Chapter 35
Recap:
And when he opened the door I froze and so did Carson.
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"What happened?" Carson asked Rachel who is crouching on the floor with her face in her hands.
I spotted the picture of Carson's older brother beside her and it seems like Carson saw it because he became rigid, his face instantly paled.
"Call my dad," he told me, voice breaking at the end of the sentence.
"Okay," I answered in a small voice as I watch Carson swiveling towards her.
Carson pulled her to him and rocked her back and forth in a comforting manner.
It's really heart breaking to see them like this, Carson shedding his tears as he look at her mom and the picture.
Remembering what Carson told me to do, I fished my phone out of my bag and dialed Carson's dad. He immediately picked up after the third ring.
"Hello? Cassidy is there something wrong?" He answered with a warm voice.
"It's Rachel," I replied with a small voice, my eyes glued at the scene before me.
"Shit. I'm coming," he hung up with that, his voice panicky.
I put my phone back in my bag after that and I turned to looked at them with tears clouding my vision.
"H-he left us," Rachel sobbed in Carson's arms.
"I know mom, he left me too. And it's my fault. It hurts so much to see you like this again, mom. Please stop crying, I'm sorry." Carson's voice broke when he said the last line.
I bit back a sob and let my tears fall freely, I can't even look at them without my heart breaking. It's like my heart is being crushed over and over.
I felt like I'm so useless, I can't even do anything about this, but them? They are always there by my side, especially when they found out that my dad's abusing me.
They're always on my side, making me feel complete and loved.
I was startled by the cold gust of wind that stung my skin, making me turn around and shiver at the same time.
I found Carson's dad standing on the doorway with an unreadable expression plastered on his face. He then averted his gaze at me.
"Thank you for calling me." John said in a hushed voice the moment he reached me.
I nodded slighty, unsure of what am I gonna do, I wiped my tears but as soon as I turned around to look at them, fresh tears burned my eyes. This time I felt the lump forming on the back of my throat.
They don't deserve this.
They've been nothing but my family for the past few months, all of them treated me like I was really part of their family. I can't even think of any reason for them to suffer like this.
John's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Carson, son, I think it's best for you and Cassidy to go up. I'll take care of this." John patted Carson's back lightly.
Carson's grip on Rachel loosened instantly, he gave Rachel a kiss on the forehead before pulling away. He made his towards me with his cheeks stained with tears.
"Let's go," he said in a raspy voice.
He grabbed my arm gently and pulled me towards the stair case, before I take a step, I took a last glimpse at them. Rachel has now removed her face from her hands. Cheeks stained with tears, she look at John sniffing and you could really ses that she's hurt.
So there, I can't take it anymore.
I skidded towards my room with footsteps shuffling towards me. I entered the room without hesitation and sat at the edge of my bed, watching a vulnerable Carson closing the door shut when he got in.
I watched him walk with his eyes roving anywhere but never meeting my gaze, his arms falling limply on his sides. He strode towards me and sat infront of me, once be reached me I enveloped him in my arms, tightly. Knowing that this is what he needs right now.
He returned my hug by wrapping his arms around my waist tightly. Seeing him like this makes me feel weak, he mirrors ne emotion when I remember that my mom 'died'. We're both blaming ourselves for their death when it's obviously not.
He broke down in front of me, his tears soaked my shirt but I don't care. He sobbed continuously on my chest like a broken little boy.
I wasn't able to control my tears because before I knew it they started falling without my permission. I tightened my hold on him hoping that he would feel a tad better. I ran my hands through his disheveled hair, massaging them in the softest way I could manage.
He looked so hopeless, so vulnerable, so weak. He isn't what everyone thinks he is, the hot, perfect, jock Carson Matthews. He's just like an ordinary person who has problems, he is a person who loves his family more than anything and I knew that he would do anything just to make his family feel happy.
But now, I understand why he was a jerk to me back then.
