Chapter 4
Last night was a blur.
All I remember was coming home, taking a shower, and collapsing onto my bed feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted. Surprisingly, I had cooled down after an eventful day. The anxiety attack I experienced happened more so because I felt overwhelmed with Nate's arrival than what had actually occurred the night before. It doesn't help that in this big city, I was alone, whereas Nate and his family basically ran downtown Manhattan. In comparison, he had more on the line with his reputation being in the public eye. If word ever got out, the worst that could happen on my end is a termination.
Although, a sexual harassment case wouldn't look too good on my resume either. Could this even be considered sexual harassment? I mean, both parties were equally involved last night...
I wasn't quite sure what was going to happen but I planned on avoiding Nate like the Black Plague.
Except for that stupid dinner, of course. I had no control over that and I squirmed under the thought of being with Nate in that type of setting knowing he had power over me - power over my job, power over my thoughts, and power over my feelings.
I wasn't falling for him. I knew what liking someone entailed - hanging over their every word, waiting for their call, looking out for them in the streets or the hallways. At all costs, I wanted to do the complete opposite. But I couldn't deny that there was something between us. A tension that could only be described as infatuation. It's all physical.
At least, I'm hoping it is.
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The next morning, I woke up ready to start the day. I successfully finished the first draft of my article titled "What's Your Fortune?". I cleverly described the history and origin about the creation of the first Chinese fortune cookie that took place in San Francisco back in 1914 (my interesting fact, if you can believe). I related it back to my life and proceeded to give a brief biography about myself. For a rookie article, I gave myself a pat on the back. It was good.
Feeling confident, I walked through the elevator doors and onto Forward territory, headed for my new desk. There, in the back corner next to the windows that overlooked Central Park, awaited my empty miniature white desk. It stood next to the mini-cubicle (with walls of, what else, glass) that belonged to my new manager.
From the packet, I discovered that her name was Sarah Wyatt. Through the power of the Internet, I had already scrolled through three of her photo albums on Facebook, learned that she had an obsession with collecting Band-Aids, and loved to write more than life itself. I'd read excerpts from her articles in Forward, one of them being, "How To Get Over Your Ex - Without Sex", and it really made me question my whole life. A bit dramatic, I know, but her writing was that good and it couldn't be a coincidence that it related all to well to my life. After about three hours of online stalking, I knew I already loved this woman.
Sarah was there to greet me and she looked unsurprisingly more beautiful in person than she did in pictures. She had curled her blonde hair and dusted gold eye shadow over her lids, which enhanced the blue in her eyes. Doing a complete head to toe scan of Sarah, I immediately concluded that she's the best-dressed person I've met. She posed in front of her cubicle wearing a loose fitting white blouse tucked into an olive green maxi skirt. Her manicure toes peeked out from the gladiator sandal strapped around her calves.
Here I was, in a crisp collared blouse and pencil skirt, struggling not to slip against the smooth laminated floor in four-inch heels. If you pushed us next to each other, it'd seem like we were working at opposite companies.
"Haley!" Her voice sounded smooth and tranquil as she extended her arms out inviting me in for a warm hug.
"Hi, Sarah!" I greeted her happily. I inhaled her rosy perfume that reminded me of a garden. She looked and smelled great. I could tell we were going to get along perfectly fine.
"It's good to finally meet you, I've been very excited in preparing all the work we'll be doing together," She squeezed my shoulders. Once we broke out of the embrace, she tapped the white desk behind her. "This is your desk - decorate it however you want. We've got pens, notebooks, and any other office supplies you need in a closet down the first hallway. If you want to add pictures or cute little knick knacks, be my guest!"
She walked over to her desk, which was very...cluttered. I admit, my obsession with cleanliness got the best of me and I restricted the urge to organize and rearrange every corner of space she had. There were piles of paper work, files, and photographs cramped in a corner next to her sleek desktop. On the wall closest to her desk were different colored and printed Band-Aids in all shapes and forms. The rest of her desk was covered with picture frames, desk organizers, and even some make up. I'm not going to judge Sarah based off of a messy desk. I wanted so badly to clean it up.
She giggled at me. "Clearly, I'm the poster child for decorated desks."
