The number one question in my head was answered when I was about to go to school the next morning. Medyo maganda umaga ko sa hindi ko alam na dahilan. One hour before my class ay ready na ako kaya lumabas na ako sa pinto holding my keys.
Nakatayo na ako sa harap ng elevator, waiting for it to open ng magbukas yung pinto sa bandang likod ko. Unit ni Syd. I was expecting him to come out and we'll actually have a decent talk, pero babae na bagong ligo, naka mini skirt at puno ng alahas ang lumabas.
Automatic na nanigas ako sa kinakatayuan ko.
So. Talaga ngang me babae sya na kasama kagabi kaya hindi sya nag aya na sumama ako sa unit nya. Shit. I should get a hold of myself.
Syd is a womanizer. He can say he likes me and not mean it.
It's like his skill.
Pero somehow may laman yung pagkakasabi nya noong oras na iyon that made me believe him at least, around 50% or so.
Halatang nag iingat yung babae na huwag gumawa ng ingay ng isara yung pinto.
Then she stood beside me, waiting for the elevator door to open too.
And she smelled like Syd. Damn it! Parang bigla ay gusto kong manapak nang oras na 'yon.
What the hell? Where did that thought came from?
The elevator doors opened and sabay kaming pumasok. Bago pa sumara yung pinto after ko pindutin yung button, nagkalkal yung babae sa purse nya. Naglabas sya ng cigarette pack at lighter.
"Would you mind?" She looked at me, as if she was handling the pack and lighter to me.
Tinigasan ko yung expression ko. "Yes. Sa baba ka na lang mag sindi." Tapos umirap ako.
The girl looked like she was caught off guard at my reaction, pero hindi na nagsalita at hinawakan na lang yung hawak nya and just stood next to me. Mabuti naman at naka intindi kahit papaano.
Dali dali na lang ako naglakad palabas ng building.
Naglalakad na ako papunta sa sakayan ng bus pero para ako'ng tanga na bulong ng bulong.
"Andrea!" Papasok na ako sa gate ng may marinig ako'ng tumawag ng pangalan ko.
Si Lay. And he looked freaking breathetaking while he's running towards me. Gwapo talaga, eh. Minsan nga naiinis na lang ako.
"What's up?" Pa cool na tanong ko. I stopped walking and looked his way.
He smiled. "Hindi mo ba kasama si Marco?"
Umiling ako. "Nope. Baka nasa room na sya sa taas." Kibit balikat na sagot ko, pero sa loob loob ko eh pinipigilan ko yung sarili ko na hawakan yung mukha nya. Parang ang sarap kasi hawakan. Ang kinis masyado.
"Alright. Invite ko sana kayo later. I met a girl from the other Univeristy and magba bar kami later. Sama kayo ni Marco." Malapad ang ngiti na sabi nya.
"Uh.. I'll ask him. Okay lang sa akin. Papatawagan na lang kita kay Marco later." Ngumiti rin ako sa kanya.
Tumango sya at nag thumbs up sign sa akin then kumaway bago tumalikod at patakbo na pumasok na sa building ng college of Arts. I sighed. Kung gaano ako kabilis kinikilig kapag nasa harap si Lay, ganun din kabilis mawala kapag wala na sya. So yeah, hindi ko yata talaga sya trip.
Pumasok si Syd sa isip ko.
Unlike Lay, Syd's lips are thin, pero mamula mula, hindi halata na naninigarilyo. They're on the same height, they tower over me. Pero kakaiba yung epekto ni Syd sa akin. Pangmatagalan.
"What took you so long?" It's Marco. Mabilis akong nakarating sa classroom namin.
Agad nya ako'ng nilapitan the moment na pumasok ako ng room.
"Lay told me na magba bar daw sila ng girl na nakilala nya sa kabilang University at pinapatanong kung gusto natin sumama." Imbes ay sabi ko, then sat on my chair.
"Why not?" Marco said. Tumabi sya sa katabi ko na upuan, although hindi naman sya doon naka upo talaga. We have a seat plan. And it sucks. Hindi ko naman close 'yung mga katabi ko both sides so wala ako kadaldalan.
"So. Okay lang sayo?" He asked again.
"Sure." Kibit balikat na sabi ko.
Siguro kung mag eenjoy ako kahit ngayong gabi lang ay kahit papaano mawala sa sistema ko si Syd. Kahit ngayong gabi lang. So after class, since naka civilian naman kami, dumiretso na kami ni Marco sa bar na sinabi ni Lay. Nag convoy na lang kami nila Lay. Nauna na kami ni Marco sa bar, Lay had to stop by somewhere to fetch the girl he met.
The beat is jumping pero nagpasya kami ni Marco na manatili lang muna sa isa'ng tabi.
"Enough time na magka interes sa ibang babae si Lay." Marco said after some minutes of idling.
"She's lucky, whoever she is." Comment ko na lang. Sa dami kasi ng nagkaka gusto kay Lay, doon sa babaeng iyon sya nagkagusto. Swerte lalo 'yung babae kasi hindi naman babaero pati si Lay.
"Of course. She better be nice." Marco answered.
