I woke up bright and early that morning- despite the late night. I was full of the sunny, tropical joys of the day, until I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. How was it possible that I was even redder than yesterday? Today there would be absolutely no sun activities! I would go to the spa, maybe take a boat tour around the island, or something like that.
Once again I drowned my skin in as much Moisturizing body cream as possible and tried to disguise the glasses tan with more heavy dollops of thick foundation. It wasn’t the best look for me I admit- the foundation was a different hue, and at least one shade lighter than my red neck and shoulders, but the alternative of walking around with large glasses lines, seemed worse.
I toyed with the idea of swinging past Chris’ room before heading to breakfast, but I didn’t want to seem to eager either. So I went to breakfast alone and noted that he wasn’t there yet. It was still early so he was probably just asleep or something.
After an amazing breakfast of fresh tropical juices and a banana cinnamon pancake, I headed towards the reception to book a spa treatment.
But-
But-
But-
As I was standing there asking for a manicure, I felt it.
An intense burning sensation.
As if someone had harnessed the suns rays with a magnifying glass and was attempting to burn a hole through my back.
And just like the time I’d slipped my keys into my front door and instinctively known something was wrong… I knew that right now, something was very, very wrong.
I froze. Refusing to turn around. Instead I focused all my attention and energy onto the piece of carved wooden art hanging on the wall in front of me.
But the burning only intensified until it was almost unbearable.
“Yo, Yo Gurlfriend,” I looked up and saw Chris coming towards me and I’d never been so happy to see someone in my entire life.
“Sssshhhhh” I slapped my finger over my lips, “Quick, come here.’
Chris slid up to me with a curious look, “Why are we being conspiratorial? Are you planning on stealing that piece of art? You’ve been starting at it long enough.”
“I need to ask you something-“ But before I could finish.
“No we didn’t have sex last night.”
“What?”
“Although you did flirt outrageously with me. But I was a real gentlemen and controlled myself”
“Now is not the time to be funny… OKAY! I need you to look behind me and tell me if you see a couple. He has dark hair and she’s got long black hair and the perfect body-‘
At the mention of that Chris looked, “Damn, you weren’t kidding. Amazing legs. That has got to be on of the hottest chicks I’ve ever seen.”
Suddenly I felt very jealous! “Thanks for that. Rub it in why don’t you.”
“Sorry.” Chris said sort of flippantly before adding, “She does look a lot like Megan Fox though, doesn’t she?”
“Jesus- can you stop already!” I gave him a smack on the arm “So they’re there?”
“Well, if you’re referring to the good looking couple who look like they need to get a room then yes, they’re there!”
Panic.
“Shit, shit, fuck, shitballs from hell.”
Chris laughed, “That’s original”
“It’s them. “ I gave Chris a meaningful, knowing look and his eyes instantly widened in absolute shock.
“No! You’re kidding… Trev and Tess in the flesh? The chances of that are like, one hundred and twenty to one”
“That’s specific.’
“That’s how many hotels there are on this island.”
“Are you sure it’s them?” I asked in a whisper.
“No, I don’t know what they look like. Why don’t you just turn around and look for yourself?”
My skin crawled at the thought, “No. I can’t. But I need to be sure it’s them.”
“Okay, I’ll take a photo of them.’
Chris broke away and walked across the room whistling some indescript tune, his way of looking casual I guess…not working. Out of the far corner of my eye I could see that he was taking photos of an arbitrary palm tree, with an occasional “Mmmm” thrown in for good measure. And then when he had it, he dashed back to me.
“Here, is this them?” He said holding out his phone.
I wanted to throw up.
“Yes. It’s them.”
And the Chris burst out laughing. Way too loudly.
“I’m glad you’re finding this so flippin funny.”
“Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, but think about it. Out of all the hotels, all the possible dates. This has got to be the craziest coincidence in the history of the humankind. You couldn’t make this shit up. Now this, this, is a great storyline for a movie—“ A strange look washed over Chris’ face.
