Loosen Your Grip For I am not Yours [Zarry]

12

Harry mentally groans when he hears the sound of his alarm ringing in his ears, reluctantly detaching himself from Zayn and reaching blindly to turn it off before it wakes him up too and cuddling to him almost immediately. He doesn't want to get up, but he has to and he sighs, slowly opening his eyes and seeing the familiar black hair first thing in sight. He pulls his head back and smiles down at him, long lashes resting on his cheeks, lips forming a slight pout and hair messed up on the pillow and over his face, but not in a fucked up state, Zayn wasn't up to it last night. He's wearing Harry's maroon long-sleeved shirt that covers his knuckles and reaching below his hips, covering a small part of his thighs, and he looks adorable in Harry's bigger-sized clothes, most peaceful when he's asleep even though Zayn's eyes are his favorite, and overall, as Harry looks more at him, Zayn looks ... fragile. Body, heart, and soul.

Like his skin might bleed if the sheets were made of some rough material even though Harry knows he won't, but there's a truth to that too, how his body doesn't cope well with roughness, and how he actually bled before, skin bruised with a little force. And he also knows some of what Zayn's been through, knows how everything kept breaking him piece by piece, and for the first time, Harry finds himself grateful that Louis was by his side to collect those pieces together and keep him standing. However, he can't ignore the huge part of him that wants to be that person for Zayn. If he allowed him to.

"I love you" He whispers against his cheek even though he knows that this time Zayn is actually asleep and he can't hear him, but his feelings are surfacing up and the words just leave his lips naturally. So he trails soft kisses down his neck as he slips his arm from beneath him, and Zayn's eyelashes flutter, body shifting slightly and fingers scratching the sheets, like he can't focus in his sleepy state which to respond to. Frowning at the loss of Harry's body or relaxing at his kisses. But Harry doesn't get to completely pull away because Zayn's frown deepens and he turns, eyes unable to open, and snuggles further into his chest so Harry has no other option than to sigh again and hug him closer.

"Zayn, I have a full schedule today" His voice is not a whisper anymore, hoping that Zayn would untangle himself on his own, but he just buries his face in his chest. "Love" He smiles, fingers brushing through the silky locks before he can stop himself and he tugs slightly causing Zayn to whine and tilt his head backwards, eyelashes fluttering again, and Harry leans in to press a quick kiss on his lips. "I'm sorry, love, but I really have to get up" He presses another kiss to Zayn's lips before he gets to tense again and quickly pulls away from Zayn causing him to wake up properly.

Zayn's eyes appear from behind his lashes, a sleepy frown taking over his face as he watches Harry walking towards the bathroom, sending him an apologetic look before he's out of his vision.

When he gets back, Zayn is laid on his stomach, the covers are thrown away, and his eyes are big again as they look up at him.

"Sorry to wake you up. I really didn't mean to" Harry reaches to ruffle his hair but Zayn doesn't respond so he heads to his closet instead. Seeing him reaching for his phone, probably to see what time it is.

He finds Zayn sitting up on the bed when he finishes dressing up and he sits next to him briefly, kissing him softly.

"Why are you up this early?" Zayn glances at the clock.

Harry smiles, he already said that but Zayn still couldn't hear it. "I have a full schedule today. Will be back a bit later than usual" Zayn sighs, stretching out and pushing his hair back, "I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise. Once I get back, we can cuddle all you want" He pauses, "Or do anything more, I have no objection" Zayn chuckles and shakes his head. "You can go back to sleep for now, though" He leans in to kiss him again.

"You smell amazing" Zayn smiles when Harry pulls back. "I like that"

"Yeah?"

"And the other thing you said" He nods, and because he can, Harry leans in again for a kiss before pushing Zayn back on the bed gently.

"Did you cut your hair?" Harry grabs at the edges, neatly cut.

"An inch or two" Zayn rolls his eyes, "I wanted to shave it off but Louis obviously had other plans. Made me believe for a second that he actually did something"

"I like your long hair" Harry pouts and sits up.

"It's getting longer than necessary" Zayn shakes his head and Harry stands up. "Since you won't be here, I'm heading out with Louis"

Harry turns to him before he leaves, "Sure"

Zayn opens his phone again, Louis' text still in view.

-I'm treating myself tonight! You're in, bro?

He doesn't text back, the 'seen' is enough for Louis to know that he's in, because when exactly was Zayn not in? He still presses the call button though for details.

=====

"Alright, who is it you're after?" Zayn smiles, popping his chin on Louis' shoulder from behind.

"When did I do it for other people?"

Zayn hums, stepping away to let Louis pick yet another item of clothing. He doesn't mind the looks some of the people throw their way, they're quite used to it, and with Louis being too obvious that the clothes are for him, they can't really say otherwise since the moment they walked into the ladies section.

Louis hands him the items he'd been holding to go for another and Zayn frown. "Are you going to try all of these on?"

"You got something better to do?" Zayn opens his mouth to reply then closes it. He does in fact, he can go home and read a book, he can improve his French. But he'd favor being with Louis doing this instead, so Louis is right. "Aww, look, Zee!" Zayn looks at the hoodie Louis has picked and raises his brows, "I think they'll look super cute on you"

"It has to be pink?"

"No, I prefer the white actually" Louis gets the white one out instead. A fur bunny hoodie with ears, and he doesn't know why he likes it. He loves rabbits, yes, but this is too much.

"I'm not wearing this"

"Of course you are" Louis grins at him and Zayn sighs, "I'm not asking you to wear that one" Louis points behind him and Zayn shakes his head. No, he's definitely not wearing a costume or lingerie ever again. And he won't admit it out loud, but Louis knows he's liking the material and shape of the hoodie.

"This is not even my size"

"Which works perfectly" Louis grins at him, "By the way, I have to remind you that my birthday is coming up, so if you're planning to buy me something, I suggest you do it now"

Zayn knows Louis' birthday by heart, he didn't forget it once, but he was planning to buy something different. He didn't know Louis wanted this now.

"Are you sure you're not trying to pull someone?" Zayn teases as he places the clothes to the side, getting out his wallet, and checking how much exactly he'll be paying for Louis since it's a brand store. Seriously, when did they ever go to one?

"Positive" Louis stands by his side, "But you never know" He shrugs and watches as Zayn's brows furrow as he takes a credit card out, "Well, this is not yours"

"No. It's Harry's" Zayn sighs, "He gave me a secondary card for ... emergency"

"How much is in it?"

"I don't know-" Louis snatches it from him, "Louis!"

"I'm just gonna check for you" He bats his eyelashes at him and Zayn rolls his eyes. He asks Zayn for the security code and the both stare. "Are you seeing what I'm seeing, bro?"

"I'm not even surprised"

"That's a six digit number. Sick! I can raid this whole shop"

Zayn furrows his brows, taking the card away, "We're not using it"

"Ah come on, he gave it to you"

"For emergencies!" He turns to Louis, "This is not an emergency!"

"You don't know that" Louis mumbles.

"You don't need any of these items"

"But I want them" He pouts but Zayn shakes his head.

"No"

"Fine, Mr. I don't buy them but I wear them" Louis sighs, "Your whole outfit costs a fortune" He walks away again, trying to pick what he wants the most and Zayn frowns looking down at himself.

He doesn't want to use Harry's money, he'd already spent too much on him. But Louis is still pouting and he's pretty much Zayn's weakness.

"Lou" He calls and Louis turns to him, "Just ... Grab them all"

=====

"Honestly, you live in heaven" Louis starts when Zayn parks.

Zayn smiles, getting out of the car with Louis following behind. And since he had nothing to do and Harry wasn't around, he decided to try on everything they bought.

Zayn opens the door and is greeted by Roy almost immediately, spinning around him enthusiastically and he smiles down at him. "Hey, little bud"

"So this is the infamous Roy" Louis crouches down at his level, smiling widely when the dog sniffs him first before accepting Louis' petting.

He follows Zayn upstairs, seeing his room that Harry organized for him, then getting to the bedroom.

"That is super sweet, you know?" Louis says as he walks into the closet, "And I'm loving this all-sides mirror thing. I'm changing here if you don't mind?" Zayn shrugs, sitting on the bed and watching Louis putting on the first outfit. For some reason, he feels that Louis would fit inside this life so well, being here inside Harry's house. But not into Harry's life exactly, and he doesn't know how to put it into words, but perhaps this is what Louis talked about when he said they weren't fitting together. So instead of giving that thought more thinking and mess his brain, he decides to change the topic completely as Louis walks out. "What do you think?" Roy barks from Zayn's side and Zayn chuckles.

"I think Roy loves it"

"He's got a good taste" Louis agrees.

"So when are you cutting my hair for real?"

Louis tilts his head, "You're still on that?"

"Yes"

Louis sighs, "Alright, come on. Grab me a brush and scissors" He pauses, "I don't think we can trash this room though" He points to the bathroom and Zayn nods, "And ... You're helping me with this" He points at a bag on the bed and Zayn sighs. This is gonna take a long time, but it's not like he would say no to Louis, and Roy seems eager to follow them inside the bathroom as well.

"This is the first time you do this, boy" Zayn laughs.

"He likes me"

"Why do my pets always love you more?"

"I'm a lovable person" Louis shrugs, "And this is technically Harry's. Also, you literally had one pet before that"

"Yeah" Zayn replies quietly, "I miss mini you" Louis laughs at him, Roy sits right next to Louis as Zayn gets rid of his clothes. He doesn't mind the company of the dog, leaving him alone would break Zayn's heart before Roy's, and it's an animal, he doesn't mind getting naked in front of the dog as well, it doesn't understand a thing from what they're doing. Well, aside from what Louis' been telling him to do gently.

"How about this length?" Louis grabs his hair in front of his face, putting it between two fingers above his eyes. "It's a waste to cut all of it. I'm gonna miss it"

"It's hair" Zayn rolls his eyes, "Yeah, it's good"

"So" Louis starts, "Why am I getting the feeling that you're not adapting here?" Zayn furrows his brows, "I don't know what you did to my little brother, but the Zayn I knew used to exploit any kind of fortune we get"

"It's different. I'm not using him, and I've already told you so" Zayn looks up to find Louis smiling widely so he rolls his eyes.

