Lilly stood in horror, shocked at what had just happened. She had watched her best friend get eaten by a hoard of those monsters. She heard voices around her, but she blocked them out, her eyes fixated on the mutilated body that sat just a few yards away from where she stood. Suddenly, she felt someone's hand in hers, pulling her away from the scene. She turned her head to look at the person who was dragging her away from the sight that made her freeze. Niall.
Finally, the fact that she was running from zombies registered in her brain and adrenaline kicked in. She ripped her hand from his and unsheathed her hunting knife from its holster around her leg. She sprinted forward, totally numb to all the built up emotion that was bound to flow out sometime soon. All earlier exhaustion vanished as she passed the tired group, taking the lead.
Lilly continued running, determined to get away from the scene that would certainly haunt her dreams later on. Her vision got blurry as her legs carried her through the trees. She narrowed her eyes, focusing on stabbing everything that moved in front of her.
Soon, she started to slow down, finally allowing herself to become aware of her surroundings. The group was shouting her name, trying to tell her that they were safe, and all the beasts had gone. Lilly stopped at a tree, a big oak tree that sat in a small clearing of the woods. She leaned against it for support, letting her back rest on it as she caught her breath.
Then it hit her. The loss, the grief, the sadness, the anger, and the oh-so-feared feeling of loneliness. Tears fell freely down her rosy cheeks, and she let out a loud scream of despair before putting her head in her hands and sobbing uncontrollably.
He was gone. The one she laughed with, the one she cared for, the one who comforted her after nightmares; and most importantly, the one who made her happy again.
"Lilly! Thank God." Ness exhaled, relieved to see her friend intact. Well, physically intact that is.
Lilly ignored her as the sobs raked through her body. Loud, ugly sobs that nobody, not even Ness, had heard before.
Ness' eyes filled with sadness and sympathy for the poor girl that stood in front of her. She then remembered that she was still holding onto a crying Louis. Ness had dragged him away from the scene after it had unfolded, his first reaction being something close to Lilly's; he froze and started stammering uselessly, the words of despondency not rolling off of his tongue as he wanted them to. She led him over to a tree close by and sat him there as the other members arrived.
One by one, they walked into the clearing, eyes widening when they saw Lilly crying as hard as she was. Even through her hands you could hear the loud cries coming from her mouth. Lilly never cried that hard. The group had no idea what to do, until Niall walked onto the scene.
Niall grabbed Louis' arm and walked him in Lilly's direction, expression neutral. Ness watched him, catching onto his antics before guiding Lilly to Louis. Niall shoved Louis forward, as did Ness with Lilly.
The despairing pair clashed together, Louis enveloping Lilly into his arms, and Lilly wrapping her arms tightly around his waist. Louis buried his face into the crook of Lilly's neck, sobbing irrepressibly. Lilly grabbed his blood soaked shirt and fisted it between her fingers, nuzzling her tear stained face into his chest.
The two slowly sank to their knees, fatigue taking over. But they both held onto each other tightly, silently fearing that if the other pulled away, their sanity would go along with them.
Ness watched them in despair, the feeling of tears in her eyes only angering her to the point where more tears appeared. Zayn watched her silently, gauging whether it was alright to approach her or not. He had sort of abandoned her before, and he wasn't sure if she would've held it against him.
Deciding that at a time like this all drama was pushed aside, he went up to her, but only after checking to make sure Liam and Perrie were still comforting each other. Apparently they had made some sort of bond fighting together.
Not using words, he stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her. By now her head was in her hands, her shoulders shaking. Everyone knew she'd never admit it, but she cared for Harry more than she let on. She was also the only one besides Lilly to see the whole thing unfold. She saw the lifeless eyes, the fall of his body, the first drop of his blood that was spilled. And it was killing her inside. She had lost too damn much, and, like always, she believed it was her fault.
As soon as Zayn's skin came into contact with hers, she jumped, reaching for her knife and mentally scolding him for sneaking up on her like that. She was already on edge and walkers were still wandering the woods. They were easy kills, though. Harry had been the distraction that led to them getting away.
Ness turned in Zayn's arms, using him as a shield from everyone else. He let himself cry as well, burying his face in her hair as the sobs raked through his body. He cried harder than Ness, of course, but that was partly because he had known Harry for years. He rubbed a hand up and down Ness' back, taking advantage of her letting him touch her. It wasn't often that he was able to do so without her flinching back, and he hadn't even really talked to her in days.
She mumbled something into his shirt, a squeak resonating from her mouth a second later. He had stopped crying by now, the truth about what had happened being pushed to the very corner of his mind. He hadn't seen anything except the large manifestation of zombies on top of a sprawled out body.
