*TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER*
(I know I said trigger warning for entire story, but big one for this chapter. Heads up.)
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Normani: Mila! What are you doing right now!?
Camila: Looking over university brochures and scholarship apps Miss Jauregui gave me today
Normani: You're just looking at that stuff now? I've been pouring over brochures for months
Camila: Ugh
Normani: I'm coming over
Camila: Doors unlocked
Forty-five minutes. That's how long Camila had been staring at the scholarship applications and University brochures. Forty-five minutes of looking at the applications that were attached to the brochures and staring at the section that said 'Extra Curriculars."
"Fuck," Camila said out loud as she leaned back against her headboard.
"You okay?" Normani asked as she walked into Camila's room. "I brought pizza, thought you might be hungry," she said, placing the box on the bed next to Camila's papers. "I brought my Uni stuff too," Normani told her as she took a spot on the end of Camila's bed and started to pull out stacks of information from her bag.
"Miss Jauregui thinks I need more extra curricular things to put on my application," Camila told her friend as she reached to open the box of pizza. Quickly scanning for the biggest piece.
"How many you got now?" Normani asked her, reaching for her own slice of pizza.
"Zero," Camila mumbled with her mouth full causing Normani to raise her eyebrows.
"Seriously? Mila come on, everyone knows that shit is important," Normani said shaking her head. "Why don't you come with me to rugby tryouts tomorrow?"
"Are you trying to get me killed?" Camila questioned. "I mean seriously rugby? I'd get hurt playing badminton."
"Honestly? Come on, if you're bad they won't play you, but at least you'll have something to say you were a part of," Normani continued. "Plus they teach you everything you need to know and unless your hands are on the ball, no one can touch you, it's illegal in high school rugby."
"Um well-"
"Good it's settled, you'll come, trust me it's gonna be awesome!" Normani said exidedly as she clapped her hands together. "Rugby runs on Monday and Wednesday for practices and games are on Thursdays."
"Okay, I guess that will work," Camila told her as she passed Normani a school ad. "I was thinking about joining the newspaper, it runs on Tuesday and Wednesdays at lunch."
"You could join choir too!" Normani exclaimed, "I was gonna join and it would be awesome for you to come and join with me!"
"When is that?" Camila said pulling out her school planner, writing down the days for rugby and the school paper.
"Uh Friday and Tuesday night after school," Normani said looking at Camila curiously. "So why all of a sudden the need to join all these activities and what's with the scholarship apps?" She said picking up one of the applications from the bed. "I thought your parents always said they had been saving for you to go to school since you were born."
"Things change," Camila shrugged as she passed her planner to Normani. "So we would have activities every night after school and I would have the newspaper twice a week, is three activities enough?"
"Not gonna lie Mila, would have looked better if you had activities for the last three years too, but I mean this is better than nothing," Normani told her, looking down at the schedule Camila wrote out. "Are you gonna ask for recommendation letters from your teachers? I got a bunch from my teacher's back in Texas before I left."
"Yeah, I have a few already," Camila told her.
"So you're not gonna tell me why your parents aren't paying for school?" Normani asked as she handed Camila the crust from her pizza. "Want this?
"Still don't eat the crust huh?" Camila laughed, reaching for the food Normani was handing her. "Oh well, more for me."
"Mila.."Normani groaned, clearly growing annoyed by how easily Camila was avoiding her questions.
"Look a lot happened this summer and a lot of things changed okay?" Camila snapped. "Can you just leave it alone?"
"Does this have anything to do with you cutting yourself?" Normani questioned and when Camila's eyes went wide she held up a hand asking for the girl to let her finish. "I wasn't around and I'm sorry, I should have stayed in touch, but I'm here now and I know you don't want to talk about whatever is going on and that's fine, for now at least. Just know I'm not going anywhere now Mila, I'm worried about you and I know you don't want to hear it, but Dinah is worried too."
"So I've heard," Camila said rolling her eyes.
"Wait what?"
"She talked to me yesterday," Camila said with a small shrug, her lips pursed while she decided how to broach the subject with Normani. "I don't know, she thinks it's her fault or something," when Normani's face scrunched Camila narrowed her eyes. "What did you say to her?"
"Just that she really hurt you and that if she didn't think you being so," Normani waved her hand at Camila, gesturing at her demeanor. "She's an idiot because she has a lot to do with it."
"That wasn't your place," Camila said sadly.
"I know, but she kept saying all this stuff about how broken you seem and how she knew you ate lunch alone in a goddamn bathroom and I just got mad," Normani muttered, trying to cut the tension.
