OK SO JUST A WARNING THE BEGINNING OF THIS CHAP IS MATURE CONTENT. I'VE MARKED IT OFF IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT YOU DON'T HAVE TO. THE REST OF THE CHAPTER WILL STILL MAKE SENSE WITHOUT READING IT. As always I hope you enjoy and I love seeing comments so if you have anything you would like to share please feel free :)
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I drowsily started to wake up. I smiled as I found myself safely cuddled in the arms of the man I loved. I knew it had to be him because I never felt so safe. I slowly covered his lips with mine waking him as I always did. I smiled into the kiss when I felt him responding. I gasp when I felt him nip my bottom lip and it was enough to allow his tongue into my mouth. He took the advantage and thrust his tongue in exploring my mouth before massaging my tongue with his. Something was different about his taste but I pushed it to the back of my mind. It still nagged but I ignored it as I gave myself to our kiss. I was so glad that I had woken up from that horribly realistic nightmare. I felt my shirt being lifted and hands sliding along my sides. I shivered at the touch and moaned into my love's mouth encouraging him. He tried to take the shirt off but wanting to tease him a little more I refused to cooperate. This earned me a growl against my lips and I found myself flipped on my back. Confused, I allowed him to dominate me. Jimmy had never growled at me before. Nor had he been so dominating...the thought faded away as I felt my shirt being lifted and then his mouth, oh his sweet, devilish mouth took one of my taunt nipples in his mouth and rolled it with his tounge before I felt the scrape of his teeth. My back arched my hands going immediately to his head and clasping the back of his head to pull him closer. I moaned out loud as he began to suckle me. After a moment he stopped and I whimpered until I felt him giving the same attention to the other nipple. He pulled away after he felt he'd been fair and began to trail kisses up my chest, pausing at my sweet spot where my collarbone met my neck for a little lick then bite, before continuing to kiss up my neck. I felt his weight shift and I shifted to accommodate him. As his weight settled between my legs I wrapped my calves around his back and began to grind against his arousal. For about a moment. I knew Jimmy. I knew his body like I knew my own. This was not Jimmy. He was the right length but he was....thicker....than Jimmy. I had stopped responding as my mind was processing this and it earned me a growl and nip from my would be lover.
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I heard my door open but it didn't really register.
"Hey Kathy Barbara," I heard a gasp, "Omg! Oh god I'm sorry so sorry!" Chelle's voice got slightly less loud as she backed out of the room and I heard the door slam at the same time my would be lover pulled away from me like I was now fire. I opened my eyes to see a very shocked....Matt? Oh my god! Matt! I had been kissing and grinding on Matt of all people? I felt my face flush as Matt ran a shaky hand through his hair.
"Kathy..." he started but stopped as we heard Johnny outside.
"Chelle what the hell is going on in there?"
"Uh...I...Uh..."
Matt and I looked at each other horrified.
"I uh walked in on, uh, Kathy changing..." Chelle trailed off trying to make it sound plausible.
I grabbed Matt's arm tugging him off the bed and he obligingly followed. I shoved him into my en suite, shutting the door before I walked over and opened my bedroom door. Michelle was standing across the hall with her eyes widening when she saw my door crack open I gave her a small smile of thanks before speaking.
"It's alright Chelle, I'll make up my mind later about what I'm going to wear. Johnny did you need something?"
He turned to face me suspiciously.
"If you were changing how come you still have your PJ's on?"
"Well I was standing in front of the closet naked trying to decide what to wear when Chelle came in. I heard you out here and figured you didn't want to see your baby sister butt naked." I raised an eyebrow.
"Uh, no not particularly."
"So did you want something?"
"I was just coming to see if you were alright after Chelle was yelling. By the way do you know if Matt's up yet?"
"No, but probably not. He stopped by to check on me last night after I had a nightmare and I think I kept him up pretty late."
"Alright, I guess I should wait for him to wake up then. Don't really feel like getting punched just to have some male company."
"Why don't you call Zacky?" Chelle said then looked at me horrified.
I just shook my head and smiled indicating she didn't do anything wrong. In my mind though I was mortified. Zacky in the house shortly after Matt and I had almost....I pushed the thoughts away already feeling tears building in my eyes. He wasn't Jimmy and I had almost. gone through with it anyway.
"Kathy?"
I could hear the concern in Johnny's voice.
"I'm fine I think I would just like to be alone for a while. Chelle you were saying something about Barbara?"
