A.N: hey guys, I just need to explain something before you get into this chapter. In Ireland, at lunch, there is a cafeteria (or canteen) but most people don't sit there during lunch. There are benches scattered around the school and that's usually where people sit at lunch. Ok, that's it, enjoy!
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*one week later*
I completed my morning routine with ten minutes to spare so I actually sat down with my family for breakfast. I listened to my dad rattle on about politics and my my mom gush about this "super food" she saw online. Jack had stayed the night at Melissa's house- which mom wasn't impressed with, so he was probably trying to sneak away as we were eating.
I arrived at the school and headed to the music room as usual. I immediately settled down in front of the piano and started playing, I was in a world of my own when I heard a voice from behind me.
"Hey, sorry I'm lost, could you tell me wher-"
He stopped talking when I turned around and we recognised eachother, it was Grayson.
"Oh, Niamh even better, someone I know, I'm lost."
"So I gathered," I said, happy for a distraction "where'd you need to go?"
"Well Mr. Dunne asked me to meet him in B1 before school started, but I somehow ended up here, what room even is this?"
"F11," I replied, smiling slightly.
This was the first time I'd talked to him without Ethan being there to fill the silence, so to say the least I was nervous.
"I was just finished here anyway so I'll show you the way."
He breathed a sigh of relief,
"Great, thanks."
I gathered my stuff into my bag, quickly sliding my notes into a folder and turned back to him,
"Let's go, it's not too far."
As we walked down the deserted halls, I noticed Grayson looking at me.
"What?" I questioned, suddenly self conscious.
"I was just thinking."
"About?"
"I heard you playing as I walked towards that room you were in, you are really good at piano."
I blushed fiercely,
"Thanks, you're sweet, I have an exam coming up soon so I've been practicing way more than usual."
"It sounded perfect to me." He encouraged.
I smiled up at him, he was a few inches taller than me and I found myself imagining how perfectly my head would fit on his shoulder. I snapped back into reality,
"It's not but I'm getting there."
"I've always wanted to play piano." He said wistfully.
"You should get lessons."
At that, his eyes lit up, he turned to me,
"Could you give me lessons?"
I felt my eyes widen at that,
"Oh I don't know I-"
I was interrupted by the sound of someone calling his name,
"Grayson! Hey, Grayson."
I noticed him tense slightly, then he plastered on a smile- noticeably not as warm as the one he'd just given me and said;
"Oh hey Aoife how are you?"
"I'm really good, but even better now that I've bumped into you."
I rolled my eyes behind her back but stopped immediately when I saw Grayson looking at me, I realised then, that he was holding in a laugh. My heart jumped- he didn't like Aoife, everyone liked Aoife, hell even I liked her a bit, she was just that kind of person.
She turned then, as if just noticing me for the first time, she blinked then beamed as if we were best friends,
"Niamh, hi, were you guys in the middle of something?"
"Oh, um no, no we weren't he was just lost I-I was helping him find somewhere." I stuttered, silently cursing myself for being such an anxious mess.
"Oh, well I can take it from here, we wouldn't want to hold you up."
"Oh, y-yeah."
"Actually-" Grayson tried to interject.
"Where do you need to go Gray?" Aoife said, placing her perfectly manicured hands on his arm.
He glanced at her hand and muttered,
"Um B1 but Ni-"
"Then what are you waiting for, lets get a move on."
Grayson shrugged at me and turned away. I heard Aoife mention something about a party that I obviously wasn't invited to. I strained to hear his response, but only picked up a few words. I sighed and walked to my locker.
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My classes had dragged on so I was really glad when the bell for lunch rang. I walked to my usual spot and sat down, some first years who were sitting there scurried away when they saw me, terrified by the scary sixth year.
I smiled when I heard Ellies laugh from down the hall, it was so damn loud but I loved it because it was distinctively hers. She came into view carrying about five books as well as her bulging schoolbag.
She smiled when she saw me,
"I'm beyond stressed, I have two tests and I swear I might drop dead from exhaustion."
I rolled my eyes fondly at her typical over dramatic attitude as I helped her slide her books under the bench.
"Oh shutup, you know you'll pass with flying colours."
"Shush you." She said.
I stood up to lean against the radiator opposite the bench, it was only a metre away so I could still talk to Ellie.
"I'm dreading Irish class, I didn't learn any of the vocab." She sighed.
"Is oinsín mór thú." (You're a big idiot) I laughed.
