„Where were you?", Dante asked me when I entered the room. Shayde's words still echoed in my mind and Dante being so close to me really didn't help. I ignored him and cooked some water for tea. I needed something to calm down and forget what had just happened. A cup of Earl Grey and a shower – or a bath. I wanted a bath, but we had no bath tub. For a moment I thought about visiting Reiji's estate and use his bathroom, but I discarded that idea. Visiting someone I planned to never see again? Bad idea. Very bad idea. I was so nervous I spilled my tea immediately and scalded my hand; my body was shivering like leaves in the wind.
„What is with you?", Dante asked and lay his hand on my shoulder. I flinched and ducked to wipe away the tea from the ground, then put the cup into the kitchen sink and the cloth to the laundry. Finally, I escaped Dante by going upstairs where I opened the window and let the fresh spring air in.
Love between humans and demons was forbidden. That fact didn't bother me; rather what Shayde hat said concerning me. I would go to hell because I fell in love with a demon. Did I love Dante? No, even the thought of it felt wrong. But would I, eventually, fall in love with him? Although I had sworn not to and closed my heart so firmly? Was this damn demon servant able to break my walls and let himself in? I had no choice but to shut everything again, my feelings, my thoughts. Everything unnecessary that had nothing to do with revenging my death had to vanish from my mind or else I wouldn't be able to go on like before.
„Yuki, what on earth is up with you?", Dante asked behind me. I breathed in and out, then turned around and smiled. If I acted like nothing had happened, maybe he would let me be.
„Nothing. I'm all right", I said and made my way to the bathroom. A shower. Now. But Dante blocked my way and grabbed my shoulders, looking me in the eyes seriously.
„Yuki, if it's about what you asked me before – look, I can't give you an answer right away-", he said and when I got what he was talking about, I couldn't help but start laughing. I knew I hurt him. I knew it, but thinking about what I had asked him was so funny.
„Look, Dante, I was just curious. There's nothing for you to worry about; you're my servant and I'm your master and this relationship will never change. Okay?", I said and left the room without waiting for an answer. Because it was clear to me I wouldn't get one. What was he supposed to say? This was just too awkward to describe. In love with a demon? He would eat my soul, so why?
Love between humans and demons is forbidden. He had to know about it. Dante wouldn't fall in love with me because he knew it and I wouldn't ever love him because he was nothing but my servant, a mean for the purpose of getting revenge. That was it. All that was to it.
So why did it hurt so much, knowing that I had just hurt him? I didn't want to love anyone. Especially not Dante who cared too much.
As I got out of the shower, I found my necklace lying on the dresser at the mirror. I put it on; it was cold and somehow it felt lonely. Frustrated, I pinched myself in the arm and stared at the image in the mirror. Restless, scared, panicking. No wonder Dante hadn't believed me when I had told him I was okay.
„Shiratori Yuki, you are pathetic!", I told myself. The girl in the mirror looked so broken. Why didn't I feel the way I looked?
„Yuki...?" Dante stood in the opening that had been a door once and looked at me. I couldn't tell what was crossing his mind now, his eyes gave no trace to what he was thinking. He was like a doll, exactly like me. I didn't look at him directly, I observed his reflection instead.
„What is it, Dante?", I asked. The pain in my voice scared me. Why did my body act like I felt something when I actually didn't? It made no sense.
„May I treat your wounds?", he asked. I nodded and put on my clothes. Slowly, Dante treated every wound, even Reiji's bite marks he had avoided until now. His hands were so soft and comforting that I gave in to it for a moment. Caring for someone. If only for a second, I knew I wanted to care, to be comforted, held. So I wrapped my arms around Dante and hid myself between his neck and shoulder. I felt his body tensing up, then relaxing and returning my embrace. It had been so long since someone had held me like this last time. How long? More than ten years by now. Without noticing, I had tightened the embrace until I was pressing myself against Dante, shivering with sobs. I was crying and I didn't even know the exact reason. I was weak, so endlessly weak anyone could have killed me that moment, but I wouldn't have cared. Not about dying, or revenge, or anything else than being held by Dante. By someone who knew me, my story and anything else. Anything except for what had happened today. Maybe that was the reason I was so upset and drained; it was the first time ever I had hid something from Dante. I wanted to tell hem, I really did, and just as I was about to open my mouth...
Love between humans and demons is forbidden. I remembered who I was and what I was doing there. Shocked, I let go of Dante and jumped onto my feet, walking up and down in frustration.
