To say he didn't get any more sleep was an understatement. Not only didn't he get any sleep after what happened with Jimin just a few hours ago, but he also got really worked up on the inside as the thoughts and pictures, memories, about sleeping pills and red colored water wouldn't leave his mind. To say he felt restless was also an understatement, he felt haunted and he had to use up all his power in order to keep it down so he wouldn't wake up Yoongi, who was snuggled up to his chest, a smile on his face as he was sleeping peacefully. Throughout the minutes it grew more and more difficult for Hoseok to contain himself and keep a cool mind. He couldn't. And so he felt the urge to jump out of bed and get those stupid pills from wherever Seokjin had hidden them. He would tear the apartment about if he had to, and this feeling frightened him so much. He didn't really understand what was happening to him. He knew he had had an addiction, but he overcome it throughout the last few weeks. The incident with Jimin must have worked him up on the inside even more than he had first thought it would.
Hoseok wrapped his arms tighter around Yoongi, burying his face in the elder's hair and taking deep breathes in. For some odd reason smelling Yoongi had always had some weird effect of soothing him and his mind. He closed his eyes, tightly, forcing himself to think about anything else than the pictures engraved onto his eyelids. However, no matter how much he tried to make the pictures fade away, they would always come back, the urge came back and due to that he only pressed Yoongi closer to his chest, afraid he would lose his grip on reality if he would let go of the elder. Besides the urging feeling inside him there was also the worry about Jimin bubbling up inside him and it didn't help him at all. There must have been a reason why Jimin tried to do something so terribly stupid. Hoseok was sure Jimin would tell him sooner or later, but he just hoped the younger would tell him sooner so he would be able to help him in time before Jimin could do something as dangerous and stupid as he had. Even though he had had a good reason and it felt like his only way out. To be honest, the thought, the want of leaving grew again and he felt like his sanity was slowly slipping away, running through his fingers like sand.
'This time it would be harder.' He suddenly thought and his eyes shot open due to his sudden thought. He blinked a few times before he just needed to look at Yoongi's face to remember himself why he decided to give it all some more time. He brought his right hand to Yoongi's cheek, caressing it with his thumb. He took another deep breathe in, watching Yoongi in his peaceful sleep. He concentrated on Yoongi, and only Yoongi. All thoughts he allowed himself to think about where connected to Yoongi, in a good way. But soon the memories of a time when he had been living in darkness flooded his mind, making it harder by the second to not go crazy. Hoseok simply didn't want those memories in his mind, he had once banished them to the very back of his mind and he couldn't let them get to him again. He knew it wouldn't either be good for him, or his sanity, and neither would it be good for the others, especially Jimin now that he had tried to be as stupid as Hoseok.
But the worries, the memories, all his fears wouldn't leave him alone and he couldn't blame the incident with Jimin any longer. It was he himself that tortured him even though he had no idea why. Maybe it was the darkness, trying to get a hold on him and pull him back. Maybe. Eventually. Hoseok took another deep breathe in, feeling as if he was suffocating on the inside and he knew the feeling just too well. He let his head fall against Yoongi's, causing the older to stir in his sleep. It maybe took a second or two before Yoongi opened his eyes, hearing a soft 'help me.' leaving Hoseok's lips.
Yoongi would have shot up if he would have been able to, but he wasn't since Hoseok's arms were tightly wrapped around him, holding him in place and against his chest. Yoongi tried to loosen Hoseok's grip on him a little, but he failed. He heard soft whimpers coming from the younger and it pained his heart. It felt like Hoseok was pulling a dagger right through his heart and Yoongi couldn't stand it any longer.
"Hoseok." He whispered, hoping the younger would listen to him, but it didn't have any effect. Yoongi tried to get out of Hoseok's grip again and Hoseok started to sob. Yoongi stared at Hoseok's pained expression. He gave up trying to get out of Hoseok's grip as he brought one hand to the younger's cheek, the other finding its way into the younger's hair. He started caressing both, causing Hoseok to open his eyes a little, staring right at him as if Yoongi was the only thing that still mattered to him. Yoongi gasped as he noticed how dull the younger's eyes looked and he wanted to start crying himself. It wasn't hard for him to figure out what was happening to Hoseok as it wasn't the first time. It was just the first time that he was awake. All the times before Hoseok had been asleep and Yoongi had been thanking all the gods that he could think of that Hoseok had been asleep. But this time, this time was different because Hoseok was awake. It wasn't just a nightmare, he'd eventually forget about, anymore, now it was becoming reality and Yoongi could see in the younger's eyes how desperately he clawed himself onto reality, in his terms sanity.