"I love it!" I said to her, meaning it. Through my years of living with a roommate, I've come to terms with the fact that I'm probably the most anal person when it comes to organization and patronizing anyone who wasn't didn't make me a likable person. I learned my lesson after being scolded for getting caught trying to clean my roommates' side of the room numerous times. I have accepted to respect peoples' personal space. Working with someone who failed to prove themselves as neat as me is something I have to get used too.
"Also," She narrowed her eyes at me while I watched her eyes look me up and down, "You can dress up a little bit more...chic. Have fun with your outfits! We work for a magazine not a law firm."
My smile slightly faded. She laughed which indicated that she meant no harm in her comment but I didn't feel any less embarrassed. "Sorry, I guess I'm used to dressing up more professionally. This is my first internship and I want to make a good impression."
She waved a hand at me. "It's alright hon, I totally get it. My first day here I wore a black knee length dress with sleeves and a collar. People thought I just came back from a funeral!"
We both laughed before she said, "Feel free to dress comfortably yet stylish, but no jeans or active wear. And if I catch you in Crocs, you might as well turn in your two week notice."
I laughed more, admiring the fact that my manager was genuinely a humorous person. I also tried to save myself by asking, "Duly noted. So, what are we going to work on today?"
She smiled slyly. "Well, aren't you the worker bee? Straight to the point, I like that. It shows me your drive."
I practically glowed at this. "Thank you very much."
"We can start with your intro," She gestured to the seat behind my new white desk and I sat down, laying out my files on the table. "Show me what you got."
I squealed excitedly because I was ready to get some feedback on this piece. It was like turning in the official document of my years in college to my new life in adulthood. Liberating - that's how I would describe handing Sarah my two page piece.
"San Francisco huh? I love that city! You've come a long way hon," She seemed impressed. "I'm from Los Angeles myself, we're basically neighbors!"
Staring at this bombshell, she did seem as if she had walked right out of Hollywood. At first glance, Sarah wouldn't strike you to be a top-notch journalist for a magazine. A celebrity, hell maybe even a model, would be a suitable career to categorize her under. That made her all the more intimidating. Beauty and brains. My legs shook nervously as I watched her eyes scan the pages. Her face was expressionless, only her perfectly arched eyebrows raising and furrowing here and there. Her lips were pursed the entire time and once she read the last line, she set the papers down and stared at me, still emotionless.
"Good," She stated plainly. "I like it. It's unexpected and the transition from San Francisco to your life was great. But I do worry that you describe too much."
This time, I raised my eyebrows. "What do you mean?"
"See here," She pointed at a few lines, "There are details that could be taken out to make this statement straight to the point. We don't want to bore our readers, just inform and inspire. That's it! Also, throw in some interesting facts about yourself. We can find out what school you came from and what major you were on the Internet. Show us something unique. Give me your second draft by the end of the day."
I nodded taking in her constructive criticism. "Alright, I'll get to work on that," I said whipping out my laptop from my bag.
Right as I pulled up the document to work on my piece, a familiar scent clouded the area around my desk. When my eyes glanced up, Nate was sauntering past my desk, daring to throw me a bright smile and flirtatious wink as he continued to his office that's conveniently located right behind my desk. I quickly returned my gaze back to my laptop screen hoping no one noticed that inappropriate exchange.
"Good morning ladies," Nate nodded his head towards us.
"Hello Nate," Sarah waved at him. "That man," she sighed after Nate shut the doors to his office. His walls were also made of glass and anyone could clearly see what he's doing. I turned around just as he sat down in his ghost chair.
"Yeah," I said weakly, pretending to be more interested on my article.
"He's a gorgeous sight to look at, huh?" Sarah smiled hopelessly at Nate while I kept my head down.
"Mmm, he's alright," My voice shook. "Do you have a thing for him?"
Sarah scoffed. "Oh sweetie, please. Nate's what, twenty-four? And I'm...well, I'm not. I've got my own boyfriend to be checking out."
I did a double take at her. "I'm sorry, did you just say Nate is twenty-four?"
She nodded, leaving me uneasy. Nate was only two years older than me. How could that be? In two years of graduating college, he now owned an entire magazine? "He's the youngest owner at Chester Publications. But I guess being the son of Chester helps."
