❝familiarity (pronounced fəmɪlɪˈarɪti or fuh-mil-ee-ar-i-tee), noun
relaxed friendliness or intimacy between people.❞
"I'm a horrible girlfriend, aren't I?"
"What?" asked Drew, sounding confused. "What do you mean?"
Elle took a deep breath, looking at him. They were sitting on her bed, while Drew was typing away on his laptop. Elle was lying with her eyes closed, and Drew had assumed that she was asleep until she had mumbled that sentence. "It's... I... I pressured you."
"You did what?"
"I pressured you into having sex with me," she said softly.
His mind backtracked frantically, trying to remember a time when he hadn't wanted it as much as she had, a time when he had constantly said no and she hadn't listened. "I don't think I know what you're talking about," he said slowly. "Are you sure you weren't dreaming it or something?"
Tears filled her eyes, and she shook her head. "No. I mean... I mean the time that I... I kept begging you and you said no until I made you say yes."
"Wait, the day after you came back?" he said, suddenly remembering. "Cookie, you didn't-"
"I did," she said, beginning to cry. "I swore I never would, not after Chad did it to me-"
"Stop- Ellie, stop crying. Look at me," he said quietly, helping her sit up and holding her. "No one forced me to do anything that day, d'you understand?"
"You kept saying no, and I cried until you said yes-" she wailed, but he shushed her, hugging her tightly.
"My love, I wasn't saying no because I didn't want it. If I had it my way, Ellie... if I had you every second of every day, I swear..." He sighed. "I said no because I was scared I would hurt you. I was scared you'd be in pain and that I would be the reason for it. Not because I didn't want to. There was nothing that wasn't entirely consensual that night, I promise.
"But-"
"No buts. Stop crying. I love you, okay? I know that's hard for you to believe sometimes, but I do. You're amazing, and you're perfect, and I love you."
She sniffled against his shoulder. "I'm a crybaby, aren't I?" she asked softly with an attempted laugh that came out as more of a whimper.
"Maybe. But as long as I'm here to dry your tears, who cares?" he said with a smile. "It's okay. You're okay."
"You're more than I deserve."
"Maybe two years ago that was true. But now, you deserve more."
"Hmm."
"Hmm indeed." He smiled at her gently. "You look nice today."
Somehow, from anyone else, the statement wouldn't have sounded genuine, but from Drew, she could hear it a thousand times and know he was telling the truth. "You know," she said, "when you smile, the freckles on your cheek and your dimple make a sad face."
He laughed. "It's to contrast the smile."
"Of course."
He brushed her tears away, before looking into her eyes. "May I kiss you?"
"Why is that a question?" she breathed.
"I dunno," he murmured back, before kissing her.
This was gentle. This was soft, sweet and tentative, and it made her heart flutter quickly against her ribcage. There was nothing hurried or overly passionate- no, Drew was simply kissing her, suggesting nothing more than this, letting his hand go to the small of her back. He pulled away for a short second, just to breathe, before kissing her again. "I love you," he mumbled against her lips.
"I love you more," she breathed. "You're too good to me."
He chuckled softly, kissing her nose, then going back to her lips, revelling in the taste of pumpkin spice that resided there. "No way," he said quietly. "I'd do anything for you."
She smiled, but Drew could tell something was off. "What's wrong?"
"Stupid period," she said quietly, lying back down. "It's worse with leukemia."
"Damn," he said. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," she said softly. "Just in a little pain."
He kissed her again, lying down beside her. "We're gonna have a really beautiful house," said Drew quietly. "It'll be small- just for you, me, and our kids."
"So, are we deciding how many we'll have?"
"Oh, we'll see. Right now, I'm thinking just one. I like the idea of just us, living together. Just our little family."
"Right." She smiled. "Maybe two, though."
"Yeah. A good middle ground between one and three, I like that." He put a hand over her stomach, like she were already pregnant, and sighed. "You'll be a gorgeous mother. I can't wait 'til we have our own little place and everything goes right for once."