"Hoseok, listen to me." Yoongi whispered, still caressing his cheek and his hair. He leaned over as good as he could and kissed the younger's lips. "Everything's okay, trust me. I'm here for you." He continued to whisper. He felt Hoseok's grip around him loosening a bit, allowing him to lean over more so he could hover over the younger. Endless tears were leaving Hoseok's eyes. He wasn't really crying, but for Yoongi the sobs were terrible enough. It was hard for him to contain himself and keep his own tears inside as he wiped away the younger's tears. He knew it must be hard for the younger, but it was also hard for him as he could do nothing more than to stick with him, trying to soothe him with words. He just hoped it would help his love, even if it was just the slightest bit. He hadn't been there for his Hobi for such a long time, he didn't want to make the same mistake ever again. Hell, he had even been lying to himself, telling himself that he was in love with another man when all he needed was Hoseok.
"Hyung." He heard Hoseok's soft whimper. He then leaned down towards Hoseok's forehead, kissing the top of it. He then smiled at the younger a reassuring smile.
"It's okay, love." Yoongi whispered again, leaning down to kiss the younger's neck in order to distract him. Hoseok whimpered quietly and to Yoongi it sounded more like yet another sob. He felt a tight knot in his stomach and the feeling was almost overwhelming. He wanted to help the other so desperately and the fact that his touches didn't really help the younger like they usually did when he was asleep, having another nightmare, weren't enough anymore. He knew the younger had to sleep in order to find some kind of peace again, but it didn't seem like Hoseok would be able to sleep anytime soon. Call him crazy, but he knew what he needed to get Hoseok. He himself had been the one asking Hoseok to not take them anymore, but this was the evidence he needed to believe that Hoseok still kinda needed them in order to find peace.
And as much as it hurt his own heart that he couldn't help the younger any other way, he knew he had to get Hoseok the sleeping pills or else he would go crazy. Yoongi knew better than to let that happen.
"Hobi. Love, let's go see Jinnie hyung, okay?" Yoongi whisper asked. For a few moments he didn't get any response from the younger, who was obviously trying to wind his mind around the suggestion, figuring out what his hyung was talking about. But, after some while Hoseok finally nodded. Yoongi got up from Hoseok, but the younger wouldn't let go of him. Yoongi, however, managed to stand up somehow and pulled Hoseok up and into his arms, helping him to stand up. After Hoseok was finally on his feet, unsteady but still, Yoongi helped him walk over to the door. He then opened it and walked together with Hoseok through the corridor over to Seokjin's bedroom door. He knocked a few times, hoping the older was awake, or would at least hear it. Nothing happened after the first time so he decided to knock again. After the second knock however he heard a soft curse coming from inside and he would have laughed at that since Jin never cursed, but the situation was too intense, too serious and every laughter that could have possibly left him died down the very same moment.
After hearing a little bit of shuffling from inside he heard Seokjin's door being unlocked and then opened, revealing a sleepy mess of what was supposed to be Seokjin. Yoongi was pretty sure Hoseok would have asked why their hyung's door was closed if he was in a better state, but at that very moment Yoongi was rather glad the younger wasn't, because it would be hard to explain to him that they kept the door locked due to him and his nightmares. Yoongi wasn't the only one who knew about Hoseok's state, all of them did as they often talked about it when the younger wouldn't listen. Or either because they could hear Hoseok's screams at night. One day they had decided that Seokjin should keep his door locked as precaution if Hoseok would ever wake up, graving for those god damn pills they hid in Seokjin's room.
Yoongi could read on Seokjin's face that he was rather glad about Hoseok not questioning it too as the older noticed Hoseok's state.
"What happened?" Jin asked, obviously now pretty much awake and shocked. Yoongi sighed, helping Hoseok to get into the room. Hoseok didn't reply at all, only clawed himself onto Yoongi as he was still trying to not lose his grip on reality. But it had gotten better the moment he had realized what Yoongi's suggestion had been about. Yoongi sat down on Jin's bed together with Hoseok and looked up to meet Seokjin's worried expression.
