HARRY
Harold, go to sleep.
Close your eyes Harold.
That’s it, keep them closed. Don’t open them.
“Shit!” I muttered upon my fiasco of making an attempt to sleep as I ended up jolting from my bed.
Despite the dimness that swamped over the room, my eyes and mind still couldn't find the will to have their break. In these typical scenarios, I should’ve had been asleep at the moment, but it was bothering for me to stay wide awake at three o’ clock in the morning. My thoughts were quite abstracted, for they were only filled with nothing but the pleasant times that I had with Hannah few moments earlier. Her face and her smile wouldn't desert my mind, and it was driving me insane, for it had been a long time since I felt this before. To be honest, I didn't know where I got the guts to make that move with her. During those times, I was sidetracked by the way how she talked to me, and how she broke down in tears as soon as she confessed her reasons for the tragedy outside in London with Niall. My wish had been granted, and I was really grateful to have that chance to show how much I love her.
Although, as endearing and special as the moments we shared was, my mind had been always thinking about Louis. With every move I had made for our sweet, little dance, I was hurting inside. As our hands and fingers interlaced with each other, slowly setting ourselves in motion to the acoustic music, I couldn't help but be ecstatic with our touch. It was supposed to be the best feeling I’ve ever had, but I knew that I had to make my limitations. Like my dad used to say, it’s not bad to take chances once in a while, and with every endeavor of taking such would have an associated outcome. That’s why I decided to take that chance, for I knew that it would be probably my first and last to express myself to Hannah. My mind had been telling me that I would not be good enough for her, and I had decided to dissociate myself from their relationship. Both of them definitely deserved to be happy, and that would be the best thing I could do.
“Yeah, yeah, that’s what I should do,” I whispered to myself.
After all, it would be completely impossible for Hannah to have feelings for me. She and Lou had been together for five months, and my chances of being loved back would be out of the question. She just needed someone to let her emotions out with, and it turned out to be me. She had broken down from her last dispute with her father, because she didn't want Louis to leave her. It was simple logic. They both love each other, and they were just timid to admit it to themselves, while I was here, expecting something that I knew I wouldn't receive.
On the brighter side of things, everything was worth it. I knew that the gestures that I had shown her moments earlier were merely intimations of friendship, and I accepted that. Still, it was worth it. I got the chance to show her that I would be here for her, that I could be someone whom she could trust in these times of ordeal. I was able to touch her hand, and stroke her supple fingers that entwined with mine with gentle caresses. Her approval of letting her head lean tenderly on my shoulder made me in tears, and I was thankful that she wasn't able to witness my weeps of despair and ecstasy. Those tears connoted both the beginning and the end of my sentiments for her, and they were enough to say how happy I was with Hannah’s friendship.
“Hmm…” My ears perceived a moaning sound coming from the person beside me.
Without any warning, he situated his hand around my right arm, and a weak smile formed on my lips. The thoughts of almost losing him were coming back again, and I was pleased that everything had been clarified. I was grateful that nothing was done on purpose, and it was just a matter of misunderstanding as well as being aware of the viewpoints of every person. I was hoping that she would tell Louis and Niall soon, for she told me that it was only me who knew about what truly happened at that time. And with that simple deed, I was blissful that she trusted and considered me to be the first one to know her reasons.
“Niall, no guy is supposed to ask another guy for a cuddle when they’re asleep,” I told my drowsy Irish friend, not certain if he would respond to my statement.
“It’s so cold Harry. Hug me please,” he spoke fuzzily and until now, I was not quite sure if he was fully awake for I knew this guy tend to natter as he was having his heavy snoozes.
“Sleep tight Niall. I’ll hug you later, and good morning,” I countered in between small chuckles and gave his hand a squeeze, before deciding to get out of our room and take myself for a walk.
My eyes were welcomed with the intense light flickering from the kitchen. Wonder and confusion struck my mind as the lights were supposed to be turned off during these times of the day. Any hint of light could prompt a sadistic assault from the creatures outside, and fear was starting to surge through my soul.
The silence of the house was then interjected with the reverberations of several objects making contact and clashes with each other. Then, there were echoes of clicks and snaps of barrels resound against the walls of the room, and as my feet carried me forward, I finally saw the person who was responsible for making the sounds.
“Harry? What are you doing here?” He asked with a shaky tone of panic from someone who seemed to be caught in the headlights.
“I couldn't sleep, so I decided to walk around for a while,” I answered his inquiry casually, gainsaying to his flabbergasted expression. “Um, what are you doing Mike?”
He then brought the things down and work to a standstill, and he suddenly gazed at me with a remorseful look on his face. On the dining table in front of me laid probably all diverse kinds of guns and weaponry that I had never seen in real life. From the way they looked, it was perceptible that Mike had all of them as part of his atypical collection, but at the same time, I wouldn't be so stunned to see them. They were technically considered as essentials during this time, and every object and weapon powerful enough to brutally slay those deformed monsters out there would totally work for everyone’s survival.
“Come here Harry, I’m going to tell you about these.”
With my curiosity growing, my feet brought me towards his direction, and after a few moments, all delicate pieces and components were then laid exposed in front of me. My eyes grew wide with anticipation and trepidation at the same time, for soon, I knew that I had to learn how to use these intricate bludgeons apart from the single revolver that I got from my dad. However, that firearm may look diminutive in size, but it had become the key to the survival of Niall and me that day when we reunited outside Tesco. Although, at times like these, it would be much better to take risks and chances to gain more knowledge and become skilled in handling shooters, in order for us to have a greater likelihood to survive until we find a way back home.
