Chapter One
"So you've heard?" lumapit siya sakin with her usual poise. An expensive bag with expensive shoes matched by her expensive lipstick. I didn't know that her actual looks defines her true colors. She's a bitch. An now.. she's an effective figure of an antagonist. How facinating. Tss!
"You're such a great bitch." I smiled viciously. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko nagagawang ngumiti. Ngumiti na parang ako pa rin ang panalo. I guess it's my pride. And now, I think I'm effectively doing it. Dahil unti-unting nagbago ang expression niya. Now she's frustrated. I like it being the only one who's able to do that. It's my specialty.
"I don't have to explain myself to you. You're weak and pathetic. Baka mamaya nyan iyak iyakan mo ko, begging me to do what I know you want me to do." and she gve me the last vicious smile. Paalis na siya ng pigilan ko siya sa braso. She looked back at me with disbelief, and a first time raising an eyebrow.
Pinakinggan ko ang paligid. Class hours. Walang estudyante sa labas. Teachers are also busy. Walang makakakita kung patayin ko man siya ngayon. But, as far as I wanted to do that. I just can't. Maybe a taste will do. And this will be the first and last moment of us. This has to be memorable for her to recall.
So.. I pulled her, holding the collar of her uniform. Now she seems terrified. "Let go, you bitch!" pero wala siyang magawa dahil hindi siya makagalaw. Now who's pathetic?
"Minsan ko lang sasabihin to. Makinig ka." nagpupumiglas niyang pinipigil ang paghawak ko sa kwelyo niya. I pushed her against the wall, choking her. Now I can see fears in her eyes. "Stay out of my damn life, bitch. Kakalimutan ko na lahat ng nangyari. Sabi mo nga, it's all fake. But don't you 'ever' try to get near or talk to me or I'll destroy your precious insignificant life. At wala akong ititira ni katiting." bakas ang galit sa tono ko. Hindi ko na maitago ang halo halong emosyon ko sa nangyari. I hate her. "Naging mabait akong kaibigan, Gen. But now, I will be your worst enemy." inaamin ko, ngayon lang ako nanginig nang ganito habang nagsasalita. I trusted her but she used me. Damn. I love to kill her now. But I can't. "Consider this a threat. It's a simple equation. Just stay out of my life if you wanted to keep yours." this time I let go of her pushing her away. Ganoon pa rin ang klase ng tingin niya. Disbelief.
"I hope you do math."
Tinalikuran ko na siya at naglakad paalis sa lugar na yon. I'll never ever go back in that place again. Cause that is where a vicious monster rise. Now.. I'm the bad guy.
A bad guy that cries.
---
After 2 years...
"Hi kids! Namiss nyo ba ko?" nasa isang sulok ako nang marinig kong may bagong dating na babaeng tingin ko kasing edad ko lang.
Eto ba yung sinasabi ng mama ko na mabait at dapat tularan?
Well... she seems ordinary. Nothing special at all. Sobrang simple. Simpleng manamit, walang make up, masayahin lang. Naive!
Tiningnan ko saglit ang get up ko. Am I overdressed? Should I remove my hoodie? Nahh. No way. Saka wala namang pumapansin sakin dito sa lugar na to. Magpapakatahimik nalang ako at makikinig hanggang matapos tong children's party na kabaduyan na to. Tsss.
"Hi! Ikaw si Hemithea diba?" hindi ko namalayan na nasa harap ko na yung babaeng tinatawag kong ordinary. So she knew me? Stupid Thea, of course she does. She's your mom's favorite. She might already know everything about you. Err! "It's Ivory. Ivory Santos. I'm glad to see you." she held her hand for a shake. Tinignan ko lang siya.
What's up with people shaking hands?
Kanina pa ko nakakakita ng mga nagshe-shake hands. Shake hands dito, beso beso doon. Tsss! And I ain't doing that. Sabit lang naman ako sa event na to.
"Ohh! Ivory, there you are." binaba nung babae yung kamay niyang nakalahad sakin ng dumating ang mom ko. See?? She's looking for Ivory instead of looking after me. What a blissful relationship mom and she has. Errr!
