After the girls and I had dinner at a restaurant that serves Cuban cuisine, we went to explore the place for a little bit. We didn't have the time to explore the place for too long, seeing that we still had to go to Abuela's house. Smiling in excitement, I hailed a cab. I didn't know how we would fit but we made it work. Dinah proposed that we all play rock, paper, scissors and the one who wins will sit at the front. Unfortunately for us, Normani won.
The four of us wouldn't fit inside the cab so I thought of an idea. I quickly went inside first then held Camila's wrist, pulling her to sit on my lap. The brown-eyed girl was startled by my actions, becoming aware of what happened, not even bothered one bit. Instead she adjusted herself on my lap to find a more comfortable position. Ally and Dinah giggled to each other before they went inside too.
After we all got settled inside, I told the driver the address.
Humming contently with my arms wrapped around Camila's waist as I look outside the window, admiring the beautiful scenery that passes by. The car ride was silent, except for the sound of Cuban music playing in the background. The girls were just too absorbed by their phone. Camila couldn't stand the silence any longer and even tried to initiate small talk with the driver. Soon, Dinah became bored of staying on her phone and decided to ask, "Where is your Abueala's house supposed to be?"
"Her house is by the beach, which is pretty cool and convenient. I used to come there all the time for a vacation with my family." I shrugged, not disclosing anymore information, even though they probably already guessed why I said 'used to'. I used to always make up some petty excuse whenever my parents force me to come visit here. My parents aren't oblivious. I'm pretty sure they know the reason why I kept avoiding going to Abuela's house.
I mean, wouldn't it make things more awkward than it is?
Imagine having a homophobic grandmother and a homosexual granddaughter together at one house, feeling obligated to tolerate each other so that the evening wouldn't get ruined. I feel like I'm being suffocated whenever my Abuela pretends that I don't even exist in the world. It already hurt when she basically disowned me but pretending like I don't even exist hurts even more.
It felt like I was being torn apart. My Abuela had such a huge impact in my life. Everyday that passed by felt like I was only living in a nightmare, unable to wake up from the horrible dreams that constantly plagued my mind. But sadly, I had to forget about it. Sometimes, somebody just unexpectedly walks out of your life like it was nothing.
And you just have to accept that fact that the person didn't feel anything genuine towards you. That's why it was so easy for them to walk away. Things come and go, but when they come back, that means that they were meant to stay.
However, there are always people that stays with you because they genuinely care about. Forget about the people that left you and just learn to appreciate the people that stayed.
I was snapped out of my reverie by the sound of Camila's voice. "Lolo, we're already here." She softly patted my cheek to get my attention. She succeeded at getting my attention and I quickly turned to look at her, smiling absentmindedly. "Hmm?" I hummed in question, completely unaware of my surroundings. Camila laughed softly, "We're already here."
My mouth formed an 'o' in realization and just giggled at myself. I payed the driver and then we all stumbled outside of the car. The girls collectively gasped when they got out of the car, the beautiful spacey yet comfortable house immediately catching their attention. I couldn't help but let my lips quirk up a bit, old memories from before playing in my mind. It was like a huge wave of nostalgia hit me.
"I would love to live in a place like this." Normani whistled, looking around the place in amazement. "Same." Dinah nodded in agreement, followed by Ally. "It's been a while, yeah?" Camila asked and linked our arms together to support me. I bit my lip, the memories kept playing in my mind.
Each step felt heavy. It felt like gravity was going against me, making it hard for me to walk. Camila and my friends noticed. They gave me encouraging smiles while Camila's squeezed my arm to silently tell me that she's here to support me. We finally stood on the porch and I took in the small details of the house. Pots of plants and flowers are placed on the ground, only enhancing the feeling of comfort.
Ally squeezed my shoulder before she reached out and knocked on the door. My heart pounded against my chest as we waited for somebody to open the door. It felt like an eternity and when the sound of footsteps coming from upstairs became audible, my ears immediately perked up, readying myself for what is to come. The sound of hurried footsteps stopped, most probably halting at the door. My suspicions were right when the doorknob jiggled and was yanked open.
The familiar figure of my Abuela came into view when the door was wide open. She looked lost for a moment but when she saw who stood outside of her door, her face immediately lit up. The woman gasped, covering her mouth with her hand in astonishment. Quietly, the four of them stood awkwardly, watching the scene unfold when Abuela engulfed me in a long overdue hug.