"Look at you" Louis coos at him, "All grown up and caring for other people" He glances at Roy when Zayn's hair fall to the floor and he coos at the dog too, "Even Roy doesn't approve of your haircut"

Eventually, Louis is done with him, and he has in return to wax Louis' body while he lays down, even though Zayn finds it weird sometimes, but not on Louis, which is probably because he does this very often. Roy is still there watching them and occasionally passing Zayn the next strip until he's moving too much, bored probably, and ends up crashing on Zayn's lap.

"Roy!"

"Don't blame the dog" Louis tells him, and Zayn sighs.

"Off you go, I'm almost finished" He tries to move the dog and feels something sticking to his thigh. When he finally gets the dog off with Louis' help –because Louis told him to do it gently. Probably that's why he likes him more– and finds a strip attached to his skin. "Great" He mutters under his breath, glaring at the strip, and Louis laughs at him.

"Don't worry, I'll help you with that"

=====

When Harry gets home, he finds Roy shaking the his body to get rid of the water, which he doesn't know what happened for him to do so –meanwhile, he stayed in the bath with Louis and Zayn until both are finished and was not properly dried when he ran off once he heard Harry's footsteps inside the house– so he just furrows his brows and followed the dog to the bedroom.

The closest item of clothing was the bunny hoodie –and Louis might have pleaded him to wear it so he can see it on him first– so it was the only thing covering Zayn's body, standing next to the bed as Louis grinned at him. And he has no idea why Louis would buy it two sizes bigger than him if it was for him, but Louis would tell him he looked like a cute bunny, and he would allow it because it's Louis.

And Harry finds them there, with a towel covering Louis' bottom half and Zayn in that hoodie.

Louis just quietly grabs his clothes –or Zayn's since he gave them to him– and returns to the bathroom –after cleaning it, because it would be disgusting to walk with hair all over the floor– to change.

And Harry might be bothered by the fact that Louis is here, but he's not, because Zayn is looking adorable with his hair still wet and slid back making his eyes seem bigger whenever his hair is like that. An oversized bunny hoodie reaching his thighs, which he finds them shining –because Louis' only solution was to wax his entire thighs to not make it look awkward– And he steps closer, raising the hood to cover Zayn's hair, and there are bunny ears poking from his head now, and it's all too much for Harry to handle, so maybe, just maybe, he doesn't exactly hate Louis for making Zayn wear this. And he leans in for a soft kiss, hands falling to Zayn's hips, and if all of this didn't get him to explode yet, the furry ball poking out of Zayn's ass definitely did.

"You look adorable" He whispers to him when he pulls back, and there's a faint blush on Zayn's cheeks, and Zayn knows Louis is wearing a wide smile on his face right now. Of course he wanted him to wear it. His hands travel further down to touch his thighs and god, Harry needs to control himself. "You shaved?"

"Waxed" Zayn mumbles and Harry raises his brows. "Louis' fault" Zayn pulls away, "And your dog" He should definitely thank them both. He pulls Zayn closer for another kiss, and he really wants to bite his thighs, but Zayn would still not allow it. "Don't expect it again though. It is horrible" Zayn's face scrunches.

"Should enjoy it while I have it then" Harry smirks at him and Zayn rolls his eyes, stepping away when he sees Louis getting out of the bathroom. As usual, he gets his silent greeting and stands awkwardly next to them.

"So ..."

"I'll drive you" Zayn announces, "Just let me change into something decent"

Louis nods and decides to go downstairs with Roy instead of bearing the look Harry's giving him. Zayn walks into the closet, and the shopping bags are still on the bed so Harry checks them out, eyes widening when he sees what's inside.

"Well, it's gonna be an eventful night"

Zayn comes out and sees him, and before Harry can get into his fantasies, he's shoving everything back into the bags. "They're Louis'. I told you I won't"

Harry pouts, "I can still dream"

Zayn turns to him before he's out of the door, "Don't"

And the look on his face is enough to put Harry off.

=====

When Zayn gets back, his mood is still off, and Harry doesn't know what happened to their plans or why he is even acting this way, and he tries to convince himself with the same two words that keeps him behind the red line. Time and patience.

And it's not like Zayn won't talk to him, no, he'd smile at him, would respond if Harry kissed him, but would pull away when Harry tries for more, and he doesn't let him touch him until he's on his side of the bed curling on himself in sweatpants and a long-sleeved shirt, and even then, Harry has to wait to just cuddle him until he's completely asleep.

He's not even surprised when he wakes up to an empty bed, but he knows that Zayn is still inside the house from the soft melodies coming from his room. So he gets up, trying to know what possibly went wrong. Maybe something with Louis since he was with him yesterday.

Zayn isn't singing, he's simply playing the piano, and it's comforting, eyes closed until he senses the presence of Harry and he looks up at him then stops.

"No, no, carry on" Harry waves a hand, "That was very good" But Zayn looks down again, fingers tapping on the keys but not playing and Harry frowns. Did he do something wrong? "Is everything alright?"

"I'm not comfortable playing in front of other people" Other than Louis, Harry notes.

"What other people?" Harry rolls his eyes, walking until he's near Zayn and sits next to him. "I'm your boyfriend. And I've heard you playing before. Singing even. And you're amazing. Truly" He smiles at him but Zayn sighs then furrowing his brows and turning to him.

"You never told me how you got my songs"

"Mrs. Walkman sent them to me. Guess she was recording you while you didn't notice?"

"Of course she would" Zayn mumbles, turning towards the piano again.

"And that time in the hotel" Harry adds and Zayn nods slowly.

"Next time, you can knock to let me know you're present. Eavesdropping is rude" He gets up, grabbing one of his books and settling down on the desk.

"I still don't understand" Harry furrows his brows, "And it's not eavesdropping. I'm literally just at the end of the hall, and I thought we crossed those boundaries long time ago"

"Still" Zayn replies calmly, and Harry throws his hands in the air.

"So you can play in front of Niall but not me?"

Zayn pauses.

It's not that. He played in front of Niall hoping to impress him. He went to extremes for Niall to try make his heart lean his way. He was more than ready to do anything for him because he was a fool and in love and his crush got out of his hand, but it's not the same with Harry. He doesn't need to impress him, he already has his heart and more, but there are parts of him that he can't throw out in the open, and to have his feelings sprawled in front of Harry is tougher than he thought, but Harry doesn't understand, and Zayn can't make a proper sentence to express his feelings.

So Zayn deals with the situation like he learned how to. With silence.

"Fine" Harry stands up, "Have it your way" And Zayn can hear him when he says 'I'm tired' as he walks out of the room. He knows that Harry's upset, and yesterday surely adds to it, and Zayn can't deal with all of this alone, and there's a thought that crosses his mind after hearing Harry's words.

Is Harry tired of him?

Perhaps Louis was right. Perhaps he should've enjoyed the moment while it's there.

He needs Louis. And he grabs his phone sending him a quick text.

-I think I drove him away.

Louis' reply isn't instant and he knows it's due to work, and he waits, hearing the shower running.

-You 'think'?

-Louiiiiis ( ͒˃̩̩⌂˂̩̩ ͒)

-What did you do?

Zayn rolls his eyes, of course Louis would ask him this, and he writes a long text next.

-Well, you're wasting your time sitting on that chair. Should I really remind you?

Zayn taps on the edges of his phone, biting his bottom lip. And he can hear the water sound stopping. Louis' words would be exactly what his mind is telling him, or what he's supposed to think of actually. He's not ruining this.

Louis sends another text before Zayn gets up.

-He's not going to hurt you.

=====

Harry's just got out of the shower, and Zayn still finds his fresh smell intoxicating, but he's wearing a blank expression on his face as he puts on his clothes and packs his bag.

"Where are you going?"

"The gym" Harry replies coldly.

Zayn frowns, leaning back on the door frame and crossing his arms over his chest. That seems something he does, not Harry. "I thought this day is going to be for us?" Even though I kinda ruined it, I know, but still. And he can hear Harry's muttering under his breath sarcastically 'Yeah, us' still not stopping. "I'll wear that hoodie you love"

Harry stops for a second to look up at him, "I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with"

"Aww, you're the sweetest" He smiles, reaching to unpack Harry's bag. "It's comfortable, I'm comfortable with it, and ... Like, I've been an asshole, so ..." He looks up at Harry, "Please?" Harry stares at him for a moment before he sighs, because he can't really say no to Zayn's big pleading eyes. But there is no respond, so Zayn slides into his lap, hands caressing Harry's face, "You said we would talk instead of running away, so please don't go"

And Harry doesn't move so Zayn takes it as a yes, sliding further into his lap and kissing him, relaxing when he feels Harry's arms circling around his waist.

And Harry stays. They get snacks as they pick a movie, and Zayn wears the bunny hoodie for him, and doesn't mind at all when he's laying between Harry's legs and his hands start stroking his thighs as he plants small kisses on his neck. And if Harry got him turned on by just that, sucking him off on the couch then carrying him to the bed, he doesn't mind either, because he needs the thought of Harry never hurting him present before his eyes instead of being buried somewhere at the back of his mind, and he might've begged for it but he doesn't care because Harry wants it too, and they cuddle on the couch again, Harry's arms circling him and keeping him safe while he has his head resting on Harry's chest, and he doesn't remember when did he ask for anything more.

They don't talk about earlier though, and Zayn wouldn't get drunk with Harry around in order not to spill his feelings. At least Harry wouldn't push him on the things he's not comfortable talking about anymore.

=====

Spending his days with Harry is wonderful, he has to admit, and he would call Louis whenever he can't wipe the smile off his face, and Louis would tell him how annoying he became since he moved in, but he's joking, and when Zayn sees him physically, he'd have this fond smile on his face as Zayn rambles.

Louis has his share of rambling too, whining about his co-workers or making fun of the French people whenever their accent sound too arrogant, and Zayn loves his life this way.

But as time goes on, the working days became much horrible than Zayn had anticipated.

At first, he was struggling with keeping his study schedule with his job, and Harry would tell him to leave it but he doesn't want to be a burden more than he already is, and ends up with changing his shift, which is more horrible, because he can see Harry daily, he wakes up next to him and spends the night with him, but he doesn't get to see Louis. He still calls and texts whenever he can, and just when he thought everything was going well with his life, it's really not, and even though Harry's mere presence is comfortable, by the end of the week, Zayn finds himself awake so early, and Harry's arms around him doesn't do anything to loll him back to sleep, and there's this feeling at the pit of his stomach that doesn't settle well with him, so he grabs his phone and texts Louis, just checking on him, and he knows it's stupid to call at such hour because it's Louis' day off and he'd rather sleep instead of picking up his phone to see a text message, and he gets his reply four hours later.