"What was that?" he asked, leaning back so he could look at her face. Her hurt expression was almost enough to make him start crying all over again. She put her hands over her eyes, hating that he had to see her like this, but he was there, and she knew he was willing to listen to her. He always had before.
"I could've prevented this," she whimpered. Her hands were still over her eyes, a hiccup escaping her mouth a second later. He took his hands off of her back and used them to take her hands off of her eyes. He wanted to see that emotion that she so rarely showed. He hadn't seen her eyes light up in so long..
Almost smiling at what he saw, he pressed a kiss to her forehead to hide it. She didn't even flinch. She was too numb to feel anything anymore. But as she thought about numbing her mind and body, she thought about Harry's lifeless eyes before he was even gone and she jolted, her whole body returning to shaking as the pain flooded in. She fell apart in his arms, scared of returning to her safety blanket. For once, she thought Zayn's arms were safer than the endless darkness she had always been so comfortable with.
"If I had been better" she said, her mind not over thinking anything, "then maybe he would still be here." She couldn't bear to say his name, her eyes squinting together at the thought of him and his death.
"Stop it," he immediately scolded, squashing her head to his chest as she controlled on getting oxygen. She was going to pass out if she didn't control herself. Never before had she felt like this. Well, there was once.. Those thoughts were instantly disposed of.
"I should've calmed down more. Maybe we all could've escaped." She didn't bother to hide anything. Whatever she thought, she said. "I needed to clear my brain, but I didn't. I thought too much, and that was what led us to this."
"There's nothing wrong with caring," he whispered into her hair, shushing her gently. She was sobbing too hard now to answer him. After a few seconds she calmed down enough to speak. She felt so torn, alternating back and forth between fine and barely able to hold on.
"That's the problem, though. I cared." She was staring at a random spot on his chest. "I cared like I never have before, and that's why Harry's dead." She forced herself to say the words, determined to make them known. A bubble of pain rose up in her chest a second later, a blubber of her lips ruining her attempt to put it all behind her.
Zayn couldn't figure out how it could've been her fault. All she did was lag behind to help them.. and after that everyone else followed, allowing the walkers to surround them. It made sense to him now. Tears fell from his eyes as he put the pieces together.
"You were just trying to help," he tried to console. Ness just shook her head.
"I got us all trapped." She wiped her eyes, looking up for the first time during their conversation. He just stared back, his eyes taking in the brilliant way she looked. Heartbroken, but beautiful. Her eyes were the most captivating thing of all, and he couldn't look away. Usually, she would've grown uncomfortable at his incessant staring, but now she stared right back. "I'm the reason he's dead."
He frowned so deeply at her words that she was afraid his face would crack. Without thinking, she reached a hand up and smoothed out the wrinkles in his forehead. She promised herself not to say those words again. Nothing was internally mentioned about thinking it, though.
"Why won't you just listen to me?"
"Why should I?" He saw it-- he saw the change in her, and the process of her closing up was in progress.
"Because I have something worth saying."
"You haven't for the past week," she countered, the light in her eyes fading away. He panicked as he felt her start to physically pull away from him as well as mentally. He wasn't ready for it. He gripped her shoulders tight.
"I'm sorry for that, but don't block me out." She quirked an eyebrow up at his statement, the process for her internal encasement halting for the time being. Knowing that he realized her pulling away fascinated her. No one had ever been able to tell before. But he saw the changes in her facial expressions; the way her lips turned into a straight line, and how the wrinkles of worry and sadness were fading away. More specifically, he watched her eyes, marveling over how she could control how closed off she was.
"Don't pull away from me. Not right now." He almost said the devastating 'you need me' line, but stopped, knowing it would bring nothing but the opposite of what he was aiming for. He reversed it instead, still telling the truth. "I need you."
That line proved to be just as fatal. Placing her hands on his chest, she prepared to shove him away. As she did, he just held her tighter. "Stop this," he begged, knowing his arms wouldn't hold out after everything he'd just done. Yet he knew she couldn't do it much either.
"No." Her teeth were grit together in anger, the overwhelming feeling rushing through her veins. Before she could stop herself, she was screaming, almost not caring who or what heard. "Why would you ever depend on me! As you can see, I am a screw up. I am nothing, Zayn. Why can't you get that through your thick head?" She could've screamed way louder, and Zayn knew it, but after their experience it wasn't worth risking it all again. However, the rest of the group could hear. All of them pretended not to.
