"How someone reacts to your sadness
says a lot about how long
they're going to be in your life."
●S.Z.// Vodka thoughts #15 (via bl-ossomed)●
■■■
Wrestlemania 2015
I sat watching as the twins lost their match against Paige and AJ Lee.
"Guess its up to me to cheer up my beautiful girlfriend" Dean sighed watching the monitor as they were both laid out.
"Oh you gon be like one of those people now?" I briefly narrowed my eyes at him before focusing on the screen again.
"What people?" He scoffed noting my annoyance.
"Those people that are crazy out of a relationship and once they're in one they get all lovey dovey by forgetting their significant other has a name." I smirked and he rolled his eyes.
"One. Brie has only been my girlfriend for what? Two weeks now. Two. So I am allowed to say it as many times because I want to remind myself how lucky I am. Just because you ain't getting any action, don't take it out on me brotha!" He pushed me and I fell back a bit while seated on the crate.
"Haha! You know I don't care to get any action, let's not get into that now. Because of you I have my best friend angry at me and.."
I shook my head as of course Dean wanted me to have someone in my bed already when it hadn't even been a year after Galina and I split. Yes she had someone but it wasn't like I exactly had any time to go looking either...
"Hey what the fuck does that make me?" He glared and I chuckled realizing my choice of words.
"So you are saying Brie is what?"
He smiled brightly at the mention of her name, "Brie is my girlfriend so I'm allowed to say she's my best friend. You and Nicole on the other hand.."
I narrowed my eyes at him and he rolled his, knowing to shut up. I knew Dean and the only reason he was getting so hyped up was to distract me from the fact that he was the reason my Fearless one was currently pissed at me.
"Babe!" He hopped off the equipment box and ran up to Brie, pulling her into a hug which caused me to smile a bit, remembering how nervous he had been to finally ask her to be more.
Being Dean his head had been going crazy thinking about whether risking losing the friendship was worth it. The way he spoke about Brie was unlike any other and I liked it. Sure he could get annoying with it but I could appreciate the fact that he was really into her. So he finally sucked it up two weeks ago while we were doing some promoting for Wrestlemania.
And now they were oh so in love and maybe I was a bit jealous. But not because I wished to be with someone again but I saw the way he looked at her and I wanted that look again. Wanting to have the feeling filling me as I stared at someone and knew they were the one for me, having the love fill me as I stared deeply into their eyes...
"Nicole!" I grabbed her arm as she was about to walk past me, as soon as she turned to me I saw the glare in those brown eyes. That was definitely not the look that Brie had given Dean moments before.
"Why are you so mad at me? I..." I hadn't even begun before she was already taking me down with her words, clearly knowing I would be waiting.
"Because I told you about John. I told you that we ended things, because you were right. He was confining me to a box and only thinking of himself. Even if I was alone it was better than settling for a life with someone who didn't consider me as much as he did his own needs. And you sit there while you have ended things with Galina and I'm going on like a stupid idiot saying how I wish I had a love like yours." She spat as the fire filled her eyes and I glanced away before finding my words again.
"So you're mad because I didn't dwell in the pain with you? You're mad because I let you grieve your two year relationship? You're mad at me because..." I saw people around us while Dean and Brie shook their heads.
"Nicole.." I pleaded as I had the most important match of my career up later in the night and I couldn't go out there knowing that win or lose she wouldn't be waiting for me.
She sighed as she turned to me and searched my eyes before pulling my hand into hers and moving down the hallway, leaving Brie and Dean behind to do what they actually wanted to do instead of listening to us.
I saw my name on one of the doors and she pushed it open. She walked in as I closed it and settled her eyes on me as the fire slowly burned out of them and she set her title down. I briefly glanced at it knowing if I was able to conquer the Beast tonight I would finally be with her.
"Joe. I just.. I'm angry at you for deciding you could deal with it alone instead, when we're supposed to never be alone. I'm mad because while you were there for me, for a guy I was with for two years? I wasn't with you when your life ended with a woman you were with for almost a decade. I'm mad because I feel guilty that I was so selfish I didn't realize that your world fell apart" She stated with less anger, concern evident in her voice as the fire finally settled and the sadness filled her eyes with a hint of guilt.
"But it didn't Nicole, how could my world collapse when she wasn't that anymore? My world is.. My world is Joelle. I don't want you to feel guilty because you shouldn't and you couldn't be there for me. I was out injured and you were champion so you knowing would have only caused you to be unhappy here. I know you and well I didn't know how to tell you that I left the woman I was with for ten years." I shrugged as Dean had let it slip to Brie about how he liked my new house better, earlier in the week, and of course Brie was the worst at keeping secrets.
That led to Nicole not speaking to me for the rest of it. And with the pressure of me main eventing my first Wrestlemania, I didn't need the one person who could assure me of my capability furious with me as I walked out from behind the curtain to possibly being booed by thousands...
"You were ashamed?" She frowned as she made sense of my words.
"Yes I was ashamed because I always saw myself as the guy who wouldn't call off an engagement, especially with the mother of my child. Who would stick it through no matter what but when I saw Galina's face I knew there was nothing in the end. It didn't hurt because, you know her, we'll still be close but it hurt because I was disappointed in myself. Because maybe I wasn't the noble man I thought I was, us ending things meant there had been something wrong and I am still not even sure how we just stopped clicking" I sighed as I sat down and soon saw her plant herself on my right leg as she wrapped her arm around me and massaged my shoulder.