"Oh yeah she, uh, just wanted to remind you about lunch today?"
"Ok thanks," I gave her a watery smile and watched her grab Johnny's arm. He tried to protest but she gave him her best 'don't mess with me I'm a mean bitch' look and he gave up and allowed her to drag him downstairs. I shut the door and locked it before turning around and sliding down the door. I brought my knees up and rested my arms on my knees letting my head fall forward on my arms.
What had I done?
*** Matt's POV***
I stayed in the bathroom listening to her outright lie to her brother and my friend who I considered a brother about what was going on in here a few minutes ago. I ran my hands through my hair trying to make sense of it myself. I mean it wasn't like I had planned for this to happen. I just came to make sure she was alright last night then she asked me to stay and this morning. Hell I didn't even know what I was thinking or if I even was. She tasted like heaven though just like I knew she would and so soft. I groaned and pushed the thoughts away. I heard the door shut and a lock click. I waited but I didn't hear her footsteps. Worried I opened the door and peeked out. She was sitting on the floor all wrapped around herself with her head down. I felt the guilt hit me full force in the chest and when she whimpered Jimmy's name I felt like a knife had been stuck in my heart. Not because I thought she was rejecting me but because I knew then that she wasn't ready to move on yet and I had almost caused her to do something she would regret.
I slowly padded across the floor to her and knelt down beside her.
"Kathy?" I asked reaching a hand out but not touching her.
I watched her raise her head to look at me through her tears. I cautiously placed a hand on her arm and watched her eyes darken in a flash with hunger and need.
Another whimper escaped her lips.
"Matt...." she sniffled as more tears trailed down her cheeks. I gently wiped them away before I carefully picked her up bridal style and carried her to the bed. I sat down and sat her on my lap still holding her.
"Shhh Kathy it's alright, It's alright baby," I whispered before I pressed a kiss to her forehead. She shivered when I kissed her.
"Matt," she choked on my name as she looked up into my eyes I could see the confusion swirling in her brown eyes.
"Its ok baby, we didn't cross the line we stopped," I whispered pressing more kisses to her forehead.
She cried a few more tears as I held her silently.
"What time are you supposed to be at Barbara's for lunch?"
"Noon," she said softly her voice a little scratchy from crying.
I looked at the clock and saw it was already ten a.m.
I kissed the top of her head as I heard Zacky's car pull in.
"Why don't you go take a shower and get dressed. I'll call Barbara and let her know that you'll still be over and I'll have Zacky drop you off ok?"
"Ok..." I could hear her unspoken question.
"We'll talk about it later when we don't have to worry about being interrupted ok?"
"Ok," She said simply. I laid her gently on the bed before walking to the door, unlocking it, and letting myself out.
****Kathleen's POV****
I watched Matt leave. I couldn't believe what had almost happened or the way my body was responding to his touch now. I was so ashamed and embarrassed. What must he think of me? I felt my heart sink. What did Jimmy think of me now? He said he was always watching.
I heard a beep on my computer and bounded out of bed to my laptop. I forgot I had left it on last night. Sure enough there was a window there.
SD: So did you figure out who Matt is crushing on yet? LOL
I wiped a few remaining tears from my face.
ChristSister: You mean you weren't watching this morning?
SD: I was at first but you know
SD: As close as I was to Matt there are some things that are just better not seen
ChristSister: You aren't mad?
SD: No I told you. You have room in your heart to love me and someone else.
ChristSister: I don't know
SD: Yes you do
ChristSister: How can I be fair? What do I do about Johnny?
SD: You have to follow your heart. Zacky and Matt will understand. Now go take a shower and get ready for my Mom.
SD: And remember your promise to me. Remember, you are only responsible for your happiness.
ChristSister: And the happiness of our babies.
SD: I love you, love
ChristSister: I love you too, duckie
I felt a few more tears slip down my cheek as I used my nickname for him. The window disappeared and I knew that meant it was time for me to go. I took a quick shower and got dressed. I took care with my makeup trying to hide my puffy eyes. I didn't want to answer everyone's questions about why I was crying or have them worry over me. I had to admit that in my currently depressed mood I probably wasn't going to be the best lunch company but I had promised Barbara and I wasn't going to disappoint her. Besides who else could I turn to for advice.
I walked down the stairs and found Chelle waiting for me at the bottom. She gave me a nervous smile. I glanced around quickly making sure everyone was out of ear shot.
"Thank you for this morning Chelle...I know what it looked like but really....it's not what it seemed," I said stopping embarrassed and not really sure how I could convince her.
