Light. Everyone says you'll see a light...
Darkness. I saw nothing but darkness. Ahead of me, behind me, everywhere. Miles and miles of inky, black darkness.
I do see it. It's rather pretty, all the light. It's like a field that's covered in thick snow. Only, it's everywhere rather than just on the ground. There isn't a ground, anyway. None that I can see.
It scared me. I felt paralyzed under the weight of all the blackness. I couldn't move, or breathe, or even call out to anyone. It felt like I was frozen. Somewhere, there was a sort of dull ache, but I couldn't pinpoint its exact location. I could have ignored it, if I wanted to. But there was nothing else to focus on. There was nobody there.
There's no way to ask for help. I can't see. Why is that? Did something go wrong? So many questions. I need to calm down. Surely, this'll be over soon. Things will go back to normal again before I know it. It's nothing to be concerned about.
Voices, I hear voices.
I feel bored. The light is pretty and all, but boring now. There's nothing to look at. At least I can hear now. "I don't know..." someone says. I recognize the voice, but the name lingers on the tip of my tongue, so close, but so far out of reach. I can't remember. "What do you mean, 'I don't know?!' Are you crazy?!" another voice shouts, sounding stressed.
The voices, they were too quiet. I couldn't make out anything that was being said, and it was getting on my nerves. I was desperate to call out for help, but I didn't even know if I was opening my mouth or not. I wanted to know where I was. I began to feel...
The speaker has gone silent now, or maybe whoever it was, left. I can't hear anything anymore. "Hello?" I call out timidly. The word comes out as a whisper, one so quiet even I can barely hear it. My breathing is suddenly stunted. It feels like there's something heavy lying on top of me. It hurts, but it also feels calming, in a way. Does that even make sense?
... Like there were a thousand needles being repeatedly stabbed into me all at once. I'd have liked to run from the feeling, but it was like I was being weighed down by some unseen force. Shrill sounds rang in my ears. It hurt, like when you're out in the cold too long and the inside of your ear starts to sting. But this was much worse. If possible, the darkness grew even darker. Somewhere, something inside me told me I needed to fight. But what for?
Green spots speckle my vision. It's pleasing, as it brings a little more color into the bright space. But it's terrifying, too. What does it mean, when this happens? There's no way this is what dying is. If it's dying, then I refuse it.
I felt a pull. It was strange. A voice someplace in my head told me to let go, then a warm feeling washed over me. I was holding onto an invisible rope, but this voice... It took away all the pain I'd been feeling. I wanted to let go...
This can't be death. I'd know if it is. You're supposed to be prepared, and know it's your time to go, but I'm not ready to leave yet. I haven't finished my life yet!
Let go...
Suddenly, I see people. They stand all together, ahead of me in the white space. I recognize them, but I don't know where from. They glow. No tiredness in their eyes, no nerves or fear evident in their smiles. They don't see me, because I see myself too. I'm sitting with them, laughing and joking along. This has to be some kind of sign. I'm just having a temporary blackout... or whiteout, in my case...
Let go...
I see a book now. The people are gone and replaced with a large, leather-bound book. Looking inside, I see that it's filled with pictures. Many, many pictures. All of them have me in them. I've never seen the book before, but I recognize each of the photos inside. As I flip through the pages, I notice the book getting lighter and lighter until it disintegrates in my hands.
Let go...
Once again, it's just me and the white. I begin to wander until I hear a familiar voice. "Help..." it says weakly. I begin to run toward the sound, unable to call back but determined to help nonetheless. Suddenly, there's a wall of black in front of me. And there's someone at the edge of it. Someone familiar. The person is almost transparent, and reaching out to my white prison. "No!" I try to say. Something in me is protective of this place. Or is it the person? I don't know, but I don't want my transparent friend in here. "Help..." they say again.
I saw someone. Directly in front of me, in the wall of light that had appeared before me. The person mouthed something to me, but I couldn't hear it. I reached toward the light that came with the person. My friend. "Help..." I whispered. I didn't want to let go.
In a panic, I reached out and grabbed the transparent hand. It was freezing, but I didn't dare let go. The transparency was fading...
Suddenly, my friend grabbed my hand. The feeling was warm and welcoming. The darkness was cold, and I hate the cold. I was drawn to the warmth like a moth to a light bulb.
Looking to my left, I see a blue gleam. I get the feeling to go toward it. I pull my friend's hand and begin to run towards the blue, making sure I stay in the white and my friend stays in the black, our hands remaining in the middle where the two spaces meet.
I was being pulled. Dragged, more like. But when I saw where we were going, I willingly followed. Our feed thudded against the ground as we ran towards the blue light. Though I'm not very athletic, I didn't go tired in the least. The more we ran, the stronger I felt.
As we're running, I can see my friend becoming less transparent. That must be a good thing. I shoot an encouraging smile towards the darkness, but refuse to slow down. Only, I'm starting to feel myself grow heavier...
I was jerked back when my friend began to slow significantly. I had so much energy, it felt like I could run for days and not stop for a rest. Why was my friend growing tired already? A look of horror began to rest on my friend's face.
I feel it now. It's coming for me. Death. I can smell it. See it. Taste it. Only, I'm still not ready! Not Now!
I stopped running when my companion did. My mind told me to continue on, but I wasn't going to just leave my friend behind. Keeping our hands together, I sat down and allowed the person in white to rest.
I'm really tired now. Too tired. It's terrifying. This isn't right, you're supposed to feel ready to go, but I'm not. At all. My breathing speeds up to the point where I'm gasping for breath. Beside me, in the darkness, my friend holds on tight to my hand. "I'm not leaving you like this." I can hear the voice clearly, almost too clearly.
I wasn't quite sure how I knew, but I knew it was over for my friend.
Leaning over, I give my friend a tight hug. The embrace is returned, and I cry. Yeah, for real. "I'm not ready," I say, sniffling.
"I know," I answered, squeezing my eyes shut to keep myself from crying. "Neither am I."
I never want to let go. Not yet. Not now. But the blue light is coming closer now. "I have to stay behind," I say quietly, blinking my tears away.
"Listen. You'll always be around. In the countless pictures and memories. You won't be forgotten."
I can't tell if I'm the one being reassured or my friend is, as we're both crying now. As the blue light comes closer, we hold each other tightly, not saying anything. There's so much to be said, but no words to say it. So we remain silent. I can't even say goodbye. I promised.
The light swallows me. The last thing I see before it does is the pained face of the person who saved me from letting go. I blinked once, and my eyes opened to the familiar florescent lights on the drab hospital ceiling.
I'm alone now. My friend is gone. The darkness is gone. I see a bright green door and I walk to it, placing my hand on the knob. I don't look back as I pull it open and walk through it. I close my eyes, never to open them again.
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People are all like "It's gotta be Karev in one of the things" BUT WHAT IF IT'S CHARLESTON'S CORPSE AND CAM, HUH?!?!?!?!? PLOT TWIST OMG
But who do you think was italic? Who was regular text?? YoU mAy NeVeR kNoW
Favorite chapter though <3