Harry fixes him with a worried look when he wakes up but he kisses it away quickly because he's fine even though he doesn't know what's wrong, and he informs Harry that he's going to see Louis before Harry even get to have his morning shower.

The building is too familiar, and when he gets to his apartment, he doesn't even glance at the door across from him and gets in immediately.

He finds Louis on the couch and he literally throws himself at him and hugging him tightly, hearing an 'Ow!' from Louis and his smile fades when Louis doesn't hug him back. He looks down at him after pulling away and finds Louis' hand bandaged.

"Nothing serious, just cut my wrist accidently when I was in the bathroom. I think I left the razor blade on the sink"

Zayn frowns, "When did that happen and why you didn't tell me?"

"Just this morning. I thought you were sleep" He pauses, "Didn't check my phone when I got back to bed, why were you up this early?"

Zayn smiles, taking Louis' hand in his own and pressing it to his chest. "Soulmates remember?" Louis tilts his head, "I woke up this morning with a horrible feeling in my guts" He slowly slides off his lap and sits next to him, "That's why I texted you"

"See?" Louis smiles, "I'm never wrong" Zayn laughs and hugs him again, properly this time with Louis' arms around him.

"I missed you"

"Missed you more, bro" Zayn pulls back and presses a kiss to Louis' forehead.

"Why don't you come around? We're still up when you finish your shift. I changed mine to part-time because it was so tiring"

"It's a drag to come to yours then back to mine. This place won't be as clean if I'm not here. And like, I want to, don't get me wrong, I-" He cuts himself off and Zayn blinks at him so he sighs. He can tell Zayn that he's fine on his own and get that sad look in his eyes that Louis doesn't care anymore, or he could make him feel guilty about moving out, and both are horrible. But Louis would pick Zayn above anything else, and he cares too much for Zayn to see his heart breaking even if it was slightly, so he chooses the harm that he can fix, "I missed having you around. Just knowing you were in the next room makes me relax and now ... It's a bit hard"

"I could move back in" And here it comes. Louis chuckles at him.

"No, love" He shakes his head, "You're happy, and I'm happy for you. And this is for the best"

"Not for you!" Zayn protests, "And not for me either!"

Louis takes a deep breath, "It's just temporary, Zayn. Until you get a hold of your schedule" And before Zayn could say he'll drop out, Louis pinches his cheek, "Listen to me. I know that you know that you'll be miserable if you changed anything in your life at this moment, so no, you're not changing anything. Let things take its time"

"Then come to visit" Zayn replies quietly.

"I'd rather see you outside Harry's house"

Zayn frowns, "But you liked it"

"It's not-" Louis cuts himself again. What should he say? The obvious truth that he can't understand how Zayn can't see it up till now which is that Harry clearly doesn't enjoy his company at all? Or maybe Harry is assuring him from the other side that he doesn't hate him even though it's very clear on his face whenever Louis' around. "Harry would kill to have some more alone time with you"

"But you're my brother, and I'd kill to have some more alone time with you" Zayn counters.

"Dropping at my flat just for my bed each night is gonna be terrible"

"You can stay the night then"

Louis stares at him. "Zayn" He says slowly, "I'm not becoming the third wheel in this relationship. It'd be too awkward"

Zayn pouts, "Fine, but you'll at least come to visit, let's say, twice a week? And I'll pass by too, but at your day off, you'll be either there with me or I'll be staying here with you"

Louis smiles but he knows that Harry is so not going to like this. Zayn is basically leaving only one full day for Harry. "Alright" He cools Zayn down for now, knowing that Zayn can be mad at him at times when he tells him that he can't, but he won't hate him, and hopefully, before he thinks about moving in again, he's able to adjust with his schedule.

"So ... I'm craving some wine tonight"

Louis grins and nods. They haven't done that in a really long time. Well, not exactly 'long', but still. And he missed those drunk night conversations with Zayn.

They end up drunk after midnight, and Zayn has to drunkenly call Harry to tell him that he's staying the night with Louis.

He might have extended his stay for another day, and he also might have forgotten to reply to Harry's texts. Zayn doesn't put it much in mind though, because he feels home again.

=====

Zayn finds Harry lying on his stomach on the bed, a book opened by his side and he's tapping on his laptop, brows pulled together in focus, with Roy lying next to him on the mat.

He gets that horrible feeling again in his guts, whenever he's back to see him or Louis, and he doesn't know what to do more if trying to even the time given between the two isn't satisfying none of them.

And since this feeling isn't going away any time soon, he decides to try fix things maybe, and walks inside the room, Harry's eyes never leaving the screen even though Zayn is sure he heard his footsteps. So he sits next to him, placing a kiss on the top of Harry's head, and lays on his back, face next to Harry's arms so he can at least glance at him.

"I drove to the campus from home because I woke up late and ... I'm sorry I didn't inform you with that" He says quietly. "Also" He adds when Harry keeps typing away, "Since I haven't been seeing Louis around very often, I invited him in"

"Invited him in?" Harry looks at him finally, "As of now?"

"Pretty much" Zayn replies slowly.

"Alright" Harry returns to his laptop and Zayn sits up.

"I've been away for just two days, you don't have to make a fuss out of it"

Harry sighs, "I'm not. Did you see me yelling at you or something? You went to see Louis, you stayed, now you're here again. I said alright"

But Zayn can sense he's not his usual self, and Harry's off tone is giving away everything. "Are you bothered by Louis being here?"

Harry stops, closing his eyes for a second and taking a deep breath, because the answer to that question won't satisfy Zayn at all. So he sits up too to look at him. "No. I'm just having too much work to do"

"You can just say you're mad at me. I can read you, you know?"

No kidding? So you can't tell why still? But Harry just shakes his head instead of thinking of how Zayn wouldn't take Louis of his mind twenty four-seven when he's with him, but apparently, Harry is nowhere near that when he's with Louis. He's fine with it, they're making progress, he shouldn't be jealous of Louis, they're brothers. So he cups Zayn's face and kisses his forehead tenderly.

"Just call me next time, yeah? I get worried about you, that's all"

Zayn nods, a small smile appearing on his face and Harry copies it. "I promise we won't make a sound" He points at Harry's book before kissing him quickly, patting Roy on his way to the closet and changing his clothes then he's strolling downstairs. Harry takes another deep breath and stares at his screen, essay half-written, and he literally doesn't hear a sound from downstairs contrary to the fact that they're usually loud, and he decides to finish his essay first before thinking about joining the duo. It's not that he wants so, but at the same time there's curiosity sitting deep inside of him about them. And his jealousy might be sparking too.

=====

Harry finds the duo on the couch, almost pressed to each other, giggling at what the other said, and Harry might be surprised to see Louis being quiet as he is. Their limbs are tangled together, and Harry swears if it was someone else, he'd totally say they're a couple which is nothing new actually, it's the first though Harry had about them when they were acting at the back of the arena, too good that Harry has to remind himself it wasn't true, and even afterwards when they'd be always in a corner together, the amount of fondness in their eyes for the other is something Harry has been envying them about because he never had someone this close before. And okay, he'd admit that Zayn sometimes gives him a shy look full of emotions, he can cuddle and kiss him anytime he wants, but looking again at the duo ... What exactly does Harry has more than Louis? Sex. What does Louis has more than Harry? Zayn's secrets, most of his heart and time, a higher rank that Harry can never achieve, because Zayn would pick Louis over him every single time, and if people can see them as a couple, they might as well go ahead and be one. Not that Harry has had this thought multiple times before. Or perhaps he does.

So instead of glaring at Louis on his way because this was supposed to be their time together that he stole, and he shouldn't be mad at him, it shouldn't bother him, it's one night because Zayn misses him and that's fine by him, totally. He gives him a greeting nod and Zayn smiles at him, not moving from his position, like it's completely natural, and Harry knows it's the truth, and he takes a seat across from them. He notices how Louis' demeanor changes slightly and he glances at Zayn. Shit. How is he supposed to even start a conversation with Louis when he clearly doesn't want to and also has zero information about Louis? Of course Zayn talks about him, but deep down, Harry might actually want to make this awkward to show his utmost displeasure of having Louis around. He's not sure yet.

"You're done?" Zayn asks.

"Yeah, thought of checking on you before going to bed" Which clearly says, it's late, Louis should go home, can we have our time now? "Since it's late and you have an early class tomorrow" He continues and Louis turns to Zayn, a soft whisper as he strokes his hair that transfers all of Zayn's attention to him. And Harry wants to shout at him to just leave already. It's his own house and he can't kick him out. Great.

"I have work tomorrow too, I should be on my way"

Zayn pouts at him, "But you've been here for only two hours"

Three, Harry wants to correct him. He's spent three hours on that stupid essay because he was distracted.

"I'll see you tomorrow, love" Louis chuckles.

Zayn frowns, sitting up properly to allow Louis to sit up too. He bites his bottom lip, eyes glancing up at Harry and Harry honestly doesn't know what it means until Zayn stands up, whispering a 'be right back' to Louis before he's nodding towards the kitchen and Harry's browns furrow as he stands up and follow him. He might already has a bad feeling about this.

Zayn waits for him, standing close and keeping his voice down.

"Can Louis stay?" Harry has to control himself. Can he stay? No. "We have a guest room, and me and Louis can clean it up real fast if it wasn't used for a while" Why is Zayn acting like they're one big happy family? Why would Louis stay for fuck's sake? He doesn't live in another country!

"Did something happen to the apartment?"

"No" Zayn's brows furrow slightly.

"Did he get in trouble?"

"No" Zayn repeats.

"Then why is he staying?"

"I just ... Want him to" Zayn replies, "He said it's tiring when he has to come and go all the time" Then he should stop. "And I kinda ... miss him" Miss him? You've been spending two days and three nights with him so far in a row.

Harry raises his brows, "And you'd be joining him too?"

Zayn thinks for a minute, and Harry can't believe he's even thinking about it, but of course he's thinking about it, he's been practically sleeping next to Louis most of his life.

