Thankfully the next day was a Saturday because I don't know if I could deal with school after a day like yesterday. The sun coming in from the windows woke me up. Hayden was still wrapped around me, I had never felt more content than I did right now. I didn't want to get up my bladder was telling me I didn't have a choice.
I slipped out from under his arm and scurried to the bathroom. He rolled over and let out a loud yawn as I rushed out. I relieved myself and washed my hands. Staring at my sunken eyes in the mirror I felt bad that I looked so terrible. I was hoping my sleep would have made me look more lively. Yesterday must have just been too much emotionally.
When I returned to Hayden's room he had rolled over and gone back to sleep. I climbed in behind him and took his place as the big spoon. His frame was so much bigger than mine that it didn't work out as nicely but it felt nice to just hug him. His face looked like it was going to heal quickly. Morgan had cleaned him up and bandaged a few cuts. I saw his mouth curl up slightly but he let me continue to hold onto him.
He was so warm and his heartbeat was so calm that I could only feel it if I paid close attention. I tried to doze back off but just couldn't. I was awake now but I didn't want to leave this bed. I dealt with this inner conflict by forcing myself back to sleep.
Hayden finally rolled over and ran his thumb up and down my nose. I opened my eyes and smiled at him. He looked so peaceful. His eye still blackened and I now noticed other parts of his face were swollen. "Good morning gorgeous," I chuckled.
A smile reminded me of his chipped tooth. "Good morning," he yawned before making an exaggerated effort to stretch out. During his stretches he wedged his right arm in the crook of my neck and pulled me into his side.
"What did you tell your moms?" I asked cutting right to the chase.
He laughed and relaxed from his stretching. "I bet you are just dying to know, aren't you?" he smiled.
"Do they hate me?" I asked planning for the worse.
"Not in the slightest," he said shaking his head. "Amy could never hate you, she was raped, I am a product of her rape." He reminded me her "matter-of-fact". "She feels terrible for you. She said she would talk to your mom for you. Ya' know like mom-to-mom, see if she can't get through to her. And if not then she said she would help in any way possible."
I was grateful for Hayden and his moms. Since day one those three had played a huge part in my up bringing. They say it takes a village to raise a child and it definitely took one to raise me.
My dad was my rock when I was kid. He was always encouraging me to do good and be positive in the world. When I was in middle school I got caught up in trying to be a "cool kid". I didn't want to be popular by any means, I guess you could say I wanted to be a rebel. I died my light brown hair jet black. I started wearing heavy eyeliner and lots of band t-shirts. Some people might call this my "emo phase". I pushed my family away and started relying on friends more than my parents. My dad died during my eighth grade year when he fell off a water tower, and it nearly killed me. I felt so awful for being so mean to him in the last year of his life. I wanted so badly to take it all back and let him know how much he really meant to me. All I wanted to do was say that I was sorry.
I really went downhill after that.
My dad was gone alone a lot because of work but I could always call him. But now he was gone and never coming back. I quit applying myself in school. I took up recreational drugs like weed, and some hallucinogens. Even prescription pills when I could get my hands on them. Hayden was the person I would call when I would wake up and not know where I was. I stayed at his house a lot my ninth grade year. He took care of me while I dealt with my dads passing. I could never thank him enough for that.
He took care of me at my lowest of lows and he still somehow loved me. "Thank you," I whispered. I knew those two words would never be as meaningful as I wanted them to be.
"Not a problem kiddo," he smiled and tucked my hair behind my ear. This caused me to blush which made him laugh. I looked back up at him biting down on my bottom lip.
His hand found its way to the back of my head and tangled in my hair loosely. My eyes closed as I exhaled through my nose, this was the most peaceful feeling I had ever encountered. His naked chest was so warm and inviting, and his arms were so strong and secure. He inched his way closer to me very slowly giving me ample opportunity to ask him to stop, but I didn't want to. My eyes flickered open and he was just centimeters from my face. My eyes quickly shut again as his lips softly brushed against mine in the most delicate kiss I've ever received.
Maybe it was the hormones but I was hungry for more. I kissed back adding a little bit of fire to the mix, to which he responded eagerly.
My knee slipped up onto his groin and I gripped his shoulder. I pulled myself up on top of him doing my best not to break the kiss. His hands slipped down my sides and rested near the small of my back. Everything felt right about this it was passionate, gentle, but there was a huge spark.
It didn't feel forced, and I wasn't waiting for it to be over with. I always felt that way with Jake. Like I was just supposed to lay back and let him have at it until he was done.
This was a polar opposite feeling.
I held my weight up with my core as best I could and tried to let my hands wander down his torso. But it didn't work out as best as I had hoped. Our faces just kind of smashed together a little and I realized it was hopeless. I spread my legs more so that I wasn't up on my knees as much, and laced my fingers through his hair.
I didn't think this going any farther than just making out but we both couldn't stop. I stayed on top of him while his hands explored my stomach and back lightly. Damn that boy was such a gentleman that it was just a tease.
Just as my hips began to grind lightly on his abs there was a knock at the door. I pulled away immediately as my cheeks grew warmer. "Morgan is making chocolate chip pancakes if you two are ever gonna get up!" Amy shouted from the hallway.
I looked down at Hayden and laughed a little bit. His hands were resting above my waist and his eyes were dreamier than ever. God knows I wanted to stay in this bed for the rest of my life. I wanted to relive this moment a hundred times before I died.