"She cried and Dinah never cries," Camila said setting down her half eaten pizza in the box. "I mean really, do you remember her ever crying? She didn't even shed a tear when she fell off the monkey bars in fifth grade and got a huge gash in her head. I don't know what to do, I wanna tell her that this," she said tugging at her sleeves. "Wasn't because of her, but I don't know how and I'm worried she'll ask why and honestly she's the last person I want to tell that I was raped and-" Camila's eyes went wide and her came up and over her mouth and when she blinked the tears started not believing that she could have slipped up so easily. "Fuck Mani, please don't-"
"Camila fucking Cabello you're going to tell me everything right now!" Normani shouted as she jumped off the bed and ran to shut the bedroom door almost as if she forgot that Camila's parents and sister were in Orlando and they were alone in the house.
"Mani I don't-"
"I don't care! You can't just say that and then tell me we aren't going to talk about it!" Normani was pacing, her hands waving in spastic fashion as she talked. "Mila please!"
"It's not a big-"
"Stop! Don't you dare say it's not a big deal! Mila that's a big deal," Normani shouted as her breathing got harder. "Mila.."
"Fine! Okay! I'll tell you just sit the hell down because you're making me nauseous with all the circles you're walking!" Camila yelled back and almost immediately Normani stopped and then moved back to sit in the edge of the bed. Camila discreetly reached for her phone and dialed a number letting it ring and when she saw the call was connected, she began to talk.
"It was summertime, July fourth and my Dad had been drinking and we started talking about this shit," Camila said picking up one of the University brochures for a second before tossing back onto the bed. "He started getting mad saying I was wasting my high school career and I was going to go to University with no life experience and no friends and that I should try harder to be social and stop spending so much time alone and I got mad and he told me he was disappointed in me. They brought me to America so I could have the American dream, friends, a boyfriend, a good education and that I was just throwing away everything they had planned for me."
"Okay.." Normani whispered, encouraging Camila to continue.
"I spent the rest of the night in my room, pissed off at the world and my Dad and when I was scrolling through Tumblr and Instagram I saw a bunch of photos of a huge celebration happening down at the beach, all kept thinking was that my Dad wanted me to make friends and have a normal high school life and parties were part of the high school experience. It was way past my curfew already, but I didn't care. I threw on my bathing suit and a cute outfit over top and when I heard my parents settle in for the night, I snuck out," Camila said and Normani let out a small laugh because Camila sneaking out was something she never thought would happen.
"You snuck out?" She said almost not believing what Camila was saying and to her surprise Camila laughed too.
"I know right, I was freaking out the whole time," Camila told her.
"Then what happened?" Normani asking nudging the story further.
"I got to the beach and there were all these people, my age and some older but not by much, college kids home from school, I could tell because a lot of them were wearing their school sweaters," Camila continued, taking a deep shaky breath. "Someone offered me a drink, but I said no because I didn't know anyone and it didn't seem responsible. I knew my parents were gonna be mad if they found out I snuck out, I didn't want to risk them catching me with alcohol on my breath too. I had only been there for about an hour and I had talked to a few people who were standing around a bonfire, but people were getting drunker and music was getting louder and the fireworks were starting, so I decided to take a walk down the beach a little further to where there was no one, so I could watch the fireworks in peace, because-"
"Because you've always loved fireworks more than anyone I've ever met." Normani nodded her head while she spoke a small smile on her face as she remembered all the fourth of July nights she had spent with the girl in front of her. "You always loved how they lit up the sky. You used to hate when Dinah and I would talk while the fireworks were going on."
"Exactly, so I wanted to watch them alone, where it was quiet. And it was going well. I was sitting on a big rock down by the water near the pier and as usual I was off in my own world when a voice came from behind me. I turned around and because of how dark it was I could only see bits of his face when the sky lit up, he was staggering and he tossed his bottle into the water and you know I hate pollution so I was about to say something, but then I felt him grab me and he pushed his mouth against mine, all I could taste and smell was beer and I was trying to fight him off but he was so much bigger than me and his grip on my arms and waist was so strong I could barely move and when he finally let go I tried to run but he grabbed my hair and pulled me back to him and I fell and hit the sand so hard I knew I was in trouble and I tried to scream but he just laid on top of me and put a hand over my mouth and I tried to keep screaming but the combination of his hand and the fireworks were drowning out my voice," Camila was hiccupping through her words, tears falling so fast that Normani couldn't have stopped them if she tried, so instead she crawled over all the brochures and applications separating them and pulled Camila into a hug.
"It's okay, it's okay, we can stop now," Normani told her worried about how badly Camila was shaking, but Camila just shook her head.
"I have to get this out," Camila cried and Normani just hugged her tighter. "His hands were under my shirt and they were rough and scratchy and he was holding me down as he ripped my shirt off, he just tore it pretty much in half and I felt him move his hands under the top of my bathing suit and he started biting me and I could feel my skin tearing under his teeth and I kept screaming and he just laughed and it was the scariest sound I'd ever heard and when he yanked at my shorts the button broke and he shoved his hand down and I felt a sharp pain when he started rubbing his hand hard between my legs and when I cried he hit me over the head and then everything went black for a minute and when I was conscious again he was moving on top if me with his pants down and he had one hand around my throat and one over my mouth and it hurt so bad and he just kept going slamming himself in and out of me and I could feel the blood and I froze, all I could feel was pressure and pain and when he finally he stopped, he just laid there on top of me while I was crying. Eventually he got up and he just adjusted his clothes and stumbled back to where the rest of the people were crowded around the bonfire, without saying a word or even looking at me. I couldn't move I was in so much pain and I was so scared. I don't even know how long I was there, but I saw the sun starting to come up so I-"
"You made yourself get up," Normani whispered and Camila let out a strangled yes.