"Joe, you are the most noble man I know. I may not know the exact definition of that word but I know you are. Sometimes life doesn't work out like its meant to. People change, they want different things..." She spoke randomly trying to find ways to explain how we had both gone from being in loving relationships to being by ourselves.
"Is that what happened with you and John?" I sighed.
"You know that is.. Or do you want to play innocent, like you weren't upset that he "stole" those things from me?" She smiled as she stared into my eyes.
"You haven't slipped in the contacts yet." She blurted out before I could respond.
"Mmmm I always wondered which you preferred" I wiggled my eyebrows before placing a kiss on her cheek making her smile brighten as she pretended to think for a bit.
"I'm not sure, there isn't much difference to me, you are still a gorgeous man either way. Except with the grey eyes, you have this werewolf appeal" She shrugged as I ran my hand through my hair.
"Mark you with my bite?"
"Oh no, I want me an Alpha!" She shook her head disapprovingly.
"So you're saying I'm not Alpha material?"
"If you were one, what makes you think I'd be your mate?" She narrowed her eyes at me.
"I guess we'd feel it?" I whispered with a small smile feeling the emotions that had become familiar since my return when around her.
"I guess so.." She giggled before standing up which was good as I felt like I was stopping myself from doing something with her so close and I wasn't even sure what.
"I'm going to use your shower since you dragged me away, now Brie and Jon are probably fucking in our one"
"Sure, my family should be here about now so I'll see you before my match?"
"You know if I could I would be in the crowd screaming my lungs out with Jojo!"
"What makes you so sure I'll win? Even the Beast is preferred above me, Nicole..." I sighed with the Royal Rumble briefly entering my mind causing her to focus on me as she slipped off her wrestling top.
"Preferred by who? I was going to save this for the gorilla but.."
"So you weren't going to be mad at me then?" I smirked choosing to keep my eyes on hers. I was no stranger to Nicole walking around in her underwear, neither was Dean. It annoyed the hell out of him because he felt weird considering she was like his sister. And that's how she was meant to be with me as well but...
"Its been two days! You know I need my Samoan bestie!" She glared.
"Mmmm don't let Jon hear you throwing that around!" I chuckled recalling the look I had gotten from him before they got backstage.
"Is he jealous again?" She sighed as she sat down.
"Of course you know I'm a hot commodity, amongst you two anyway" I winked and she rolled her eyes as she slipped off her sneakers and then her socks.
"Anyway it doesn't matter if they boo the place down. Fuck them, you won the Royal Rumble fair and square. And I don't care if its a Beast or whoever, you will win and can win him. Because you have what lots of the others here don't .." She walked over to me and placed her finger on my chest.
"That's heart Joe. I tell you that each time and I mean it so don't let them get in your head. I know it hurts but they don't matter, your biggest fans will be loving you either way okay?"
I nodded and gave her a quick peck before she grabbed my Wrestlemania hoodie and disappeared into the bathroom.
***
I fell down and felt like I could actually win after delivering several punches to the Beast. But as I tried finding more strength I heard his music. I hadn't even known he was still in the building after being beaten by Randy earlier.
I was hurting so fucking much and I glanced over to my family and that made it hurt even more. He took away everything and now the moment I would have showed my little girl to be proud of her dad. My mom, my dad...
I slowly rolled out of the ring as I saw Brock standing on the other side with Paul.
I walked over to Jojo and picked her up into my arms and hugged her tightly.
"I love you daddy" she whispered. I smiled and kissed her cheek before taking off my vest as I would see them at the back.
As soon as I walked back I was hugged by Vince himself as he apologized.
I was mad but I couldn't show it, this business thrived on surprises and it just happened that a man who was once my brother twisted the knife even deeper.
I shook several people's hands before leaving the gorilla and tying my hair, moving through several superstars who showed their appreciation.
There was only one I was wanting to get to though...
I gave a small smile as she stood with Jojo and the rest of my family.
I picked Joelle into my arms and hugged her close before pulling Nicole as well. I set Jojo up as I broke down, I knew the rest of my family were waiting for me but I couldn't bear to look at them.
"Wasn't daddy awesome out there Jojo?" I heard Nicole as I felt her hand on my back.
"He was awesome. Daddy was going to win but Uncle Co came. Did he say sorry daddy?"
"He did Jojo." Nicole responded and I gave a weak smile before scooping her up and being hugged by my mom as Nicole stood by.
"You were good out there, son" I knew they wouldn't make me feel like the failure that I felt inside having let them down.
I had envisioned the moment differently like I had the Rumble as well. I was prepared for the hateful crowd but not Seth when we were close to repairing our friendship.
***
I sighed as I sat down having splashed my face and Jojo took pictures of Nicole and I as she sat next to me.
"Jojo my legs are cramping" she whispered through her slight smile.
"Got it!" She smiled and ran over to us.
"Oh that's perfect I'm going to make it my wallpaper!" Nicole kissed her cheek before pulling her onto her lap.
"You should have seen your mom's face. I swear I thought she was going to jump over or something" Nicole giggled a bit.
"I liked that he was smiling though, I mean you could see he was hurting but laughing his ass off that's pride right there" Jimmy smiled and I simply nodded watching everyone discuss their views on it.
My eyes settled on Nicole as she stared at all of them as I had been moments before while holding my hand in her lap.
Knowing we would be on a sugar high later after they all tried to stop letting me know how proud they were because she knew it wouldn't matter. I'd still be upset until she calmed me...
" Thank you." I leaned forward and whispered into her ear.
"For being the loyal best friend?" She smiled and I felt her other hand gently massage my shoulder, I closed my eyes briefly before kissing her cheek.
"Just being here, baby girl"