"No, he'd be just here, and I'll drive him next morning"

"He'd be literally in another room" Harry says slowly.

"It's just comforting, Harry" Zayn huffs a breath, irritation starting to show on his voice, "To know he's just there" And what do I do? "just-" He sighs, "Please, just this night. Please?" He looks up at him, eyes big and brows curved upwards with pouty lips, body fidgeting like he's ready to walk out of the door with Louis and back to their apartment if Harry said no. And Harry hates his eyes, hates the look they give him, hate how the person who has them has much effect on him. So he sighs deeply, hands pushing his hair backwards and nods.

"Alright. He can stay"

Zayn breaks into a big smile, hugging him tightly and thanking him before he's out of the kitchen, Louis is waiting patiently for him, and he sits next to him again.

"You're staying"

Louis glances up at Harry who rolls his eyes and presses his lips together, hoping that maybe Louis doesn't agree.

And Louis does so, looking back at Zayn with a sigh. "No"

"I wasn't asking" Zayn tugs at Louis' sleeve. "You're staying. And I'll drive you in the morning"

"Zayn-"

"Come on" Zayn stands up, pulling Louis to his feet with him.

"We talked about this" He says quietly and Zayn's smile falters.

"I know, but I just ... Please?" He looks up at him, giving him the same look he gave Harry, and it's Louis' weakness too. Shaking his head and a smile creeps on Zayn's face again.

Well, at least Harry isn't the only one affected by it.

=====

"Is this about the cut?" Louis asks quietly.

"No"

"We can't do this, Zayn. It's not the same, bro"

Zayn looks at him, something in his eyes that breaks Louis' heart for some reason. And he needs Zayn to speak up, needs him to get it off his chest.

"I know" And Louis knows him too well to read the 'I wish it was' line hidden in his words.

"I'm not going anywhere" Louis smiles at him, and Zayn knows it, but the feeling he gets makes his chest tightens, and he wants both but doesn't know how to get that. "And he's not going anywhere either" He reaches to stroke Zayn's cheek. "You know that"

Zayn takes a deep breath, hugging Louis for comfort, and he isn't sure for the millionth time why this feeling won't go away.

"Why don't you feel the same?"

"Not all of it, but it's there" Louis smiles and Zayn relaxes more in his arms as Louis brings a hand to brush through his hair. "Stop hiding behind your walls. He's not going to hurt you" He assure him again, hoping it'd get to Zayn who just blinks slowly at the distance. And Louis doesn't mean it just physically. He brings both of his arms to squeeze Zayn once before kissing the side of his head and Zayn pulls away so his hands cup Zayn's face. "Have a good night. Love you lots" He gives him another assuring kiss on his forehead and allowing Zayn to get up afterwards.

"Love you more" Zayn smiles at him softly.

And when he gets back to lie down in Harry's arms, Harry definitely doesn't allow his brain to think of the words Zayn spoke to Louis when he passed their room. Because it's another thing Louis gets to have and he doesn't, and he forces himself to believe that actions speak louder than words, and he has Zayn in his arms right now sleeping soundly, hoping that there's one certain person can leave his mind, but he also knows that this is impossible, which brings him back to the first thought until he's too tired and he shuts his eyes tightly.

It's a never ending cycle.

And He hates it.

=====

Harry doesn't see Louis in the morning. He feels Zayn getting out of bed earlier and he guesses he drove Louis to his workplace before he went to the campus. And he even gets home earlier than him, for a reason that Harry knows too well and wonders when it'll end.

And Zayn finds him playing on the piano when he gets back, approaching him slowly and leaning on his elbows on the piano with a smile as he watches him play, and Harry doesn't mind it, wishing that Zayn would be as comfortable as him someday.

"Why did you choose music?" Zayn asks quietly and Harry looks up at him briefly with his hands playing randomly on the keys.

"Thought it was the easiest field"

"It's not" Zayn chuckles.

"It really isn't" Harry agrees, "I wasn't going to satisfy my father and choose business administration, so I went with music. My friends told me that I'm good at it, and I applied. All that I had in mind was me singing and playing some instruments" He shakes his head, "The shitty books weren't in my plan" He looks up at Zayn again, "I wanted to have boxing as a profession, but my dad didn't approve of it, said it was dangerous after I landed an injury" He rolls his eyes, "I was eighteen"

"He has a point" Zayn replies, "You could've dropped out of uni"

Harry looks down again at the keys, "Guess I didn't want to disappoint him"

"He'd be happy for you if you chose what makes you happy. I bet"

Harry takes a deep breath, "Yeah. Maybe"

"And you're amazing. I've seen you fighting too many times to know you can go through it. You were out of the tournament just because you were stressed. You have nothing to stress about now" Even though Zayn might agree with his dad. Seeing Harry getting hurt again isn't something he looks forward to. But at least it won't be for him, and it's a legal sport, with a referee that can stop the match if anything wrong goes down. And if it was what Harry wants then he should go for it.

"Thanks" Harry smiles, looking up at him again.

"You're also good at that" He nods at the piano and Harry starts playing again.

"I've been thinking" Zayn hums, "Since we've been on edge lately" Zayn hums again, "Maybe we can have a date night?" He stops on a key and looks at Zayn, "Just the two of us, with nothing else on our minds?"

Zayn smiles, going around the piano to sit in his lap and kisses him.

"I'd like that"

=====

"Wanna bet it's gonna be so cliché you'll want to puke?" Zayn laughs, "Like, probably throwing some more roses on the floor and lighting the whole house with candles. That kind of romantic shit"

"Probably. I won't mind one bit" Zayn smiles to himself as he gets in the car, "I'm near you by the way, so I'll drive you home"

"Nah, I'm cool"

Zayn frowns, "You sure your phone is the one damaged?"

"Zayn-"

"Give me five minutes" He hangs up before Louis can protest and he sees Louis in five minutes, face red and looking awful making Zayn frown again as Louis steps inside.

"You're-" Louis holds a hand, turning his head, and a sneeze leaves him.

"I'm fine. I just think I caught a cold"

"You're not fine" Zayn mumbles and presses the gas pedal. It's not long before he's parking in front of their building and shutting the car down.

Louis takes a deep breath, "I can-" But Zayn is out of the car before Louis finishes and he sighs, opening his door and getting out as well, "Zayn, It's just a cold"

"And what do you do when you have cold?"

Louis rolls his eyes, "I was being spoiled by you. I wasn't gonna miss that"

Zayn gives him an unimpressed look and grabs his arm to lead him inside the building. "You do know that I can see through your lie, right?"

Louis turns to him, "Look, you're having a date tonight-"

"We can have that at another night. It's just a date. Don't act like it's the first"

Louis sighs again, they get to their apartment, and Zayn strictly tells him to change his clothes and lay in bed while he makes him a warm soup and gets him some pills.

He pulls his phone out and calls Harry, a cheery voice welcoming him and Zayn mentally winces.

"Hey, babe! You're on your way?"

"Um, actually ... I'm not"

There's a pause and he can pretty much imagine Harry with his frown right now. "You're not?" His tones changes and Zayn inhales deeply.

"Look, I know we've planned this a few days ago, and I'm really looking forward to it, but Louis is sick, and I'm going to stay with him tonight ... For couple more days actually, until he gets better"

"Louis is sick?"

"He's got flu"

There's another pause, "Flu? You're serious? You're cancelling on me because he's got flu?"

"Harry" Zayn sighs, "Louis gets a headache all the time, and if no one is by his side he'll stay in bed for two days straight without food in his system, and ... his headache has gotten worse since the last time he was in hospital. I've been there, and I know how he's like. I'm not cancelling on you, I'm just asking you to give me a couple of days for me to insure he's good to go"

Zayn waits for a moment until he hears Harry's deep exhale through the phone. "Fine. I wish him well"

"Thank you" Zayn smiles.

"I guess I'll see you in a couple of days then? I'll come by if you're not bothered-"

"I'm never bothered by your presence, Harry"

"Alright. Take care until I see you. Love you lots"

"Will do. Bye" Zayn replies and hangs up, grabbing the bottle of medicine and walking towards Louis' room.

Louis is sitting on the bed, head held between his hands, and even though Louis doesn't blame him, Zayn can't erase the thought that he is responsible for Louis' current state. He sits next to him, helping him to raise his head slowly and sees how Louis' eyelids have become so heavy as he hands him the medicine and a glass of water.

"I just need some sleep then I'll be fine. You don't need to worry about me" Louis smiles at him and hands him back the empty glass, leaning backwards until his back hits the mattress and closes his eyes. Zayn pulls the covers over him and leans in as well, hands reaching to cradle Louis' head between them and presses a light kiss on his forehead before his fingers move slowly and Louis sighs and relaxes more into his touch. "You're so getting my germs"

Zayn smiles, getting closer to him and keeps his fingers massaging Louis' head.

=====

The apartment isn't exactly trashed, but Zayn believes that selling this one and getting maybe a smaller one since it's practically just Louis –which he doesn't know how to feel about that for the millionth time– as he decides to clean it a bit while Louis is asleep. He'd occasionally check up on him, lay beside him until he's drifting as well, and it isn't something new that Louis' company even when he's asleep comforts him.

He'd find missed calls from Harry, but apparently, their timing is always not right, and they end up leaving text messages instead.

A couple of days later, when Louis is alright, he calls Harry on his way home but gets no reply. He arrives at his house to find him not there as well, and he remembers Harry's schedule, he's supposed to be home.

And knowing Harry, he's probably doing some extra training at the gym since he said he's up for it again, but Zayn never asked where the gym is or what it is called, and he ends up googling the nearest gym with boxing classes in it to find him.

He asks about Harry in the reception because he doesn't want to waste time searching for him inside, and when he knows that he's indeed here, he smiles politely and offers his thanks before getting inside.

The gym isn't his favorite place, and the smell of sweat combined with the many bodies working out reminds him of each time he'd see them working out before stepping inside the cage. He would admit though that he wouldn't mind seeing Harry like that at all. Shirtless, sweating, shorts on, muscles flexing as he lifts some weights. Yeah. It's a sight alright.