"Ha," I let out a breath, unimpressed by this.
"I'm scheduled to have dinner with him next week. No boss has done this with us before," She continued.
"I have dinner with him tonight," I told her. "Don't you think it's weird he's doing that?"
To my surprise, Sarah shook her head and gave me an inquisitive look. "I think it's fantastic. Our ex-boss, Jeanine, was a raging bitch. She didn't care about anyone but herself and constantly threw us under the bus. That's why everyone is so uptight here - we've been brainwashed with fear. At least Nate's nice enough to get to know his employees. Plus, I'm a sure a few ladies in the office wouldn't mind spending time with him."
She winked at me before returning to her desk. A sense of jealousy hit me when I pictured Nate eating dinner with other girls. What was wrong with me? I don't get jealous, especially not over someone like Nate.
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I've only had one best friend in my entire twenty-two years on earth. There have been plenty of faces and acquaintances that have come and go, but only one significant person stands out who I can honestly claim to be my best friend.
In high school, I was quite popular in the writing department. A lot of peers came to me with an essay in hand, ready for my expertise opinion. While editing and revising most of your class' papers gets you noticed, it doesn't actually keep people around. They came shyly, acted nice and threw compliments my way like free candy, got what they wanted, and left. The next day in the hallways when I'd attempt to say hi, they averted their eyes and walked in different directions as if I never existed.
But when Madison came to me asking for help on her AP History paper, something sparked that made her different than everyone else. Madison, with her auburn hair and cheeks full of freckles, actually invited me over to her house for dinner after I helped her with her paper. At first, I thought it was just a 'thank-you-for-helping-me' dinner. But the next day, she accompanied me to class, walked back home with me, and stayed for dinner at my own house.
Three months later, we practically became sisters joined at the hip. I was crushed when she decided to go out of state for college too. We were separated for the majority of four years and it felt as if I had lost a part of me. I never opened up my life to people and letting Madison in was the best decision I've ever made. She knew me better than anyone else, and she held a few secrets that I was confident she'd take to her grave. To this day, she still called me every Friday, our ritual sister day, and we would spend hours on the phone catching up about our lives.
In college, I never bothered making friends because I found Matt. He had become my next Madison - someone I turned to for everything. I worshiped the fact hat he loved how organized I was, the one thing I was insecure about. I found it surprising that he let me clean his desk every second I had the chance, and he never had to worry about keeping his car neat and tidy as long as I was around. But, because I didn't bother to have other friends besides him, I watched myself turn into a clingy and nagging girlfriend, which eventually became the reason why we broke up.
Once that ended, I realized I made a huge mistake when I had no one to help me through the awful stages of a breakup. I not only wanted new exciting and friendly faces in my life, I needed them.
I made a resolution that when I moved to New York, I'd try to open up more of my life to people instead of being on my own all the time. I needed to find more Madison's because going through big changes alone could be depressing. So, later that day, when Bessa and Kevin approached me to join them for lunch, I was ecstatic. For someone who knew the luxury of having a lot of friends at their disposal, this may have been a casual everyday request. For me, it was a chance to finally put myself out there.
"Haley!"
I looked up from furiously typing away at my laptop screen. I had almost re-written every line of my paper with Sarah's new feedback and was deep in thought when I heard Bessa's soft but firm voice call my name. Her curls were restricted into a tight bun at the top of her head and she flowed across the floor in a gorgeous pale pink dress. Next to her, Kevin walked looking sleek in a gray pinstripe suit.
"Hey guys," I greeted them, happy to take a break from work. "What's up?"
Kevin reached my desk first and put both hands on my desk. If Nate smelled good, Kevin smelled divine. It was a mix of something fresh and musty, the perfect cologne combination. "What are you working on?"
I tried to hold back the fluttering in my stomach from his scent and said, "My introduction piece. My manager gave me some feedback and I'm trying to edit it."
Bessa looked over at Sarah who also was knee-deep in some work. Sarah didn't even notice the two of them hovering over my desk. "She's pretty! Why couldn't I have gotten a pretty manager?"
"Who's you manager?" I asked.
