I was stiff in the backseat of the car as we road to the emergency vet. It felt like I was still breathing, yet experiencing rigor mortis at the same time. Star was perking up like nothing had happened. She leaned on my lap, her wagging tail slapping against the seat. The car bumped and jostled from side to side, the roads still a mess from the previous night’s snowstorm.
“Lia, are you doing okay?” Dad asked from the passenger seat.
“I’ll be fine,” I said quickly.
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Mom said, turning the car. “She probably just has epilepsy or something.”
I scratched Star’s furry back. “I honestly don’t want to know.”
After the nauseating ride, we pulled into the parking lot of the emergency vet and got out of the car. I clung to Star’s rarely-used leash, which my parents suggested. I also didn’t want to deal with taking her harness on and off while she was examined. Mom walked over to me, her sneakers crunching against the ground.
“Listen, you need to walk carefully. The whole parking lot is full of ice,” she said.
“I’ll be fine. Let’s just go,” I said.
Lowering my head, we went towards the front entrance. After a few steps, I fell flat on my behind. I groaned and brushed myself off once I got to my feet. Without an argument, I handed Star to my dad and held onto Mom’s arms the rest of the way.
The emergency vet smelled terrible when we talked in. It was like a mixture of that sterile hospital smell and wet dog. I found a seat and waited there with Star while my parents filled out the clipboard full of forms.
“What are we going to do with you Star?” I said, scratching under her chin.
Mom and Dad joined me. I could hear him scribbling furiously with the pen. Then there was the wait. I leaned back in the uncomfortable seat, listening to barking dogs and secretaries typing up a storm behind the counter. After a while, I heard a voice say, “Star? Star Thomas?”
We walked up to the woman who I assumed was the nurse and were then led to an examination room where we did even more waiting. I sat down in a chair that was even more uncomfortable and took out my phone.
“Send a text to Kurt,” I said. “Tell him to call me later.”
The phone pinged in response. Mom said, “This place is filthy. Hopefully she doesn’t bring fleas home.”
I listened to the clock ticking on the wall and waited for a response from Kurt. I knew he liked to get up late, but it had to be almost noon. Finally, a door on the opposite end of the room opened and someone walked in.
“Well, hello there!” the woman said before coming over to me. “I’m Doctor Baker.” I heard her reach down and pet Star, who went closer to her. “What a sweetheart. So I looked at the chart you filled out here and it says that you think she may have had a seizure.”
“I used to be a teacher and I had a child that was epileptic in my class once,” Mom said. “What happened to Star looked kind of like that, so I just assumed.”
“What happened exactly?” Doctor Barker asked.
“She was taking a nap in the living room while my son and I were watching TV,” Dad said. “She got up and we saw her start shaking. It looked like her legs just fell down under her.”
“By the time I got there she was on her back,” Mom said. “The whole thing only lasted about two minutes or so.”
Doctor Baker flipped through the pages of what sounded like the same clipboard. She clicked a pen and started jotting down a few things. I clung to Star’s leash for dear life.
“Well it sounds like she had a grand mal seizure to me,” she said. “Now we just have to figure out why she had it.” Before proceeding, she checked Star and took her temperature, which was normal. “You see, there’s something about her belly that doesn’t seem right to me. I think instead of doing all of that nasty bloodwork we should just go right to an ultrasound.”
“That sounds good,” I said.
“Okay, I’ll have the nurses come in and bring her over there. She’s going to have to get sedated.”
I bit down on my lip. For some reason I didn’t think Star was going to go through all of those things. It was probably just epilepsy. All she needed was just a blood test, but I didn’t want to argue.
“How long with that take?” I asked.
“About an hour or so. When the nurse comes in you can just go right back out into the waiting room.”
She shut the door before I could answer. A nurse came in soon after. I hugged Star and handed her over, doing my best to hold back tears. Mom and Dad led me back to the waiting room after that.
“What do you think it could be?” I asked.
“It could be anything,” Mom said. “We’ll find out soon.”
I held my phone in my hands the entire time, waiting and waiting to hear that Kurt responded. After asking my parents, it was right after one-thirty. My nails dug into the jewel-studded case. What could Kurt possibly be doing? I pressed the main button again.
“Text Kurt and tell him to get back to me soon. Tell him that I had to take Star to the emergency vet.”
The main door opened and closed, sending in a burst of freezing air every time. My thumbs twiddled and my palms were sweating like crazy. Seconds felt like hours. Minutes felt like years. Finally, a man walked up to us.
“You must be the Thomas family,” he said. “You can come on back with me.”
My heart raced as we followed him down the hallway. He led us into a different room. Right when we sat down, the door opened and I heard a familiar set of feet clicking against the floor.
“Hi there,” the nurse said. “She’s all set. She’s still a little groggy through.”
“Okay, thank you very much,” Mom said.
“The doctor will be with you momentarily,” she said before walking out the door.
Star’s head was already in my lap. I hugged her and kissed the top of her head. Her tail slid back and forth across the tiled floor. It didn’t feel like “momentarily,” but Doctor Baker did walk back in at some point. Something was different about her this time around. She sighed before coming over to us.
“So as you know, we did the ultrasound,” she said. “I had to say it, but there were some discrepancies.”
“W-what d-discrepancies?” I asked, my body shaking.
“Well, it looks like there is a pretty decent sized problem with her stomach and her liver.” I knew what she was going to say, I wanted nothing more than to pour bleach in my ears and go deaf too. “We found a lot of cysts.”
“So…she has cancer?” Mom asked.
“I’m so sorry,” Doctor Baker said. “A lot of times it’s hard to catch these things before it’s too late.”
I sat still, my body growing numb. “Is there anything we can do? Anything at all?”
There was a moment before Doctor Baker answered. “There is medicine, chemotherapy—but to be honest it will only prolong the inevitable.”
I held my breath, trying not to scream. Dad said, “How long do you think she has?”
“At this stage, I’d say about a month.”
At that point I just tuned her out. She had to be wrong. Star was right here in front of me. She was fine, wagging her tail and groaning for me to keep scratching her ears.
My phone finally vibrated in my back pocket. I put the volume on low and help it up to my ear, listening to Kurt’s message as it was read by my phone’s automated lady voice.
“Lia, I’m so sorry I didn’t get back to you. This new game I downloaded had me distracted all morning. Is Star OK?” A second message came in right after that. “Scratch that. I’m sure everything isn’t fine, but things will be OK, I promise. You know I’m right here if you need me.”
Doctor Baker left and my parents thanked her. I could feel snowflakes hitting my face when we stepped outside. In the car, Star leaned her head on my lap like always. I hugged her as hard as I could and pressed my face into her fur, the silent tears leaking out from under my sunglasses.