But before he gets to even spot Harry, there's a body blocking his way and Zayn doesn't have time to deal with the guy, seeing how he eyes him, and he was going for ignorance when the guy again blocks his way, and Zayn knows more than to fight back physically, so he sighs, eyes giving the guy a one-over, a bored expression on his face as he returns his gaze to the man's eyes, dark, combined with a smirk growing when he sees Zayn not walking away again.

"What's a pretty kitten like you doing here?"

Of course. Zayn has to fight the urge to spit on the guy's face. He might not be the type to work out, but hey, being pretty doesn't mean he's that weak. And he hates that nickname.

"Don't waste my time. I'm too sexy for you" Zayn walks to the side and closes his eyes for a second when the guy, again, doesn't allow him to. Seriously, what's up with jocks and wanting to impel themselves on him?

"I beg to differ" The guy gets closer and Zayn cocks an eyebrow.

"You cannot get me" He lowers his voice and the guy moves closer.

"You'll have to wait and see, kitten" He whispers, leaning again, and Zayn allows this for a moment, keeping his posture calm and his eyes glued on the guy. And Zayn really isn't in the mood for playing around as he knees him between his legs, taking advantage of his smaller body to slip away just in time as the guy groans in pain. Yeah, guess what? I'm not that weak, dumbass! "Fucking bitch!" He shouts, turning to him again, and normally, Zayn doesn't want other's eyes on him as well, but it benefits him today, because if he's no one's business, there's actually one person inside this place that would be mad at this particular situation.

There's a body separating him from the guy who looks with annoyance at him as Zayn just stands there.

"Enough with your shit today"

"He's not your business, Styles"

"He's my boyfriend" Harry's tone is deep and low, and the guy clicks his tongue, glancing at Zayn who smirks at him, and he's tempted to do something seductive, but he just lets it pass for today as the guy starts muttering under his breath and Harry turns to him, a hand on his back as he leads him away. And Zayn furrows his brows slightly when he hears the guy muttering 'Gets them all. Every fucking one of them' that he needs to know about as he turns towards Harry. "What're you doing here?"

"You weren't picking up my calls. I just wanted to see you"

"My phone is in my bag, in my locker" Harry sighs. "You could've waited at home. It's not like I didn't pick up for a whole day" Harry stares at him and Zayn rolls his eyes. He knows he's talking about him.

"It was placed somewhere, I was cleaning and forgot where I left it"

"For an entire day, sure. You didn't even bother thinking about calling back"

"I did!" Zayn protests and it's Harry's time to roll his eyes, "I even told you, you can visit at anytime"

"I was busy"

"So was I" Zayn replies and they keep staring at each other until Zayn sighs again, "Look. I missed you, I just wanted to see you, alright? I think that covers up the last couple of days" He pauses, "And who else visits you here?"

Harry blinks at him, "My friends"

"Your friends" Zayn nods slowly and Harry furrows his brows slightly.

"I'll be done in a couple of hours, you can go home until then"

"What if I wanted to stay?" Zayn tilts his head to the side a bit.

"Why would you want to stay?"

"So your friends can and I can't?" Zayn retorts and Harry stares at him for a moment.

"You ... Are you serious?!"

"That guy sure was"

"He was messing around" Harry sighs and shakes his head.

"Really?" Zayn turns to look at the people still working out, "Because I can ask around-"

"Ask around?" Harry repeats, "You mean sleep around?"

Zayn's head snaps at him, "Take that back" He says slowly.

"Which one? Your insult? That you can't trust me? That you implied it first?" Harry raises his voice slightly and Zayn blinks at him. "Just ..." He sighs again, hands rubbing at his face, "Go home, Zayn. I don't want to have a fight with you here" He says more quietly as he looks up at him again.

"Don't want your reputation ruined?"

"Don't want yours ruined" Harry corrects, "You're my boyfriend, and I don't want anyone around to even have one wrong thought about you" He steps closer, hands reaching up to cup Zayn's face, "I don't want them looking at you like you're some piece of meat, I hate it. You're so much more than that. And if we're going to have an argument, then I would rather it happening between just the two of us" He leans his forehead against Zayn's, "I'm sorry for what I said, but you don't know what you do with just walking around, and I ... I can't stand the thought of anyone around you, but you just ..."

"My fault" Zayn replies quietly, "I doubted you first. I'm sorry"

Harry smiles, tilting his head a little so he can press a soft kiss to Zayn's lips, "I don't know what you're even having inside of your mind, but you should know that you're incomparable. Honestly, you put everyone else to shame" He pulls back slightly and he can see the faint blush on Zayn's cheeks. "I didn't spend three years chasing after you for nothing" Zayn smiles, head ducking in a shy manner and Harry smiles wider. "I'll make it in one hour, how does this sound?"

Zayn looks up again, "Perfect"

"Come on then, let me walk you out" Harry kisses him again before dropping his arm to his waist, a hint of possession that Zayn enjoys. And he kisses him again before he slips inside his car. Zayn doesn't mind spending an hour with Roy until Harry gets home.

=====

Zayn finishes wrapping the gift. A box inside a box inside another that he bites his lip on a grin knowing how Louis would open the first two then give him a bored look with a roll of his eyes as he sighs but continues to open the rest, and he knows how much Louis already loves him, it's not about buying him a present, not even the place or whatever they might do tonight, but it's a celebration of another year of being together, and Zayn smiles widely as he stands up and goes to change his outfit. Louis is probably done from work by now and resting at home. And he doesn't question it when Zayn tells him he'll spend the day with Harry knowing too well that the night is theirs.

Harry is in the bathroom, taking a shower after coming back from the gym, and Zayn doesn't have to knock before getting inside.

"Harry, I'll be off to ..." He trails off, looking at Harry, hot water running down his naked body tracing every inch of skin it can get to. Wet hair sticking to his head. Back muscles flexing when he turns to the side to look at him, eyelashes damp, parted wet lips, and if Zayn had the time, he'd jump right next to Harry and kiss him, and he knows he won't be satisfied until Harry is carrying him to the bed and getting his dick inside his ass.

Harry smirks, watching Zayn looking everywhere before they stop at his eyes.

"You can get in, you know?"

"As much as you seem very tempting right now" Zayn clears his throat, "I do not have time for sex" Harry raises his brows, "I told you Louis' birthday is today"

"Right" Harry steps out of the water. "You'll be at home?"

"No, we're heading to a pub"

"Just the two of you?" Harry asks slowly, turning the water off and grabbing the towel. "I'm coming along. I can't have you both drunk. This is never ending well"

Zayn frowns, "We've been alone before, and we could manage"

"Is this another wording for you not wanting me there?"

Zayn's frown deepens, "No, that's not-" He shakes his head, "I just thought you don't want to go ..."

"I'm not accepting any hungry eyes on you" Harry stands in front of him, "And seriously, since it's just Louis, why are you dressing to impress?"

Zayn looks down at himself before shoving Harry back and exiting the bathroom. "I look good all the time, Styles"

Well, Harry can't really argue with that. But he didn't buy Louis anything, and they stop at the mall to pick something –that Zayn actually picks because Harry has no idea what he likes and it would sound awkward if he appeared with empty hands– Before they're picking the cake as well and waiting for Louis to get down.

Harry ignore the look they share when Louis sees him because he can't really figure the signs between the two, and they exchange a smile afterwards, so he guesses it's not harmful.

The pub is 'quiet' as Zayn describes it. A small place that Harry doesn't know how it's still operating with such low numbers of customers, but it's well. At least he can see everyone around who are really handling their own business, and he can see now why Zayn wouldn't worry much about being here with Louis on their own.

Zayn slides into his lap as they order some shots, not getting really drunk because they 'don't need to be drunk to have a good time' as he hops off with Louis to the dance floor with some other people. And Harry won't comment on that, not today, it's Louis' birthday, they're just having fun, and he's just watching over them. It's not their fault that his presence wasn't even planned.

When they get back, all giggles, pushing Louis on the stool and hugging him from behind as Harry lights the candle. Zayn presses a kiss to the back of Louis' head before he's placing his chin on Louis' shoulder and whispering to him to make a wish. And they're not eating yet until Zayn pushes his gift to Louis' hands and asking him to open it up. And it's exactly like he imagined it would be until Louis gets to the last box, opening it to find a bracelet, matched with Zayn's, because even if he doesn't like it, there's a small half a heart and an eye attached to the bracelet that makes him smiles widely, eyes filled with fond as Zayn closes it around his wrist, standing between his legs as he wraps his hands around Louis' neck, placing a lingering soft kiss to his forehead, and Louis smiles as he holds Zayn's hips before Zayn is pulling back slightly.

"Happy birthday my sweet little cupcake"

And Harry definitely doesn't want to put it in mind. He wouldn't want to think about the way Zayn and Louis look at each other because he doesn't want to think about the 'why can't he' and fill his mind with a thought that isn't new to him at all, because he knows from the people cooing at them that they think they're a couple. And he's pretty much sure that half of the things they do are too obvious to anyone else but them, and Harry should know they're just brothers, that the amount of affection isn't something new to them, but he feels suffocated, and he can't bear to sit there anymore, because Louis screams everything he can never have, and he feels like the third wheel, like an intruder in a place he shouldn't be, and maybe it's right, because Zayn wouldn't change the fond look on his face, and the soft smile he'd seen him giving Niall once doesn't compare to this.

Nobody compares to Louis in Zayn's mind. Harry knows that, but he can't accept it. And Zayn doesn't even give him half of his attention that Harry doubts if it was his birthday instead and Louis was present, nothing would change. And Zayn also doesn't notice the change in his behavior at all. Not when they're done and driving Louis home because he's too busy engaging in conversation with him, and that smile isn't wiped off his face for the rest of the ride, and Harry wonders the reason why Zayn didn't get out of the car following Louis.

Zayn doesn't notice until Harry is walking into the house without a word to him, not waiting him to follow, and he even slammed the car door with unnecessary force, and he frowns.

"Something wrong?"

"Everything is wrong" Harry mumbles.

"What? Harry ... wait" He calls after him, "I don't understand"

Harry stops and turns to him, "What exactly do I have that Louis doesn't?" Zayn just blinks at him in confusion, "Sex? Is that it? Because I remember it's isn't even a thing for you to flaunt about"

"What?" The crease between Zayn's brows deepens.

"You can't even see it" He shakes his head, "You're the perfect couple, Zayn. Everything you do, every time you touch, every word you speak. He gets everything!"