Zayn didn't answer her questions. She didn't expect him to. No one had ever answered them before, so why would they now? Without a word, he tugged on her arm so she was out of earshot. No one needed to hear what they were saying. He stopped walking when they were shielded by a huge tree a few feet away. Not allowing her to say a word, he pulled her to his chest again.
"You can cry if you want. No one can see." She hesitantly wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him closer.
"The thing is I don't want to," she mumbled, her voice quiet and low.
"Then cry because you need to." She nodded against his chest gently, her eyes fluttering closed. He sighed as he felt her cold tears seep through the fabric of his shirt, his face burrowing into her hair. Her muffled cries tore through him. Hearing her so distraught broke him apart. He may not have known her past, but he knew that she had suffered, that she had lost people she shouldn't have.
She took a few minutes, but she calmed down. Her chest still rose and fell quickly as she pulled away a little bit. She even admitted to herself that she wasn't ready to let go of him yet.
"That felt good," she whispered, her eyes still closed. "I haven't had a good cry in forever."
"That's probably not good, but okay." She half laughed, her eyes opening. He smiled. As her eyes turned to look up at his, her breath hitched at how close they were. His eyes were red and puffy, and she knew hers were the same, if not worse. There was a single tear on his cheek and before she could think through the thought, she was wiping it away. He smiled and did the same for her, the only exception being that she had an entire trail of tears on her cheeks that he wiped away. Ness' hand still hadn't been removed.
Zayn couldn't help himself eventually. Staring into those brown eyes of hers did wicked things to him, especially when they were open and staring directly at him. He knew that it wasn't the right time. He knew she wasn't ready, but he did it anyways. Leaning forward, his lips pressed to hers softly, his hands still cupping her face. She didn't move for the longest time, her body tensing. With her hand still on his cheek, she stood there, frozen, as his lips stayed on hers.
His eyes had closed, hers still wide open. His eyebrows were pointed down, but he certainly wasn't surprised at Ness not reacting. She had never done this before, and honestly she didn't know what to do. All she did know was that she didn't want him to stop. The moment only lasted seconds, but when he started to pull back, she leaned forward, not letting them become separated.
The heat of his mouth on hers hit her fully as she accepted it. The rustic scent of him filled her nose and she refused to breathe. She feared it would ruin the moment. He knew he was most likely her first kiss, so he wasn't surprised when all she did was hold her lips on his. He didn't care-- he had been dying to do this for longer than he'd care to admit.
Ness was the one to pull away this time, her cheeks now flaming as she shyly glanced up at Zayn. He was smiling widely back at her, his cheeks also a bit red. He hadn't expected her to act like that. He thought he'd have a new bruise forming on his skin by now.
"That was nice," she whispered, her voice dazed. It had been wonderful, but she was too proud to say it.
"I agree," he breathed, debating on doing it again or not. He thought it over, picking the better answer and taking a tiny step back from her. As soon as he wasn't close, she realized her mistake, the blush from her cheeks fading until she was very pale. She closed her eyes, her breathing coming out in spurts.
"I did it again. I didn't think." Zayn frowned, but before he could say anything, she continued. "We shouldn't have done that. We're both unstable and no- why did we do that?"
He wasn't touching her anymore, looking towards the ground as he wrung his hands together. "Because we wanted to."
"But I didn't. Damn it, Zayn! Why can't I think today? I'm making so many mistakes." He frowned, his eyes still on the ground.
"I didn't think it was a mistake," he mumbled.
"It was and you know it. I don't blame you because someone just died and-" She closed her eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize." He looked up at her timidly. "You said it yourself that it was nice."
She opened her eyes and glared at him. "I bet your moments with Perrie are nicer," she quipped. He looked at her with a hurt expression, not able to believe that she had mentioned Perrie of all people after the moment they had shared.
"Maybe so," he shot back. "Scratch that, they are." She frowned, but her face soon smoothed out.
"I'm heading back." With no other words, she stepped around him and wrapped her arms around herself, goosebumps lining her skin as she recalled what had transpired. To say she was scared was nowhere near the word she wanted to use. The feelings and emotions that had bubbled to the surface were foreign to her, catching her off guard. Putting it behind her, she composed herself to the point where no one could even tell she had been crying as she walked back into the small clearance where the rest of the group was. The only thing that gave her away was the redness of her eyes.
Only Liam and Perrie acknowledged when she returned. Ness' cold eyes met Perrie's innocent ones, and Ness instantly turned away, drowning herself in regret. If there was one thing she knew now, it would be that she was going to stay away from Zayn no matter what it took.