"We probably shouldn't keep them waiting." He smiled. "Or else they will never leave us alone,"
I laughed and gave him one last peck on the cheek. His body tenses up a little as I pulled away and climbed off of him. He sat up on the edge of the bed with his feet on the floor and curled his finger towards me. I walked back over to him and smiled. "What?" I asked as he stood up. He pulled me into a hug that was just tight enough. My body nearly collapsed as I melted into his arms, but I knew he would hold me up.
"Are you okay?" He asked holding his grip on me.
I nodded as best I could with my head being smashed against in his chest. "Better than ever actually,"
"Get some pants on and let's go have breakfast," he laughed and slowly let go of me as I regained my balance.
Hayden's shirt was more like a nightgown on me so I didn't really see the need for pants. I shrugged and started for the hallway. Hayden pulled on a t-shirt to go with his plaid pajama bottoms and followed closely behind.
Amy laughed immediately when she saw us. "You too look like you had a pretty rough night." She said.
I looked up at Hayden. Sure his face was beat up, but this bedhead was the kicker. It stood up in all places and then laid completely flat in others.
Me on the other hand with sunken eyes definitely had eyeliner smeared all down my face and the t-shirt I was wearing only hit my mid-thigh. We probably looked like we had, had the roughest sex of our lives.
Hayden ruffed his hair even more and spit out his tongue. "Best sleep of my life," he added as she hugged him.
"Well grab a plate and eat up!" Morgan chimed in setting a heaping pile of pancakes on the table.
The four of us eagerly dug in as Morgan poured us each a glass of orange juice.
Amy smiled at me from across the table and reached her hand out to me. I reciprocated to not be rude, and she rubbed her thumb across my knuckles. "We love you so much sweetheart." She cooed. "And I just want you to know what you are always welcome in our home."
Morgan nodded to me as she placed her hand on the back of Amy's shoulder. "You're family. We'll do anything to help you. We can take you doctors appointments or we can help you come up with a financial plan. Whatever you need we are all here for you."
Amy then gave Hayden's hand a solid squeeze and she smiled at him. She just looked so proud of the man she had raised.
I was proud of her for raising such an incredible man.
All I could say was thank you which I knew still wasn't enough.
We made small talk about what was going on in our lives for the rest of breakfast which was nice. I didn't want my pregnancy to be a huge topic of conversation.
Amy and Morgan had to get off to work afterwards which left me and Hayden alone in the house.
We had made it from the kitchen table to the living room couch. Hayden turned the TV to Cartoon Network and put his feet up. He reached out to me and pulled me into his chest again. "How can you be expected to help me raise a kid when you, yourself, are a kid?" I asked him jokingly.
He laughed and shook his head. "Saturday mornings are for cartoons. They always have been. They always will be."
I rolled my eyes playfully and wrapped my arms around him. "Okay whatever you say,"
I wasn't sure what to take of this. We were suddenly acting like we were a couple. I mean we had just had our first kiss in years and we weren't even going to discuss it? Sure we had kissed once or twice in years passed, but nothing ever like this morning. Now we were cuddling on the couch like it was just nothing?
Not that I was complaining by any means but I still was confused on what exactly was happening. So, I asked. "Hayden, what is going on with us?"
He sighed and furrowed his eyebrows. "Whatever you want to be going on, I guess."
I groaned and buried my head deeper into his shoulder. "Hayden you have to make an executive decision every once in a while."
"Hayley," he started before gripping my shoulders. He sat me up so that he could look me in the eyes. "You have to make this decision, okay? You have to pick me or the father. You've got to decide who you want to raise this baby with." He took a very long deep breath and he thought about what to say next. "And, because I'm a good friend, I promise not to argue with what you choose to do."
I sighed and collapsed back into his shoulder. "Hayden it would be so much easier if you just chose for me." I complained.
"The fact that you even have to think about it blows my mind." He shook his head and turned cold.
I had obviously hurt his feelings.
I sat up and looked at him confused. "Hayden? Jake is the father. Shouldn't I at least consider him?"
Hayden was too angry to lay back anymore. He sat up and looked at me confused. "He raped you!?! And who knows how many times he did it before that? He's extremely abusive to you and I would put a child through that?" He was in disbelief and getting angrier. "Hayley he gave me a black eye because I told him that getting an abortion was your choice, not his. He wailed on me in a public park because he didn't want me to talk you out of having an abortion."
I couldn't look him in the eyes. I knew he was right. I knew Jake was far from a fit father. But for some reason I felt obligated to consider his opinion on this. This child was a product of him.
"Hayley I could give you a hundred reasons why this guy is disgusting..." he paused for a moment. His voice was much less angry and now it was just hurt. "But that's not going to change your mind is it?"
I finally looked up at him with tears in my eyes. "I don't know," I croaked before bursting into tears.
He pulled me into a hug. "Im sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. I just don't want to watch you get hurt anymore. I'm so tired of you being in pain."
I cried until I fell asleep in his arms. I had no idea what I wanted to do. Actually, I knew what I wanted but what about my baby? Would they hate me because they never knew their dad? Would they love Hayden as much as I did? Would Hayden end up hating me for taking away his life? How was I going to afford any of this? I could never ask Morgan and Amy for money, but Jakes parents were loaded. What if Jake went crazy after I chose Hayden and he killed the baby?
All these questions and hundreds more were all I could think of as I drifted to sleep.
But the biggest question of all was: "What the hell was I going to do?"