Anthony.
To say I was fuming would be an understatement. I hadn't even known about my child for a whole twenty four hours yet and Xora was already putting her in danger.
"They came here starting with-" She began once she noticed that my anger was preventing me from speaking.
"Shut up." I demanded and walked into the room that both our kids occupied to make sure the foolishness that had taken place hadn't woken them.
To my surprise, they were sound asleep. I was sure that my daughter would've been the first one up. She hated commotion and was a light sleeper.
The talking and banging of the door to Xora's apartment had finally stopped and I knew the hood rats had finally left.
I followed Zo to her bedroom and shut the door behind me watching her plop down onto the sheets we had just messed up.
"You really can't be mad at me, Anthony." She told me as I continued to ignore her until I hit the light and got comfortable behind him in the queen sized bed, wrapping my arm around her waist and letting my breath tickle her ear as I spoke.
"And why can't I?" I asked and to my surprise she had nothing to say. "Hmm? Now what if something would've happened and they stomped you in your stomach or something because you wanted to prove a point that you're bad? They don't have shit to do with this one." I reminded, rubbing circles around her belly and could feel her smiling against my cheek before it faded and she turned to face me.
Even in the dark I could see the worry on her face. "What's wrong?"
"I just don't want you to feel obligated to be with me or make something work because of the baby."
"Stop it. You know we were already together in our heads." I assured pecking her cheek. "I just let Cherise get in my head but that's over with."
"So what happened with her? I know that's where you went." She hummed, sleepiness laced in her voice.
"She shouldn't be a problem. And if she is, I'll handle it again."
"You scare me." she mumbled shortly after, but woke up when I moved my head back to look at her intently.
"No, not like that." She cleared up instantly rubbing the skin of my bare arms. "I just mean." She paused, diverting her eyes from my face to the tank top that clung to my skin. "I don't know. You just seem to good to be true." She confessed and I chuckled.
"Just don't think too much into this. You had me before this, so just keep doing what you've been doing. I'm not going anywhere." He assured as he continued to dub circles over my belly
I mentally sighed of relief and let all of my worries go. Ezekiel and his family were the last of my worried along with Ava and Cherise. Anthony was right. They had nothing to do with where we were in our lives and I was happy to be having a fresh start with him.
•••
Blurred vision and silenced consumed me as I jogged down the creaky hardwood stairs, looking behind me every few seconds to make sure his voice or his foot steps didn't trail behind me.
It was funny, just two days ago I sat firmly in his lap while he whispered in my ear everything he saw in our future. He had asked me to marry him again, and I contemplated saying yes, again. Once he got a new ring, but that aspiration was short lived. So I knew the new baby he wanted was definitely out.
Our good moments never seemed to last anymore. And I wasn't sure why I expected the argument about the joint bank account to be something we could talk about like normal couples. Normal adults rather.
"Did you buy something?" He wondered the second his voice boomed through my receiver. Suddenly, I was feeling like I had done something I wasn't supposed to.
"I bought new glasses." I informed. That's what our joint card was for. Bills, home necessities and things that we needed.
"And you used the joint card?" He spat as if he wasn't the one who told me to use it only a week ago.
In his mind, I was supposed to run everything I did by him but he didn't have to abide by that. I suppose because he contributed more to the account.
Although I shouldn't have had to, I offered to put the measley one hundred and eleven dollars back from my personal card, but his rage was already apparent.
His fist collided with the double rectangles in the white bedroom door waking our sleeping 3 year old and I quickly coddled him while he heaved and walked out, fuming.
I was relieved, even though I could hear glass breaking and items being thrown about in the hall.
I should've stayed in my designated seat on my side of the bed, but curiosity lured me to the hall to see what was broken which only seemed to piss him off even more.
"The fuck did you come out here for? You're lucky it wasn't your face." He spat which only angered me.
I thought about kicking him in his face as I stood on a higher step than him, but I could already feel my ankle breaking with just the thought that he would let me get away with that. So I made my way back to my room, snuggling with my baby before he entered again.
"You need to leave." I tried to demand like those uppity bitches on tv, but he scoffed as he slid into bed.
"Please."
Then came the thoughts that passed his lips as words. "I hate you, fucking dyke. Want to plan an all girls trip for what? So you can get your pussy ate?"
My mouth being quick with replies fired back "just like you were in Vegas with niggas. For what? To get a dick rammed up your ass, faggot."
