"I'm here to see Dr. Rowe. I have an appointment."
"Yes Ms... Jauregui? She will be ready for you shortly if you'd like to have a seat."
Lauren turned back to the small ultra modern waiting area and found a sleek black leather chair to rest in while she waited. Crossing her legs and getting comfortable, she let her eyes fall on different points of interest in the room, from the huge Transform logo on the wall above the front desk to the large red vases that held uniquely shaped cacti and the sharp edges of the architectural accents. The place definitely had style, but after a moment of viewing, her eyes were drawn to something far more aesthetically pleasing, or rather, someone.
Smooth golden legs rested crossed together, half covered by a black pencil skirt that seemed to fit right in with the minimalistic design of the lobby. Blood red heels looked sharp and cutting against the softness of the woman's skin. She sat with her phone inches from her face, obviously preoccupied with something she was reading, and for a split second, Lauren wondered what it would feel like to have those attentive brown eyes fixed on her, half lidded and wanting.
As if the woman could hear Lauren's thoughts, her sights rose and set on Lauren, sitting across the way from her. Now that her head was turned; Lauren could see the entirety of her features and she was immediately drawn. Plump pink lips rested under high cut cheekbones that were framed by a halo of large blonde curls, and those eyes stared her down nearly exactly like how she'd wished. The woman was perfectly striking.
Lauren kept eye contact with her, tilting her head minutely and cocking a slender dark eyebrow in interest. The woman finally broke the contact, looking back down to her phone and appearing a bit flustered by Lauren's intimidating observation.
She started to wonder, or maybe hope, that the woman was in fact a patient here, and even dared to consider that she might be one of the patients she would encounter in one of her co-therapy sessions. Allowing her eyes to travel over the woman's full breasts, just barely peeking out from beneath her white blouse, Lauren was suddenly much more keen to start this program.
She considered introducing herself, noticing how the gorgeous woman's eyes flickered back over to her curiously, but just as she had decided to stand and make her way over, she heard her name called.
"Ms. Jauregui, Dr. Rowe will see you now if you're ready."
Lauren took one last glance at the woman, who was watching her intently now, before regretfully following the receptionist to Dr. Rowe's office.
"Good morning Lauren. How are you doing?" Dr. Rowe greeted Lauren with a perfected gleaming smile, extending a hand to shake in welcoming.
"I'm fine thank you. How are you?" Lauren watched the woman take her seat and wondered what the hell she was really getting herself into. The second time around this place seemed all too...pristine.
"Wonderful. I'm glad you decided to embark on our program here at Transform. I can assure you we are all excited to help you progress in your efforts of acceptance and redesign. So, first off, this session will help me get better acquainted with you and will provide me with knowledge I need in order to prepare a plan for your journey here. Before anything I would like you to take a brief multiple choice questionnaire if you feel comfortable. Would that be alright?"
"Um... yes that would be fine." Lauren wondered just how in depth this questioning was going to be but decided it must be pertinent to the approach the Dr. would take.
Dr. Rowe placed a paper and pen in front of Lauren on the desk. The paper was filled with questions and Lauren glanced at the doctor before picking up the pen and beginning the 'quiz'.
I sometimes enjoy being forced to do things that I strongly dislike.
Lauren did a double take as she re-read the first question. The instructions on the document were to mark the level in which she agreed or disagreed with a statement. She read the first sentence again and marked strongly disagree.
I like to have my partner totally helpless at my disposal, physically unable to resist what I do.
Lauren's eyebrows raised as she considered the statement, knowing her answer immediately. She checked strongly agree.
"So this is... a sex quiz?"
Lauren looked up to see Dr. Rowe peeking over a book she had opened to read while Lauren was filling out her paper.
"You came here to work on issues of a sexual nature didn't you? And you're aware of what your program will involve." The smirk on Dr. Rowe's face wasn't lost on Lauren.
"Yes," Lauren replied, keeping a straight face, clearing her throat, and turning back to her questions.
I like inflicting pain during sex and seeing the results of it afterwards.
Lauren's eyes widened slightly, looking up quickly to see Dr. Rowe's attention back on her book. Lauren pressed the pen to the page firmly, marking strongly disagree and swallowed thickly as she moved on.
Statements based on sexual preference were never something Lauren sat around and thought about but she knew what she liked. Most were an easy answer and she wondered if other people's questionnaires looked similar to hers. For some reason her mind drifted and she caught herself wondering if that blonde woman from the waiting room had take this same quiz.
I would like it when my partner is completely tied up during sex.
Lauren wiggled the pen gently between her fingers, as she thought about long thick golden legs spread wide and restricted from movement. She selected strongly agree.
Sex with me is often a physical fight for dominance, during which very few things are off limits.
Lauren swallowed heavily again, imagining her hands traveling that same golden skin, but pressing and demanding. Pinning hands down to a surface, stretching over a pulsing throat, squeezing roughly to leave marks, sliding through wet warmth inside.