“Excuse me, but my life is not some movie for you entertainment This is real. And it’s a real fucking problem.” I protested.
Chris put his hand up, “You’re right. Sorry.”
“What am I going to do?”
“Why don’t you just turn around and get the introductions over and done with, otherwise you’re going to be dodging them for the next 7 days.”
“I can’t. Do you know how pathetic I look right now? On holiday on my own. No boyfriend. I would hate him to think I haven’t moved on. I do not want to give him that satisfaction.”
But then….
“Anne?” It was Trev’s voice and it was too late.
“Anne, is that you” He genuinely sounded happy to see me. (Lawyers are such good actors. They should have an Academy Awards Ceremony just for them. “My client is innocent of this crime your honor”)
Deep breath in and in three, two, one….
“Tev, Tess! What a surprise!” I gushed nervously and it definitely sounded fake.
“It is you. Are you staying here?” Trev asked with that familiar sickly sweetness. I glanced over at Tess. She looked gorgeous, as usual. Suddenly the image of her coming flashed through my mind.
“Mmmm. Yes.” I think I threw up in my mouth a bit.
“What a coincidence,” Tess piped up now, “You look great. Really, greeaaatt.”
What a bitch. She knew I didn’t look great. I had a bright sunglasses tan across my face and my once pale legs were the color of blood.
“Thanks, you too,” Now I really threw up in my mouth.
“So, who you’re here with?” Trev asked with a pleased tone, he knew very well I wasn’t dating anyone. He was just trying to rub salt in the wound. As if it wasn’t already seasoned enough.
“Um…’ I stumbled, “Well actually, I’m here-“
“With me!”
I stared in shock as Chris suddenly muscled in and started shaking Trev’s hand. “I’m Chris, nice to meet you.”
And then he slid his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him.
The look on Trev’s face was priceless. I know him, and the idea that he had one up on me- because I was still single- was something he enjoyed. It was the ultimate ego boost …“Poor Anne, she still hasn’t moved on. Must be hard getting over me.”
And then that slimy lawyer look washed over his face.
“Chris.” Trev said with that smarmy inflection of his. “I’m Trev. Nice to meet you.”
“Likewise” Chris said.
“American I see?”
“Born and bread.”
“So what do you do Chris?”
No pleasantries.
No “How are you?” or anything like that.
Just straight into the dick -swinging contest.
“Check out how big my manly member is. It’s about as large as my bank account- hahahaha! I am so handsome and successful and rich and hung like a donkey.”
“I’m a writer,” Chris said it with confidence.
“Aaaah,” That sounded very patronizing, “Unpredictable work, isn’t it? Not very regular? Don’t really know where your next pay check is coming from hey?”
“Um… I guess you could say that,” Chris seemed a little confused by his question.
Trev nodded, “I shouldn’t imagine there’s much stability in that game.”
I hate it when people use the word game in reference to work.
I could see Chris getting genuinely peeved, so I decided to jump in, “Chris writes movies.”
“Oh yeah,” A competitive streak flashed in Trev’s eyes as if I’d just challenged him to a duel.
“What kind of movies?’
“Mainly romantic comedies,” Chris was nonchalant.
“Really,” Trev looked amused, “I thought only woman wrote those things with the sappy endings?” He nudged Tess in the ribs, making no attempt to hide his mirth.
“There are some female writers-“
Trev cut him off again, “Tess and I don’t watch many rom coms, usually the more series stuff, Don’t we babe?”
“A lot of legal dramas’” Tess added with a flutter of her long eyelashes.
“But each to his own I guess,” He forced a laugh and Tess joined in. God they were disguising.
I could feel Chris squirming next to me.
“So do you scuba Chris?”
“Scuba? No, not really.”
“Tennis?”
“Never been good at ball sports.”
“Aaahhh." Extra patronizing, “That’s a pity. So no Golf then?”
