I stood nervously on the doorstep shifting from foot to foot as I waited for my father to respond to the knock on the door. A moment later I heard heavy footsteps and then the door was opened inward and dad’s face burst into a grin. I took him in, tucked in shirt and ancient slippers on his feet and he seemed a lot older than I remembered him.
“Dad,” I beamed regardless and threw my arms around his neck. He stood there unresponsive for a second then wrapped his arms around me and held me close. “I missed you,” I whispered before we both simultaneously pulled away and cleared our throats. Displays of emotion to be kept to a restriction. As he gestured for me to come into the house I compared him to all of my new friends in London. The generation gap was as drastic as freezing and boiling. I was on an entirely different planet to my father.
“So how’s things been Rubes?” He huffed as he went to put the kettle on. I lent casually against the counter watching him with mild interest. Nothing ever changed for him. I was enormously grateful that Angie had won the tickets to the concert and effectively won me a ticket to freedom. To a life. She had pushed me head first into a fantastic world that I never wanted to leave.
“They’ve been great, I moved out of mum’s and I’m living with Jack in his flat. It’s fantastic fun. I get to watch him practise with the rest of the band and we go to all these different parties and meet all these different people. Like I got to meet all of The Beatles! I’ve met them twice now. It’s real crazy, I tell you.” I shook my head in amazement with a massive grin slapped across my face. I was living in some daydream paradise. There was no way that life got any better than it did right then.
“It sounds good,” dad nodded as he dropped two teabags in two mugs and then poured in the water. I glanced at him still looking slightly star dazed but it was ridiculous to expect him to grasp the enormity. Mum did. Mum understood yet dad was from the rigid box era. I wished that dad could understand just how heavenly it was to meet The Beatles. Hell, his only child was dating one of –probably the biggest- rock stars in the entire world and yet he barely batted his eyelashes. He even tried to turn Jack away to go and stay the night at the bloody pub for God’s sake!
I blew air out of my mouth and raised my eyebrows at dad as he nudged the tea my way, “Thanks. Anyway, what have you been up to?”
Apparently dad had been on some pretty spectacular adventures. Not. He’d been going to work. He’d been coming home and sat in his armchair and then after cooking something revolting he then went to bed. That was it. Day after day. I smiled and nodded along pretending for his sake that it sounded good.
“Has Angie been in town?” I asked excitedly after he was finished talking. “I haven’t seen her in ages, have you seen her about?”
Dad considered it then slowly shook his head and told me that she hadn’t returned to the village since a few days after I left and that had been weeks ago. I think it was like two months ago. My heart sank. I’d have to go see her parents tomorrow to see if they knew anything but knowing my Angie and her tumulus relationship with her parents they probably knew even less than I did.
I had been kind enough to grace my father with my glorious presence and he had winked and asked what I was cooking for tea. I’d laughed it off but then his face slipped into a very serious expression and he told me that I was cooking. “Go on,” he egged, “Be a good girl for your old man.” So I’d huffed and rummaged around looking for something to rustle up.
“Didn’t she even send a letter?” I asked dad. I found it really strange that Angie had just vanished. In fact it was starting to worry me. She knew both my addresses with my mum and dad and she knew that I would be expecting contact with her. Perhaps she was even more upset with me than she had let on and had decided to just cut me out of her life. Dad shook his head and mumbled as he took his cup of tea then left the room.
Absently I began to fasten us up a meal with a frown fixed firmly upon my face. I was really starting to become concerned about Angie. What had happened to her and where had she gone? I knew she had said that she was going to head up to a squat in Manchester but she could change her mind quite easily. Her decisions were like the weather, very changeable.
I had forgotten how much I’d missed sitting with dad at the kitchen table eating tea with the radio on in the background. It was such a comforting normality, like a breath of fresh air.
It was even more bizarre when I lay curled up in my old bed that night. I was back in my room with the walls a comforting distance apart. The firmness of my bed. Even the smell, my smell that lingered refreshingly brought nothing but comfort despite the uneasiness in my tummy over Angie. I didn’t stay still for long so I got up and rummaged around. My room was mostly bare but I found on the floor by my desk my old Wuthering Heights.
