"So when you feel like hope is gone/Look inside you and be strong/And you finally see the truth/That a hero lies in you."
~Miriah Carey
I laid my head against the frost covered window as I watched my family's mansion become nothing more then a speck in the distance.
I could feel Ty's hand rest on my leg, his eyes were flickering toward me every few minutes, obviously to make sure I was all right.
Tessie was still asleep in the back, her head bouncing a little as the car moved. Since we had left at around six in the morning, I had insisted we didn't wake her up. Spot was in a safe spot beside her, asleep as well.
"You okay?" Ty whispered. I nodded, turning to show him I was smiling.
"I'm fine, Ty. I'm. . . I'm sort of relieved to be out of that house. I know it sounds wrong and messed up and. . . and-"
"You don't have to explain." Ty said quietly, "I understand. I don't know how you were able to hold yourself together for so long in that place." I nodded, looking down at my lap as he reached to turn the radio up a little to have some sort of noise other then the road in the car.
"It's been so long since I've been to NYU. My roommates probably threw all my old stuff out on the sidewalk and rented my room out to someone else." I tried to joke, but my voice cracked.
"I'm sure they didn't. No humane person would." I nodded again, hoping he was right.
Tessie woke up an hour or so later, her eyes wide as she plastered her face against the window to see what was outside. By the surprised look on her face, I knew she had absolutely no idea that we had been planning on moving everything today.
It had been my idea to get moving sooner rather then later. Christmas was tomorrow night, and I hadn't spent it in that house in over six years, and didn't plan on making this year any different. I wanted to be able to give Tessie a Christmas without me bawling the entire time.
"Where are we going, Daddy?" Tessie asked, her voice quiet as she rubbed the sleepiness from her eyes.
"We're going to see our new house." He explained, catching her eyes in the rear view mirror, "And help Ally get set up at school again." Tessie frowned, her eyes on me.
"But you're too old to go to school." She said, confused.
"No, sweetie. I'm going to a big kid school, so I can get a good job." She seemed to understand a little, but become more occupied with petting Spot that asking any more questions.
I caught Ty glancing my way out of the corner of my eye and smiled. He looked back at the road for a moment before looking at me again, a grin stretching across his face.
*
There wasn't a whole lot of furniture in the house when we got there. Of course, there were the couch and the loveseat we had bought online and had sent ahead of us. And there were beds in every room, but the kitchen and bedrooms were empty, needing to be filled with other things.
"We get a Christmas tree now, Mama?" Tessie asked, tugging at my arm. I knelt down and kissed her forehead, nodding.
"Daddy and I are going to go buy one while you stay here with Gramma for a little while." She stepped away from me, her mouth hanging open.
"I don't wanna stay with Gramma." She whimpered.
"It's my Mommy." I pointed toward myself, "Not Daddy's. She wants to spend time with you." Tessie bowed her head and sighed.
"Why can't I go with you?" She whispered.
"Because Mama and Daddy need to do some other grown up things and you can't be there, Tessie." She walked away from me and plopped down on the couch beside Spot.
"Okay." She looked back up at us, "I understand, Mommy."
*
By the time we were back at the house, Tessie and my mom were curled up in Tessie's room, in the small Princess bed. I felt Ty rest his chin on my shoulder as we watched the both of them, somehow he must have seen my expression.
The last time I'd seen my mom show any sort of affection was the first night Steph had went through Chemo. She had cried, had held Steph in her arms until my baby sister was asleep.
Then she had grown distant and cold again, she had become her old self. But maybe, maybe what she had said at that dinner wasn't all wrong. Maybe she wanted to settle down and be a grandmother. Maybe she was finally ready to be a mother, even if it's a little too late.
"Let's go wrap the presents." Ty whispered in my ear, pulling me into the room next to Tessie's and tossing all the bags on the bed. I laid Tessie's presents on the floor while Ty grabbed the tape and wrapping paper.
"So my parents called last night." Ty said, folding the corners of one of Tessie's presents. "They want to come over tomorrow." He was shaking his head, trying to keep the smile on his face.
"Jase and Macy are going to be here with Luce, and of course my parents wanted to come as well. Mike and Dave said they'd drop by as well." I said quickly, doing my best to avoid the decision I knew Ty needed help making.