I don't know why but he pulled away from me, leaving me stunned. He wiped his tears effortlessly with the back of his hand.
"I think it's best for you to stay away from me," he told me in a stern voice.
Where did that come from?
"What?" I let out a voice that's barely a whisper.
"I'm bad for you Cass, you have to stay away from me before it's too late." He repeated his words again.
There's no way in hell I would do that. Not when I was already inlove with him.
Yes, you heard that right. I am inlove with Carson Matthews. I love him.
"No, you're not. And besides, there's nothing you can do with me sticking around. I will not leave you, Carson. Not when you're like this." I whispered in a soft voice, contradicting his statement.
"Are you- pitying me?" He said with a glint of anger.
"Pity? No. I don't pity you, and if you know me I don't like people pitying me as well." I retorted.
Anger suddenly bubbled up inside me, of all people, he knew that I don't like pity and of course I won't pity others because I don't want them to do that to me.
"I-I ,sorry. I just can't- fuck! You have to stay away from me. Can't you see it? I'm a bad guy, I'm a monster. I'm the reason why my mom is having her PTSD. I'm the reason why my brother died, the reason why my friendship with Adam is crushed. Why you cried when I used to be rude. And that's why you have to stay away from me, I'm not good for you. I can only bring trouble-"
"No Carson. I will NOT stay away from you, I'm not out of my fucking mind to do that. After all the things that you did for me you expect me to listen to you and leave you alone? I know how you feel, I honestly do. I also felt the same way remember? I used to blame myself for the death of my mom. You helped me Carson, you convinced me that it wasn't really my fault. It's pretty much similar to your situation, so don't tell me to stay away from you because you said that you're a bad guy, seriously Carson. Do you really picture yourself as a bad guy? You're anything but that, if you didn't save me from my dad do you think I'm still here? That just proves that you aren't a bad guy, infact you're a good guy. I didn't say that you're an angel or something but you have to believe me when I tell you that you're really a good person. It's not a good reason unless you wanted to get rid of me." I cupped his face in my hands and kissed his head, I lingered it there for awhile just when he wrapped his arms around my waist.
"Why do you want to be with a fucked up guy like me?"
"Simple, because I'm also fucked up. Honestly, I'm more fucked up that you are. I just found out that my 'dead' mom is alive, and she didn't even bother to come back for me, or even a simple call. I also found out that Rose is my bloody sister, that stuck up bitch." I answered him as I felt tears building up again.
"Cass, you don't have to cry. We're both fucked up so what? You know that I don't even mean to make you cry at times, well most of the time. I guess it's just fate that put us together, so that we can fix each other." He hugged me, I can practically feel his body heat radiating.
"Please don't ever tell me those words again, you know how I an without you. If you left me, I don't have any reason for me to live anymore, so I might as well-"
"No, don't finish that sentence. We both know that I can't stay away from you. And if you die? I'll die with you and I mean it like Romeo and Juliet. We may be fucked up and haunted by those ugly memories but at least we have each other. We will get through this together, understand? I promise that I won't hurt you, well not intentionaly. You know that right?" He told me sincerely.
What's with this boy's speech that makes my heart melt?
I felt a warm finger under my chin as my face was pulled up. I tried to avoid his gaze, knowing that I would cry again but he forced me to. He looked serious and his blue green eyes that I've grown to love were piercing through mine.
"Promise me that you won't push me away again? I don't care what the reason behind it is, just don't push me away. You're all that I have in my life, I can't afford to lose another one, leaving me completely alone." I shook my head vigorously as I wipe the tears that betrayed my eyes, sniffing before looking at him.
"I will if you also promise me something, something that will keep me at peace." He brushed my tears away from my cheeks using his thumb.
Anything.
"What is it?" I sniffled once again.
"Promise me that you won't break my heart? And promise me that you won't go and look for any other guy but me? Promise me that when I'm gone, you'll contiue living your life just the way it is and pretend that I didn't even exist. Can you do that?" He told me without any trace of humor.