"Gabh mo leiscéal, táim cailín deas, a striapach." (Excuse me I'm a lovely girl you whore.)
"Póg mo hón." (Kiss my ass.)
We laughed at eachother, then Ellie stopped, suddenly serious,
"Did you bring lunch?"
"Yeah but I'm not hungry."
"I know you, you don't eat when you're stressed or nervous."
"I'm always stressed Els."
"True, but you need to eat."
She reached into my bag and pulled out my sandwich, tossing it to me. I groaned and started eating, each bite more cardboard like than the other.
"I hate when you're right." I muttered.
"I know." She winked trying to lighten the mood.
When I had finished I walked to the nearest bin to throw out my rubbish. On my way back I saw the popular bench, which was just down from mine. But there was something different than usual, then it clicked, Ethan and Grayson were perched awkwardly on the edge of it, deep in conversation with eachother.
I leaned back against the radiator rubbing my hands along the heated surface, watching them. Before I knew it I had made eye contact with Ethan, he leaned over and said something to Grayson, who turned to look at me, nodded, got up and started to walk in my direction.
"Ellie he's coming."
"Who?"
"Grayson." I could feel panic rising in me.
"Ok, just breathe, um picture him naked. Actually lets picture both of them naked because roar am I right?"
I knew she was just trying to distract me from my anxiety but it was working. I laughed, heart rate slowing gradually, just in time for Grayson to arrive beside me.
"Hey Niamh, sorry about this morning, we never got to finish our conversation."
"Wha- oh yeah, Aoife."
I heard Ellie scoff, Grayson glanced over at her and smiled warmly.
"Hey Ellie, not Aoifes biggest fan are we?"
"Well lets just say I won't be jumping in front of a bullet for her anytime soon." She replied bluntly.
Grayson laughed- a genuine friendly laugh, then turned back to me.
"Anyway..." He started but I wasn't listening, I couldn't help myself, I was staring at his eyes. The light hitting them made them glow and-
"Hello? Earth to little Irish girl." Grayson was grinning at me and I snapped back into reality.
"Oh sorry, what was that?"
"I was just going to ask about you, maybe giving me piano lessons." He said rubbing the back of his head with the palm of his hand, he seemed nervous- which was adorable.
I saw Ellie raise her eyebrows out of the corner of my eye.
"Oh, I don't know. I'm not really qualified to teach."
"I don't mind really, I'd just really like you to teach me."
"I mean I could give you the number to my old piano teacher if you want, she's really nice."
"But I want you!" He said, pretending to stamp his foot and sticking out his bottom lip.
I didn't even realise what had been until it was too late, as if I was detached from my own body I heard myself say,
"Ok fine I'll do it."
His eyes lit up and I felt my heart flutter.
"Thank you thank you thank you thank you." He said, suddenly pulling me into a hug.
I was so shocked at this that it took me a few seconds to return the gesture and wrap my arms around his torso. It was such an alien feeling, my head was just about level with his heart and I could hear its steady beat.
He pulled away and looked at me, still smiling.
"We'll arrange a time later yeah?"
I nodded numbly, watching him turn and walk away. I saw Grayson nodding and Ethan giving him a thumbs up, but I also noticed Aoife and Áine staring at me.
I looked away and faced Ellie,
"Firstly, why the hell did I say yes and secondly, sweet baby Jesus he smelt amazing."
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"YOU DID WHAT?!" Kayla exploded.
"I know I know, but it was literally like I lost control of myself, one minute I was staring at his eyes and the next I had agreed to give him the stupid lessons and he was hugging me."
"This is....brilliant Niamh."
"Wait what?" I said, staring at her as she leaned against the piano.
"You heard me, this is amazing. You never push yourself out of your comfort zone because you're too afraid."
I stared down at my lap, it was true and I knew it. I'd gone through a tough time with bullying and subsequently I developed severe social anxiety and I became my own biggest critic. Some days were better than others but it was still a constant shadow over my head. Kayla had always been so understanding about it, her and Ellie really pulled me through each day. I could go weeks at a time without any panic attacks but on the other hand I could also have a week where I had three or four consecutively. So I shut myself out from the world, afraid of people hurting me as other people had. I let myself get lost in my music and photography. I'd rather read a good book that be at a party, or in any social situation for that matter.
Kayla continued speaking,
"I know how hard you are on yourself, with everything, but this could really help build your confidence."
"Or it could attract unwanted attention." I replied.