I can only remember seeing purple after that, then feeling the aftermath of the blow to my head that had me bent over, holding it tightly in pain while he stood, flinging his sore hand back and forth. Must've been some hit.
His lack of remorse wasn't surprising, but it still hurt every time.
I had to go, so there I was blinking back tears and ignoring the pounding headache as I got to the bottom of the steps.
The keys to our shared Altima sat on the table and I quick grabbed them, clutching them tightly in my sweaty palms to ensure they didn't make noise.
I removed the car alarm and house key, and put the keys back, hoping he didn't notice the car key being gone.
I wrapped it in a paper towel and stuck it neatly inside of a pack of baby wipes, knowing that him finding it there was unlikely.
I checked the time and sat down, feeling dizzy and set an alarm for 2 in the morning when I knew he would be sound asleep. My baby girl and I were going to be out. For good.
I jotted down a list of things to pack and throw in the car. I was doing everything to stay awake, knowing that falling asleep on a head injury could be dangerous, but sleep crept up on me anyway without my approval.
"Xora!" I heard as I shot up in a black panic, drenched in sweat to see Anthony standing over me, concern written over his face while embarrassment dressed mine.
"Bad dream. Sorry." I mumbled as if tears weren't staining my cheeks.
"Nah. What's going on?"
I was silent as I stared at him before I burst into tears. "I can't have a baby." I cried expecting him to be upset but he pulled me back down into the bed to hold me in the darkness.
"Why?" He asked sadly seeming to really want to know.
"What if I have a girl? How am I supposed to raise a little girl being as weak as I am? How can I teach her how a man is supposed to treat her when I've lived and done the complete opposite with-"
"That's not your job to teach her how a man is supposed to treat her. That's my job." He told me sternly, cutting me off. "And it starts with how I treat you. So stop worrying about that nigga and worry about us. And you're not weak. If you we have a daughter you can teach her how to go through and get through anything just like you did. Don't doubt yourself." He told me, pleadingly hoping his words would change my mind.
I was silent taking his words in as he rubbed circles around my belly while I held on tightly to his wrist.
"If it makes you feel better, I'm a sucker in relationships and I'll let you hurt me before I ever hurt you." He told me sleepily and I smirked at his late night revelations.
"Relationship huh?" I found myself mumbling. "That's what we're doing?"
"That's what you want to do?" He asked into my neck, letting the warmth tickle my favorite spot. "You want to be with me?"
"Mhm." I admitted.
"Let me hear it then." He demanded and I turned to face him.
"I want to be with you."
Ava.
"Oh, let me guess you're going to the bathroom to cry?" Zeek mocked as I stood, holding my nose that was dripping blood onto the burgundy carpet. How I even got to the point where I was staying with him, I had no idea.
With every day that passed, I wondered if Xora had to endure such harsh realities and how she was doing now. With no friend, no man and no job thanks to me. I could remember my grandmother saying often "be careful what you wish for" or "be careful what you pray for."
I wanted Zeek badly. I saw how well he took care of my friend. To see someone have a family so young and still make it work years down the line was a goal that anyone would wish for. But now unfortunately for me, I had gotten what I asked for.
So there I stood. In the bathroom mirror looking over my swollen, bloody nose and the bruise on my cheek that I no longer had enough make up to cover. I pulled my phone from my back pocket and scrolled through my contacts before getting to one of the last letters, X.
I hovered my thumb over the call button but the banging on the door made me drop my phone onto the floor. I wiped my eyes, and nose with the dark washcloth and put my phone back into my pocket before storming out of bathroom and down the steps before he could catch up to me. I quickly grabbed the keys off of the holder that I had puposely placed by the door and left out, not even taking time to shut the door.
I jumped into my car, and quickly started and pulled off before the noise had even stopped. He never usually cause a big scene in public, but there were definitely times when he would pull me out of the car. The thing about push to start is you could never lock your keys inside, or yourself if you wanted to.
I didn't even know where I was going until I found myself at the fourway stop sign by Rani's house. I hadn't seen Veronica in what seemed like forever and while I knew she hated me too, I needed them both and I knew I could cry to her before I could ever cry to Xora again.
I didn't realize it was after two in the morning until I was knocking on the door for the fourth time.
The door opened and I didn't even look to see who had opened it before I fell to my knees sobbing. I didn't care at that point. I just needed to know someone was there.
Karma's a bitch.