I stayed still in her arms, not sure how I was supposed to act in this type of situation. I tried making up my mind on what to do. Reluctantly, I hugged her back and my Abuela relaxed when my reaction was positive. The hug basically lasted long and broke apart soon. When we separated from each other, she had a huge grin on her face but in her eyes showed shock.
"I didn't expect you to actually come." Abuela admitted, moving aside to let us in. Normani muttered a small 'thank you' and then we headed in, moving to sit on the couch. "I'm going to get you girls some drinks and snacks." Abuela offered, already heading inside the kitchen but stopped when we said that we already ate. Her smile faltered but she quickly covered it up and instead sat on the opposite side of the couch in front of us.
I sat with Camila by my right side while Normani sat at my left. I felt an arm snake it's way back around my arms, linking them together. Abuela caught sight of this and unexpectedly sent the two of us a heartwarming smile, only making me surprised even more. I wasn't used to her reacting like this. I'm pretty sure the only side I'm used to is when she lashes out on me when I get too touchy with girls but her eyes held uncertainty and I didn't know what to think of that.
"It's finally nice to see you again Lauren. And it's nice to meet you too girls." Abuela nodded towards us in acknowledgement. "You look great Ma'am. It's nice to finally met my best friend's abuela." Normani replied, sending the woman a kind smile. "Don't be too formal, you can all call me Abuela too." She laughed. "And you look beautiful too, young lady."
"You have a very nice house." Ally joined in as she admired the house. Abuela nodded, "I know right. I knew I that I did the right decision when I bought this beautiful house. Fortunate enough, the house is conveniently close to a beach. You only have to cross across the road to get there." Camila and I stayed quiet as we listened to Ally, Dinah and Normani talk to the woman in front of them.
"So Lauren, what have you been doing in your life that makes you happy?" Abuela asked, the attention quickly being diverted to me. I was caught off guard, being too absorbed by my own thoughts. I quickly composed myself before responding, "Well, I love art. I love taking pictures and painting. It's one of my favorite things to do and I major in art. I actually chose a photography course."
"Interesting. You have loved art since the beginning so it's not something unexpected that you chose to major in art." Abuela laughed. I let myself smile a little bit as I nodded my head once. "So what about you Camila? What do you aspire to be?" Camila tapped her chin softly as bit her lip. "Well, I love singing and playing instruments. I really want to become a singer someday when I get the chance."
"Don't worry. I know your dreams will come true because I am aware of how angelic your voice is. You just have to take the chance before it gets taken away." Abuela advised as she played with the ring on her hand, suddenly making me remember of Abuelo. "Wait, where's Abuelo?" I asked as I played with Camila's fingers that are intertwined with mine affectionately. "Oh, he wont be back until nighttime. He has some work to attend to." I nodded understandingly.
"Is that so." I mumbled quietly, disappointed that he isn't here right now. I really wanted to see Abuelo again. It's been a while after all. It's not only the reason though. He's one of the people that accepted me and supported me when I came out. He was really caring towards me and comforted me when Abuela lashed out on me. "Mhmm... Well you girls can go explore the beach for a bit. I'm just going to get our food ready. Go entertain yourselves outside. You wouldn't want to miss out on the beautiful weather after all."
The girls and I exchanged looks of excitement, no more signs of awkwardness surrounding the air. Dinah was the first one to grab her swimsuit and we quickly followed next to her and changed into our own swimsuits. Dinah, Ally and Normani stayed in the guest room while Camila and I, of course, stayed inside the room the I used to sleep in.
I had already changed to my swimsuit and zipped down my bag to find one of my hoodies. I muttered a small 'aha' when I found it and held it in my hands. Smiling at myself, I admired my form in the mirror. Feeling confident in my outfit, I nodded to myself. I only wore a simple black bikini. I was about to put the hoodie over my bikini when the door of the bathroom opened and the sound caught my attention. I whipped my head around and my jaw dropped when I saw the sight of Camila coming outside of the bathroom in a white bikini.
My eyes bulged out of my eye sockets, completely overwhelmed by her beauty. I stupidly stood still in the middle of the room, my eyes roaming Camila's body, who was just unaware of my blatant staring. The girl sauntered to my body mirror, still oblivious to my staring. "Wow," I muttered under my breath and that was when Camila turned around.