She closed her eyes. "Yeah," she said softly. "Perfect."
<><><><><><><><>
Hunter woke up to quiet mumbling, rubbing his eyes blearily and looking over at Ryan, whose eyes were closed and face was disturbed. "No..." she breathed. "N-No..."
"Honey," breathed Hunter, trying to wake her gently. She cried out, her eyes opening, and he immediately pulled her closer, hugging her. "Are you okay?"
Her breathing was shaky, and she detached herself from his grip, still trembling. "I'm fine," she whispered, not letting herself get sucked in by his stupid charm. She hated him. She had to hate him, because the opposite was unthinkable.
Hunter looked concerned. "What was it about? Markus? Peter?"
"Dahlia," she muttered, looking at him, and suddenly, again, she was overcome by memories.
The trickle of blood down the right side of his face that night at Dahlia's house, the bruises on his face after the car accident. The pain and fear in his eyes when he had come to the hospital after the shooting, the horrible way he had stiffened up when she had told him that Markus had raped her. His lips when he was trying to calm her after a bad dream... like tonight.
He had been staring at her, too, like he was thinking the same thing, then closed his eyes, turning away. "Are you okay?" he asked tightly. Her heart sunk. It was too much like those final few weeks. Those last few weeks before he had cut off everything with her.
"I'm fine," she breathed again, tears filling her eyes. "Let's rest."
He turned back to face her. "Don't lie to me," he breathed, and she shook her head, turning away.
"I'm not-"
"I said don't lie to me," he repeated quietly, wrapping an arm around her. "Are you okay?"
She sighed. "I don't know."
Hunter pursed his lips, then said, "I have an idea. But I need you to cooperate fully and completely."
"Okay," she said cautiously.
"I think you'll agree with me when I say this whole 'let's stop being together' thing was a bit of a mess."
She didn't say anything, and he continued. "I mean, as far as we've been 'broken up', we've had sex, kissed more than once, and well... we have too much invested in each other for this to end well."
"O-Okay," she breathed, her heart beginning to race.
"Close your eyes for me," he instructed. "Lie back and close your eyes."
When she looked hesitant, he whispered, "I won't hurt you."
Ryan let her eyes fall shut, leaning back on the pillows, moving her hands awkwardly, not sure where to place them. Eventually, she put them over her head, leaving herself totally vulnerable, before feeling warmth all over her body. The heat from Hunter's body was radiating over her from above. "Relax," he said softly, so close to her ear that she jumped, and he began to kiss her earlobe, sucking and biting gently. "I wouldn't hurt you."
Her heart was racing, and she shivered beneath him, his hands moving to her waist and keeping her steady. "I've cared about you for a long time," he whispered, kissing down her jaw as her lips parted slightly with a gasp. "I know it's been rough, I know I hurt you, but damn me if I don't love you more than I've ever loved anyone or anything."
"Oh my God," she whispered, as he began kissing at her neck, licking and biting. "H-Hunt, we can't- we can't..."
"We can," he whispered, his hand smoothing over her cheek, before moving down again, gripping her waist and pulling her against his body, feeling every curve and crevice of her body. "We can, and we will."
"Stop," she breathed. "We need to stop, we need t- oh... oh G-God..." Hunter had found her sweet spot, and her willpower had crumbled to dust. "H-Hunt... bluejay..."
He groaned softly at the sound of her nickname for him, the one he hadn't heard in so long. "I've missed you so much, my dove," he whispered, unbuttoning her shirt and slowly pressing kisses down her neck, between the valley of her breasts and over her stomach and bellybutton. She moaned softly, her back arching, her heart racing as moved his fingers, his hands and his lips over her body in the same, practised way he had a thousand times before. Her hands came up blindly, and she stroked his back and shoulders, gripping tightly when she felt a pulse of pleasure rush through her body.
He finally moved back up, and he kissed her lips; intense, sweet and wanting. He was passionate and rough, a kiss that made her lightheaded and like she was floating. "I'm sorry," he whispered against her lips. "I'm sorry that I hurt you, but I can't live without you."