"Lauren? Did you have a question about the quiz? You just stopped."
"No I'm... fine." Lauren hoped her cheeks weren't blushing like she figured they'd be from the heat she suddenly felt all over. It was foolish to allow herself to be distracted.
I love seeing the fear in my partner's eyes when they know I'm going to inflict pain on them.
Strongly disagree.
Lauren wasn't sure how long it took, but she tried to stay focused on answering the statements and after a while she was done. She tapped the desk with the pen, gaining the doctor's attention and handed the paper back to her.
"Well done Lauren. Now I just have a few questions to ask you. Would that be alright?"
"Yes."
"When we first met, you said you were interested in the program because you felt like you had a sex addiction and the personal preferences you have extend you beyond the boundaries of what you think people and society might qualify to be healthy sex."
"Yes. Like I said, I was hoping if I learned to get certain things... under control, I might be able to have..." Lauren paused, wiggling the pen between her fingers again in thought and wondered if all of this was crazy. "I've always felt like I've had a harder time than most people when it comes to truly connecting. I don't know what it is. I'm... I don't trust people."
"Lauren, I can assure you that you can trust me. Anything you tell me in our sessions is confidential. My goal here is to help you gain peace of mind, whether that is through self acceptance or change."
Lauren knew she was paying Dr. Rowe for the sessions, but something about her approach in that moment did truly seem genuine.
"Let me ask you Lauren, do you feel like you force yourself not to make connections because of a fear of not being able to trust anyone?"
"I think so." Lauren dropped the pen to the desk, folding her arms across her chest and breaking eye contact. She hated the fact that in order to make any progress she would have to disclose her feelings, whatever little amount of feeling she had, to another person.
"Have you had an ongoing sexual or romantic relationship with any of your partners?"
"No."
"Have you ever had sex with the same partner on more than one occasion?"
"No."
Lauren sighed, her breath huffing audibly in the small office. She felt like an open wound.
"It's ok Lauren. There is nothing you should be ashamed of. I think as humans, our level of trust in other people is based on the way we have been treated and sometimes it is only natural for us to be distrustful because of our experiences. Does that make sense?"
Lauren watched the doctor's brown eyes soften. Empathy? A quality which she herself found hard to identify or relate to.
"Yes that makes sense."
"Do you feel like you are afraid of making a lasting connection with people?"
"I think so." Lauren's voice gave away no emotion even though inside she felt shame. Wasn't it anyone's purpose to have friends or someone to love?
"And you wish that this is something you could change?"
"Maybe."
"Good. Thank you for answering my questions for today. There is one more step to our introductory process, and it does involve a co-therapy session which you are free to schedule at your convenience."
"Like.... with someone... else?" Lauren swallowed, sitting up straight in her chair.
"Yes. The goal of this session is just to observe your natural responses in a sexual situation."
"Who... who will I be...?"
"Once I review the answers of the quiz you took I will pair you with another client of compatibility."
"Oh I see." Lauren fiddled with her thumb, wondering in the back of her mind if a certain client with blonde hair would be a compatible match.
"This also goes to show you that the preferences you have sexually can and are usually easily matched to other people. Things that you think no one might be attracted to or would find overwhelming are actually extremely desirable to many."
Lauren barked out a spiteful laugh, standing from her chair and feeling like she had had quite enough of baring her soul for one day.
"Seriously, Lauren. Try to keep in mind a positive attitude and keep yourself open to posibilities. Try to reach out to the people in your life already and share something with them that you haven't before. That is your task until our next session."
"Alright. Thank you." Lauren moved to exit the office before she was stopped.
"Oh and Lauren, before you schedule a private co-therapy session you must have the results of your std testing sent over from your physician. Our patients' health is our primary concern."
"Okay. Goodbye."
Lauren left the office, following the corridors she remembered until she reached the lobby again. She couldn't help but sneak a peek into the waiting room to see if the blonde from earlier was still there. She was disappointed to find it empty.
Making her way back home, Lauren thought about her first official session and wondered how crazy she had to be to actually be fucking following through with this. She was literally going to be scheduling sex with a stranger. How would it even work? Would the other person just show up and be ready to go or...? Would they want to talk to her first and get to know her?
The whole situation suddenly seemed extremely awkward. Showing up ready to have sex with a complete stranger in an office where they would be observed. But was that really all that different than going to a club to search for a one night stand, which is something that would have appealed to her much more in her past.
It seemed like actually having sex with strangers would do little to increase her sense of trust or help her to gain more control. But she couldn't deny the fact that it made hooking up with someone so much easier. She'd be matched with someone who would be compatible with her preferences. Plus it would be in a controlled environment so nothing could go wrong, right?
Im shit at updating consistently. Sorry 💀 And I know u guys wanted something else but here's a lil something. 😴 *throws fone in a river*
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