The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone. ~George Elliot
"Daddy, look! This angel is pretty!"
I looked up from the shelf of ceramic angels in front of me and at the little girl standing a few feet away, hopping up and down as she tried to get Ty to grab the figurine for her.
"Ally! Can you get it for me?" Tessie said, running over to me and tugging on my arm, "I just want to hold it." I gave Ty a questioning look, but he shook his head.
"I don't want her to drop it." Ty muttered. Tessie stomped her foot, pouting.
"I'm not gonna drop it, Daddy!" She whined, purposely making her voice obnoxiously high pitched.
"I said you can't hold it, Tessie. You can just look." I could hear the warning tone in Ty's voice, but Tessie didn't seem to understand. She started to shake her head, stomping her feet.
"Daddy! Please! I want to hold it and I want to right now!" I saw Ty's jaw clench as people turned to look at the four year old throwing a tantrum.
"Theresa, one more time and I'll carry you out of here and we'll sit in the car." Ty threatened. I could see it, even from where I stood a few feet away, that she was glaring right back.
"I want to hold it." She said, then did what all kids did best.
She cried.
"Ty." I finally said, "Why can't she just hold it for a second? I mean, it's just ceramic. I'll pay for it if she drops it." He shook his head at my words, picking up his crying daughter.
"That's not the point, Alyssa. She thinks she can have anything she wants. I'm not raising my daughter that way, I'm sorry. She's going to work for what she wants, earn her own money. She's going to live a normal life." He walked out of the store without another word, leaving me to listen to nothing but the bell signaling he left that rang through the store.
*
I found Ty leaning against the outside of the car when I walked out of the building, his eyes on the half open window that Tessie was peaking out of.
"Ally!" She screamed, giggling. I smiled, a little confused on how he had gotten her to stop crying and pouting so quickly.
"Tessie, sweetheart. Can you play on your tablet for a few so I can talk to Ally?" She looked back and forth between us for a second before her head disappeared out of view.
"Is everything okay?" I asked him, my hand instinctively grabbing his.
It was a habit I had picked up a few years ago, whenever Steph would say she wanted to talk, it was usually about something the doctors said that scared her. Now, anyone who said it, I immediately worried about.
"I. . . I want to go to AA." I was caught so off guard that I actually cocked my head to the side and narrowed my eyes at him.
"What?"
"I want to go to AA, I. . . I want to stop drinking entirely, Ally. It. . . if it means hurting my baby girl, hurting you, then I don't want anything to do with it." I nodded in understanding, smiling reassuringly at him.
"That's wonderful, Ty. I'm happy you're doing this." His eyes darted from the ground to me. He looked, without any doubt, shocked.
"Really?" He smiled, "I was hoping maybe, if it didn't intervene with the list, that you could come to a few meetings with me." I didn't hesitate to respond, the words left me before I could even process them.
"Of course, Ty." He bowed his head again before holding the door open for me to get in and walking around the car. I shut my door gently, afraid of the loudness I knew would echo through the car if it was shut hard.
"Where are we going now, Daddy?" Tessie asked, "Are we going home?" Ty smiled into the rearview mirror, shaking his head.
"We're going to go visit Ally's sister." I glanced back to find Tessie frowning, looked incredibly confused.
"I thought your sister was sick and she died." Tessie whispered.
"She did. We're going to go see her memorial." She started to nod, as if she sort of understood, before going back to her tablet and saying the words on it out loud, sounding them out.
I sent Ty an amused look, to which he only laughed at before starting the car and pulling away from the ceramic shop.
*
"It's cold out here, Daddy." Tessie mumbled, jumping over a rock. Ty wrapped his arm around her, pulling her against him.
"I know, baby girl. We won't be here long."
I smiled at Tessie as she pulled away from Ty and skipped over to me, grabbing my hand and staring up at me with a mischievous look.
"Do you like Daddy yet?" She asked. I nearly started coughing at the randomness of the question.
"You know I like Daddy, Tess." I responded, my eyes scanning the tombstone beside me for the right one.
"No, Ally. Do you like Daddy lots?" She repeated, making a gesture with her arms. I laughed, squeezing her hand.
"You don't need to worry about that, sweetie." She frowned but didn't ask anymore questions. Ty grabbed her arm so she wouldn't follow me as I walked toward the only tombstone in the isle with thousands of dead and fake flowers resting on top of it.
"Hey, Stephie." I whispered, knowing very well that she hated the nickname. She used to throw her hands over her ears and talk over me so she couldn't hear it.
"I got the angel for you. Well, actually I got a few." I pulled the ceramics from the bag in my hand and knelt down.
"You used to look at the one with the blue wings a lot, and the one with the pink. Then there was the baby one, the one I also loved because it reminded me of you." I laughed, "But I guess I understand why you loved them so much now. They reminded you of us, right? Jason, you, and me? We were the three angels." I pushed a few flowers out of the way and set the angels in the middle, pushing the flowers I had moved back after a second.
"I miss you, Steph." I wrapped my arms around my legs, shutting my eyes to prevent any tears from escaping them, "I miss the way you used the laugh when I'd come in to visit in nothing but my Power Puff Girls Pj's." I said.
"I miss the way your eyes would light up whenever we talked about that boy band you were obsessed with. I hated them, you know. But I listened to them for you." I glanced over at Ty, smiling sadly.
He was standing, tense, with his arms draped over Tessie's shoulders.