She smiled but her her eyes were trained on my body. She was admiring my body but most of her attention was trained on my abdomen. This fact only made me feel confident in myself. My lips quirked into a loop-sided smirk, I sauntered towards her charmingly, already forgetting about the hoodie that lay on the floor.
My girlfriend bit her lip, and I had to groan in frustration when she did. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pouted charmingly at the girl who still bit her lip, "Don't do that. I wont be able to stop myself if you keep biting your lip." I reprimanded her jokingly, only receiving a small laugh of amusement in return. She rolled her eyes before sticking her tongue out at me.
"You look so gorgeous in that bikini, babe." I smiled genuinely, pulling her closer so that our body touched. "And you look pretty hot in that too." Camila replied and ran her hand over my abdomen, feeling my muscle tense under her touch. My hands stay on her waist, squeezing it occasionally. Leaning my forehead against hers, I closed my eyes before leaning in to connect our lips in a searing kiss.
Our lips moved against each other almost roughly but still loving and passionate. My hand went from her waist to her back and started to twirl her hair that cascaded down her back with my finger. The girl moaned when my tongue swiped against hers playfully, only fueling the passion more. We stayed like that for a few minutes before we had to break apart because of the lack of oxygen.
"Always. A. Great. Kisser." I panted as I tried to catch my breath. Camila had a dazed look on her face as she panted, her cheeks having a red tint on them. She was flustered and her breathing was slightly uneven. I couldn't help it and took her lips in mine once again. This kiss was more slow and gentle this time. Camila's hands went around my neck and pulled me closer to her to deepen the kiss.
We were too distracted that we didn't notice the door open. My hands were about to move to her waist when Ally interrupted us, "Jeez, we should have known better than to leave you two girls alone in one room." The small girl shook her in feign disappointment. Hastily, Camila and I broke apart from each other with our faces red in embarrassment. "Oops." Camila said and adjusted her outfit before she fully faced the girls.
I had to clear my throat, rubbing the back of my neck bashfully as I look down on the ground trying to avoid their teasing gazes. "Jesus, control your hormones girls." Normani teased as she crossed her arms. Grinning crookedly, I said "It's hard to control yourself when you have a hot girlfriend after all."
I wrapped my arms around Camila's waist, "Likewise." She mumbled before standing on her tiptoes to sloppily kiss my cheek. I made a disgusted noise and hastily wiped her saliva on my cheek. Camila snickered when I nuzzled my cheek on her hair to get rid of the saliva. "Stop being such a fuckgirl Lauren." Dinah said and went inside the room. She pulled Camila out of my hold and embraced her protectively, "She used to be such an innocent bean! What have you done?"
Camila pushed Dinah's face away from hers when the Polynesian moved to push their cheeks against each other. "I am most definitely not a fuckgirl." I gasped in offense. "And she isn't as innocent as you think." I smirked and padded over to the makeup table to get both Camila and I's sunglasses.
Grinning adoringly, I handed Camila's sunglasses over to her. She quietly thanked me and liked our arms together before we headed outside of the room to the kitchen where Abuela had just started cooking dinner. Abuela turned around when she heard footsteps coming down from upstairs. She smiled and put the spatula down on the counter, clapping her hands together "It wont take long so you guys can go enjoy yourselves at the beach. Have fun mijas!"
The girls and I nodded excitedly. Dinah and Camila were the first ones to run out of the house to the beach. They hollered loudly. The girls and I exchanged amused looks at each other as we watch the two girls playfully push each other. Dinah underestimated her strength, causing Camila to fall on the sand, laughing merrily. We laughed and followed the two girls to the beach.
When we finally caught up with the two best friends, I immediately carried Camila bridal style and ran to the sea. Camila squealed and held onto my neck tightly, burying her face in my neck while her arms locked tightly around my neck so that she wouldn't fall. I grinned cheekily, dropping her on the water gently. We all laughed when Camila surfaced from the water with an annoyed look on her face but my laugh slowly faded when Camila's lips quirked into a small smirk.
I gulped, fearing for the worst.
I was then tackled by the brown-eyed beauty and I screeched in surprise. The two of us fell underwater, laughing. I picked Camila up and we quickly resurfaced. I gasp for air and then started laughing along with Camila. Ally sent us concerned looks by the shore, "Be careful over there!"