"Please," she breathed, not fully sure what she was asking for, but Hunter understood. He kissed her again, then leaned down and kissed the bluejay on her shoulder, his giant hands fitting to her petite frame in the familiar way that had made her fall in love with him. His fingers moved to the waistband of her shorts, and began to pull them down over her thighs.
And then a beeping noise filled the room.
Hunter pulled away, gasping for air, and she opened her eyes for the first time since he had begun kissing her. His hair was disheveled, his lips red and raw, and her torso was dotted with lovebites. His eyes were darkened with lust, and Ryan hadn't realised that he had taken his own shirt off, too, the crescent shapes of her fingernails leaving red marks in his skin.
"Red's awake," he breathed.
"Y-Yeah," she said, not realising how hard she was shivering. "I'll-"
"No, I will," he said, getting out of bed. He seemed unsteady, walking to Red's crib and lifting her up. She was a year old, and Ryan spoke to her using sign language while also speaking, in an attempt to show her how to speak with her hands. She had scrunched up her face, crying alligator tears, and Hunter brushed them away. "Hush now, darling," he said. "Shh..."
Red didn't stop crying, looked at Ryan, and made a gesture that looked oddly familiar. Ryan frowned, watching as she did it again, until Ryan recognised it.
"Hunter," she said faintly.
"Yeah?"
"She's signing to me."
"Hungry."
"What?! What's she saying?"
"Hungry. Just hungry."
"What does she want?"
"I wonder if she knows that much," she said, before speaking to her and signing at the same time. "What do you want to eat?"
Red was still sniffling, and signed again. "Hungry."
"I guess not, then," said Hunter softly. "Well, it's a start. There's a story to tell- her first word was 'hungry'."
She smiled softly, and Hunter handed her to her. Ryan's shirt was already unbuttoned, and she breastfed her, holding her gently as she suckled. Hunter still seemed to be in shock, sitting down with his hands clasped together and his head down.
Once Red's hunger had been satiated, Ryan put her back in her crib, singing softly. It was a Swedish lullaby, one Hunter had heard so many times now that he had memorised the words, too. Red fell asleep promptly, and Ryan silently buttoned her shirt back up, and Hunter lay back down in bed. She joined him there, and without a word, she took his hand under the bedsheets.
"What are we?" she breathed.
"I don't know," he said, his thumb stroking her hand. "I'm sorry. I don't know."
She nodded, seeming disappointed. "I... I don't want to see other people."
"Me neither."
The question stayed in the air, keeping the atmosphere tense and uncomfortable. Hunter tugged her closer, until she was in his arms, safe and protected from the harsh and unforgiving world they lived in. "Are you okay?"
She nodded. "You're shaking," he said softly. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"
"No," she whispered. "Adrenaline."
"Right," he murmured, his lips moving over her hair chastely, and she closed her eyes, breathing in his musky smell. Like coffee, and pine, and cologne. Like Hunter.
"We should start over," said Ryan softly. "Right from the start. And if we can do that, we can do anything."
"You want to get back together?"
"I want to stop whatever this... this mess is."
"Yeah. I agree." He looked at her, and she looked up at him. "Well... I still love you."
"When I said from the start, I mean we become friends again," she said quietly. "And if we can be friends, we can be lovers."
His heart was feeling faint. "From the start?"
"Yeah."
He closed his eyes. "I'm Hunter. Hunter Hayes."
"I'm Ryan Lockhart." She closed her eyes, too, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. "I think we'd make good friends."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
He kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger for just a moment, before tightening his grip around her waist. "Good night, my dove."
"G'night, bluejay."
She fell into a dreamless sleep, wrapped in his warmth, and he watched her, the way her eyelids fluttered every now and again, and her chest rose and fell with every breath.
This time, he promised himself, he wouldn't mess up.
He'd keep her this time.
*A/N: vote, comment and follow i suppose c:
nethii <3*