"And so you've met my daughter Thea?" I didn't know na magtatagal pa pala sila sa harapan ko. I ignore both there presence. "Well, naging mabait ba naman siya sayo?" seriously?? Err! Bakit ba hindi na ko nasanay?
"Ma.. when will this childish party ends?" tanong ko cutting out their conversation. Nababagot na ko. Sa totoo lang hindi ko gustong nagpupunta sa lugar na ganito.
Sa bahay ampunan.
"Thea darling. Lossen up, for a bit. They all wanted to see you. Smile, okay?" mahinhin ang pagkakasabi ng mommy ko nun, kung iba ang makakarinig aakalain lang nila na concern ang tone ng mommy ko, but knowing her for so long... yung tone na gamit niya, it simply means "SHUT THE F*CK UP AND STAY STILL."
What can I say? Mahinhin lang talaga ang mom ko outside. But her glares simply says that she's freaking pissed.
"Whatever." sabi ko at pabagsak na sumandal.
Nakita kong bumulong si mommy dun sa babaeng nasa harap ko ngayon. Pagkaalis ni mommy naupo siya sa tabi ko. Great. Someone who could annoy me. Err!
"Are you bored?" and she had a courage to talk to me. Great!
"Pasensya ka na kung hindi ka masyadong naaasikaso. Inuuna lang kasi namin ang mga bata. Matagal din kasi nilang hinintay ang araw na to. Panahon ko rin to para makabawi sa mga bata. Laking ampunan din kasi ako. Malaki ang utang na loob ko dito." tumingin ako sa paligid. Hindi na ko umimik. Sapat na sakin yung dumaldal siya ng dumaldal at magkwento ng kung ano ano pang walang kwentang bagay. Pero nakikinig ako, wala lang talaga akong pakialam.
"Ang swerte mo, Thea. You have a whole family. At lagi silang nandyan para sayo. Sobrang babait pa ng mga magulang mo. Biruin mo, ilang taon na nilang tinutulungan ang orphange na to." tumaas ang kilay ko. Pero wala pa rin akong balak umimik.
Ano bang pinaglalaban ng isang to?
"Tatanawin talaga naming malaking utang na loob ito sa pamilya mo. At alam ko.. balang araw ikaw ang magtutuloy ng kabaitan nila samin. Marami kayong natutulungang bata, Hemithea. At balang araw.. kami naman ang magsusukli sa mga kabaitan niyo." ang tindi ng pagpipigil ko na sumagot sa mga salita niya. Gustong gusto ko nang umimik pero pinipigilan ko dahil ayokong makasakit ng tao. Why is she this sensitive? Why don't she just leave me alone. Or just be quiet for pete's sake! Err!
"Okay, Look..." Gezz! I can't help it. "First, don't be so dramatic. You won't have an award for that. And second.. stop with that sensitive tone. It's making you look plastic. And lastly... I'm telling you, we are not saints, alright?? We're not perfect if that's what you think, stupid. My family might have been helping this orphange for ages but don't expect me to be like them cause I'm not. I don't even give a damn about this orphanage. And the whole fact that I am here is that my mom is threatening to cut my internet connection and allowance for the whole semestral break." sabi ng walang kagatul-gatol. I admit.. mabilis akong mapuno. Konti konti lanag ang pasensya ko. At pag hindi pa umalis sa tabi ko tong babae na to.. siguradong masasaktan at masasaktan siya sa sasabihin ko.
"I see." my disbelief raised when I heard her smirk. Ngumisi ba talaga siya? And I know it's not fake. What's up with this girl? "So.. you want some spaghetti. There's plenty over there." abot tenga ang ngiti niya. Takas ba to sa mental? Does she think I'm a good person? Tss! "I can get you some. And by the way.. it's you are pretty." kunot noo akong nakatingin sa kanya ng tumayo siya. What did she said?
"What?" mali ba talaga yung grammar niya or it's a phrase.
