt the same pain I did when I was sixteen only it was worse. My walls came tumbling down. Without answering, I turned around, ran out of the room and straight to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I hung my head and gripped each side of the sink, letting the tears fall. They quickly turned to sobs. I looked up at myself in the mirror and hated what I saw. It’s like I was sixteen all over again. My phone buzzed and I saw that Austin had updated his twitter status.
‘The feeling you get when you know you can’t take it back. Why can’t I ever get it right?’
Apparently the fans knew what it meant because soon I received many hate tweets.
‘You know why Austin dumped you? Because you’re ugly, fat, stupid, talentless and worthless.’
‘Slut’
‘Bitch’
‘Go kill yourself’
The tears returned and my head felt dizzy. The room was spinning. I wanted to get rid of the pain. There was only one way I knew how to do that. I hadn’t done it for two years. I looked at my wrists and saw the scars that had faded and were barely noticeable.
Without a second thought I got out my razor and broke it so that all I had left were the blades. I took a deep breath and slid one across my wrist. Then another. And another. And another. I don’t know how many I did. All I know was that there was blood covering my wrist up to halfway before my elbow. I put the razor in my other hand and did the same thing. Over and over and over again. I didn’t stop there though. I looked down at my stomach and began carving words. Just like I did on my arms. I then moved to my legs. It wasn’t good enough though. I still felt the pain. I thought of what else I could do to numb the pain and make it go away so I couldn’t feel it anymore. I opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out the bottle of aspirin. I don’t know how many pills I took but not much later I felt myself fall to the ground and then everything went black.
(Austin)
“I don’t want to be with you anymore. You’re too depressing. You have no self-confidence despite the things I tell you to try to convince you otherwise. Do you know how frustrating that is? I need to be with someone who likes themselves. I can’t be with some depressed girl who hates herself.” I yelled. I didn’t actually mean it but I had to say whatever it took to get her to accept it.
She didn’t say anything. Instead she ran out of the room and to the bathroom. Not before I saw the tears though. What did I just do? Why do I do this to her? She was right. About everything she said. I walked over to a wall and punched it as hard as I could. I ended up making a small hole but I didn’t bother doing anything about it.
I pulled out my phone to update my twitter for my fans. Despite the mood I was in, I always felt the need to update it. It took a while for me to think of something but I finally did.
‘The feeling you get when you know you can’t take it back. Why can’t I get it right?’
After I posted it I dropped my phone on the floor and lay back on my bed. I don’t know how much time had passed since I started staring at the ceiling but after a while I heard a loud thump come from the bathroom. I quickly stood up and ran to the bathroom and banged on the door.
“Alexis are you okay?” when I didn’t get a response I knocked on the door again.
“Alexis open the door.” Again no response. I grabbed the key to the door that was on top of the door frame. When I opened it the sight I saw before me caused me to drop the key. My mouth dropped and my eyes grew wide. I rushed over to Alexis’ body that lay on the floor covered in blood. I saw fresh cuts everywhere. There was a gash on her head which is probably what the thump was that I heard earlier. I looked next to her and saw an empty aspirin bottle.
“Oh my god.” I looked back down at her. “Please god. Be alive. Please be alive.” I put my fingers to her neck to see if I could get a pulse. When I didn’t I swore I died.
“MOM CALL AN AMBULENCE!”
---------------------------
I decided to ride in the ambulance with her while my mom and Jodi went in a car. Before we left I could hear them talking about what was going on.
“I was never a good mother to her. I never supported her. I always put her down. I should have known something was going to happen.” Jodi said. I couldn’t help but feel bad for her. She actually owned up to her mistakes. I was surprised she felt any remorse at all. Anyways. The whole ride there I held her hand and cried.
When we got to the hospital she was rushed to the emergency room. Doctors came and rushed her away and said if she didn’t get help now then there was no chance of her making it. I sat in the waiting room and ignored everyone.
How could she do this? Why did she do this? Is this her first time cutting herself and inflicting pain upon herself?
I felt my phone buzzing and saw my twitter feed. I was absolutely disgusted at the hate my fans were giving Alexis. When I read the tweets it all made sense.
‘I’m so glad @austinmahone dumped that slut of his. She was so out of his league.’
‘@austinmahone made a great decision. That bitch aint worth his time.’
‘@austinmahone is a single man. I hope that slut kills herself’
‘@austinmahone why did you finally decide to dump that worthless bitch?’
I composed a new tweet in order to show them exactly how I felt.