We got our martinis on the way. Nakailang shots na kami ng dumating si Lay kasama yung babae. She looked pretty, but she also looked familiar for some reason. Ewan, ikinibit ko na lang ng balikat.
"Hey, this is Nadine. Nads, this is my cousin, Marco and this is our friend, Andrea." Jumpy yung way ng pagpapakilala ni Lay. Halatng masaya sya.
I never saw him this cheerful. Well, ito pa lang din naman ang first time na nagpakilala sya ng babae sa amin ni Marco. He looked really interested in her. Sa effort pa lang ni Lay sa pagsundo, eh.
"Hi guys! I heard so much about you two." She smiled at us. Nakipag kamay sya sa amin ni Marco and sumalo na sila sa amin.
After that, hindi na rin naman kami masyado nakapag usap. Lay and Nadine kept each other company habang kami naman ni Marco, minding our business. Syempre may mga pinag uusapan rin kami.
We dance a bit, but I was never one of those girls na nagpapapansin sa mga lalaki sa bar for someone to get my number. I went there to have fun with whom I was with. So when someone kinda flirted with me, to the rescue agad si Marco.
I almost died laughing when he started to smooth talk the guys, pretending to be a possesive boyfriend of mine.
"That was awesome. I never thought you could be the possessive type." I said laughing. Nakikita ko pa kasi halos 'yung reaction ng lalaki kanina habang kausap ni Marco. He's really convinced na boyfriend ko si Marco.
"Give me some credit, Andrea. Hindi marami ang nanghihinayang na bakla ako for nothing." He said grinning.
I laughed at his statement.
I was actually one of those girls. Nanghihinayang na hindi na lang sya naging straight. I wasn't interested to be romantically involved with Marco even way back na hindi ko pa alam na member sya ng third sex. But to think of it, someone out there will still be lucky to have Marco, so hindi naman sya sayang talaga. Hindi nga lang babae.
Past 1 am na ng magka ayaan na kami umuwi.
Nadine was fine, for me. But Marco said there's something about her that makes her look like she's just faking it. Well, hindi ako magaling mang judge ng tao at hindi ko rin gawain kaya I just shrugged my shoulders.
As usual ay hinatid ako ni Marco.
Bigla ako'ng nagka idea na magpabili na ng kotse. I'll take a mental not on it hanggang makauwi ako sa bahay. Siguradong magugulat si Mommy. She's been wanting to buy me a car pero ayaw ko. And suddenly, gusto ko na. Ngayon ko kasi nakita ang convenience.
I kissed Marco's cheeks goodbye then got out of his car.
I wasn't drunk or tipsy. I just feel light. You know, epekto ng alak sa katawan mo pero matino pa isip mo? That kind of feels. My fingers are a little numb but I can manage.
I was looking down the way i was walking at ng may humila ng kamay ko.
I gasped in exasperation. "What-" Hindi ko na natuloy yung sasabihin ko ng makita ko yung mukha ni Syd.
Damn. Agad na mabilis na tumibok ang puso ko. Parang nasusuffocate rin ako bigla.
"What do you want?" Kunyari ay naiirita na tanong ko. I tried to pull back my arms, pero hindi nya ako binitawan.
"Saan ka galing?" His usual flat tone welcomed me. Cold. Salubong ang kilay nya at parang galit sya na ewa.
"Sa bar. Let me go." Hinila ko ulit pero hindi nya pa rin binibitawan.
"Who was that?" Tanong nya ulit.
"Who?" Nagtataka naman na tanong ko.
"The guy you're with." His face became grimmer.
"Let me go, Syd." Mas mariin na sabi ko.
Unti unti nyang linuwagan ang pagkaka hawak sa akin hanggang sa tuluyan na ako'ng makawala mula sa pagkakahawak nya.
"And why are you even asking?" Hindi ko na napigilan ang inis.
"There's something you need to know about me, Angelique. I don't share." He coldly gave me a stare I swear I felt a shiver ran down my spine.
But I snapped back to reality.
"You're impossible." I rolled my eyeballs then I started walking past him. Gusto ko na lang magpahinga. I don't have enough energy to do this with him right now. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gusto nyang palabasin. I wasn't made for this.
Sa inis ko na baka magkasabay na naman kami sa elevator, I took the stairs. I don't know what got into me. Humihingal na ako bago ko maabot yung floor namin, only to find him standing in front of our door.
"Excuse me-" Hindi ko pa tapos yung sasabihin ko when he grabbed me and kissed me right there and then.
Napapikit na lang ako. Pakiramdam ko, kanina ko pa gusto gawin yun subconciously pero ngayon ko lang na realize nang gawin nya na mismo nang kusa.
His mouth started moving. When his tongue asked for an entrance, I gladly gave it to him. Pakiramdam ko, sa halik nya ako malalasing, hindi sa ininum namin kanina sa bar.
I let out a groan, and I felt his lips formed a smirk.
Then bigla nyang inilayo ang labi nya. I suddenly felt incomplete, hinabol ko yung labi nya but this bastard just kept on teasing me at lumalayo sya ng lumalayo.