"Well Grayson sounds really sweet and I think he could become a positive thing in your life. Besides," she said packing up her stuff "you can't exactly back down now."
At that I lowered the lid of the piano and sighed,
"I guess you could be right."
I followed her out the door. My phone beeped and I glanced down at the screen, stopping dead in my tracks when I read the notification;
Snapchat: graysondolan just added you as a friend!
Kayla looked back at me and strained her neck to look at my phone, she grinned at me,
"No honey, I'm definitely right." Then she turned and kept walking.
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After music I had gone home with Kayla, we were sitting in her living room relaxing.
"Open it." She urged impatiently leaning towards me.
I stared on my phone, which was opened on snapchat, I had a message from Grayson. He had sent it to me the minute I added him back. We were sitting on the couch and we were home alone which meant Kayla had no valid reason to be quiet when she spoke.
"I swear to god if you don't open that bloody message I'll pin you down and do it myself. Why are you taking so long? I mean you know what it's about, it's not like it's a life or death snapchat. PLUS it's not even a picture message so you know it's not a picture of his-"
I cut her off before she could finish her sentence,
"Ok that's enough from your horny ass. The reason I don't want to open it, is once I do there's no way I can back out, I'll have to do it."
"I'm not letting you back out anyway sweetheart and anyway it's just piano lessons. Don't let your anxiety hold you back."
"But," I began, but Kayla had clearly had enough because she snatched the phone out of my hand and tapped on the unopened message,
"KAYLA!" I jumped at her but she'd already replied , pressing send then handing it back to me.
I looked down to look at the messages, Grayson had, as predicted, if we were still on for the lessons to which Kayla had responded with an overly perky "of course!!"
I glared at her,
"You're welcome." She grinned triumphantly at me.
I flopped down onto the floor and laid on my back, rubbing my fingers against my temples I said,
"What will I even say, I can't talk to boys, especially not ones carved by the gods and I sure as hell don't know how to teach."
"Ok we need a team meeting." Kayla said, picking up her phone, her thumbs hitting the screen quickly and purposefully. She lay down beside me, her long hair fanning out around her head like a crown. She brought her knees up towards her stomach and rested the phone against her legs.
I looked at the screen just as Ellies face popped up on FaceTime, as always she had answered instantly,
"Hola babes whats going on?"
"She's freaking out over her American lover." Kayla informed her.
"One; he's not my lover, you know I hate that word and two; I'm not freaking out exactly, I'm just... Oh fuck that I'm FREAKING OUT," I exploded "how am I, a perfectly average Irish girl supposed to teach a perfectly perfect boy piano when I get nervous if a any boy asks me to borrow a damn pen in class?"
At that point I'd sat up abruptly and grabbed the phone, holding it directly in front of my face. Kayla pushed it back so that both our faces were visible to Ellie.
"Can we forget who we are talking about the teaching part for a minute," Ellie said "like how are you going to approach it?"
"I don't know, I suppose I'll just do it the way I was taught ." I replied.
"Fair enough I guess, so at least you have that part figured out." Ellie mumbled, thinking carefully.
"So how can we help you with your.... Let's call it stage fright?" Kayla asked.
"To be honest," Ellie said "I think we can keep telling you that you'll be fine but in the end the only way to find out is if you throw yourself in head first."
"Yeah good point," Kayla agreed "no matter how many times we tell you what to do or say, it'll be you that's in the situation not us."
"This isn't helping." I groaned.
They both shrugged,
"I'm telling you this is a good thing." Kayla reassured me, bumping her shoulder lightly against my own.
At that same moment my phone flashed with a notification.
"It's him." I said tossing the phone at Kayla.
"Well I guess I'm you for now." She muttered.
"What'd he say?" Ellie said eagerly, I could imagine her sitting at her desk surrounded by all the books she was supposed to be studying.
"He's just asking about a time and place, what'll I say?"
I sat still for a second, thinking until Ellie interjected,
"Well you'll be in the music room on Monday morning anyway so if you go in and practice and organise for him to come after you have some of your own practice done."
"Yeah that sounds good." I nodded.
Kayla typed quickly then grinned,
"Done."
I took a deep breath,
"No turning back now."
"Amen." The girls said in unison,
I laughed and leaned against Kaylas shoulder, it would be fine, as long as I didn't let my anxiety overcome me, everything would be fine, I felt Kayla squeeze my leg reassuringly, I looked at her and she smiled back, everything would be fine.
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