"Password is 'youarepretty'. No cutting of words ah. Enjoy." sabi niya sabay wave at nagmamadaling umalis para damayan yung mga batang naglalaro. Tss! Childish!
What does she mean by.. 'youarepretty'. She said it's a password right? Password for what?? Err! I can't believe I'm guessing her puzzles.Tss.
Password. Hmm.. ohh. wait.
Typing--
"youarepretty"
CONNECTED
Well.. that girl is crazy, isn't she?
I was enjoying the.. err! slow internet connection ng lapitan niya ko ulit. Tinignan ko sya ng masama bago itago ulit ang cellphone ko. WHy does she keeps on bugging me? Tsss!
"Here's your spaghetti. I hope you're hungry, Hemithea." Hindi ko sinulyapan kahit saglit ang dala niya. I was staring at her directly. What does this girl wants? Money? Obviously.. she's kind but there's nothing in her. She's not fitted to be a friend. No one is.
"You're kinda.. creepy. But you're cute." ngumiti siya ng malapad at nagpangalumbabang tumitig din sakin.
"Stop smiling..." bahagyang tumigil sa pagtawa yung babae. "You don't look cute." sabi ko sabay irap sa kanya. Grabe ang pagka feeling close. Humalukipkip akong sumandal. I focused at somewhere else but her. Why isn't she getting up? Tss. She really wanted to get close with me?
Nobody get's close with me alright?
"I hope you could be less insensitive." Oh she will really never going to stop. She's so.. so.. so.. extremely annoying. She's beyond every annoyance in this earth. Tss!. "Ahh, nga pala. I'll be transferring to your school too Hemithea. Second year.. Uhmm.. I hope I could see you there." So she's rich? How can she afford it? Napangisi ako ng mapakla.
"Like as if you can afford it." sabi ko. Natahimik siya. I was beginning to think I hurted her feelings. Parang gusto ko pang silipin yung reaction niya pero nanatili akong nakatingin sa malayo. Okay... now I'm the bad guy. Whatever. I like it this way. Though.
Huminga ako ng malalim bago tumingin ulit sa malayo.
"Suit yourself. Pero binabalaan na kita.. iba ang society sa school ko. You may not be able to handle it. There's hypocrite, selfish bitches, whores, jerks, assholes, social climbers, and many more. They don't like average student with no specialty. And you're nothing special. Goodluck with that." sabi ko ng may halong panunuya. I so love seeing how weaklings hurt. It feeds my satisfaction. Nilingon ko siya just to see her reaction.
I shouldn't be curious kung nasaktan ba siya o hindi. Not like as if we're friends now. She's nothing compared to my standards.
"People are great inside. Even if they look tough in the outside.. kindness is within their hearts." I saw her smile. A bubbly smile. How can this unfortunate girl smiles without worries? "You know.. some were just.. afraid of being taken advantage of that's why they wanted to look invincible and untouchable. They are the ones that are interesting." uhhhm.. what does that kind of stare means? Is she reffering to me then? Do I look like someone to be touch by that speech?
"Whatever."
---
"Hi Hemithea!" I was going to ignore her and pretend that I didn't see her ng bigla niya kong binati. Lahat ng kasama ko ngayong naglalakad ay napatingin sa kanya. Sya naman parang nabigla nung maraming atensyon ang bumaling sa kanya.
You chose this path, girl. Better get used to it.
Bago pa magtanong tanong ang mga kasama ko naglakad na ko palayo. Sumunod agad sila. Tsss! Para kong may mga alagang aso. Sunud ng sunod.
"So who's the new girl?" tanong nung nasa kaliwa ko.
"She doesn't seem rich. She's so ordinary. Walang class, tss! Are you friends with her?" tanong nung nasa likod na pilit humahabol.
"I don't think Hemithea will be friends with those kinds." heck! So to what kind do I belong? Errr!
"Eh ano bang pangalan niya?" tanong nung isa sa kanan ko.
