Lost Soul, Now Found
Chapter Twenty Nine
A few months had passed since the accident, Abigail had healed physically, but still not mentally or emotionally. She didn't want anyone to know that she was still hurting inside. When Luke would ask her if anything was bothering her, she would fake a smile and tell him that she was just tired. Luke and Abigail started traveling with Bray again, Luke had not sat behind the wheel since the accident. Whether it was his fault or not, Luke still didn't want to risk putting Abigail's life at risk, he didn't want to blame himself if anything else happened to her. Bray understood and had no problem driving them. Tyler had come to love WWE, and learned from his past mistake not to get involved in Bray's match, not because he could cause Bray to lose, but because Bray was concerned for Tyler's safety. At times Bray would get nervous when people would talk about Dean Ambrose. Everyone thought he just disappeared off the face of the earth. They didn't know that Dean Ambrose had a more dangerous side to him outside of the ring. He could never tell anyone how he had ended Dean's life. What other choice did he have? Dean attacked them and almost killed Luke. Sometimes you have to protect your family no matter what the cost. Luke had thoughts of marrying Abigail soon, but would Abigail ever get over the pain she was feeling? Bray had Tyler wait with Luke as he took her aside. Maybe Luke couldn't see what was going on, but Bray knew these things. He was really good at figuring out when someone was hiding something.
"You haven't really been talking to Luke, me or anyone. You've grown more quiet. I know it's not just because you're tired... you're hiding something inside."
Abigail sighed as she held back the tears. She would still sometimes cry over losing the baby when no one was around.
"It's just... been so hard Bray... I look at Luke, I love him, and I see the way he looks at me. He loves me, but if he's planning on marrying me, I just don't know if I can handle it... He wants a family from me. What if I can't give him that? I... don't know if I will ever be able to move on from this... We would have had a little girl... I would have been eight months pregnant this month... I don't know how Luke felt about it, he seemed so unsure, but... I really wanted to be a mother."
Abigail finally cried now as Bray hugged her.
"You still can be one day, but right now, I would focus more on healing. You know... it took Luke fifteen years to heal from grieving you. He still wasn't sure if you were really you when you came back. He blamed himself all those years ago over your death. I missed you too... you are my sister, but honestly, after mom died, you took care of me growing up the way a mother would care for her child. Luke seemed to take it harder than I did... I believe he loved you even back then... he had tried committing suicide a few times."
Abigail was shocked at this.
"I never knew that... he's never told me."
"I've been there to help him as much as I could, I would sometimes wonder where he would take off to, but he always took my lantern with him and promised that he would return."
"He would always take a walk. I followed him... it was his place to think, but now... it's become our spot."
"Just imagine... how much harder it would have been on him if he would lost the baby, and lost you again. He probably doesn't show it because he wants to be strong for both of you, but losing the baby has surely taken its toll on him too."
She became quiet again as she thought for a moment. She still couldn't believe Luke had tried committing suicide.
"I know I'm still hurting right now, but maybe one day Luke and I could try again. I really need to talk to him... I hate pretending that everything is ok when it's not."
She was quiet again as she noticed that Bray was quiet now.
"How about you Bray? I noticed you seemed really freaked out... people are still wondering about Dean Ambrose."
"No one can ever find out what happened. No one will believe me... he was a werewolf, he was dangerous and didn't care about anyone or anything... I figured it out... he was jealous that you're with Luke and he took off in his werewolf form and in a blind jealous rage killed Tyler's mother. Tyler found out too... I'' not just taking care of Tyler because I feel sorry for him, but because I really care for him. He gives my life meaning and purpose... I have something worth fighting for. I just couldn't believer that he would walk out and go with Dean Ambrose... the same guy that killed his mother. I don't know if Dean told him or if Tyler found out on his own, but at some point he found out that Dean killed his mother and realized that he was in danger. If we hadn't of found him when we did, he could of ended up the same as his mother. He's already seen so many horrible things in this world. He doesn't even know his own father... he needs me, and I need him. He is part of this family, it will take some getting used to... I don't know if he likes traveling on the road with WWE, but with all the things he's been through... he needs something to take his mind off of everything that's happened in the last few months. He deserves happiness in his childhood... I just don't know if I can give it to him, but I'm going to do everything that I can to protect him. I don't really consider myself the boy's father, he has a father... I don't think he will ever consider me to be his father, but I always promised myself that I would be a better father than mine ever was... I would never put my hands on Tyler to harm him... I'm not his father, but I can be a father figure and protect him and show him that I care for him."
While Abigail was talking to Bray, Tyler started talking to Luke.
"So Luke... are you and Abigail married?"
"No... not yet... How have things been going with you and Bray?"