“Nope, like I said, ball sports. “
“That’s a shame buddy, I was going to suggest we have a round together,”
I blinked; this was officially the weirdest conversation I’d ever been privy to.
And then he turned his attention back to me, “So how’s work Anne? I heard you left the magazine?”
He was going for the jugular now. He knew that I’d left the magazine. He also knew that I'd been fired!
“Mmm. Yes. I’ve just been doing some stuff… you know?”
“Didn’t I hear you were working at the oriental Plaza, at a tailors?” His conceit was undeniable.
He was clearly going for the carotid artery too.
“Well, we’ve had a great year. Tess and I.” And then he turned to Chris again, “We just won that Charleston trial, you may have heard of it. It was on the news?”
I could tell that Chris was getting genuinely wound up, “No I don’t watch the news.” He snapped.
“Oh yes, “ Trev nodded, “I suppose you don’t being a creative type and all,”
‘Creative type' was said with such poisonous venom that it made my skin crawl.
“We got so much publicity from that trial, that we decided to go out and start our own firm. Didn’t we baby?”
Tess nodded, “And it’s been going great. So totally great. In fact, so great that we’re moving to London at the end of the month, big, BIG international client.”
“So great. Big client. ” He echoed- just in case we hadn’t gotten the fact that work was going so GREAT for them.
“And great in our personal life too. In fact, we’re also getting married. Right here. Beach wedding. Yay.” Tess’ eyes sparkled, as she held out her had to show me her ring.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” She cooed through her pouty lips.
‘4 carrots.” I could actually see Trev puff out his chest, “Cost a pretty penny but, what can I say, when it feels right, it feels right.“
“Aaaah,” Tess’ voice was dreamy now, “ The wedding is going to be so beautiful. It’s going to be at sunset, on the beach. We’re going to have candles on the beach, and flowers. I planned the whole thing for SA, what a mission, but so worth it when I see my Trevy at the top of the aisle… well, at the top of the beach-“
Chris suddenly jumped up and clapped his hands, “We’re also getting married. What a coincidence!” I almost fell over the moment the words were out of his mouth.
Trev and Tess looked taken aback, and Tess immediately scanned my hand for a rock.
“Oh she doesn’t wear it out in public. Or we’d have to walk around with bodyguards, “Chris gave a smug, fake laugh, “ A rare pink diamond, priceless.”
I couldn’t help my smile, his words were having the desired effect on Trev and I could see him desperately looking for a retort.
“Well, nothing is too good for our woman, right buddy.” He slipped his arm around Tess and pulled her closer.
“Damn straight” Chris said, pulling me into his arms for a big bear hug.
You could have cut the competitive tension in the air with a blunt, plastic knife. Trev glared at Chris with such self-satisfaction, as he pulled Tess towards him and kissed her passionately.
And then suddenly, unexpectedly, Chris did the same. He grabbed and kissed me and I nearly died of shock. They weren’t full-blown, open mouth kisses, but were more than enough to have me floored.
Trev smiled again, “So nice to see you Anne. So glad you’re doing so well. Tess and I were worried about you at one point.”
“No need to worry about this one,” Chris said loudly while smacking me playfully on the bum.
“Oooh!” I jumped in fright and Chris turned to me,
“Isn’t that right baby?”
“Mmm,” I nodded.
“Well Cheerio then,” Trev said before walking off.
I turned and looked at Chris. He looked like he had just bitten into a sour lemon.
“Cheerio? Who says cheerio? Seriously! And can that guy be any more of a prick?” Chris put his hands on his hips and I saw the competitive streak flash in his eyes.
“I can’t believe you told them we were engaged.”
“I had to! Did you see how self righteous they were getting about their perfect little beach wedding?”
Then he turned and looked at me seriously, “Come, lets go get your bags from your room and move you in before they figure out we’re staying in two rooms.”
“What!”
“We’re a couple now, we have to act like one.”
And then the full implication of what had just happened sunk in. Chris and I would have to pretend to be a couple for the next 7 days.