___
It's been a long time and here I am again, holding a blade, planning to end up my freaking life, again. Pang ilang beses na ba 'to?
Hmm, this is my sixth time pala. Parang kailan lang, sinabi ko sa sarili ko na ayaw ko pang mamatay dahil gusto ko pang maranasan ang pakiramdam na maging parte ng isang masayang pamilya pero ngayon? Ayaw ko na pala at isa pa, parang impossible ng mangyari iyon.
My life.. it's already complicated 'tas madaming drama pa ang dumagdag, kamusta naman 'yon? Kung saan medyo maayos na ang relasyon namin ni Daddy, doon naman pumasok ang sari-saring dillema't problema. I can't take these shits anymore. I can't.
Funny to think how other people want to stay alive and live longer while me on the other hand, thinks the opposite.
I heaved a deep breathe, with my trembling hands, I push the blade unto my bare skin, this time, I'm way confident na wala ng pipigil sa 'kin, na wala ng iistorbo.
Mariin akong napangiwi nang makita ko ang dugong tumutulo papunta sa damit ko, I should feel the pain right now but I don't, and I can't. Napakamanhid ko na ata, I can't feel anything. Sakit? I've been through that a lot and I don't even know what does that word even means anymore.
Gusto ko nang mamatay. Ayoko na. Ayoko na talaga. This is too much for me to bear. I quit. I surrender.
I closed my eyes as I felt my body falling unto the ground, they will probably be suprised to see a corpse body in here, sleep well Chia, sleep well..
I, Chiara Isabel Muhlach, am tired of all the shits I have in life.
___