"And when I got home my parents were standing on the porch and they looked so angry and I collapsed in our driveway and yelled for them to help and they just shook their heads and they had this cold stare in their eyes and my Mom came over and yanked me off the ground and told me to stop making a scene because I would wake the neighbors and my sister. My Dad just stormed into the house, screaming in Spanish about raising a whore for a daughter," Camila said as her voice became distant. "Everything changed after that. They didn't talk to me for weeks and I was having nightmares and waking up screaming and I knew they heard me, but they said nothing. Actually that's not true, my Mom came in my room once and told me to stop being so loud because people were trying to sleep. They think I brought it on myself because I snuck out. They think I brought shame to the family. They never called the police and they never asked if I was okay. They just shut me out and cut me out of everything family related. My Mom made me take a pregnancy test sometime in August, she didn't do it because she cared, she did it because she wanted to make sure I didn't bring a baby into the mess I had created."
"Oh Mila," was all Normani managed to say as she stared at Camila who looked so small while she was speaking.
"I feel so alone," Camila cried after a brief silence and Normani just sat there, rocking her friend back and fourth lightly.
"You're not alone, you have me," Normani told her. "I'm so sorry Mila, I'm so sorry that happened to you, it's not your fault, tell me you know that?"
"If I hadn't snuck out-"
"No, that doesn't matter, you sneaking out of the house doesn't give anyone the right to-"
"It's karma-"
"Like hell it is," Normani said pulling back enough to look at Camila. "It's not your fault."
Camila glanced down at the phone and watched as the call she had made earlier disconnected and she wondered if the phone call changed anything, she wondered if Lauren knowing the details was a good thing or a bad thing. She wondered if Lauren thought she was gross now and if she thought the things about Camila, that Camila thought about herself.
"You should tell Dinah-"
"I'm not telling her that-"
"Not that, not what you just told me, but you should tell her the cutting isn't because of her," Normani said carefully. "And you need to stop, you can't keep hurting yourself. It's not safe and you might take things to far and I just got you back in my life, I don't want you to leave me."
"I won't," Camila said as her tears slowed. "It's under control."
"It's don't believe that," Normani told her, her eyes searching Camila's. "Can I see?" Camila was hesitant, but she had come this far in telling Normani the truth, she figured she might as well take it to the end, so she rolled up her sleeves and very slowly turned her arms so Normani could see the damage that had been done. She didn't know what she was expecting, but the tears that were now falling down dark skin wasn't it. Normani reached out and pulled Camila into another hug. "You have to stop, you have to because you can't do that to yourself, Mila you're worth so much more than that."
"I don't feel like I am," Camila breathed out with a heavy sigh.
"You are, I promise," Normani encouraged, but Camila just pulled back from the hug and kept her head down as she went back to looking at the brochures. "So that's why they aren't paying for school now?" Normani finally asked.
"They are allowing me to live here until I finish high school, but once I'm done, once I graduate I'm on my own," Camila told her. "I need to get a job when I turn 18 and find a place so that come the end of the year I have somewhere to sleep at night."
"You can stay with me," Normani said without hesitation. "My Mom has been begging me to bring you by the house because she wants to see how grown up you've become and God knows she loved you more than she loved me most of the time," Normani said with a laugh. "My parents would let you stay hands down. No questions asked "
"I don't know-"
"You don't have to decide right now," Normani interjected. "Graduation is months away, but the offer is there. Fuck," she said glancing at the clock. "I have to go, are you gonna be okay by yourself? I can call my Dad and tell him I'm gonna skip our-"
"You guys still do Daddy-Daughter date night?" Camila said with a soft smile.
"We do," Normani laughed.
"Go, have fun. I'll see you tomorrow," Camila said as she started to collect Normani's brochures from her bed. "Here," she said handing them over.
"Rugby tryouts tomorrow, don't forget," Normani said as she stood up off the bed and leaned down to press a kiss on the top of Camila's head. "Thank you for telling me."
"Thanks for listening, tell your parents I said hello and I miss them," Camila said as Normani made her exit. Camila sighed and moved the box of pizza down to the floor, collecting the information Lauren had provided her with, she placed it back into her school bag before dropping it down to the floor as well. Camila stood up off the bed and reached for her towel and housecoat. She felt dirty after telling Normani about what happened over the summer, she felt like she needed to shower, but her eyes fell to her phone and she took a minute to quickly send Lauren a message before heading off to her bathroom.
Camila: Normani just left. I need to shower. Can we talk soon?