"I mean, it's still her grandchild, Ally. She raised her when I wasn't there. Tessie could have been thrown into the foster system, but she took her in and stopped that from happening." I smiled, leaning over and laying my head against his shoulder.
"Then invite her, Ty. Invite them both." He nodded, mumbling something I couldn't catch under his breath.
"Okay. I think. . . I think I will."
*****
We woke up to Tessie jumping on the end of the bed, then diving in between us.
"Wake up, Daddy! Mama! Santa came, come on! Santa came!" She nearly dragged me out of the room as Ty rolled over, groaning.
I laughed when she darted across the room to pick up all the presents with her name on them, giggling when they started to fall beside her.
"Wow, look at all of those!" I gasped, sitting on the arm of the couch with a grin, "You must have been a really good girl this year, huh?" She nodded, rushing across the room to the stocking hung by the mantel.
"Look, Mommy! I have more!" She sat down in the middle of the floor and poured her stocking out on to the wooden floorboard. I felt a hand on my shoulder, causing me to almost fall off the couch.
"You did good, sweetheart." My mom whispered, her eyes on Tessie sitting in the middle of the floor, "Stephanie would have been happy for you." I wrapped my arms around myself, shrugging off my mom's hand as I glanced behind me at her.
"You want coffee?" I was happy that Ty stepped in between my mother and me before I could lash out on her. He leaned down and kissed me quickly before walking backwards slowly.
"Hot chocolate, actually." I responded. He saluted me before asking my mom, who joined him in the kitchen a second later. I found myself walking toward the door before my mom could come back out and pick up where she left off.
I fell back on to the swing on the porch, wrapping my arms around myself as I looked out over the white blanket of snow that covered the ground.
"Merry Christmas, Steph." I said, my vision blurring as I laughed quietly, "I wish you were here with us. I remember you used to always have this big grin on your face when I'd open your present. You'd laugh and giggle and you'd always have the best presents of the day." I lowered my head and smiled down at the concrete.
"I'm sorry I couldn't finish the list before my birthday tonight." I shook my head, "All but one of the things was completed, and I hope. . . . I hope one day I'll be able to stand in front of your grave and tell you that I've finished it, holding my baby boy or girl in my arms." I heard the door creak open behind me, but didn't turn to look to see who it was.
"Until then, everything seems to be looking up. Today is going to be a good day, everyone's going to be together again. Everyone, including you. Because you're my little angel, and I know for as long as I live, you'll be watching down on me."
Ty sat on the swing beside me, setting my hot chocolate in my hands, before throwing his arm around me and pulling me against his chest.
"Thank you, Stephanie." Ty said, laughing, "I still remember the day you walked by, I could see it in your eyes, the beautiful light of an angel living through you. I hope you're happy wherever you are, because I'm happy here." I smiled, kissing his cheek as he spoke.
It was strange, how just one person, one little act of kindness changed my entire world.
Somewhere deep down I knew Ty was right, that Steph had created the list for me to see the world through her eyes. She wanted me to see all the hurt, the pain, the suffering that went on in the world around us. And I had, I definitely had.
I spent most of my life isolated from the world, afraid to face the reality of what was really going on in the world. But my baby sister, my beautiful angel, had helped me start to realize that life wasn't just some predictable thing. It was a game, and somehow, it had a path for all of it's pieces in it.
"I love you, Steph." I finally pulled myself from my thoughts, staring up at the beautiful blue sky. Somehwere in the back of my mind I could imagine her standing at the bottom of the steps, holding one of her Nancy Drew books in her hand as she stared up at me with big brown eyes. Her bottom lip would quiver for a second before it would straighten and she'd force herself to smile. Her bald head would be covered with the same pink hat I'd knitted for her. And finally, she'd hug the book to her chest and tilt her head to the side with a crooked smile.
"I know, Sissy." She'd say with a giggle, "I love you too."
***AN***
There it is. That's the last chapter.
Now for the epilogue. It may be a few, I'm sitting here crying so. . .
I really hope you guys enjoyed this book as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Let me know what you thought!
~ChasingMadness24