With a pleasant smile I stooped down and snatched it up, going to sit on the edge of the bed with my ankles crossed as I opened the aged and well used book up. I liked the writing style it was so unbareably beautiful it was almost as if it was a form of poetry in itself. It reminded me of Jack’s lyrics.
‘He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.’
Why could I be gifted like that? Jack was perfect in every humanely possible way and so was Angie. Pouting as I felt sorry for myself I acidly thought that maybe they should have just got together like Angie originally planned.
I thumbed back and forth through the novel as I searched for a line that I vaguely recalled.
‘I wish I were a girl again, half-savage and hardy, and free.’
I smiled dotingly as I found the line, running my index finger underneath it fondly. Angie. That was Angie. And I’d never have such a fantastic description but then I faltered because perhaps I did. I tried to remember the lines to the song that Jack had so lovingly written for me. Well, I suppose the song worked better when we first met and he was pining after my rejection. Not so much now that we were together.
Huffing I set the book aside and clambered back into bed. It took a long time for me to go to sleep despite my elation at being back in my old bed. I just couldn’t stop fretting about Angie and when I finally got to sleep I dreamt that I was out on the moors trying to find her because I knew she was out there somewhere and I was wearing dated clothes. As the night drew closer my desperation and fear began to mount to near hysteria and just when I was probably on the verge of a mental breakdown I woke up with a start.
I got dressed into my navy blue dress and kitten heels then after dashing to apply my makeup –keeping it heavy on the eyes- I worked on creating a beehive which involved a lot of hairspray and lots of backcombing.
All the while I played my Janis Joplin record, waggling my hips and singing along under my breath. Man, I adored Janis. I really hoped that one day I would get to meet her.
Skipping down the stairs I bounced into the kitchen to see dad gobbling up a bowl of cereal and I smiled affectionately at him. “You look nice,” he mumbled not really looking at me. I blushed. “Where you off to?”
“I’m going to head into the village and ask around about Angie,” I told him as I pulled out a box of cigarettes and then a box of matches. Dad pulled a face and began muttering about having a nasty habit. I stuck my tongue out at him playfully before waving and skipping from the room.
It was blistery outside yet the sun still shone resiliently and when the wind did decide to hush for a moment it was actually pleasantly warm outside. Smoking a cigarette casually I took in the scenery on my ten minute walk and I smiled privately to myself thinking about how I had actually done it. And so had Angie. We had both made it out of the sinkhole that this village had unintentionally become.
I passed people I knew and inclined my head and greeted them. I found that I liked the place a whole lot more now that I wasn’t trapped by it. I was just starting to walk along the high street when someone shoulder barged into me playfully and I glanced sideways to see Toby’s tall frame keeping pace with me. “Hey man,” he grinned cheekily like I’d gone away unexpectedly for the weekend and just returned. I shied away from him like he was acid and bumped painfully into a wall.
“What’s the matter?” Toby frowned curiously as he stopped next to me and craned his neck at a scary angle.
“T-Toby,” my voice quivered. I wasn’t sure if it was in rage or in fear but that awful date night was swimming vividly at the front of my mind and all I could think about was how once again he was stood far too close.
He was still grinning madly like a shark baring its teeth and my eyes bulged. “I haven’t seen you in ages, how are you? Where do you live now?” He laughed at himself. “Sorry that’s a random question.” Random? It was really inappropriate and creepy that’s what it was.
“Toby,” I frowned as my voice came out in nothing more than a wisp of courage, “Toby I need to go.” He was so close that I was intoxicated with fear. I couldn’t move through it.
“What?” He laughed, “Where are you going? I can walk you there. I’m on my lunch break at the moment and me dad’s driving me round the bend as it is so I honestly don’t mind. It’s no problem.”
I wanted to shove him fiercely in the chest and shriek that it was a problem for me. I minded. Couldn’t he see that I was paralysed by terror? Couldn’t he tell that everything about him I found repugnant? Toby Clarkson was bad news and I wanted nothing more to do with him. “I-I want to walk alone.”