"Her name is Agnes, and she's just as unattractive as her name," Bessa giggled guiltily. "Ironic how she's the manager of the women's fashion department, right?"
Kevin chuckled at this and said, "My boss Rob is dope. He said that I could do my next article on anything I wanted and when I proposed to do a piece on the effect of what French healthcare would have in America, he approved it."
I blinked a few times at what Kevin just said. Staring at him, I was surprised that he turned to be more intellectual than I had initially thought of him. "Wow, that's impressive."
Bessa rolled her eyes. "He's just trying to show off."
Kevin lifted his eyebrows at us. "Is it working?"
We both giggled before Bessa asked, "Do you want to go out to lunch with us, girl?"
I beamed at her question. I quickly shut my laptop closed and grabbed my wallet from my bag. "Yes! I'm starving, where are we headed?"
"There's a new sushi restaurant on Baker Street that we decided to check out," Kevin replied. "You up for something raw?"
"As long as it's edible," I joked.
I told Sarah that I was heading out for lunch and all she did was nod and wave a distracted hand at me, not taking her eyes off of her computer screen. It was hard for me to hold in my excitement because this was the first time anyone's ever asked me to join them for lunch, besides Madison of course.
"Where are Tony and Chelsea?" I asked once we hopped on the elevator.
"They had an early lunch together," Bessa said. "I've been working so hard that I didn't realize how hungry I was."
I nodded in agreement. "If you guys hadn't asked me, I probably would have gone the whole day without eating."
Once we stepped outside, the three of us talked, pushing through the busy streets that indicated everyone else in the city was on their lunch break as well. I was worried that an awkward silence would follow us to the restaurant but luckily a conversation picked up and I learned more about them.
Bessa came from a small conservative farm town in Georgia, with about thirteen of her relatives all living in one house. Moving to New York was the first time she'd ever been out of the state.
"It's noisy here. Back home we were surrounded by the sounds of nature. Here, it's as if silence doesn't exist," She said as we huffed and puffed our way down the sidewalks. "And I don't have to worry about sharing a bathroom with four other people."
As we continued forward, Kevin told us about his life. Born and raised in Washington, afraid of getting stung to death by bees, and lived in one of his family real estate properties on the Upper East Side. He was also obsessed with sports.
"I may not look like it, but ask me any fact about any sport in history and I'll have the answer in seconds. I might have a sport encyclopedia wired into my brain," He gloated, to which Bessa and I laughed at.
When we got to the restaurant and sat down, I took a better look at Kevin. He had the clearest complexion for a guy I've ever witnessed and his hair was slicked to the side creating a fresh face appearance. His blue eyes were deeper than my own and I couldn't help but notice a dimple every time he smiled. If he were to end up on TV working for ESPN, I wouldn't mind watching a few hours of non-sense sports talk just to watch him.
"What's your story, Haley?" He asked after we ordered our lunch specials.
And here it I was - an opportunity to tackle my resolution head on and finally let people into my life. A bit thrown off about this question because I've never had to discuss my life with anyone before, I pondered over an answer. Sharing tid bits of my life to potential friends came as rare as a shooting star. But there's a first for everything.
"Um," I said, stalling as I thought of something cool to say, "I'm from San Francisco. I graduated from Yale, and I want to write for TIME magazine one day."
As the words came out of my mouth, to my own ears, the story I had to say about my life was pathetic. Sure, I had done so much in high school and college. Numerous awards for writing, medals for academics, and had received so many scholarships for school that I'm basically debt free. But compared to Bessa's story about having to raise eight cows and two horses as a kid and Kevin's tale of getting caught trespassing after hours at his college football field, drunk and naked, I realized that my almost one night stand with Nate was the only exciting thing to occur since my birth.
Kevin and Bessa exchanged a look before bursting out in laughter to which I quickly wanted to curl in a ball and never be surrounded by people ever again.
"What?" I asked them, nervously. Had I already failed the first test of friendship?
"Haley, we already know that stuff about you. You gotta give us something different!" Kevin said to me.
I scrunched my eyebrows as I thought about something to say. "Oh, I met the President last summer!"
