The second Mickey woke up he felt like his head was split in half by an axe. He opened one eye and glanced at the clock sitting on the nightstand. It was almost 5am but pitch dark outside since they were in the middle of winter. His mouth felt like he had drunk disinfectant and his whole body was sore. He tried to remember what he had done to feel this shitty.
His plan to go downtown. The bar. There was a blurry picture of Ian giving some bills to the bar tender and the dull memory of them coming home to a scared looking Fiona.
Before he could recapture the rest of the night he felt bile burning in his throat. Fuck.
He looked around searching for his wheelchair but couldn't find it. But he wouldn't be fast enough to get in it anyway. Swallowing the upcoming mess that was about to come out of him any second he slipped off the bed as quietly as possible. A bomb of pain exploded in his head at the movement. God, he didn't want Ian to see him like this. He hadn't been able to avoid it earlier that night but right now he was in even worse shape. Weak. Even weaker than he was already since he became a fucking cripple.
Pulling himself forward with his arms he made his way outside of the room, thank god the door was only half-closed and into the bathroom which was open as well.
He almost made it but before he could lean over the toilet he started gagging and emptied his stomach on the floor and his shirt. Tears flooded his eyes because of the acid burning his throat.
Not because of what had happened today. Or the fact he was laying on the floor puking his guts out because he couldn't even make it to the goddamn toilet. No, just the stupid acid.
He started heaving again but his arms were too weak to lift him up to the toilet. Weak. Weak weak weak. It was his father's voice screaming at him in his head, the same word over and over again: "Weak". Ian didn't deserve this. He deserved so much better. Always had. But he had stayed anyway. Well he had come back. He had come back even though Mickey had been nothing but a bunch of crushed bones and blood. And why? Because he loved him. That's what Ian said and showed him every day. And Mickey said it back and showed it because he loved Ian. But this? Ian didn't need to put up with this shit. God he shouldn't put up with this.
Shaken by new waves of throwing up and pain he just wanted to disappear.
He didn't know how long he laid there shivering in his own puke.
But suddenly he noticed something red in the corner of his eye.
Ian.
If Mickey had had a gun to blow up his head in that moment he would have done it.
When Ian opened his eyes he found Mickey's side of the bed empty. A look to the clock told him that it was 6:42 in the morning. Usually the whole house would be up by now but today was Saturday so everyone would sleep in. Especially Mickey. Especially with the hangover he would definitely have. Ian remembered that he had forgotten to take the wheelchair upstairs which made Mickey's absence even weirder. Everything was quiet as he stepped out of the room and into the hallway but he frowned at the sight of what was in front of him. At who was in front of him. Their room was directly across the bathroom the door of which was open.
Mickey was laying on the floor on his side just in a shirt and his boxers. The small carpet beneath him and his shirt were covered in vomit and the acrid smell hit Ian's nose.
He could feel his heart crack.
Mickey's eyes were open but blank and for the terrible split of a second Ian though he was dead when he noticed his chest going slightly up and down.
He stepped inside the room and closed the door behind him. He knew Mickey didn't want anyone to see him like this. His skin was as white as the tiles underneath him, his face stained with dried tears.
First he took a small towel out of the cupboard next to the shower and wet it before he leaned down to Mickey and removed the dried smears of puke from his face.
He shivered as the blank expression in Mickey's face didn't change at all. It was like he was in a coma, barely alive. He checked his pulse and breathing to find out if he should call 911 but as an EMT he knew this was mental. Which didn't make it any less painful.
Next he pulled the dirty shirt over Mickey's head and threw it on the floor before he put his arms under Mickey's shoulders and lifted him up and into the shower.
He waited until the water was warm enough and then began to wash Mickey. Ian was almost done when someone started banging against the door which caused Mickey to wince and Ian was ready to stab Debbie or Carl or whoever the fuck was trying to get in.
"Ian?! Are you in there? Hey can you puke downstairs so we can use the shower?!" Lip yelled still banging at the door.
"How about you shut the fuck up!" Ian yelled back. "Well I'm sorry but as you might remember we are getting a Christmas tree today and I need a goddamn shower before we leave which would be in like ten minutes!" Lip shouted, "So how long are you gonna ta-"
"Lip leave it!", Fiona said loudly, "Just go without your shower. It's just us in the car and we're used to you smelling bad." Thank god for his big sister. Lip started to protest but his siblings voices died down so Fiona was probably dragging Lip downstairs.
He could hear Debbie, Carl and Liam coming out of their rooms but they must have heard Fiona because none of them dared to even knock.
