*To SophosCrazyMofos, I don't know you, but you commented 'SEXXX' so therefore you are awesome*
"Lets get out of here..." Louis whispers in my ear, causing my mind to flit to all the wrong places. My cheeks heat up and I force myself to push the fresh color down as I pull out of his hug.
"You just got back from tour, hang out with your family." I tell him, taking a step back. "We'll catch up in a couple days."
"How about Friday night- for dinner?" he nervously asks.
"Friday sounds wonderful." I tell him.
"I'll text you the details." His eyes flit all over as I see him struggling to make the decision between who he wants to deal with, me or his family.
"Why don't you take this young lady home, Louis? We'll meet you at the house afterwards." His family slowly drifts away as Daisy wave's goodbye to us. I see Niall give me a smug look over Louis' shoulder. I give him a short wave, and small smile.
I focus my attention back on Louis, and struggle to control the wave of emotions that suddenly overtake me.
"Shall we?" Louis asks me, holding out his arm in the most chivalrous fashion. I hook my elbow with his, the nerves multiplying by 100.
"We shall." I mumble, moving my gaze as far from his as I could.
"So where do you live?" Louis asks me as he leads me in a different direction that the way I came in.
"The University campus- where are we going?" I question, confusion seeping into my words.
"Back exit, no doubt fans have gotten wind of the lads and I being here by now."
"Oh." I intelligently reply with.
"So what are you studying?"
"Art." I simply explain, a happy smile coming to my face as I say the word. "Do you know how lucky you are to have made a career of something you love?" I suddenly add at the end of first statement.
"Very lucky." he tells me, a small smile on his face as he pushes an inconspicuous door to the outside.
"It's just so hard, knowing I'm pursuing something I love, but have a very little chance of actually succeeding in." I let out an exasperated sigh. The fall winds rush over my cheeks and fill me with an exhilarating sort of calm.
"You can do anything you want to do with your life." Louis encouragingly tells me, something I've already heard a million times from both of my parents.
"I just feel really guilty borrowing money from my parents when they've obviously got their hands full at home, for a major I'm never going to be able to do anything with." As soon as I said the words it felt like a weight had been lifted off my chest. I've needed to say those words for a while.
"Then get a job." Louis simply suggests.
"Doing what?" I ask, suddenly surprised at how easily the conversation was coming along.
"Whatever you want, I suppose." Louis adds in, "There is an opportunity for every type of job here in London."
"Mmmm." I muss, turning over tons of ideas in my mind.
He gives me a couple moments before asking, "Would you like to take a cab back?"
"I don't have any money." I dumbly tell him.
"I've got you covered." he tells me, stepping into the street, Louis hails a cab.
Louis opens the door for me and motions for me to climb in. I slip into the back seat of the cab and slide down the seat to leave room for Louis. I tell the cabby where I live, and he starts off.
"I could get you a job with management, if that's what you wanted."
Absolutely not.
"That's alright; I've got something else in mind." I tell him, even though I really didn't know what I wanted to do.
"Okay." He shrugs, and for a moment we sit in dead silence.
"So how've you been?" I ask him, the awkwardness inside me was bubbling and brewing in a threatening fashion. Just waiting for its chance to spew over and ruin my life.
"I've been alright." He pauses and looks at me. "I'm so glad you came today."
"I haven't came today." I tell him, mentally slapping myself as soon as I said it. "I mean yeah, I'm glad I came too." I cringe and turn away from him, averting my gaze out he window.
Louis starts chuckling, and I can't help the smile that starts to wiggle its way onto my face.
"Sometimes I think that the devil on your shoulder is naked." He tells me, hinting at something that was going straight over my head.
"Trust me, if I could sit naked on my own shoulders, I would have done it already."
"I could sit naked on your shoulder for you." Louis teasingly tells me, his ending wink causing me to let out a loud laugh.
"You laugh a lot." Louis begins, his eyes twinkling. "It's hot to see a girl laugh as much as you do."
"Well you know what they say," I start, knowing before I even said it that I should just stop. "Laughter is the eye to the brain."
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
You should jump out of the cab before you make a bigger fool out of yourself.