To this, they both laughed even harder. I didn't see the humor in what I was saying. Sure, my life may not be as exciting as theirs. Yes, I guess I could have put in more of an effort to make actual friends. Though I didn't see what was funny about any of it.
After she caught her breath, Bessa asked, "Haley, you don't go out much do you?"
I bit my lip before I confessed, "No. I never really go out or meet new people. If you can't already tell, I keep to myself a lot."
Kevin nodded in understanding. "It's ok. Now that you have us, we can show you everything you've missed out on."
For some reason, my stomach tingled at this. I don't know if it was the way he looked at me when he said it, with the promise in his eyes and the confidence in his smile as if he was about to change my life. Staring at Bessa, I felt the same energy radiate from her as well. Maybe this is what making new friends felt like.
"The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we're alone," Bessa looked at me happily.
"Wow. I guess I never thought of it that way."
Kevin gave me a confused look. "You don't know where that's from?"
I stared at him, dumbstruck. "What do you mean?"
"That quote?" Bessa said to me. "It's from 'The Five People You Meet In Heaven'. I didn't come up with that magic myself."
The three of us laughed. "For someone who spent most of their time alone, you didn't spend it reading the right books."
I rolled my eyes at Kevin. "Alright, I get it guys, I need to get out more. At least, my first night here, I went to a club."
Bessa gasped at this. "By yourself?! Are you crazy?"
Kevin stared at me with the same surprised face. "That is a pretty dangerous thing to do as an attractive single woman in Manhattan."
On the outside, I laughed. But inside, they couldn't have been more right. I wondered if I 'd ever come to the point where I'd trust them with what is now, my deepest, darkest secret. "Well, I figured I needed to go out."
Bessa shook her head. "Next time you're coming out with us. We'll show you a good time Haley!"
At that exact moment when I felt happiness flood over me, the door to the restaurant opened and at first, this didn't mean anything. I quickly glanced at the door and saw a gorgeous tall brunette woman, wearing a snakeskin print dress and sky-high heels.
Behind her, a familiar silhouette followed and when I realized who it was, everything came crashing down on me.
"Haley?"
He said my name, sending shivers down my spine. I cracked open a fake smiled, not even looking at his face but focusing on hers.
"Hi Nate," I said sweetly. He walked towards our table and I felt my stomach in knots when I saw his hand interlaced with hers.
"Bessa and Kevin, right?" Nate gestured towards them. They both nodded and respectfully greeted him.
My attention stayed focused on the model holding Nate's hand. Could this be his girlfriend? Nate not only almost had sex with his employee, but he also cheated on his girlfriend? Compared to her, I was nothing. She had tied her hair into a sleek ponytail cascading down her arched back. Her curves were emphasized in the all the right places because of the tight dress and her legs seemed to stretch for miles. It was intimidating just breathing the same air as her.
Nate must have seen the glare in my eyes because he smiled at me and pointed to her and said, "This is Isabella Puccini. She's one of my dearest friends. Isabella, these are a few of the interns at Forward - Kevin, Bessa, and Haley."
Nate's eyes rested on mine last, causing my heart to jump. Confused at what was going on, I smiled at Isabella who returned the favor. He had introduced her as a friend but staring at the two of them was like looking at a photo shoot spread of two models in Vogue. I couldn't help but feel a sting of jealous pierce through my heart. Disappointment followed after because I knew I would never be one of the girls Nate kept in his circle.
"You're beautiful!" Bessa gushed, making me uneasy.
"Thank you," Isabella spoke with a thick Italian accent. "You ladies are very pretty as well."
I blushed because there's no way someone as perfect as Isabella could compliment someone as plain as me.
"Isabella is a model with Wilhelmina. She's out go-to girl for Forward spreads. She's been in every print for the past two years," Nate continued and I sensed that he did this to rile me up.
I'll give him what he wants. "She's perfect. The face of Forward."
He nodded and Isabella giggled at this. "That's a good idea Haley, the face of Forward. We could make it official in the next issue."
I reclined into the seat after I realized what I had just done. I had basically put Isabella on a pedestal for all of New York to worship.
"Well, I'll let you all enjoy your lunch. See you at the office later," Nate said, as usual, looking only at me.
We all nodded and they parted ways, leaving me with a sudden loss of appetite.