“Are you trying to ditch me?” He scratched the back of his neck. My eyes twitched in fury. Inwardly I was calling him every name under the sun and pretending to punch the slimy bastard in the face. Outwardly I stood there. “’Cause that aint cool you know.”
I forced myself to try and act how I used to around him and rolled my eyes and took a step forward attempting to dodge around him but he caught my forearm.
“We used to be friends, Rube,” my insides twisted in venom as he said my nickname. He’d nearly raped me and he expected me to just act like he’d hugged me when I was in a bad mood? He was a sick bastard.
“I’ve got a boyfriend,” I cleared my throat. “He’s in a band.”
“Anyone that I know?”
I shrugged staring at the ground, “Probably.” I killed the conversation off successfully enough so that he dropped my arm giving me the opportunity to take several deliberate steps away. I kept checking over my shoulder at Toby as I stalked across the road in the direction of Angie’s house.
Once he was out of sight and it was just me and a few houses with rolling fields in the background I burst into tears. I held my hands forcefully in front of my eyes as I shook on the spot. I didn’t want to cry over Toby. I knew I shouldn’t waste my time but he was so frightening now I knew what he was capable of. He had transformed into a monster and I’d never see him in any other way.
Fumbling with my cigarettes I lit myself a new one and took a shaky drag as I continued walking. My makeup was smeared down my cheeks and I was incredibly self conscious when I knocked on the door.
Angie’s brother stood there and he’d grown a massive amount. I blinked in shock and his face mirrored mine. “Ruby? Are you alright?”
Sniffing I forced a smile, “Yes I’m fine. You’ve grown a lot what’ve you been eating, magic beans?” He laughed and said he would if Angie had anything to do with it. I nodded, my eyebrows rising. He was right there. “Do you happen to know anything about where she is or where she’s gone? Has she phoned or sent a letter?”
“She telephoned about three weeks ago only to say that she was going to go partying that night. She never said where she was or who she was with but-but that’s just Angie I suppose.”
I sniffed again and gave a small smile, “She’s frustratingly free.”
“Oh wait,” her brother’s face exploded in recollection and he sprinted from the doorway. I peered into the house after him and a few minutes later he ran back to the doorway holding up a cream coloured envelope which he thrust out toward me. Excitedly I took it from him instantly recognising my best friend’s scrawl and tore it open.
To my grooviest friend in the whole entire universe,
I made it to Manchester about three weeks ago but it’s too cold and boring as I’m sure you’ll understand. I went to the squat and did you know there was about seventeen of them trying to live in a two bedroom flat? There was noooo room at the inn! Anyway, I made friends with this really cool guy called Derek and you’ll be pleased to know that you wouldn’t approve of him. His hair is even longer than mine! I like to comb it and he promised me that he will buy me a guitar and we’ll become a duet because he’s got such a rich, golden voice. You know?
We’re currently in London so I’ll have to come and see you in Kent sometime. Everything’s happening in London. I like Derek and he likes to call me his girlfriend and I suppose I lead him on a bit but I still like to share the love. The other day I fucked a bus driver and then literally like two hours after I fucked this guy that worked at a club. He gave me free drinks for the night afterward although I assure you that wasn’t my aim when I decided to have sex with him.
I’ll keep this letter short and sweet because I’ll be seeing you soon enough to fill you in on your mermaid’s sex life as soon as I possibly I can. I hope that you and lover boy are happy together and you’re mum hasn’t successfully driven you around the bend!
Peace and love
Angie xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxxxxxx
I found that I was close to tears all over again as I finished reading the letter. Poor Derek probably thought he’d hit the jackpot and the love of his life when Angie stumbled up to him. I expect he had provided the money for their transport from Manchester to London and it was convenient for her to stay with him. I didn’t feel that bad for the guy seeing as it was not in Angie’s nature at all to be discreet about her sex life.
“Was her letter good?” Her brother broke in and I glanced at him with a slow smile.
“When is it ever bad with Angie?” I told him softly. I wished him in a good day and still clutching the letter tightly into my hand I headed home, practically running so I could avoid another excruciating encounter with Toby. Relief flooded through me when I walked in the front door. My mind was at ease now I had some insight to how Angie was spending her time.