Seriously? Why are these bitches trying to get along with me. Sinabi ko na diba? I don't like friends? Wala silang mahihita kung lagi silang bubuntot at bubuntot sakin. If they think I could give them fame, well, they're so wrong. I don't even know their names pero kung kausapin nila ko as if we're close. Err! Why don't this bitches mind their own business? Tss!
--
"Hi Hemithea. I saw you're mom kanina. She's talking to that 'new girl' who greeted you earlier. Then I heard that they are to grab lunch. Di ka yata nila kasama?" I was about to open my lunch ng narinig ko yung binalita nung fc na to.
That Ivory is with my mom? For lunch. And my mom didn't bothered asking me if I wanted to come? Leave me a single text would do. But no. Great!!! Awesome! ERRR!
See.. this is the reason why mom and I never complement each other. We never bond. Our relationship was just like.. I am a teenager who comes home so that she as a mother could fix me lunch or dinner. Or she could bake me cookies. That how she treats me. As if I am a princess. To be served. I'm tired of being that way. I want a mother. A caring but loving at the same time. Is that too much?
Okay.. now I suddenly sound like a pathetic rebellious teen. I hate it!
Nang makaramdam ako ng inis tumayo ako't umalis. All of their eyes saw me leave the cafeteria. But I don't care about their stares now. I'm getting used to it.
I just need some quiet place to go. Somewhere I could rewind.
---
"I didn't know na balak mong sumali sa drama club." biglang may boses na nagsalita. Lumingon ako. Then I saw him. This crazy guy I used to talk to everytime I had troubles.
Herrera.
But we're not friends.
"And that you had a soft side, too." tumabi siya sa pagkakaupo ko. Walang tao ngayon dito sa theather room. Pag mga araw na walang event ang school talagang walang naglalagi dito. Kaya kabisado ko ang lugar kung saan ako pupunta.
"Stalker." sabi ko habang nagpupunas ng mata at pisngi.
"Tss. I just need to feed up my curiousity you know. Baka mamaya tumalon ka mula sa 5th floor. Sayang kung hindi ko makukuhanan. A youtube hit in an instant." biro niya at ngumisi. Napansin ko ngang nakasabit nanaman sa leeg niya yung overpriced camera niya. I think this freak can't live without his camera. As if naman pinanganak na siyang may camera na nakasabit sa leeg?
Pero hindi ako magsisinungaling, he looks decent. Parang matalino plus.. he has a great humor. Kaya siguro komportable akong kausap siya sa ganitong sitwasyon. Sanay na ko sa sarcasm niya. And his lame jokes. We have been acting like this months ago.
"Obviously.. wala kang permanent hiding place.' dagdag niya at tumingin sa paligid. I wasn't really crying. Galit ako kaya ako naluluha. Magkaiba yun.
"I shouldn't if I had a stalker like you. Annoying." sabi ko at humalukipkip. I could use some company right now pero hindi naman ako magpapahalata na kailangang kailangan ko. Siya lang yung tipong walang sense kausap kaya hindi ka mabobore. At isang klase ng taong pagkayari ng usapan na to.. parang walang nangyari.
Sigurado akong pagkalabas na pagkalabas namin mamaya, wala na kaming pansinan. Like as if hindi kami nag usap at hindi kami magkakilala.
"Kapag gwapo, 'admirer' hindi stalker. Okay?" he said showing me a hint of humor.
"Stalker." by that he chuckles. Umirap lang ako. Totoo naman. Tss. Gwapo siya.. pero hindi siya gwapo para sakin. He's not capable to met my standards.
"So what is it this time? Anong issue? You wouldn't whine, right?" sunud sunod na tanong niya. He really doesn't want dull moments.
"I won't. It's just a bitch. I'm beginning to hate her a lot." sabi ko out of nowhere. Tinignan ko siya. I saw confusion in his eyes. "Bakit parang nagulat ka? Wala ba akong karapatan magalit?" sabi ko. Tumikhim lang sya bago nagsalita.
"It's just that.. you've never hated anyone. Hating is so not you. Madalas, wala ka lang pakialam." he said. What do he mean by that? He doesn't know me that well to say good things. Tss!