_
I yawned tiredly, my bare feet hitting the wooden floor as I descended downstairs. I was unable to sleep so I decided to head to the living room and watch TV. Camila is soundly asleep right now and I didn't want her to wake up. Luckily, she didn't because she's a heavy sleeper. So here I am now. The living room was dark, only the light of the moonlight illuminated the room. Everybody is asleep right now so I plopped down on the couch and picked up the remote on the table, turning on the television.
I lowered the volume, they're sleeping right now and I wouldn't want to ruin their rest. I stopped at some random channel playing a Cuban game show or something. I moved my hand, resting my arm on the armrest and sprawled my feet on the couch. As I was watching the show, I heard footsteps heading downstairs. I lifted my head up to find out who was just going downstairs.
I was surprised to see my Abuela. I immediately straightened up, sending Abuela a confused look. "Abuela?" I voiced out to catch her attention. She lifted her head up with a surprised face. "Oh, I didn't notice you wake up Mija." She smiled before sitting on the couch on my right. I awkwardly smiled back, turning my attention back to the television. Gulping, I avoided eye contact with her, not knowing what to do or say in front of her. The air was filled with tension. Abuela kept opening and closing her mouth as if she wanted to say something but didn't know how.
Noticing this, I gave her my undivided attention.
"I'm sorry, Mija." Abuela muttered quietly, looking down at her lap with shame. My eyes widened. I was taken off guard by her sudden apology. "Oh..." I quietly said and looked at anything but her. I ran my hand on my hair and gulped. "Please look at me Lauren." She pleaded. Her quivering voice was thick with emotion. I didn't have the heart strong enough to ignore my Abuela like that. Reluctantly, I finally locked eyes with the older woman. "I'm really sorry Lauren. I- I've haven't been there for you whenever you needed comfort. I was stupid to disown you like that. I came to realize that your sexuality doesn't matter. Only your happiness does. And if you're happy with your life then I'm happy for you too." The woman stopped and wiped her tears.
"Being gay doesn't change who you are, I already realized that. I notice the look you give Camila. You look at her like she puts the stars on the sky and I'm sure Camila looks at you the same. You both love each other so much so who am I to intervene with that?" She continued and moved to sit beside me, holding my hands in hers. This is hard to take in. "You were gone for five years." I rapsed out, lifting my head up to meet her eyes with mine brimming with unshed tears.
"I know Mija. I'm going to make it up to you for the five years I was gone. You're my granddaughter and nothing is ever going to change that." Cooing, she wrapped me in her embrace. I missed her warmth so much. I have forgotten how comforting her hugs are. I let my myself be vulnerable in her arms, silently crying. "I'm sorry." She kissed the top of my head and tightened her arms around me.
I continued to sob in her arms, finally beginning to hug her back. "I hope Camila makes you happy. You were so distraught and broken when she left you." I froze in her arms, not knowing how she knew about what happened to Camila and I. She already cut her ties with me when Mother died. So how would she know? The only only people she might have heard that from are possibly from my siblings or Dad.
Then realization hit me like a ton of bricks.
She still listened. Even though she didn't want anything to do with me, she still cared for me. At least she cared enough to know about what happens in my life. That's why she looked uncertain everytime I was with Camila. Abuela was wary about the girl, especially after knowing what happened between us. "I don't know how to feel about Camila, given the fact how she caused you so much suffering."
She doesn't understand... She didn't cause me to suffer.
If anything, Camila was the one who made me determined to change for the better. She was my motivation- and still is. I was the one who caused her to suffer. Blaming her everyday for something she didn't even do. She carried huge responsibilities and she didn't have anyone to vent out her stress on. No one was there for her and I only made things worse. Even though I was broken at the time, I didn't blame her for leaving. She couldn't take it anymore. The guilt began to eat her up, even though she had nothing to be guilty about.
"You don't understand..." I started quietly, retracting my hands from her hold. "She- She didn't hurt me! I was the one who caused everything to fall apart! If anything, she should have hated me because I also caused her so much suffering. I don't have the right to tell you what happened to her but she was hurt too! No one was there for her too when she need someone to hold her. Her only escape from reality is music and I fucking hated myself after knowing that she all alone!" I shouted angrily and stood up from the couch, my chest heaving slightly. My short temper got the best of me.