"Huh. I've never heard that one before." Louis ponders. "Is that something you American people say?"
"Uh yeah. Totes mcgotes."
"What?"
"Actually I kind of smushed together "Laughter is the key to success", "The eye is the window to the soul", and just a random body part."
"Oh well...if it makes you feel any better, I think when you laugh, I learn a lot about you."
"Mostly what I find funny."
Which is basically everything.
"What you find funny shapes your character."
"Well that was deep, Lou." I surprise myself by telling him.
"We're here." The cabby says, "7 pounds is your fee."
Louis pulls out his wallet and hands the cabby the money. He climbs out and meets me on the other side.
"I'll walk you in." he tells me, even though I already knew that's what he was planning on doing.
"Vanessa is going to be so excited to meet you." I mutter, already cringing at how my exuberant friend was going to react. She is so incredibly unpredictable.
I nervously knock twice on my dorm door before dropping my hands. I wring them together as I wait for Vanessa to pull open the door.
"I thought you said she was your roommate?" Louis questions, abnormally close to behind me for us being on such strange terms.
"She is," I stutter out, not being able to handle him being so close behind me. "I just forgot my key."
I was in such a rush, and I was so panicked about seeing him that I forgot a lot of things. Like my wallet...chap stick...and obviously my room key.
"Are you sure she's here?" Louis hesitates. "Because I don't know if I'm ready to meet her. She seems-"
"HOLY SHIT YOU'RE ALIVE AND HOME!" Vanessa practically screams as she throws open the dorm room and envelops me in a tight hug. "And who on earth is the hottie?"
I can't help but redden.
"Vanessa, this is Louis. Louis, this is Vanessa." I slowly introduce, praying in my mind that Vanessa would keep her mouth under control.
"It's a pleasure to meet you," Louis warmly greets, sticking out his hand for Vanessa to shake. She glances at in quite the suspicious fashion. For a moment, I thought she was going to be incredibly rude and not shake it. Luckily for both of us, she made the right decision and pressed her hand into his.
"The pleasure is all yours."
And I thought she was doing so well.
"Indeed it is," he responds with, struggling to hold in a laugh at Vanessa's blunt answer. He drops her hand and takes a step back, unsure as to what he's supposed to do now. Vanessa wiggles her eyebrows at me and awkwardly paces back into the tiny room.
Great. Now how is this good-bye supposed to go?
It could be totally romantic and sweet. This could be our chance to fix it all.
"Bye!" I squeak, dashing into the room and abruptly closing the door behind me.
Or it could go down like that.
"That was smooth." Vanessa not-so-helpfully tells me.
"Shut up, I don't deal well under stress."
"So I've noticed, it must be your hair. It looks awful. And what happened to your make up? It's all smudged around your eyes, you look like a raccoon." Rude and tactless.
I let out a loud sigh and slump against the door down to the floor.
"What am I going to do?" I ask Vanessa, dropping my head into my hands and peeking at her from between my finger. "It's such a disaster. I'm such a disaster." I groan.
"Yeah, you are."
My head flings up as my eyes narrow into slits.
"Could you at least try to be helpful for once in your life?" I snap.
"Could you at least try not to be so pathetic for once in your life?" her words hurt. I could feel them pierce my heart. I tried not to let the hurt show, but I've never been good at covering up my emotions.
"Well if you had a filter over your mouth, maybe you wouldn't insult people so much!" I harshly bite back with. I jump up onto my feet as Vanessa and I fall into our first verbal fight. Way to ruin an almost perfect day.
"At least I don't lie!"
"When was the last time I lied to you!" I scream, feeling the last of my resolve crack and break. Vanessa and I had been dealing with each other for two months now. We'd been living in close quarters and tolerating each others every quirk. This had been building up for a while.
"Yesterday you told me you were going to buy donuts and you came back with bananas!" she screeches, the veins in her neck begin to bulge as she gets further worked up.
"Is that what this is about?" I holler, "BANANAS?"
"NO ITS ABOUT YOU BEING PATHETIC!" she stomps her foot as the words fly out of her mouth.
"AT LEAST I'M NOT RUDE!"