Ian had totally forgotten that they were going on this trip today. Fiona had made all of them promise that they would join since Liam had boycotted eating until Fiona agreed to get a Christmas tree. A real one, meaning they would have to drive for hours and cut one. Apparently Fiona had forgotten as well so they were in a hurry because the drive would take about three hours and they would have to find a tree before darkness.
Obviously he and Mickey wouldn't go. Not after what had happened last night. When he was done cleaning his lifeless boyfriend he wiped the floor clean and put the carpet in the sink to rinse it. Then he went to his and Mickey's bedroom and got a new shirt and sweats for Mickey.
He was about to enter the bathroom again when he saw Fiona coming upstairs.
"Everything okay?" she asked.
"Rough night", was his vague response, "Sorry but we can't come with you today."
"Okay... Well we're gonna leave now. Totally forgot to set an alarm but there's some leftovers from the eggs Lip just made. If he hadn't remembered and come we would still be in bed but now we're ready. Won't be back until afternoon. But we'll take Yev with us ok?"
"Yeah thank you" he answered and she looked at him like she wanted to ask what was going on but decided against it which he was thankful for.
She went downstairs and he went back into the bathroom. He helped Mickey putting his clothes on and prepared his toothbrush. While Mickey was brushing his teeth, the first motion he did since Ian had found him, Ian knew better than watching him and looked through the window of his old room down on the street to see family getting into the car. It was an old minibus Fiona had borrowed from one of her employees since they didn't have a car and they wouldn't fit in Kev's truck.
As he returned to the bathroom he saw Mickey rinsing his toothbrush. He didn't look at him as Ian walked towards him. Neither of them spoke as Ian put one arm around Mickey's shoulders and the other one under his legs and carried him downstairs bridal style. Mickey's head was buried in the crook of his neck and his arms clutched around Ian's neck so tightly as if his life depended on it.
And when Ian reached the couch and sat down on it, still holding him, Mickey broke down.
Uncontrollable sobs escaped his throat and shook his whole body.
The sound of them pierced Ian to the heart.
This wasn't only about the way Mickey felt humiliated. This was the first time he completely lowered his guard. This was all the emotions he had been holding in since he was brought to the ER.
Ian didn't hear sobs.
Pain.
Sadness.
Frustration.
Hopelessness.
Anger.
Despair. That's what he heard.
Eventually Mickey's cries slowly died down. Until he was just a shivering mess in Ian's arms.
But even tough his throat felt so tight that he found it hard to breathe as he looked at Mickey he knew what had just happened was good. Because Mickey had let his feelings out.
They laid down on the couch under a blanket, Mickey still in Ian's arms, their foreheads touching.
He didn't know how much time passed until he asked. Because he needed to know. Needed to know what to do so Mickey wouldn't just disappear into some bar again. Or god knows where it would be next time.
"What happened?", he asked, his voice so quiet that it was almost a whisper, "Why didn't you answer my calls? And got so fucking wasted?"
At first Mickey didn't answer him and Ian thought he would have to try again in a couple days maybe but then he spoke, his voice barely audible, "Wanted to buy some Gatorade. It was too high for me to reach. When I asked some guy to help me he called me a cripple and left."
Ian wanted to curl up around him to protect him. Protect him from all the insults, punches and kicks he had gotten and would get in the future.
But Mickey wasn't done yet. "I left the Alibi early to go downtown. After the Gatorade shit I wanted to get on the L but there wasn't a lift at the station."
Ian grabbed Mickey's hand.
Mickey went on, "So I went to the next station. No lift either. The third stop's lift was out of order. When I was halfway to the fourth one I realized the store would close before I could get there. Kinda gave up and went to that bar instead. Turns out I can't even get you a fucking present for Christmas."
Now it were Ian's eyes that filled with tears.
They were all sitting in the living room, Fiona, Lip, Debbie and Franny, Carl, Kev and V with the twins, Liam, Mickey and Yev and him. It was the morning of Christmas Day and they were all busy unwrapping each other's presents. Everyone was chatting in small groups and he, Mickey and Yev were sitting on some cushions, next to the fireplace and the Christmas tree, covered in blankets. Mickey had just opened his present from him, it was a collection of their favorite movies and music plus two tickets for a concert of Mickey's favorite band next summer.
Now Mickey gave him a small box over Yev's head who was sitting between them and happily playing with his presents. "Kev took me downtown with him so I could get it" he explained and suddenly seemed shy, like wasn't sure if Ian would like it.
He opened the box Mickey had given him.
In there was a key.
"Still had some money left from the shit I pulled in jail and I don't know- It's probably a stupid idea it kinda just popped into my head but sometimes it's fucking crowded here and I thought maybe we could get our own place so I bought this little house in-" Mickey started babbling looking beyond nervous until Ian interrupted him by pressing their lips together.