"I do.. hate. Like how I hate you." sabi ko. Hindi ko rin gusto yung tinatakbo ng usapan. Bakit parang kung magsalita siya parang kilalang kilala niya ko?
"You do? That's new. I'm not a stranger then since you feel something." tumaas ng kusa ang kilay ko sa sinabi niya. Feelings? Yeahh.. hatred.
"You are so annoying." sagot ko sa tanong niya.
"I know, so what?" kasabay ng pagtawa niya ang pagngisi ko ng nakayuko. I knew I had a good company with him. A stranger. A weirdo.
"Wow.. you can smile." sabi niya out of nowhere. I don't know if he's being sarcastic or whatever but he look amused. Sumeryoso ako agad. I ain't going to flirt with this guy. I don't like flirting if he thinks I am.
"Shut it." I said then a moment of silence came and it was relaxing.
How I love having silent moments. No attentions from fake people. No jerks trying to impress you. Just me and this stranger guy. Having our own silence.
"Why don't you think of happy thoughts instead?" I was in the middle of thinking of how I could get rid of that girl ng magsalita siya.
"Do I seem to have happy thoughts?" seryoso kong sagot sa kanya. He's being ridiculous. AKO? Happy thoughts?
"Of course lahat ng tao may happy thoughts." tinignan ko siya with disbelief. I thought he's tough also. May soft side din pala ang gaya niya. "Kailangan mo lang babaan ang standards mo." hindi ko na binalak na sumagot. Pinamumukha nanaman niya sakin ang pagkakaroon ko ng superiority complex.
"Well.. kaninang umaga, may nakita akong estudyante sa cafeteria. You see.. I was scanning pictures nang pumasok siya ng pinto. I wasn't going to notice it but it shines. Yung ngiti niya ng makita niya yung bawat tao sa cafeteria kahit pa gaano kaingay? It's precious." tumingin siya sakin saka bumaling sa paligid na parang inaappreciate ang lahat. "Then I heard na freshman siya. Scholarship. An average. Perhaps, ang pagpasok sa school na to ang dahilan kung bakit siya masaya. You see.. hindi perfect ang buhay niya pero kahit mababaw na dahilan kaya niyang ngumiti. " sa tono ng pananalita nang katabi ko mukhang siya yata ang weird.
"So in love ka na sa kanya non?" yan lang naman kasi ang kapupuntahan ng kwento niya eh. Halatang amused siya sa tao na yon kaya siya ganyan ka excited magkwento.
"No.. he's a guy. But that's not the point." nagtaka ako kung bakit siya humarap sakin. Lumayo ako ng kaunti para magkaspace.
"It's a guy? So.. you're gay?" muntik na kong matawa sa itsura niya. Laglag panga. May mali ba sa sinabi ko? Sa tanong ko?
"Of course not. Look.. you're not getting my point." tumayo siya. Hindi ko usually ginagawa to sa ibang tao pero tiningala ko siya para malaman kung anong mayroon sa kanya. "I don't know how.. but I saw you in him. I asked myself if you ever smiled like that. A carefree type of smile." what is he talking about? Am I going to be this speechless? Of course not.
"How ironic. Why would you think of me?" ngumiti ako ng mapakla. I don't like where this is going. As if may hinihintay siyang magandang sasabihin ko.
"Okay.. first, I don't like thinking of you. Second.. I really don't know why. And third, just try to smile often." nagbago ang ekspresyon niya bago siya tumalikod. "It brightens your dark aura."
I saw him sigh.
"I know I let you talked to me this past few months.. but let me remind you an important thing.." I paused for a moment and take a deep sigh. "We're not friends." sabi ko bago pa siya humakbang paalis. Binawi ko ang tingin ko sa kanya. He should know. Know that I don't make friends. "Don't forget that."
Then the last thing I heard is the closing door.
I am not guilty. Not guilty. Not at all. Period.
---
Ho-Ho-Ho!
SI Marcus Herrera yung gwapo sa gilid. Siguro naman yung hawak niyang camera eh clue na kung sino siya. hihi.
♥zands ver2.0
02/03/14