"Reuben," Ayla pleaded as she snuggled against his side. "Tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing," he said. Again. "Go to sleep."
"You expect me to sleep with all the noise going on out there? Why aren't we in the castle?"
"Because if someone tries to attack Fye in the middle of the night, I'm more likely to hear it if we're out here in a tent." He kissed her forehead.
"Oh. That makes sense, I suppose. Tell me what's wrong."
He sighed. "Woman..."
"Or do I have to torture it out of you?" she asked as her fingers made a trail across his body, driving him mad—not that he wasn't already mad.
Xander was lying!
But what reason would he have to make up such an absurd story? The facts fit. Xander was the right age and, according to some people's opinions, bore a physical resemblance to Reuben. And he saw her in Xander's face, too. The green eyes. The olive skin. Xander couldn't have known about that night unless she had told him.
Xander the squire was Reuben's son.
"I hate you," Reuben muttered.
"You—"
"No, not you," Reuben said as he squeezed Lady Ayla against him. "God."
She gasped. "Reuben, you—"
"You're not even going to ask why I hate him before you make accusations? I might have a good reason. I thought you were fairer than that, milady."
She sighed. "So why are you insulting God this time? Is it because Fye was born as a female?"
"No. Fye is perfect. It's... The last time I was at a tournament, it didn't end well."
"Oh. I'm sorry, Reuben. I should have thought..." One of her delicate hands caressed his face. "This is bringing back bad memories for you, isn't it?"
"It wasn't. Until I got a message from her."
In the dim light of their tent, Reuben saw Ayla frown. "A message from Fye? I don't understand."
"No. A message from... her." He clenched his teeth in the moment before the name slipped out of his mouth. He hadn't said it in years, and he never wanted to say it again. He wanted to wipe all memory of her from existence. "Salvatrice."
Ayla gasped. "The woman who betrayed you? What message?"
"Xander."
He felt Ayla's confusion thicken. He supposed he ought to say it outright, but admitting it would only make it more real. Why should Ayla have to think about his sordid past? She knew enough already.
"Xander? What did Xander do? Reuben, you have to explain."
Reuben growled and propped himself up so he could lean over Ayla and kiss her. Ayla possessed a divine power; her presence could make the past and the future disappear. All she had to do was touch him like she was touching him now, and... no. This time it wasn't working. His thoughts went to another night, another woman. A long time ago.
Reuben didn't know how many men he had killed. Sure, some of his kills might have been morally repugnant, but he had known a long time ago that he would never make it into heaven—if such a place existed. He didn't regret the killing. Nor did he regret the countless carnal encounters he had had with women in the years before he met Ayla.
Except one. Only one of those women had known him well enough to come back to call him to account.
"Let it be, love," Reuben said as he broke apart from their kiss. "It's not important."
"If it's bothering you this much, it is important."
He kissed her again, deeply and passionately—maybe this time her power would work to push away the memory that he had thought was long gone. She protested the kiss, pushing against him, but it was futile.
"Enough!" she said in a breathless whisper when he let her go. "Stop trying to distract me with your...your..."
He grinned. "Yes, milady?"
"Tell me what's bothering you!"
He sighed and fell on his back again. He may as well tell her; Ayla was too pious and God-fearing to leave him for his past sins. He started in on the story, "After I escaped from the dungeon, I... went to see her. I apologized. I put on a grand show. I was the picture of Christian repentance. The priest had exorcised my demons, I told her. I was laughing at her every second, but she didn't see it. I... seduced her." He cringed as he said it. Ayla knew about his past, knew that he had had plenty of women before he married her, but talking about it made him feel ugly, dirty. It was her fault, really. She had shoved a conscience down his throat, and he had as of yet failed to poop it out.
He went on, "Then I left. I never wanted to see her again. I had taken something from her like she had taken my way of life from me. It seemed fair. That night... It produced a child. And Xander just told me..."
"Reuben... Xander is your son?"
He nodded, not looking at her. He couldn't look at her, even though there was barely any light in their tent.
Silence.
More silence.
Then Ayla's arms were around him, her body draped on top of him. She kissed him—not a passionate kiss. A kiss that was far too gentle to have anything in it but love. "I suspected," she said.
His eyebrows shot upward. "You what?"
Ayla, his beautiful and strong Ayla, didn't seem rattled at all. Rather, she seemed... sympathetic. But that was her—always thinking about others before she thought about herself. "Well... he does look like you. And acts like you sometimes. But I didn't think it was... her."
He grunted. "Yeah. Well, it doesn't matter. I told him to leave. If he is anything like her, he just came here to—"
"Reuben! You can't tell him to leave. He's your flesh and blood."
"But he's her—"
"He isn't leaving. He came a long way to find you, and he hasn't asked for anything yet. He's given a lot more than he's taken."
Reuben snarled. Why did Ayla have to be right? Why was she always right? But that didn't mean he wanted to look at Salvatrice's dirty offspring every day. And he certainly didn't want Xander anywhere near his Fye. Even if Fye did seem to like him...
The tenseness in Reuben's gut started to melt. Xander had been a decent squire, as far as squires went, and Reuben had to admit that sometimes he came dangerously close to liking the lad... "Well..." he said. "I suppose Kaylin would be sad if he left."
"And apologize to him."
"That's taking it too far. It's not like I—"
"You'll apologize."
"But—"
"Reuben!"
He sighed. "Yes, milady. Anything you say, milady."
*
17.2
Xander couldn't sleep. He shouldn't have told Reuben the truth. Things had been fine before Xander decided to go and do the honest thing. Now he had ruined everything.