Instead of freaking out, Abuela's lips turned up into a small smile. Seconds later, she started laughing quietly and I stood there confused, not knowing what she found amusing. "You love her so much don't you? I can see it in your eyes and the way you defended her made me rethink of the things I've heard. You girls have been through so much together. It's honestly so refreshing to see such a beautiful love blossom right in front of me."
I looked at her in disbelief.
"We do love each other. She's just so wonderful and I wouldn't know what to do if she leaves again. In just a span of one year, she made me fall deeply in love with her again. She just means so much to me. She's so nice and forgiving. Camila is so talented and smart too. Her voice is magical but the way she expresses herself is so unbelievable. Her way with words is so charming."
"I haven't told Dad about this yet. What if he freaks out when I tell him?" I stuttered out, sitting down on the couch. The older woman hummed in thought, "Why would he freak out? He cares about your happiness. He's my son, I know how much he loves you and your siblings. You three are the only people he has left, the only people that he has that reminds him of your mother. If you're happy then he's happy for you too."
I bit my lip in thought as I looked down the carpet.
I never thought of how he felt when Mother died. The only thing that I focused on was how I felt. I was selfish. I didn't think of how much it could have hurt my Father seeing me so miserable and broken. He kept herself strong and steady even when his own wife died, but there I was, drowning myself in alcohol and my bad habits. I was so fucking selfish that I never thought about how my own Father felt so hurt too.
"Stupid." I said to myself. It wasn't loud enough for her to hear. I raised my shaking hands, hitting my temples with my wrist as I silently let the tears fall once again. I just caused everyone to suffer, didn't I? "Stupid. Stupid. Stupid." I kept saying and saying. This caught my Abuela's attention and she was about to speak up when somebody came down from upstairs.
I was about to continue when a familiar voice resounded in the room, "Lolo?" Camila mumbled in her baby voice cutely as she rubbed her eyes tiredly. The girl still hasn't noticed my Abuela's presence and continued to hop down the stairs. When she was at the last step, the singer walked over to me and hugged my waist, burying her head in my chest. "Lolo." She sighed contently, nuzzling her cheek on my collarbone. Her eyes were closed, making her unable to see Abuela.
Before she could see my teary eyes, I hastily wiped them away. I looked at Abuela to see her smiling at the two of us. She nodded approvingly.
When she opened her eyes, she was astonished to see Abuela sitting on the couch. "Umm... Hello." She said shyly and was about to move away to put space between us but I only wrapped my arms around her so that she wouldn't move away. I need her with me right now to be my support. "Oh hello Camila. I was just talking to Lauren and I'm already about to head back upstairs. You both have a good time." The woman smiled nicely before standing up and walking upstairs.
"Camila..." I groaned, my voice being muffled by her hair. I plopped down on the couch, pulling her with me. She sighed, squishing my cheeks together earning a confused look from me. "I'm glad you two made up." She admitted and kissed my forehead, making me close my eyes in pure bliss. "Me too." I shyly said, already wrapping my arms around her waist. "She said she was happy for me."
Camila motioned for me to continue with her head.
"I told her how much you meant to me. I honestly couldn't believe that just happened. Her approval means so much even if she doesn't know it." I confessed, absentmindedly caressing her back with my hands. The girl hummed. "I love you." I said out of nowhere, causing a gigantic smile to appear on her lips. "I love you too." She gave my lips a chaste kiss.
We broke apart, and Camila examined my face. Shamefully, I turned to look at a different direction so that she wouldn't see my teary eyes. Gently, she grabbed my chin in between her index finger and thumb to turn my head, "Were you crying just now?" She asked in concern. "It doesn't matter. I just had to vent some things out." I tried to reason but Camila looked a bit hesitant.
"Okay." She dropped the subject and grinned like nothing happened just now.
I didn't tell her about what my Abuela feels about her. I don't want her to feel obligated to make her like her. "Let's go to sleep." She mutters quietly, her head slowly fell on my chest and her breath became even, telling me that she has fallen asleep once again. Smiling down at her, I brushed stray strands of hair that fell and kissed her forehead.
We lay together on the couch with her on top of me sleeping soundly. The television being forgotten as we sleep together peacefully. The sounds emitting from the television didn't bother us. Our steady breathing was like a lullaby to us, slowly lulling us to sleep.