„Stupid girl! Stupid, stupid, stupid!", I muttered to myself, beating my legs with every word. My thigh that had been cut to mince meat by that woman started bleeding again but I couldn't care less. How could I risk everything like that? I was such an idiot!
„Yuki, what-"
„Shut up, Dante", I ordered and opened the window again. It was storming outside and the electric air and the heavy scent of rain calmed my senses. Yes, I was stupid, but I wouldn't do it again. Letting me infatuate myself. Never again. The black feather on my sill reminded me of what Shayde had told me once again. I would show him! I wouldn't ever fall in love with a demon.
I hope you won't, Yuki. Keep on hating, I like it.
I laughed at the voice in my head. Shayde was nearby, leaving me token of his presence. I could touch the feather; the barrier was gone. I guessed he had removed it on purpose.
„Thanks", I said to nobody and closed the window again. To my surprise, the feather was rather small, but there was no doubt it was his. I searched for leather straps and when I had found them in a dresser next to my bed, I made a necklace out of the feather. I would always have it with me, as a reminder of what I had sworn. Hating to live, living to fulfill this hate. How should I have been able to love? I had no right to care about anyone.
Dante had watched the whole scene, but he didn't ask. Maybe he thought I had lost my mind. In a sense, I had indeed. But well, as long as I didn't fall in love with Dante, I guessed I could be the way I had used to be.
Shin sat on a swing at the playground where he had first met Yuki and where she had confused him with her killer. He wondered if his guess was right. If it was, Yuki would have a problem revenging herself.
„I've found him." Reiji was standing in front of Shin, arms crossed and his face full of detest and loathing.
„Great. Where is he?", Shin asked. His brother still hated him and he had no intention of changing that. It wouldn't have been of any use. Where did he need his brother for? Yuki was the one needing Reiji in this case. After this was done, they would go separated ways again, maybe for several hundred years like this time.
„In a place Yuki won't reach him so easily without an army. Or us", Reiji answered. Yes, this time they would work together. Shin didn't know why he wanted to help Yuki. Maybe because it was him she intended to kill and he would enjoy watching him die. But maybe, he cared about her. Cared for someone for the first time in his life after thinking he was unable to.
„I'll go. What about you?", he asked. Reiji nodded.
„Well, then we'll have to tell her, won't we?"
The next days, everything seemed to be like always. Dante did what I wanted him to do, treated my wounds and we talked like usual. He still didn't know of Shayde and what he had said to me and with every day, it got harder to tell him. Until, maybe two weeks later, Dante found the mission's note.
„What about this one? I haven't taken it yet and it doesn't sound too hard; you're better now, so yo should be able to handle it if I'm with you", he suggested. I hesitated. Then I shook my head. Better I told him now than when we were in the middle of a mission going nowhere.
„Why not?", he asked.
„I've taken it on the day I came home late. I wasn't prepared for... for that", I said. I knew exactly I left out all the important details.
„Be more precise, please", Dante bid, slightly annoyed. I blew my hair out of my face and began.
„I went to look for that demon with big, black wings – yes, in my bad condition two weeks ago, I know, stupid. Well, it turned out it was no demon but a ... banned angel sleeping on the roof. A very, very mighty banned angel", I said and poured me another cup of Ear Grey. Shayde hadn't given me any sign of life since the feather on my window sill, but I didn't care about him.
„You have- please, tell me you just made that up!", Dante said and sat down on a chair, staring at me desperately. I shook my head.
„He even showed me what he is capable of – he's so creepy! And... he told me I'd go to hell", I continued, suddenly shy. Now I would have to tell him the worst part of the story.
„Well, you made a contract with me. Sorry if you didn't know you'll go to hell for that", he murmured. It was obvious he was sulking because I hadn't told him sooner.
„No. He said because love between humans and demons is forbidden."
Silence. Dante looked at me with mixed feelings and I stared back at him. What now? It wasn't like I had feelings for him, but this was still an awkward situation we were in.
„But like I told you – there's no need to worry. I won't ever love anyone until the very day I die", I said. Dante nodded. So he agreed with me that it was only right for me not to care – as if I had a choice or any right to. I had sold my right to love along with my soul. Dante was free to love anyone as long as the person wasn't human while I would never be able to. But he would be the one getting hurt, not me. He would be the one suffering from another person's death or betrayal.
I would die lonely, but at least I wouldn't be hurt.
I didn't notice Shin until he was standing right next to me, a serious shadow in his eyes that gave me an idea of what he was about to say. He didn't even greet me.
„We found him."