She smiled at me. "It's alright Kathy, really. Whatever is going on between you two is between you two. I'm just sorry I didn't think to knock first."
I could see a blush rise to her cheeks.
"Don't be," I assured her, "I'm really glad you interrupted."
She gave me an odd look but just then Zacky walked out of the living room.
"Oh good I was just coming to see if you were ready. Matt said you wanted me to drop you off at Barbara's?"
"Yes, please," I said with a quick glance at Matt as his tall frame filled the doorway to the living room. My eyes met his hazel ones still filled with concern but behind the concern I could also see leftover lust from this morning burning. I blushed and averted my eyes. Matt didn't make a move to come any closer.
****Zacky's POV****
I looked from Katie avoiding looking at Matt to Matt's stony face. Had something happened? I looked back and forth a couple times before I heard Chelle nervously interrupt.
"So you guys should probably be going if Kathy doesn't want to be late," she smiled at me nervously too.
Something was definitely up and if short shit wanted to believe everything was fine that was on him but I wasn't buying it. He could sit here and pretend all the roses and shit he wanted with Matt but I was going to get to the bottom of it. I gently took Katie's arm in my hand giving her a quick smile when she raised her head and looked at me startled. She blushed and her eyes darted to Matt again before looking straight at the door. I led her out to my car and we got settled in. I waited until we had backed out of the drive and were on our way.
"So you wanna tell me what's going on between you and Matt?" I asked keeping my eyes on the road.
****Kathleen's POV****
I was staring out the window wondering if I was going insane. The lust I had felt with Matt this morning had finally settled down in the pit of my stomach until Zacky touched my arm and then it came roaring right back to life. I had been embarrassed and confused and just so overly glad that I hadn't moaned out loud at something so insanely innocent as Zacky touching my arm. I had looked at Matt to see if he noticed but his emotionless mask was in place. I snapped out of my reverie when I heard Zacky ask me what was going on with me and Matt.
"Nothing."
He took his eyes off the road long enough to spare me a glance that said very literally 'give me a break.'
"I'm not your brother Katie." He risked another glance at me. "And I'm a big boy. Just tell me now if there is something between you and Matt before I get myself anymore invested in this."
I bit my lip.
"Zacky, I meant what I said before. I'm not ready for anything resembling a relationship or anything that goes with it." I closed my eyes and enjoyed the silence for a minute.
"That still doesn't answer my question."
My eyes snapped open. "Look, really I had a nightmare last night except I'm pretty sure it wasn't a bad dream. I'm pretty sure it's a memory of..." I bit my lip. "Of the day of Jimmy's funeral. I was really upset and Matt stayed with me last night to make sure I was ok. Johnny almost caught him in my room this morning. That's all."
I felt a bit guilty leaving the other parts out but I didn't want to hurt Zacky more than necessary.
I watched Zacky playing with his snakebites as he pulled into the Sullivan's driveway. He was deep in thought I could tell.
"Katie, I want you to know that no matter what I meant what I said before. I will be here for you and the babies. Just please be honest with me because I love you. I can understand if you don't feel the same," I started to open my mouth and he held up a hand before rushing on. "I'm not asking you to make a decision now. I'm just saying when you feel ready to and do make your decision just please be honest with me and don't try to sugarcoat it or break it to me gently. That's all I ask."
At that moment my heart overflowed with love. Not just for Jimmy but Matt and Zacky as well. They were willing to put their own feelings aside to help me with mine and Jimmy's babies even if it meant seeing me love someone else. At least I knew for sure Zacky was. I wasn't sure but that was how I was choosing to interpret that passion Matt and I had shared that morning and then his coolness downstairs before I left with Zacky. For now anyways until Matt and I had a chance to talk about it.
I found myself leaning towards Zacky and then my lips brushing his. A pleasant feeling crossing my lips as they brushed against the warmth of his lips and the coolness of his snakebites. He smiled and kissed me back gently and chastely before I pulled back. Apparently it didn't matter how chaste the kiss had been as I felt the lust rising yet again. Blushing slightly I tried to push it back down again.
"Thank you Zacky that means a lot to me," I said before getting out of the car. I walked up and knocked on the door before taking a deep breath. I couldn't believe how starved I was and not just for food but for some woman to woman talk time that I could be honest and open with my feelings and concerns. I smiled when Barbara opened the door and I heard Zacky back out of the driveway. Free at last! Even if it was just for a few hours.