"He's my brother!" Zayn yells, "You're jealous of my brother?! Are you out of your mind?!"

Harry stares at him, unimpressed, because out of everything, Zayn would defend him. "And what am I to you?"

"You're my boyfriend" Zayn sighs, "Are you drunk?"

If he's drunk then Zayn wouldn't be standing where he is right now, Harry is sure. But he waits, if Zayn is ever going to say it, if he's ever going to tell him about his feelings, but it doesn't come, it never comes. "And?"

"And?" Zayn repeats in confusion.

"You can't even say it, Zayn! You can go around and utter those words to anyone! Literally anyone you want to fall in your trap! You even expressed your feelings to Niall! And you still can't say them to me?" Zayn's mouth parts and closes a couple of times and Harry just knew it, "I honestly don't know why you're still here" Zayn's eyes go wide, "Is this just another game of yours? To get what you want? Because you found an easy fund-"

"Don't" Zayn warns, "I knew you long before I even know about your fucking money, and don't you dare call me a slut again!"

And Harry shuts up, because he knows he's blabbering nonsense, he should know that Zayn isn't, but ... "Where are we going then? Because I can't stand and watch you two interact like you do. I hate it. I hate him. And every little thing he gets that I don't is another stab to my heart"

What should Zayn focus on? That Harry hates Louis? Or the fact that he's hurting Harry by being close to Louis? Because he can't push Louis away, he'd literally break, Harry needs to understand that. He can't be jealous of Louis, they'd been together for a life time, and Zayn can't throw him away.

"You knew just how much I'm close to Louis long before you pushed us in this" He says in a quiet tone.

"I pushed us?" Harry raises his brows.

"I let you go but you came back!"

"Right. Because it's always like that" Harry smiles bitterly, "You backing away, and me trying"

"I'm trying!" Zayn protests. "You're pushing me to the edge! I told you I can't jump so high like you do!"

"Then you're staying? You can't even take a risk for me?"

"Not when you're asking me to give up my entire life!" Zayn yells and Harry stares at him.

"So he's your entire life? See? I'm nothing to you"

Zayn sighs, rubbing his face with his hands before he looks up at Harry again, "I care for you"

"Clearly not enough"

"You told me that day that you don't mind being inferior to Louis"

"I lied!" Harry throws his hands in the air, "I thought I can get to you. I thought I can push him away and fully have your heart. But you obviously would pick him over anyone ... Go fuck him, Zayn. End this cycle and choose for once"

Zayn blinks at him, eyes wide again, and Harry turns his head to the other side, and maybe Harry would have noticed how Zayn's posture goes calm in seconds, face growing blank as he stares at him. He might have noticed how the spark fades in his eyes. But Zayn won't break in front of Harry. Not when he is clearly breaking up with him. And this is what he does best. He's an excellent actor at hiding his feelings.

"Well, I'm sorry I can't give you what you want" He says quietly, body retreating to the door, and Harry doesn't hear an engine, doesn't hear the faint clank as Zayn places his phone and keys on the table next to the door. All that he can hear is his own heartbeat in his ears, and he grabs the first thing close to him –which happens to be a vase– and throws it at the wall across from him, head falling between his crossed arms on his knees as he slides to the ground. He's so tired of the ups and downs in their relationship.

At least he ended the cycle, right?

=====

The sleep doesn't take over Louis yet before he hears the sound of the door being opened, and soon enough, there're footsteps getting closer and he sits up with furrowed brows as Zayn comes in view.

"We share our parts of heartbreaks, right?"

And Zayn breaks then, because it's Louis, because he's the only one who'd been picking up the pieces of his broken self. And Louis doesn't say anything, just takes him in his arms until Zayn is too tired and hurt and he falls asleep in Louis' bed.

And a minute doesn't pass before there's knocking on the front door, and Louis leaves Zayn for a minute.

"Where's he?" Harry asks irritatingly as he glares at Louis who sighs.

"Go home, Harry"

"Not until I see him" He tries to get inside but Louis blocks his way.

"Listen" Louis starts, "I'm not allowing you to see him right now. You don't get to break him and talk to him afterwards this fast"

"It would solve things" Harry says between gritted teeth.

"No, it won't. Because clearly you've messed up big time, and this can't be solved like this"

Harry takes a deep breath, "Look, I'm this close" He motions with a little space between two fingers, "To punching you in the face. So get the fuck out of my way"

"Do it" Louis says nonchalantly, a challenging look in his eyes, "I dare you" He opens the door, spreading his arms, "See how on earth are you getting him back after that"

And Harry clenches his jaw and fists because Louis is correct. Louis means the world to Zayn, and he can really end the cycle by doing that. And Louis drops his arms to his side again, closing the door in his face because Harry can't do anything. And Harry punches the wall until his hands draw blood on his way out and feels his knuckles breaking, because he's an idiot who came rushing after Zayn not so long after he left, and Zayn leaving his keys and phone must mean that he isn't coming back, and he can't do much but wait, staring into the ceiling as he lies on the couch.

He doesn't get a blink of a sleep, and he doesn't even notice it's 10 am until his phone vibrates from his side, and he finds an unfamiliar number that he texted before, and he realizes that it's not unfamiliar, and he wasn't the one who texted it, it was Zayn, and it's Louis, giving him an address and a text following it.

-Meet me in 10.

=====

"I'm going to say this once because you two are giving me a hell of a headache. And stop glaring at me, I should be doing that. If you really think you're being possessive over him, you haven't seen me yet. And you're going to sit and listen till the end of this if you want him back, and don't ever think I can't pick up the pieces that you'll leave because I'm very much capable of that, and you can really see the other side of my face if you ever tried to contact him again. Are we clear?"

Well ... Harry is shocked. For a small person like Louis, he's very intimidating. Not that he wasn't expecting that. Louis and Zayn are very protective of each other.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? Knowing that you still have a higher position that I do?"

"I don't care if it does or doesn't" Louis replies coldly, and Harry sighs deeply.

"How's he?"

"Horrible because of you, if that makes you feel worse" He smiles at him and Harry glares at him, he doesn't need to remind him of that, "But judging from your state, he's way better than you. And it's not something I haven't seen before, and trust me, I've seen worse" Harry mentally winces at that. "He's asleep by now" Good. At least he can sleep. Another reminder to Harry that he's got Louis by his side and he's got no one. "I do not tolerate anyone messing with his heart but if I know one thing, it's that he has feelings for you, and that's all I'm gonna say, because either way, you'd want to hear it from him not me, and it's not my place to say anything. But let me tell you that if I hear you calling him a slut one more time-"

"I didn't mean it" Harry mumbles. Because he never means it, not a single word coming out of his mouth when he's yelling at Zayn is true. He's just mainly frustrated and can't think properly with the thought of Zayn not being with him is present.

"I don't care. I'll chop your balls off then feed the rest of your body to stray dogs starting with your head"

Harry sighs. This seems more like a contract sort of thing. "Alright. When can I see him?"

"I'm not done yet" Louis fixes him with an unimpressed look, "I can accept you as a friend. You should accept me as one too if you want this to go on. Seriously, I have never gone to such extent with someone before, and if your stupid mind can't figure it out then may you burn in hell"

"Wow, what a beautiful start for a friendship" Harry replies sarcastically.

"He cares about you" Louis ignore him, "Your jealousy is making sense, I won't say it doesn't. Everyone who tries to approach him hates me to be honest, but I'm his family. You cannot even imagine the situations we went through together, and if you think that Zayn trusts me blindly, think again"

Harry furrows his brows, "You? He'd literally do anything for you"

Louis sighs, leaning back in his chair, "Zayn has trust issues. I do not go over the line. Yes, he loves me dearly, but he can never fully trust anyone. You are no different, and you're not giving him his time to adjust"

"What?!"

"Imagine those who'd been the closest to you entering your room one night and destroying every bit of hope you had left. You think it's easy for him?"

"I know he had a rough childhood"

"Good" Louis nods, "Did you also know that he almost committed suicide because he thought I'm lying to him?"

Harry widen his eyes, "What?!"

"Not too long after you settled down together. You should be thankful I got there in time, because where were you?" Harry opens his mouth but nothing comes out. Zayn did what? Why? How was he supposed to know? "Too busy figuring your feelings for him? Or too busy trying to push me away? Go ahead, break him more"

Harry blinks at Louis, "Why?"

"When Zayn cares for someone, he prefers them on himself, Harry. And he's sometimes insecure about his self-worth compared to those he care about. You and I are involved. Link the pieces together"

You and I. He's important. Fuck. Harry knows that, but Zayn going for suicide for them? Lowering his self-worth? He exhales deeply, putting his face in his hands for a second.

"You seem pretty casual about the whole thing"

"Wasn't the first time" Louis replies, "Although I did get a heart attack. I do love him, you know?"

Harry puts his hands down, alright. Trust issues, insecurities, he can try with that ... What can he possibly do? How is Louis handling that? Fuck. He needs Louis' help. And it's probably why Louis is sitting across from him now, because he obviously knows that Harry is stuck, he knows he's doing everything wrong, but he's still here, helping him. For Zayn. And this should be craved deeply into Harry's mind. Louis wouldn't be here if Zayn doesn't care.

"It's not about positions, Harry. There's never such a thing from Zayn's perspective. He'd tell you that if you asked but you don't know him that much, and you're not supposed to take every word he says into account. Sometimes he's scared, he won't show it because this is what we do, Harry, we act, we're used to this, we're used to hide our feelings. Push him, but not too much. He won't hate you for it, he doesn't. But if he won't say it then know he's asking for time. Eventually, Zayn does it without pressure, when he feels your trust in him, when he knows that he can give you what you want, but also" Louis raises a finger, "I'd kill you if you ever made him shut down on himself or if I ever sensed you're trying to pull a thread that you shouldn't. Zayn might have done plenty of things before but that doesn't mean he enjoys it. Don't make him uncomfortable"

"And stop comparing yourself to me" Louis continues, "We're not alike, and Zayn won't see us alike, ever. As much as Zayn won't admit it, until his mind is settled on accepting his heart, you're present, and that's all you need to know for now"

"Hard to believe he'd be mad at you if you told me"

"He will, but he won't hate me for it, and the next day, he'll forget about it, but it won't benefit you" He smirks, "My boy is always a 'hard to get' and you'd be an idiot if you didn't win him over"

Harry huffs a laugh and nods, "Can I see him now?"