‘I’m disgusted with all of you. True fans wouldn’t say this. Because of you Alexis attempted suicide.’
I continued on in another tweet.
‘IDK what’s wrong with you but she didn’t deserve this. As much as I hate to say this, I hate all of you as of now.’
I was about to start a new tweet to continue but Alexis’ doctor came out. I stood up and walked over to him.
“How’d it go? Is she okay?”
“We haven’t finished it yet. We just cleaned all the blood off her and stitched up the cuts and gash on her forehead. We had to give her more medicine in order for her to sleep. We have to flush her body to get rid of the aspirin”
“Is she going to be okay?”
“We don’t know. We’re trying our best. She lost over a third of her blood. And she hit her head extremely hard. And the amount of aspirin in her body was extremely high. Higher than I have ever seen. She must have taken 20 pills or something.”
“So there’s a possibility that she might die.” I choked out the last word as tears streamed down my face.
“We’ll do our best son.”
“Thank you.” I said softly. He nodded and I walked back over to my seat and sat down. I rested my elbows on my knees and put my face in my hands. I sobbed for a couple of hours. I didn’t care though. I didn’t care who was watching. I didn’t care who was judging me. I didn’t care about anything anymore.
----3 hours later (including crying time) ---
I took out my phone and went back on twitter. They made me sick. Fans had replied to my previous tweets.
‘@austinmahone don’t be so dramatic’
‘@austinmahone you deserve better. You’ll get over that bitch’
‘@austinmahone good I’m glad she's “dead” the worlds better off without her’
I composed a new tweet feeling angrier than before.
‘What the hell is wrong with you people? I’m sick of all of you. I’m done.’
“Austin you need to eat something.” My mom said interrupting my angry tweeting.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Austin.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Okay.” She sighed.
“Mom can you do me a favor?”
“Sure sweetie. What is it?”
“Will you run home and get my guitar for me?”
“Of course sweetie.”
“Thanks.” She hugged me and it took a while before I let go. I felt the sobs come back.
“Everything is going to be okay.” She whispered and rubbed my head trying to soothe me. That only caused me to cry harder.
“Mom I’m scared.”
“I know baby. I know.”
She left about 10 minutes later. She spent those ten minutes trying to calm me down and it actually helped me to stop crying. The doctor came back and I walked over to him again.
“We were able to flush the body clean. However, because the intake was so high, she only has one kidney now.”
“What?”
“The other kidney failed. And this one that she has left, well, we aren’t even sure that one is going to last that long.”
“What do you mean?”
“She has a kidney disease. She's had it for a while but it wasn’t anything serious. The overdose of aspirin made it a matter of death.”
“What? Is that the worst of it?”
“I’m afraid not.” He said.
“Well do you know how long the kidney will last? Do you have an estimate?”
“5 months.” He said. I felt as though my heart was going to beat right out of my chest.
“What else is wrong?” I asked.
The next thing he said caused my heart to increase its speed even more. The room began spinning. It’s actually happening. My world was actually crashing down. Everything he said after that came across as a muffled sound and everything that happened afterwards was all a blur.
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AUTHORS NOTE: DUH DUH DUHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Intense dramatic cliff hanger!!!!!!
This chapter started out hard to write because I really wanted it to be emotional. Once I got like 2 paragraphs the ideas just kept coming. I literally write for an hour straight without stopping. When I re-read it I cried. I know it was intense, at least for me it was, but that’s what I wanted.
That aside.
What do you think the doctor said?
What do you think will happen next?
Who knew what Austin’s decision was going to be at the start of the chapter?
Who was surprised with what Alexis did?
I’ll dedicate the next chapter to whoever gives me feedback. And I want more than just ‘I loved it’. I really love seeing those comments. But I really wanna see your thought on the chapter and what actually happened. The first person who does will have the chapter dedicated to them.
Thank you for sticking with me through this story and their dramatic love life. It’s been crazy. 3 more chapters to go. I’m sad it’s ending the last 3 chapters are going to be long.
Don’t forget I am editing other chapters and adding to them.
p.s. WHEN I SAW HER WALKING DOWN THE STREET. SHE LOOKED SO FINE. I JUST HAD TO SPEAK. I ASKED HER NAME. BUT SHE TURNED AWAY. AS SHE WALKED. ALL THAT I COULD SAY WAS MMM MMM YEAH YEAH MMM MMM YEAH YEAH MMM MMM YEAH YEAH MMM MMM
dat song tho.
Okay bye