Sa inis ko ay tinulak ko sya. "Damn you." I said then got the key from my pocket.
Ipapasok ko na sana sa seradura ang hawak ko'ng susi ng hawakan nya ang kamay ko. Lilingon na sana ako when i felt his warm lips on my neck. Shit. Biglang tumaas mga balahibo ko.
"Syd.." Anas ko.
Then I felt his hands on my waist from the back. I leaned into him and closed my eyes.
What the hell is this guy doing to me? I can't think straight!
His lips then landed on my neck. Napapitlag ako dahil sa sensasyon na dulot noon sa buong katawan ko. His scent is assaulting my nose and ngayon pa lang ay alam ko nang mag i stay 'yon sa ilong ko hanggang mamaya.
But then, my phone just had to ring at that moment!
I automatically grabbed his hands at tinanggal sa pagkaka yakap sa akin. Kinapa ko yung cellphone sa bulsa ko.
"Hi Andrea! I just had to check kung naka uwi ka na." Hindi ko tiningnan kung sino yung tumatawag, but the voice sounded like it's Lay
"Oh, hi! Yes, nasa uh-" Nilingon ko si Syd. His hands were on his chest and he looked annoyed. "I uh, nasa tapat na ako ng pinto namin, thanks for asking." Ibinalik ko ang tingin ko sa hawak ko'ng susi.
"Oh, alright. Thank you sa pagsama. Sa uulitin." Lay said.
"Okay, than you din." Then I cut the line.
Muli ko'ng nilingon si Syd habang ibinabalik ko sa bulsa ko yung cellphone ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ako nakaramdam ng hiya. It felt natural. What happened before my phone rang, I mean.
I sighed. "I'll get in." Matter of fact na sabi ko.
"Sure." He coldly said, then just walked to his unit, opened the door and got in without even giving me a look.
I sighed again in frustration. What the hell I was doing? Pakiramdam ko nabalewala ako bigla.
Syd can make me feel special and neglected in a span of a minute. Damn it.
I went in and grabbed a bottle of cold water from the fridge. Bumukas yung pinto ng kwarto ni mommy.
"Kakauwi mo pa lang?" Halatang nagising lang sya.
I nod. "Yes, nagkaayaan kami nila Marco."
Tumango lang sya at dumiretso sa bathroom.
I went into my room, grabbed my towel then decided to have a shower.
Hindi ko maiwasan mag idle habang nasa ilalim ako ng tumutulo na tubig. This feelings makes me insane. I really don't know what Syd wants with me, but I am sure that I want him. All of him. I never felt this strong over someone before.
I woke up determined the next day.
I don't know where I got the idea of making Syd mine, but it's all I thought after I got out of bed.
It's crazy, but possible.
He said he likes me, and that he doesn't like sharing me, if i'm not mistaken. It's a start, right? Hindi ko man alam kung paano sya i a approach, pasensyosa ako'ng tao kaya I can wait.
"Mommy, I want a car." Bulalas ko ng agad ko'ng makita si mommy pagkalabas ko ng kwarto.
She's busy dabbing her lips with her flaming red lipstick while standing in front of our life size antique mirror, near our door.
Napatigil sya sa ginagawa, then looked at me. "Are you sick?" She asked.
Umiling ako.
Then she smiled. "Alright. Mag a under time ako later, then magkita tayo sa office. I'll call you." She sounded excited, then resumed to what she was doing.
I went to the kitchen and looked for something to eat.
"I'll go first, Andrea. Wait for my call. Don't fall asleep." Bilin pa ni mommy bago sya mawala sa paningin ko.
Malamang na nagulat yun sa desisyon ko, pero kagabi ko pa naisip na mas maganda nga na magka kotse na ako ngayon.
After I ate something, I went back to my room and checked my twitter. Nakipag chikahan ako saglit sa mga kakilala at mga kaklase ko way back. Hindi ako pala online sa facebook. I find it boring lalo na at puro rants at pakikipag away lang halos nakikita ko sa news feed ko, but i still have to check the notifcations so i did.
No one added me so far, but there are about twenty notifcations na puro lang naman dahil sa ni-like ko na pictures or status. Hinayaan ko na lang yung facebook ko then went back to twitter.
I was about to be fully consumed by my fascination to my friend's tweets when i heard a 'bang' near my bedroom's wall, which means from Syd's unit. Napanganga ako saglit bago ko ma realize that he must be banging someone again!
All of a sudden ay nainis na naman ako.
Gusto ko sya, gusto'ng gusto ko sya, and he said he liked me too.
Napatulala ako saglit bago ko na realize na hindi ko lang sya gusto, gusto ko din sya maging akin. I want Syd to be mine and mine alone. At hindi sya magiging akin kung tutunganga lang ako dito. Gusto ko ako na lang pwede pumasok sa apartment nya, wala ng mga babae na kulang sa tela.
I stood up, still wearing my pink pajamas. Itinalik ko ang buhok ko into a ponytail, nag hilamos, nagpulbo at ng makita ko na maayos naman ang itsura ko ay nagpasya na ako na lumabas.
I'll give my neighbor a surprise visit.