"It's really cool... I really like him... I still miss my mom sometimes, and I wonder about my dad, but I like being here... going out there and seeing all the lights, and all the people. It's really cool when he goes out there with the... light thing..."
"The lantern?"
"Yeah... it gets dark, he has the lantern and everyone has their phone lights in the air waving it to the music when we come out."
"Yeah it's cool I guess, but doesn't it get boring after a while?"
"Not for me. It's so cool. I think there are more lights each time. I want to be just like him. He told me that if I was careful, he would let me carry it out next time."
"You must really mean something to him... he's never let anyone carry it out."
Tyler smiled at this. As Bray and Abigail were coming back, she noticed Luke talking to Tyler and smiled. She wasn't sure before if Luke wanted to be a father, but seeing him talk to Tyler gave her hope. Once Luke and Abigail got to their hotel room, they finally had a chance to talk alone. Luke was first to break the silence.
"So... you talked to Bray?"
"I did. He's my brother... he can see when something is bothering me... I haven't really been talking a lot lately. I've had a lot on my mind."
"I know you're hurting, I've been trying to give you the time and space you need."
"Bray told me... when you were grieving over me, you had tried committing suicide... I never knew that."
"Losing you... was really hard for me... Bray helped me. At times I needed to walk away and think. I asked him if I could take his lantern with me. He didn't have a problem with it. I would always take a walk and in case I thought of taking my life, I would look to the light, I would carry the lantern because I knew I would have to return it to him. My spot became our spot, but no matter what... the spot by the river is where I would always think about you."
"Luke... you don't have to be strong for me. I know losing the baby affected you too."
"I just wasn't sure if you really wanted the baby."
"Of course I did. I was just in shock. I just couldn't believe that we would be bringing life into the world."
Luke stopped once he saw he le facial expression change.
"I'm sorry... I really am."
"I'll be ok... You were really emotional after the accident."
"Because we lost the baby, and I thought I lost you again. I just don't know if I could handle losing you again."
Abigail was quiet for a moment.
"Everyone dies at some point. I want you to promise me something."
"Ok."
"Promise me Luke... no matter what happens... you'll never try to take your life again."
Luke was quiet for a moment as he had to think this through. He didn't even want to think about losing Abigail. Abigail gently put her hand on his face getting his attention as she looked into his eyes.
"Promise me..."
Abigail gave him a quick kiss. Luke finally seemed to respond.
"I promise."
They kissed again until Abigail broke the kiss. She still had something that she wanted to tell him.
"Luke... I know you were excited about having a baby... when I found out that we lost the baby, I felt like I let you down. What if... what if we weren't meant to have a baby? What if I physically can't have a baby now? I think... every man dreams about having a family of his own, what if I can't give you that?"
"I'm not really concerned about that right now. I'm concerned about you and your happiness. Plenty of people can't have kids. It doesn't matter to me if we can have kids or not, I'm going to love you regardless."
They kissed each other and seemed to get lost in the kiss. They needed this, they needed each other. As they kissed, it was like the emotional pain they were feeling started to fade away. Just like before, they lost themselves and made love to each other. A few days later Abigail went to see a doctor because she was curious as to if she was pregnant. The test came back negative and Abigail almost lost it. She knew that it didn't matter to Luke if they had kids, but Abigail had bonded with their baby before they lost it. She wanted to be a mother more than anything. She was really worried about whether or not she would be able to have kids. She started talking to the doctor.
"So... the pregnancy test came back negative?"
"It did."
"This concerns me a little... I was pregnant once before, but I was in a car accident and lost the baby."
"Oh... I'm sorry to hear about that."
"I'm just concerned that because of the accident, I may not be able to have kids."
"If you don't mind me asking... how often have you tried?"
"Since the accident... just once."
"Well... I wouldn't worry about it too much. Not everyone conceived on their first try... sometimes, it takes a few tries. Don't be discouraged, and don't stress about it too much. These things need to happen naturally, you shouldn't try to force it."
"Thank you."
Abigail left the doctor's office feeling a little better, like she understood. It did seem like she tried to force it to happen. If she didn't worry about it, maybe it would just happen naturally. She sat backstage at Raw waiting for Luke to finish with his match, he had started having more singles matches. She still tried to think positive, she smiled as she imagined holding a baby in her arms, and having Luke kiss her. Once Luke was finished with his match, he noticed that she seemed to be in her own little world. He had called out to her once and she didn't seem to notice, so he called out to her again.
"Abigail?..."
"Huh?"
"Are you ok? I called out to you once and you didn't respond."
She only smiled at him.
"I'm ok... I was just thinking."
"About what?"
Abigail stood up from where she was sitting and kissed him before answering him.
"Having a baby."
Luke smiled at her and kissed her back and thought about making her dream a reality. He still needed to make things right first, there was still something he needed to do.
(To be continued.)