"I wish you would have told me about Ty and Tessie before the list. I could have helped them sooner." I continued, "I can see why you liked him so much, he really is sweet and cute. I agree." My head dropped a little as I let out a shaky breath.
"Mom and Dad haven't been home, so I haven't been able to tell them what you wanted me to, the first thing on the list. But I promise I will, Steph. I promise." I reached out and touched the ice cold tombstone, my lips quivering a little.
"I finally found them, Steph. They won't leave me, and it's all thanks to you. You were right, waiting twenty years was worth it." I sniffled, laughing again. Before I could finish what I was saying, Tessie pushed my arms off my legs and nuzzled her way toward my chest, throwing her arms around my neck.
"Don't worry, Mommy. I won't leave you." She whispered, burying her face against my shoulder.
*
I was surprised to find a black Ford Focus parked in front of the house, one I'd never seen before.
"Who is that?" Ty questioned, glancing sideways at me. I shook my head, my lips parting when a couple men stepped out and made their way up the driveway. I saw Ty's eyes darken as they followed the men up the stone path.
"Grab Tessie." I nodded. Once I was out of the car, I grabbed a sleepy Tessie from her booster seat as well as her little bag, slinging it over my shoulder as I shut the door behind me.
"Excuse me, but what are you doing on my porch?" I asked the men as we approached. They both turned, earning a quiet groan out of me.
I recognized them. The older of the two was a friend of my father's, he usually came over during the summer considering he was in a different country most of the time. The other, the younger one, had been the one and only guy my mom had wanted me with for the longest time. But things had never clicked, since the guy was a complete and utter ass.
"Alyssa!" The man greeted with a grin, "It's so nice to see you again." He was acting as if he hadn't screwed my dad over a few years ago, as if it had been a few weeks instead of years since I'd seen them.
"Yeah. What are you doing here?" I asked him, feeling my face twist in disgust as he ran a hand through his thick, greasy black hair.
"You have a kid?" Micah asked, his eyes on Tessie in my arms. I opened my mouth to respond, but Ty cut me off before I could.
"What's it to you if she does?" He snapped.
"And who are you? Her husband? God, Alyssa. I knew you were desperate, but I didn't think you'd stoop as low as someone like him." Micah made a gesture toward Ty, his face scrunched up in disgust.
"Excuse me?" I snapped, shifting Tessie on my hip, "What right do you have standing on my porch and talking crap to him?" Micah snorted.
"Who is he?" He repeated, "Answer me without getting defensive." He hissed under his breath. I bit the inside of my lip, remembering the exact reason I had left him.
He was a controlling bastard.
"That's my Daddy." Tessie said, glaring at the man in front of her, "You don't talk to Daddy that way." I watched both men laugh, but I wasn't the least bit amused by Tessie's response.
"Daddy? So you are with this douche?" Micah laughed coldly, "And you had a baby. I'll have to hand it to you, babe, you still look pretty good for being a Mom." I fought the urge to reach over and slap him, tightening my grip on Tessie instead.
"It's none of your business what I'm doing with my life, Micah. Why the hell are you here?" He shook his head, letting his dad answer.
"Your father said he'd meet us here, but it seems like he may not even be living here anymore." I nodded, feeling Tessie start to twirl my hair around her finger.
"He's not. Now will you both please leave my family in peace?" Micah grabbed my wrist roughly, almost causing me to drop Tessie.
"Is she mine?" He growled.
"What? No, you idiot. We didn't even have sex." He took a step back, turning his head a little as if he were thinking about what I said.
"I'll give you five fucking minutes to get out of here before I kick your ass, you prick." Ty snarled, the rasp in his voice loud and clear as he watched Micah slowly starting to back away.
I saw Micah's expression change then, from his normally cocky look, to a little fearful.
"Go." Tessie said, glaring as the two men climbed back into the car and disappeared down the street.
"You dated that idiot?" Ty asked, looking over at me. I felt Tessie rubbing the bruise starting to form on my wrist, my eyes slowly flickering toward Ty beside me.
"If you want to call it that."
*
I sat in the kitchen that night, rubbing my wrist as I stared at the angel I had bought for myself. It had been a last minute decision, but I figured that it would be something to make me feel closer to Steph.
"Hey." Ty whispered, leaning against the wall. I smiled weakly before looking back down at the angel.
"Tessie called you Mommy again today." He pointed out, "I'm surprised you didn't freak out again." I could tell he was joking, but I still shrugged.
"It's scary. I remember when I was younger, I wanted to have a family so bad. I wanted a perfect husband and four kids, two of each gender. I wanted this huge, beautiful wedding. I wanted a happy life." I lifted my head up to meet Ty's curious blue eyes, "But it all changed when Steph was diagnosed with the cancer. Suddenly I didn't care about myself anymore, I didn't care about being happy. I just wanted her to be happy, I wanted her to feel the love from my brother and me that our parents never gave the two of us." He gave me a sympathetic look.
"So when she called me that back at the court house, I wasn't ready for it. I imagined my life completely different the first time I'd have my daughter call me that. But. . . but I understand now. I want to hear it. If Tessie feels better thinking I'm her Mom, blood or not, then I'm okay with that." Ty smiled, almost as if he were relieved to hear my words. He peeled himself from the wall and walked over to me, taking both of my hands tightly in his before kissing the top of one of them. He didn't say anything, but I could see it in his eyes, I could feel what he was trying to say.
Thank you.
***AN***
Hope you guys enjoyed!
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~ChasingMadness24