"What are you taking about? Carson, are you sick?" I asked him worriedly.
"No, just in case." he shrugged nonchantly.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Now will you promise me those things? I'm waiting."
"I promise." I answered without any hesitation, smiling crookedly at him.
He gave me a halting smile, without knowing it his eyes were once again drowning in tears.
"I miss him so much you know?" He whispered in such a meek voice.
I hugged him again, holding him as tight as I can.
"I probably look so weak right now," he chuckled a bitter laugh.
"It's okay to be weak once in a while Carson.." I rubbed his back soothingly, like he always do when I'm breaking down.
Tears welled up in my eyes again, I can't even stand looking at Carson like this. He looked so lost, so weak, so different from the Carson that I
once knew.
"I look like a girl now, don't I?" He laughed cynically.
"It's okay.. At least now I know that you're real. I admit sometimes, you're too good to be true, I felt like I'm in a good dream that I don't even want to wake up ever again, but today you just proved me that you are real. You showed me a different side of you and it doesn't make you look weak at all, it makes me lo-"
I aruptubly stopped when I almost blurted out the words that are very dangerous to say.
"What did you say?" He looked up at me.
"I-I uhh.. It makes me like you more," I said breathlessly hoping that he wouldn't notice.
"Right." He muttered under his breath just when he pulled away from me.
"Can I take a nap? I'm so sleepy." I yawned, covering my mouth with my palm.
"Yeah, sure." He carried me to the center of the bed and tucked me in under the duvet.
I felt my eyes droop, feeling heavy just when I felt the bed dip beside me. Knowing that it was Carson, I let his comforting smell envelope me and finally I fell asleep.
I'm hiding in my closet, trembling terribly from fear, lips quivering, sweat rolling down my face.
"I know that you're in there my sweet little girl, so I suggest that you come out now before everything gets worse." He said in a sing song voice.
I hold back the whimper that's threatening to escape my throat by cover my mouth with my hands.
I heard footsteps approaching, the footsteps are coming closer every second.
Carson.
Where are you? Please save me.
Suddenly the door jerked open and just in time when my hair was yanked forward making me scream in agony.
My heart beats raced to the fastest possible rate.
"I found her sir," I faintly recognized Carson's voice.
Does this mean-
No.
No.
No.
He was supposed to save me, not surrender me to my father.
"What are you doing Carson?" I sobbed softly.
He just smirked at me, making me sob harder.
"Please don't Carson, I thought you said that you love me?" I cried in front of him.
"Not until I found out that you're a cheating slut!" He yanked my hair forward again.
"How could you say that? How could you do this?" I whimpered in his hold.
My knees wobbled the moment my dad appeared in front of me-- of us. They even shared a mischeivous smile.
"Hand her to me son." My dad gestured Carson to give me to him.
Carson just laughed and pushed me towards my dad's direction.
"No, please don't do this to me."
That only caused them to laugh louder.
"No!"
They started punching me in my guts and ripped my clothes off.
"No, stop!" I screamed.
I jolted awake with tears in my eyes as I started to whimper. Someone touched my arm which made me scream remembering my dream.
"No! Get off me!" I screamed, kicked and hit whoever is holding me.
"Stop Cass! It's me!" Carson held me and prevented me from trashing around the bed.
He ran his hands up and down on my arms in a soothing manner. I stopped screaming and went stiff for a second, remembering that Carson was a part of it. Then when I finally regained my senses knowing that he won't do that, I relaxed within his hold and let my tears fall.
"Shh.. It's just a nightmare Cass, it's just a dream." He cooed and kissed the top of my head affectionately.
I really wish it's just a nightmare..
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Hey guys!!:)
This is an emotional chapter again especially when Carson cried:( No cliff hanger for this chapter but I hope that you would continue reading it?:)
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