"Long story, hyung." Yoongi started, kissing Hoseok's hair as the younger leaned his head against Yoongi's shoulder, tears still rolling down his cheeks. "Please, I think we need those pills." Yoongi muttered and he couldn't believe his own words.
Seokjin was about to protest and tell Yoongi that it was one stupid idea, but as he looked at Hoseok a while longer he came to the same conclusion. He sighed deeply, fearing this whole thing was a really bad idea. But what else could they do? It was obvious that Hoseok was fighting with himself, and it was also obvious that he was at the end of his powers, and at the end of his own will. He needed sleep, lots of it, but all of them knew how terribly hard it was for Hoseok to even fall asleep on his own accord and without the help of his white, little friends. All of them were aware of the fact that Hoseok wouldn't be able to sleep at all if it wasn't for Yoongi, but this, this was different. If Yoongi couldn't bring him to sleep, nothing could. Except those pills that helped almost killing him once.
Seokjin turned on his heels, walking over to his closet and started searching through it for a while. Yoongi felt how he slowly grew impatient.
"Hurry." He commented behind gritted teeth.
"Just a second!" Jin complained. Fuck this, it was far too early. After another few seconds passed by he finally found the key hidden between all his clothes. He then walked over to his nightstand, unlocking the bottom drawer of it with the key. He then pulled out the box containing the pills and opened it. He handed two of them to Yoongi, knowing one wouldn't be enough to make Hoseok fall asleep. Yoongi took the pills.
"Wait here, I get the water." Jin muttered before he left the room in a hurry.
Yoongi caressed the younger's hair again, kissing it a few times and whispering soothing words towards the younger who still let out some quiet sobs. Yoongi wrapped his arms around him, pressing him close to him.
"You're gonna be okay, love." He whispered. And at that Seokjin came back through the door with a glass filled with water in his right hand. Jin handed the glass over to Yoongi. Hoseok held out one of his hands for Yoongi to hand him the pills. Hoseok then placed them in his mouth immediately as Yoongi gave them to him. Yoongi held the glass to Hoseok's lips and help him drink from it as Hoseok's hands shook too much. Hoseok then swallowed the pills, feeling better right at the second even though the effects hadn't even kicked in yet. And he knew they wouldn't for a few more minutes, maybe an hour. However, the knowledge alone soothed him enough so he could breathe properly again. Jin and Yoongi watched him, noticing how he visibly calmed down more and more. It frightened him. The fact that he only needed to take them without their effects kicking it made it even more evident to them how broken Hoseok still was even though he had been better throughout all those weeks. The knowledge that they were responsible for all that hurt them even more, but they couldn't show it to Hoseok. They knew Hoseok was now calm enough to notice the changes within them and he was usually a genius in noticing those things right from the start. Both just hoped he wouldn't ask about the locked door now.
"Let's go back to bed, Hobi." Yoongi suggested, smiling a little at Hoseok. Hoseok just nodded and got up from the bed, waiting for Yoongi to get up as well. They then wished Jin a good sleep again and left his room. It was morning already, not that early anymore, but they still had some more time left for sleep. As they reached Yoongi's room, they lay back down onto his bed.
"I'm sorry, hyung." Hoseok whispered as Yoongi lay back down beside him. Yoongi kissed his forehead.
"Don't apologize." Yoongi said, kissing his forehead again and then lay back down, pulling Hoseok close to his chest. Hoseok cuddled himself against his hyung's chest, closing his eyes just to see the pictures again. He tried to get rid of them, but they simply didn't fade away completely. He tried again to focus only on Yoongi.
"You must be so disappointed in me." Hoseok muttered. Yoongi shook his head.
"No, Hobi. I could never be. Now try to sleep." Yoongi said, caressing the younger's hair again. Hoseok didn't answer, however, for Yoongi he was willing to try and sleep again, no matter how hard it would be.
Yoongi watched over him for the next hour, constantly checking if the younger was already asleep. A little smile grew on his face as he noticed Hoseok was finally back asleep. He then noticed Namjoon, Seokjin and Taehyung standing at the door, watching them.
"We need to find a way to stop this. He can't go on like this. It will destroy him." Yoongi quietly whispered towards them in order to not wake Hoseok up again. They nodded their hads, all of them filled with worry about Hoseok, their sunshine.