"I'M NOT RUDE!"
"YEAH YOU ARE! YOU ARE RUDE AND TACTLESS!"
"NO, I'M NOT!"
"WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO OUT THERE ALL THE TIME!"
"ITS CALLED NOT BEING RETARDED!" wow, Vanessa, you couldn't come up with a better word?
"WAY TO USE YOUR VOCABULARY!"
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"
"I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU!" I scream, way to be mature, Elle.
"YOU'RE SO STUPID! MAYBE YOU SHOULD!"
"STOP BEING MEAN!"
"I'M BEING MEAN BECAUSE I HATE YOUR STUPID TO GOOD FOR YOU ATTITUDE! YOU THINK THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE FROM FUCKING AMERICA THAT YOU'RE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE HERE?"
"I NEVER SAID THAT!"
"I HATE YOU!" Vanessa screeches, picking up a pillow and chucking it at me.
"I DON'T CARE!" I couldn't bring myself to tell her I hated her, even in this state of such intense anger.
"MAYBE YOU SHOULD!"
"YOU JUST MAKE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF! ALL YOU DO IS MAKE PEOPLE FEEL BAD IF THEY LOOK ANYTHING LESS THAN PERFECT!"
"WELL MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T SO UGLY I WOULDN'T HAVE TO BOTHER TRYING TO MAKE YOU LOOK PRETTY!"
And that was what hurt the most. That one sentence. Just like that I lost the urge to fight. All I wanted to do in that moment was cry.
"Oh don't cry." Vanessa snippily declares.
"My apologies," I sarcastically respond with, "I'll go take my pathetic, crying ass elsewhere."
"Where are you gonna go?" she points out, only being honest, as usual. "You don't live here. You don't know anyone here. You don't belong here."
"I think you need a new filter." I tell her without turning around, the tears were starting to run down my face, and it wasn't really something I wanted her to see. Not if this was how she going to be.
I throw open the door and storm down the hall and out of the building. I already had my coat, hat, and gloves on because I hadn't taken them off upon arriving back at the dorm. It was like my subconscious was expecting it at that moment.
At least one of us was.
Within the next few minutes, I became a complete mess. My emotions were tumbling around inside of me like a tornado that had come to wreak havoc. I feel inferior to Vanessa's beauty- victimized by her harsh words. I feel powerless and vulnerable after having been verbally torn apart. My insecurities were just ripped out of their box, much like Pandora's, and thrown out into my mind. I think those are what I fear most. It scares me that I can so easily be ripped to shreds by words. I thought I was stronger than that- better than that. It is truly pathetic how easily she hurt me. I was already teetering on the edge. I was already too close.
My hair whips around me as the wind gets stronger. Tears stream down my face as my nose starts to run. Hair sticks to my cheeks, but I'm past caring. Maybe I should care, maybe Vanessa's right. Maybe I am ugly. I tried so hard to protect myself from...
Me.
I didn't know where I was going, I was just running. And I am not a person for running. My feet pounded on the concrete as I raced towards something, someone, or somewhere.
Eventually, somehow, I ended up on the roof of a 10 story building. I didn't have a specific plan. I don't think suicides on my mind, but people can surprise themselves.
I perch on the edge of the roof, butt on the ground, feet hanging over the side. I take this time to pull the hair from my face and twist it into a sloppy bun. I wipe the snot off my face with the back of my gloved hand. The tears on my cheeks have dried into stiff, frozen rivers.
The wind whips around me in an angry torrent. It was strange how the weather was just like my mood. The sun was being blocked out by the clouds, and the sky was gray and stormy. And to think, my day was going so well. It's funny how quickly things can change.
Actually it's not funny. It's morbid, depressing, and most of all it is cruel.
"You really shouldn't run so fast." A familiar voice says, the soft padding of their feet sounding behind me. "I cannot keep up. Besides, I didn't even know you knew what running was, much less you were capable of doing it." A small smile pulls up the corner of my lip as the person sits down next to me at the edge of the building.
"Are you gonna jump?" they ask in all sincerity.
"Maybe." No.