He didn't know why he had let the truth spill out. Maybe he had had one too many sips of wine, or maybe he had seen the way Reuben admired Ayla and started to think something idiotic, like A man who loves his wife that much has to love his entire family. Even the bastard of a woman he hates.
Whatever Xander's reasoning had been, it could not have been more fallible.
When Xander finally drifted off to sleep, he heard his mother's voice, begging him not to tell Reuben the truth. Maybe he should have listened to her for once.
"Hey!"
Xander was jolted awake, and he glared at the massive form that towered over him. His stomach dropped. He hadn't disappeared soon enough, and now Sir Reuben was going to cut out his heart and send it in a box to his mother.
He readied himself to leap to his feet and defend his life...
And then he realized that Sir Reuben didn't have a weapon in his hand.
Xander let his head flop back down on the pillow. "If you're not going to try to kill me, I'm going to sleep for another hour. It isn't even dawn yet." Not that I planned on leaving anyway. I need to stay to make sure Fye gets through the tournament without losing her head—or any other part of her, for that matter. But Reuben doesn't need to know that.
Then Reuben's hand was in Xander's hair, yanking him upward.
"Ow! Hey—" Whatever. Xander had already ruined whatever chance he may have once had of gaining Reuben's approval. He punched the knight's gut.
Reuben let out a grunt, and with a growl he released Xander, sending him tumbling off his bed. In a second, Xander was on his feet, ready to go toe-to-toe with a legend.
But Reuben was smiling.
What?
This maggot-brained knight told me he never wants to see me again, and now he's smiling at me?
This lunatic is my father. Xander still couldn't quite wrap his head around that fact. Maybe in a couple years he would be as insane as Reuben. Well, at least Reuben seemed to enjoy insanity. It might be something to look forward to.
What did Fye ever see in this lunatic?
Xander knew what she saw, though. She saw a man who fiercely defended his own, who threw stupid social norms aside and who wasn't afraid to challenge any man or god who got in his way. She saw a man who laughed loudly, yelled even louder, and had a purpose behind his every action. She saw a man who had become a champion for her and her goals.
And Xander... he saw an enigma. His father. He had come to Luntberg to meet Reuben, to get to know him, and eventually to tell him the truth. Why did I tell him the truth? Reuben had been thinking about other things, like his matchup with Fye and Sir Arken's enrollment in the tournament.
Maybe I told him because he asked, and because maybe he wouldn't loathe me being around Fye so much if he knew the truth. At least, I think that's what my reasoning was. No. It was probably the wine. It had to be the wine.
I was wrong.
Why is he smiling?
"Sir?" Xander asked, still not entirely convinced that Reuben hadn't come to deal him a violent and untimely death.
Reuben observed him, stroking the stubble on his chin. "You're not a horrible squire."
"Thank you, sir? I think."
"Indeed, you're rather good with a sword. You're quick, intelligent, and brave—though you ought to learn how to show proper respect. Handsome, too."
"Sir?" I've died and I'm in Purgatory. I have to deal with Sir Reuben for a few centuries before I can get to heaven. This must be it.
"You can stay," Reuben said. "In fact, if you don't stay, I'm going to hunt you down, drag you back, and tie you to a tree. We need you around so Margaret doesn't throw any more suitors at Fye. Speaking of my favorite little troublemaker... what are your intentions toward her?"
I can stay? What? Sir Reuben has finished losing his mind.
Or maybe...
Xander barely dared to hope.
Maybe...
Maybe he is going to accept me as his son.
"My intentions, sir?" Xander asked.
"I'm not blind. Your act with her is no act." Reuben shrugged. "What are your intentions? Do you want to get into her bed or her heart?"
"Um... sir?"
"Now who's vocabulary is having a problem? Answer the question, you boil-brained imbecile."
Xander's lips curled slightly upward. "I'm confused. A second ago, sir, you said I was intelligent."
"I was mistaken."
"No, sir. I don't think you were."
"Answer my question!"
Xander cleared his throat. He shrugged. "I doubt that it matters, sir. Fye knows what she wants, and it isn't a man."
"You're dodging the question. Her bed or her heart?"
There was no right answer here. If Xander said her bed, he could only imagine Reuben's fury. Fye was his little treasure, and any man who dared to seduce her—and possibly impregnate her—would be on Reuben's daily list of people to castrate. If he told Reuben the truth and said her heart, Reuben might not come after him, but he might laugh. He would laugh because Fye's heart was with knighthood, not with any dreams of domesticity—even if Xander was rich, handsome, intelligent, etc...
"Sir," Xander said, "I—"
"If, by some cruel joke of the universe, you manage to seduce her, you will marry her. Is that understood? If you're just looking to satisfy the little guy between your legs, go hire a whore. I'm sure there are plenty around her."
"Sir," Xander said, "Given where I come from, do you really think I would take a woman to bed before I married her? That's a little cruel, don't you think?"
Reuben's face twisted, and Xander readied himself for a fight again.
But the knight shrugged. "So we understand each other. When she breaks your heart—because she's never going to marry you—try not to cry too much. I have a reputation to uphold, and my squire can't be crying unless I make him cry. Well, get dressed and go down to the arena. Be my eyes and ears. Find out who the cheaters are. Be inconspicuous."
"You do realize that I'm a head taller than almost everyone else here? It's rather difficult to be inconspicuous."
Reuben shrugged and waved a dismissive hand. "I don't care if it's difficult. You'll do it because I ordered you to. Get moving! Oh, and if Lady Ayla asks, I apologized to you."
"Maybe you should actually apologize so I don't have to lie to—"
"Move! Now!"
Xander, grinning like he had just won the universe, followed Reuben's instructions.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
I didn't plan on updating again so soon, but I couldn't help myself. Cliffhangers drive me bonkers, even if I know what happens.
Thanks for reading!