Lilly and Louis still sat in the middle of the clearing, clinging to each other as if their lives depended on it. Lilly's sobs had died down, but the tears were still streaming down her face, creating a dark patch on Louis' shirt. She hadn't been in his arms since that morning after the campfire. She had avoided him, thinking about El and how she would feel about Lilly getting so close to her boyfriend. But now, she didn't care. She needed someone, and Louis was that person. He was the one closest to Harry, next to Lilly.
Louis had calmed down mostly. He wasn't dry eyed, but nobody was. Harry was his best mate, and now he was gone. At that thought, he pulled Lilly closer, burying his head in her long hair that had fallen down to her shoulders. A zombie had pulled it out of her signature hair tie. She let out a long, shaky breath before pulling away reluctantly. Louis didn't want to let go, but he knew she would stay next to him.
Once Lilly's face came into his line of vision, he studied it. Her eyes were extremely puffy and red, and tears continued falling, making tracks in all the blood and dirt that covered her features. He reached his hand up and wiped them all away, but more kept falling, so he stopped. His face didn't look much better than hers. His lips were pursed, trying to hold in all sobs that still remained.
"It's okay, Louis. I'm here," she whispered, not breaking eye contact with him. Her hands searched for his, and when she located them, she laced her fingers with his. "I won't leave you." He nodded, squeezing her hand. They didn't smile, for the weight on their hearts was too heavy for this gesture.
As the sun began to set, Ness looked around to find everyone in pairs of two: Zayn and Perrie; Lilly and Louis; Niall and Bill; and Liam stood next to her. It hurt to know that the numbers were even now.
Liam was quiet, his eyes cast towards the ground as everyone settled down to sleep. Ness offered to take watch, no one arguing even though they saw the deep bags under her eyes. Niall at least said he'd switch out with her during the night. She told him she'd wake him up later. She was lying.
Everyone settled in, exhausted and not able to wait for sleep to take them. People clung to one another, the other hugging back just as tight. Ness even let Liam hold her close for a little while. She set them up against a tree so she could see everything. With Ness tucked safely in his arms, he fell asleep easily. The position made her uncomfortable, but she wasn't going to deny him her presence after..
After about half an hour, though, she slipped away from him, glad when he settled down again undisturbed. To keep herself awake, she paced back and forth, careful to keep her feet light. A walker or two stumbled about and was killed within seconds of being seen. Yet the soft snores of her colleagues and how peaceful they all looked lulled her, her brain getting sleepy. She walked quicker. There was no way she was falling asleep on them. The thought of waking Niall never crossed her mind. Even if it did, she wouldn't have done it. This was the first time he'd slept soundly ever since Anna and El went missing.
Hearing a growl to her left, she slowly turned to see a walker stumbling its way past the roots, coming close to tripping a few times. It stopped a few feet away, as if gauging what to do. She hadn't even pulled out her knife yet. Fatigue had plagued her, and she wasn't going to use her strength until she needed to.
The zombie stood there, eyes blank as he looked at her. His head tilted to the side. She took a moment to gaze at his body, the sight disgusting her. Its ribcage was clearly showing, the intestines visible also. Blood covered the entire thing, its clothes ragged and torn to shreds. He had no hair except for a few patches here and there. His jaw was half gone, the lower half having disappeared. He couldn't bite her.
She realized this soon and figured that it was why it hadn't attacked yet. Not able to explain it, she just watched as it softly growled at her. The eyes were still dead, mirroring hers. Its feet shuffled, his hands at his sides. For a second, he looked normal; like he wasn't so sick, but just hurt. It was only for a second, but she saw the misery the creature held. Sadly, her heart was closed, so she felt nothing for the thing but curiosity.
Another crunch of footsteps was heard behind her and she turned abruptly, relaxing when she saw Niall. The walker also turned to look at him, its blank eyes lighting up the tiniest bit as he laid eyes on Niall. Niall faintly gasped at the sight before him. It wasn't until Niall walked onto the scene that the zombie pursued what it was created for.
Ness was so confused that she hesitated until Niall let out a strangled version of her name. After that, the thing was dead before it could take another step. As it fell back, however, she looked into its eyes to find that dead look again. She saw her reflection faintly in its eyes and saw that her eyes held the same look. When Niall came over to her, he put a hand on her shoulder, patting her sympathetically and telling her to go rest. As she turned to look at him, she caught sight of his eyes, flinching when he saw how bright they still were. Even after Anna's disappearance, he was still able to keep ahold of the light. The only hope he still hung onto was the thought of Anna still ending up alive.
"Yeah, I'll sleep," she mumbled, heading off back towards where everyone else was sleeping. Niall followed right behind her, watching her until she laid back down next to Liam and closed her eyes.