"No" Louis stands up and Harry furrows his brows, "Think about what I said first. I'm giving you only one chance, and I give zero fucks if Zayn wanted to give you more" He points a finger at Harry, "Screw up and watch your life turn to hell" He smiles again, like he knows exactly what Zayn's presence in his life means, and Harry sighs, settling on waiting again until Louis gives his permission like he's asking his fifteen year-old son out on a date.

But Louis is right, he can't go to Zayn with one answer, and Louis isn't giving him more, and he's also right about that. Because if Louis provided him with answers every time, Zayn wouldn't see him as anything more. He needs those answers by himself if he really wants to stop the cycle, and this time, for good.

=====

Zayn feels something continuously moving on the bed, nibbling softly at his fingers, then there's something furry next to his face and he groans, turning his head to press it into the pillows more.

"Lou ... Stop" He mumbles sleepily and Harry smiles, waiting for Zayn to flutter his eyes open. Watching as his brows furrow in confusion and annoyance as his view becomes clearer, staring at the two rabbits trying to snuggle to him, and his first instinct is to move his hand to pet one of them before his brows are furrowing again and he's turning his head towards him.

"I believe they're probably going to win your heart before I even try to, but ... I'm here to apologize if you'll hear me"

Zayn doesn't reply, he turns again, hands stroking the grey rabbit while the other slightly bigger brown rabbit tries to remove Zayn's hands and gets under them instead making a smile creep on his face.

One chance. Harry can't mess up.

"I insulted you, more than once, and I know you're not doing it anymore, but if I'm being honest, the first time I ever saw you with Louis, I envied your bond so much. I've never experienced it, and you two are not even blood related-"

"It was never about blood" Zayn interrupts quietly.

"Right. I'm not gonna lie, Louis talked to me to get me here, but that doesn't mean I didn't try before, he just wouldn't let me in ... I know already why, but I just wanted you to know that I did not stop thinking about us"

"He told me" Zayn replies and turns to him, "You don't hate him anymore?"

"It's hard to when he's the one helping me to get you back" Zayn takes a deep breath and sits up slowly, the rabbits jumping in his lap almost immediately, and if Zayn isn't smiling because of him, at least he is smiling. "I don't know if I'm going to ever stop trying to surpass him, but I love you, and I care deep enough to want more with you, from you, for you" He pauses, watching Zayn petting the rabbits quietly, "I was afraid of losing you to another, Zayn. Louis is a big wall in front of me that I wanted to break but ... I'm sorry I didn't know it was protecting you"

"Please don't run away" He pleads and Zayn looks up, "I couldn't live with the thought of losing you but I let my frustration out, and instead of trying to pull you closer, I pushed you away. I wanted you, and I don't know if I'm able to leave you for another"

"You wouldn't let me go if I didn't want you?"

"Do you?" Harry asks, "Because I know I'm not reading the signs wrong" He pauses, "And I'm not very proud to say this but ... Is Louis also wrong about this?" Zayn smiles and looks down at the rabbits in his lap again, "Zayn ..." He waits until he looks up at him again, "I know I hurt you, I must've broke your heart, but trust me, I was hurting myself more with each blow I aimed towards you, and if my looks aren't saying anything then you must be still having a blurry vision from sleeping which is something that I greatly lack" Zayn smiles slightly, avoiding his eyes and glancing down again, "I'm just saying that if you want to get your frustration out on someone then let it be me" He spreads his arms, "I don't mind. And I would never lay a hand on you, and I promise that starting from today, I'm never allowing a single crack in your heart. I'll die before that happens again. You keep my sanity and my heart and I don't want them back"

Zayn stares at him for a moment, the rabbits getting annoyed at him stopping his movements and hopping off his lap, and Harry waits. He's got this one chance and he's not sure if he's passing or not, but at least Zayn is allowing him to speak. Isn't that a sign of acceptance?

And Zayn moves, Harry doesn't care if he's planning to slap him, punch him if it makes him feel better, or yell at him. But he's calm, and when Harry closes his eyes, the first thing that gets attached to his body is Zayn's lips on his, and his arms fall around his waist as he feels Zayn's body weight drop on his lap, arms linking behind his neck, and it's soft and sweet like each time Zayn wants to kiss him lovingly, and Harry doesn't want words anymore. He doesn't mind waiting another three years for Zayn to fully adjust as long as they're progressing. His life made it very clear that Zayn is a center pillar in it and it would crumble down if Zayn moved out. He did not come this far to mess things up.

"Are we keeping them?" Zayn whispers against his lips when he pulls back and Harry is in a daze for a second before he realizes he's talking about the rabbits, and he knows that Zayn would probably be more excited about them if he didn't just wake up.

We rings in his ears beautifully.

"Anything you want" Zayn smiles and moves so his head is resting on Harry's chest and Harry places a kiss on the top of his head. "What are you naming them?" He looks at the rabbits, "The little grey one looks like you" He whispers, "He's a bit shy, so he's mini Zee?"

Zayn smiles wider when he sees the brown rabbit trying to cover the grey one, "And the other is mini you?" He whispers back, "He seems protective of the little one"

Harry smiles, "Always will"

Zayn shifts again to look at him, "Take me home"

Home.

Harry is certain his heart is bursting right now.

"Sure"

=====

"So ..." Harry looks up from his book to see a smiling Zayn approaching him, "Louis told me you helped him today"

"Sounded like he needed help" He shrugs.

"Willingly?" Zayn raises his brows.

"As much as I'm sure his eyes alone can fire laser, yes, I didn't mind"

Zayn laughs, reaching the bed and straddling his lap, picking the book slowly before he's leaning in to kiss him softly, "Thank you" He pulls back slightly, "I'm assuming you're not studying?"

"No ..."

Zayn places the book to the side, "Is it irrational to say that I want to have sex with you right now?"

Harry smirks, "Not at all"

Zayn leans in again, hands cupping Harry's face as Harry's own reach to stroke the skin from his legs to his thighs, exposed because Zayn isn't wearing anything but Harry's shirt, and Harry loves it, how Zayn basically doesn't wear his own clothes unless he's going out, and even when Louis is around it doesn't matter because Louis had seen him before like this and is comfortable around him, and Harry lowers his jealousy parameter around him because it's actually ridiculous. And Louis might not be a bad person after all, not that he was but to Harry, he was unbearable.

His hands reach Zayn's ass, squeezing slightly before he's wrapping them around his waist and turning them over so he's on top of him. And he doesn't need to slide his tongue more than once over Zayn's bottom lip for him to open up, swirling it inside and feeling Zayn's body shifting beneath him, and when he pulls out, Zayn's eyes are darker.

"Rim me"

"Anything you want, Baby" Harry kisses him one more time before he's unbuttoning Zayn's shirt –or his actually– and kissing down his chest, hearing Zayn whine and he pulls at his hair when Harry kisses the inside of his thighs, already impatient, and Harry allows his head to be pulled back for Zayn to sit up, taking off the shirt completely and turning on his stomach.

"Is this position fine with you?"

"Yes" Zayn replies, shifting his hips and raising his ass in the air, and Harry takes a moment to appreciate his view that gets Zayn turning his head to look at him over his shoulder, "Are you going to stare at me all day?" Tone with a hint of annoyance, and Harry doesn't miss how his cock is laid on the sheets hard already.

"You look beautiful in every position, baby. Of course I have to take a moment to admire you" And before he gets to touch him, Zayn's hips are moving in obscene  shapes that leaves Harry gaping for a moment. "I love how you beg with your body" And he doesn't want to tease Zayn more, so he takes off his own shirt, hands sliding on Zayn's thighs again, rubbing at his sides and trailing on his back, watching how it arches beautifully, before he grabs his ass cheeks and spreads them apart, hearing Zayn release a sigh of relief before Harry is licking slowly from his balls, pressing on his perineum and hearing a little moan from Zayn before his tongue is circling his hole, thumbs opening it up for it to go inside.

Zayn gasps, head falling on the pillow and hands clutching at the sheets as he feels Harry's tongue entering him slowly, in and out in slow rhythm before he's adding more pressure and going deeper, and he feels Harry's nose at his skin, lips sucking as he retreats before going in again, and when he starts swirling it inside, pushing at every part of him, a broken moan escapes him and Harry pulls out.

"Is that alright?"

"Yes, fuck, Harry. Yes, just-" He gasps again when Harry enters him again, tongue darting in and out quickly, flattening to spread him, and he never likes it too fast or too rough, but Harry is just doing it right, hitting his sweet spots every time, and he feels himself close, hole clenching on Harry, and his head burying itself more in the pillow, hips moving to get more friction on his cock between his body and the sheets, and he's about to come when Harry pulls out again leaving him a whining mess.

Harry moves so his head is next to Zayn's and watch him raise his head slowly to look at him. "Want to come from my tongue or my cock?"

Is this even a question? Zayn wants both. "Your tongue" He manages to get out breathlessly, and Harry kisses his cheek before he's back between his legs again, and Zayn doesn't last for more than a minute, spilling his load on the sheets beneath him, and Harry keeps his tongue inside for a few more seconds until he's pulling out slowly, his hands are the only thing keeping Zayn's hips still up until he's carefully laying him to the side.

"Fuck your wicked tongue"

Harry grins, "I'll take that as a compliment" Leaving the bed and taking off the rest of his clothes before he's sitting back on the bed, and Zayn definitely eyes his hard shaft as Harry strokes himself lazily, pulling hard and teasing his tip and Zayn pushes himself on his elbow.

"Stop" Harry turns to look at him, face flushed and breath still somewhat not normal and stops, "What are you doing? I'm right here and you're jerking yourself off?" Harry opens his mouth and furrows his brows. "Stop staring at me and get your dick inside my ass"

Harry huffs a laughs then, "You're up for a second round this fast?"

Zayn bites his lip. His hole is sensitive, he's well aware of his own body, but he wants Harry's cock too, and he knows Harry wants it too, and maybe he normally doesn't, but even though Harry's tongue is amazing, he wants that deep full feeling inside of him, and his hole clenches with that thought.

"Do I have to repeat myself?"

Harry grins, reaching next to him to grab the condom and the bottle of lube and Zayn pushes himself up on his hands and knees. Harry raises his brows again.