"What happened?" The person asks me, pulling my hat down just over my eyes in a friendly gesture. I smile and push it up, avoiding the question. The person holds their hand out for me in a reassuring fashion and I grab it.
"What are you doing here?" I ask.
"Its part of my college program, I'll be here until Christmas."
"I'm glad you're here."
"I'm glad I came. You obviously need me a lot more than you thought." They pause. "Now tell me what happened, if I don't know, I can't help you fix it."
"You know," I start, "Not everything is a problem that you can solve."
"Ah, but most things are."
I pause for a moment and then squeeze their hand. "I had a falling out with my roommate. It was pretty nasty."
"Well," they start, pulling their hand out of my grasp and standing up. "You can't do anything to patch things up from up here." I too stand up.
"I don't think this can be patched up." I honestly tell them.
"Of course it can, you just have to want it enough."
We waited an hour to let the dust settle before going back to the dorm room.
"Are you sure I have to do this?" I ask again, moments before my fist comes in contact with the door.
"Someday you'll thank me,"
"I don't know about that." I mumble. Two sharp knocks later and the door is flung open.
Vanessa's face was red and puffy from crying, streaks of black make up were drawn down her face.
"What?" she asks me, trying to sound strong, but it didn't work. Her voiced wavered as her chest shook.
"I'm sorry." I tell her, skipping right past pleasantries.
"I'm sorry too." She responds, and just like that it seemed as though a weight had been lifted from both of our chests. Things weren't back to normal, there was still tension, but know I knew that we could work it out.
"We could have talked out our feelings in a better way." I sheepishly say, feeling quite ashamed for all the things I said.
"I agree. Though I think we both made some pretty good points." I grimace and nod to what Vanessa's saying. She's right. I think that we both did learn a lot from that argument.
"So who's the friend?" Vanessa asks, her curiosity suddenly getting the best of her. I glance over my shoulder at my smug friend.
"Vanessa, I would like to formally introduce you to one of my best friends in the entire world. This is Tessa."
At 3 in the morning with a full school day hovering just mere hours away, I creep out of bed and out of the dorm room. I carefully close the door behind me, praying that Vanessa was a heavy sleeper. I sneak down the hallway in my bare feet and sweat pants. I'm sure I look like the picture of perfection, but I had to see him. Apparently, he's just as crazy as I am if he's willing to drive into London at 3 in the morning just to see me.
I pull open the door to dormitory and begin my journey to the bench a couple hundred feet from the door of the building.
There he was, calmly sitting on the bench waiting for me. I plop next to him on the bench and curl my feet underneath me.
"Why on earth did you agree to come see me at this hour?" I finally ask, after neither of us having said anything for quite a few minutes.
"I'd do anything for you." He simply tells me, causing my heart to nearly cry out. The nearest street lamp wasn't close enough to do much more than barely lift the darkness from around us.
I reach for his hand in the darkness and smile when his fingers close around mine.
"Please don't leave me alone," Louis whispers, and even in the darkness with barely the moon and street lamp for light, I saw the look on his face. The desire, pain, and hope are so clearly displayed over his features. It took me a couple seconds to comprehend that he didn't literally mean 'let's not part'. He meant-
"We can make it work, Elle. I'll invite you along when we travel, I'll spend wee-" he pleads, his eyes begging me. He stands up and pulls me along with him.
"You don't need to convince me." I interrupt. "My minds already been made."
"And what's that." he whispers, almost scared for what its going to be.
"That I can't live without you." Louis pulls me to his chest and proceeds to administer the most heartfelt kiss I had ever received. Never in my entire life had I felt so wanted.
Louis picks me up and spins me around. I smile so big, I think my face will break. My feet come back in contact with the ground as Louis pulls me to his chest.
"I love you, Elle. I love you more than the sun loves the moon and spring loves the rain. I'm in love with everything you were, everything you are, and everything you'll become. I love you so much, and my hearts been screaming at me to tell you." That was the first time a boy had expressed his love for me.
6 months later and he was finally professing the words I had been harboring so long; 6 months was worth the wait.
Because know I know.
"I love you too, Louis."
In that moment we created our own little world filled with two suns that existed in our smiles.