"I thought you don't like this position?"

Zayn blushes and avoids his gaze, "Not entirely"

Harry smiles, kissing his cheek again and trailing his hands down Zayn's abdomen, feeling his back arch again and his breathing hitching slightly, "Are you sure? Because I doubt your hands and knees can keep up with me" Zayn turns to him again, a playful glare in his eyes before he's looking down, and Harry watches his eyelashes fluttering before he's flopping on his back.

Harry kisses him quickly, trailing his lips on his jawline and neck, hands gripping his thighs again to spread them, and he pulls back to get the bottle of lube, pouring some on his fingers and pushing two inside, Zayn's hole already stretched out some from his tongue minutes ago and Zayn moans at the feeling, eyes falling shut and head tilted backwards. Hands reaching for Harry's arms to grip on when he leans forward again to suck at his neck. It's not long before Harry inserts another finger, and Zayn's body is becoming more adapting to him by now, so he pulls his fingers away, sitting up so he roll the condom on himself and Zayn watches him with hooded eyes.

"Fuck me without a condom"

Harry looks at him for a second before he's throwing the condom away and lubricating his length. Aligning it with Zayn's hole before he's pushing in slowly, loving the feeling of how Zayn's hole stretches around him, and keeps pushing inside until Zayn's back is arching off the bed again, lips parted silently and eyelashes fluttering again when he's all the way in.

He starts with a slow rhythm, just the way Zayn likes it, and the ability to feel Zayn's insides without a condom is amazing, and Zayn feels the same, feels Harry's precome deep inside of him as he thrusts slowly, and his body is accustomed to Harry, and he finds himself wanting more.

So he pulls at Harry's hair to lift his head from his neck, and Harry kisses him a couple of times before Zayn is pulling harder at his hair.

"Go faster"

Harry kisses him again, "Are you sure?" And a part of him loves the way Harry asks him this every single time. To make sure Zayn isn't in pain, to make sure he's having a good time, and Zayn clenches down on him, and watches how Harry bites his bottom lip when he does.

"And harder"

Harry kisses him again before he's pulling away, angling his hips to go for Zayn's prostates and does exactly what Zayn told him to. Thrusting his hips faster and harder, but not too hard, not a blurry movement, when he can still hear the sounds their bodies make when they contact, and he knows Zayn is enjoying it when he moan louder, face scrunched in pleasure, and he likes this more sexually comfortable Zayn, to know that he trusts him enough to go at a higher tempo, but still not wild enough, still having self-control.

"Fuck, Harry. Touch me!"

And Harry complies. Leaning in and kissing Zayn, absorbing his noises, and reaching a hand between them to stroke Zayn. Feeling Zayn's hands grip at his arms again before he's clenching tightly around him and Harry pulls out almost all the way but Zayn's legs wrap around him and he pushes him inside again.

"Baby, I'm gonna come"

"Come inside of me"

"Fuck" Harry hisses as he thrusts back in, Zayn moaning again as he reaches his orgasm, and Harry gives a couple hard thrust before he's stilling, spilling his load inside of him then moving slower through his orgasm. Zayn's legs unwrap from around him and his arms fall next to his head on the pillow, and Harry pulls out slowly before he's sitting on his heels and catching his breath, loving his view, with Zayn sprawled in front of him and his cum leaking from his hole.

"Are you alright?"

Zayn opens his eyes to look at him and smiles. Harry would never stop asking him that, and he doesn't want him to stop asking him that. "Yes. You didn't hurt me, and that ... was the best sex of my life"

Harry smiles and gets up, "Good"

"You're disappointing me" Zayn pouts when Harry returns with a towel to clean him. "You're supposed to say it back"

And Harry definitely bites his tongue for this one. Zayn doesn't say anything back. But this is progress, right? He won't push him. He promised him that much, and he's willing to keep that promise. So he kisses him instead and smiles.

"You're not only the best sex in my life, Zayn. You're literally the best thing to ever happen to exist in my life"

And Zayn blushes again, giving him a shy smile. And Harry picks him up for a bath, and they splash water at each other and play with the bubbles before Zayn is straddling his lap again and they end up sharing lazy kisses. And Zayn loves wet Harry just as much as Harry loves wet Zayn. And there's another round of course because of that.

=====

Harry gets a text from Zayn asking him to meet him in five minutes, and it's the first time Zayn has ever visited his campus, and it's a bit weird for Zayn to know which room is empty at that time, but Harry doesn't ask, because if Zayn is willing to say it now he will, and if not then it's later, because he's not pushing him.

It's a small stage room, and he finds Zayn on his phone on top of the stage when he enters. He smiles at him and asks him to close the door behind him.

"What are we doing?"

"Take a seat" Zayn answers instead and Harry does, watching as Zayn connects his phone to another device. "I've recorded the instruments before a hand so I'm capable of just singing along with it"

"You're ... singing?"

Zayn presses something on his phone and he holds the mic stand. "I don't do well with a crowd, so it's just you" Harry is more than happy to be just him. The music starts and Zayn looks at him again, a shy expression on his face with a soft smile, "I wrote this for you"

Some nerve you have
To break up my lonely, and tell me you want me
How dare you march into my heart?
Oh, how rude of you
To ruin my miserable, And tell me I'm beautiful
'Cause I wasn't looking for love, no
Nobody asked you to get me attached to you
In fact you tricked me
And I wasn't trying to fall in love but, boy, you pushed me
So all that I'm asking, Is that you handle me with caution
'Cause I don't give myself often, But I guess I'll try today

'Cause I've had my heart, Broken before
And I promised I would never let me hurt anymore
But I tore down my walls, And opened my doors
And made room for one, So, baby, I'm yours
Oh, baby, I'm yours, Oh, baby, I'm yours
Oh, baby, I'm yours, Oh, baby, I'm yours
But I tore down my walls, And opened my doors
And made room for one, So, baby, I'm yours

I'm mad at you, For being so cute
And changing my mood, And altering my route
What's wrong with you?
You make me sick for being so perfect
What did I do? What can I do, oh?
And I wasn't trying, To melt this heart of iron
But the way you hold me makes the old me pass away
And I would be lying, If I said I wasn't scared to fall again
But if you promise me you'll catch me, Then it's okay

'Cause I've had my heart, Broken before
And I promised I would never let me hurt anymore
But I tore down my walls, And opened my doors
And made room for one, So, baby, I'm yours
Oh, baby, I'm yours, Oh, baby, I'm yours
Oh, baby, I'm yours, Oh, baby, I'm yours
But I tore down my walls, And opened my doors
And made room for one, So, baby, I'm yours

Oh, I hate that I
Spend my days just wasting time day dreaming 'til I see you again
I'm not used to this
Oh, I used to be so used to boys just using me
For you to be you to me, Feels new to me
'Cause I usually cheer for the bad side
Love under a bad sign
So it makes me mad I'm, Falling again, Falling again

But I tore down my walls, And opened my doors
And made room for one, So, baby, I'm yours
Oh, baby, I'm yours, Oh, baby, I'm yours
Oh, baby, I'm yours, Oh, baby, I'm yours
But I tore down my walls, And opened my doors
And made room for one, So, baby, I'm yours
Oh, baby, I'm yours

Zayn stops and Harry has to clap for him. The deep voice, the high notes, the falsettos. To hear it now in front of him, clearer, a song for him, it's too much to be honest. The way Zayn expresses his feelings in music instead, he doesn't mind, he really doesn't. He's not pushing Zayn, and he knows that even if he doesn't get to hear it everyday, and while he secretly hopes Zayn has a recorded version of this, he wants it filmed, he doesn't mind that too. He wouldn't ask if he's the first to hear it or not, he's not going to ask since when Zayn thought of it, because it's about him, and it's enough. Zayn's attempts are not going in vain. He went through all this trouble inside his college for him after all.

"What on earth are you doing wasting such talent?"

"I'm not good with a crowd" Zayn repeats.

"I'm pretty sure they're going to love you" He stands up and walks to the stage. Zayn gets his phone back and lowers himself so he's sitting at the edge.

"So you don't mind sharing me with the world?"

Harry smiles and shakes his head, "If this is what you want, I'm never stopping you. And I know at the end of the day I'm the one who gets to have you, so ..." He shrugs and Zayn laughs, going for a light kick.

"I wrote it about you" He says more quietly.

"So you're going to call me pet names in your songs now? I like it"

Zayn laughs again, "I'm going to call you pet names outside my songs too, babe"

Harry raises his brows, "I'm going to miss the way you pronounce my name in your cute accent" Zayn cocks an eyebrow, "You have a cute accent, don't fight me on this" Zayn rolls his eyes and allows Harry to get him down and kisses him. "I'm proud of you. I'm with you in every step of the way. I'm never letting you go" He whispers and kisses him again and when Zayn pulls back, he can see the faint blush on his cheeks as he smiles softly at him.

"Harry-"

Harry kisses him quickly, "See? Adorable"

Zayn shoves him playfully, "Stop it"

"What? I do love the way you call my name"

"Harry-"

He gets interrupted for a second time, and even though he doesn't sound really irritated when Harry kisses him again, he still bangs his fist on Harry's chest as a protest. And if sex inside the campus wasn't such an unpleasant memory, he wouldn't have minded taking things to another level right here and now if Zayn was up for it. But Zayn looks soft as he pulls away, sexy but soft, and he has to stare as he whispers his next words.

"I wasn't kidding"

Zayn smiles again, a different spark in his eyes as he giggles, hiding his face in Harry's chest for a moment before he's pulling back again and staring up at him. And Harry loves it, he loves him, he'd say it more than ten times a day, and he'd accept Zayn's smile as an answer. And he wants to treasure this moment, to capture the spark in Zayn's beautiful eyes. Because as much as they're capable of landing a deathly arrow towards him, they're his safe place as well. And Harry is pretty sure his entire world stops just around Zayn. How his eyes are big and sparkling, around the way his lips move, and Harry isn't sure if he wants to press the play button again when Zayn actually speaks up.

"I love you"

=====

A/N

IT'S FINISHED!!

I can't believe I finished this! You guys are so lovely! Thanks so much for everyone who's been here through the entire thing, and I'm really sorry for the long wait! I love you all <3

Feel free to tell me what you think here or at my Tumblr.