“Louis has already seen this special set of guns of mine, and Hannah has no idea that I've been collecting them for a long time now,” he then disclosed to me, letting me experience to stroke the elaborate features of each gun.
“I’ve been planning to show these to you and Niall as well, so you lads will be able to familiarize yourselves on how to handle these. They will certainly come in handy to fight off, right?”
“Yes.” It was all I was able to speak out, because I was too amazed with the collection in front of me.
My dad tried to teach me on how to fire these pistols before, but my mum totally rebuffed to his idea. I wanted to learn, because I knew that everything that would involve an element of self-defense was essential, and back to the days when we were always on the limelight; a sufficient knowledge of weaponry wouldn't be so bad for me to protect myself from bashers and haters. If worst scenarios would come, I could be my own bodyguard, and I wouldn't need Paul anymore to be always by my side just to defend us. That would be so cool.
“There are certain aspects that you should consider when choosing a gun. Accuracy, reliability, its ease of maintenance, and of course, its comfort for the person who would shoot.”
Mike carried on with his remarkable lecture about the guns, and he certainly grabbed my interest. As fascinating as he may sound, I couldn't quite grasp the terms associated with the weapons, and I didn't understand the origin of those complicated names themselves. A confusing mishmash of letters and numbers spoiled my mind, although I was able to recall some of the things that were worthy to note. He was able to show me guns named Beretta 92FS, M1911 and a couple of other bewildering names of series of guns. As my hands still continued to explore the parts and different pieces to learn about their mechanisms, it took me a while to realize that Mike fell silent.
“Are you okay, sir?”
“Didn't I tell you not to call me sir again?” He answered with a weak smile on his face, and for a second, I thought that he was starting to be emotional. “I’m okay Harry, I’m fine.”
“Sounds like a different story, Mike,” I said, stressing out his name at the end which caused him to smile more.
“Harry, I have something to ask you.”
I always hated being asked with questions, and for the first time, this one would be coming from him. He sounded so serious, yet so genuine at the same time that made me feel at ease as we talked. As apprehensive as I was to hear his inquiry, I decided to give it a shot. “Yeah?”
“Do you love my daughter?”
My heart felt like it was pounded with a hammer dozens of times, describing how taken aback I was upon hearing his question. Why did he ask that? Does he know that Louis is the one who loves her daughter? Countless questions of my own bunged up my mind, and I was beginning to lose my nerve and go to pieces as I tried to think of better words to answer him.
“Uh, um…” All I had for him were pure stutters and I felt embarrassed for myself. Upon hearing my stammered reply, he gave me the warmest smile I had seen of him and patted my back with solace.
“Silly me. Of course you do.”
“How did you know?” I asked uneasily, but I knew that Mike was someone who was too kind to share secrets with.
“Well, I heard my favorite song by Robbie Williams being played, and I saw you two making your own homecoming dance,” he admitted happily, and I could have sworn that my face was beginning to heat up. My hands found themselves concealing my face of total shame, and I could hear him giving out a brief joyful chuckle. It would be totally uncomfortable to come clean to the father of the one you love, but even though with Mike’s benevolent persona, I couldn't find the urge and will to do so.
“Sorry for playing your CD.”
“It’s totally fine Harry. I must say, that’s one sweet move,” he asserted to me, and as much as I didn't want to say it, a playful heave of pleasant emotions was taking toll on me. Is it perfectly fine for him of what I did?
“She loves you too, son. I’m sure of it.”
I wanted to defend myself from his statement, and I was prepared to begin a dispute to tell him how wrong he was about that, but from the way he uttered those words, he seemed so definite and persuaded. He looked at me once again with his blue-gray eyes, and I finally knew where those beautiful orbs of Hannah’s came from. Although, the way he gaped at me appeared to raze my vision. His eyes impelled themselves onto mine, and his expression suddenly changed from a gaze of innocence to a glare of utmost surprise. Realizing that his actions were creating an uneasy tension between us, he immediately left his stare and I initiated my turn to speak.
“I doubt that. She just needed someone who will listen to her, and I’m glad to be your daughter’s friend,” I spoke the words slowly, trying to impart my genuine intention to Hannah.
“I know her Harry. I know that…I may not be the best father for her, those times we had spent together when she was younger were enough for me to say, that I know my daughter. I’ve never seen her so happy before. When you three came into her life, I could feel that the old Hannah’s coming back. You’re able to provide that feeling of happiness back to her, and I can’t thank you enough for making it possible,” he said despondently, and I could tell that he was holding back his tears.
“It hurts, you know that Harry? It hurts that everything wouldn't be the same between us again. I…I've been the reason why our family got torn apart. Everything was my fault. It was a horrible mistake of infidelity, and I hurt the three most important girls in my life. I’m the worst father, for apart from that, I became too pensive to my work as well. I was all hyped up together with the rest of the physicians out there about this wonder discovery that caused all of this mess. I lost time for them, and I made them feel like they’re not important for me, and it just hurts. I…I always wanted to tell my daughter how much I love her, but I know that no matter how hard I try, she would never listen to me again.”
An extreme feeling of pain struck my core as I listened to Mike’s downcast words. It hurt me to the extent of missing not only my dad, but my whole family as well. Despite of losing her mother and sister, Hannah was still fortunate enough to have her father with her. I would do anything to be with my family again, but it was too disappointing for me that she was not recognizing the value of his presence and love for her.
“I’m sorry. But I know that she loves you too Mike. She just needed time for a while. It’s going to be fine.”
“Thank you for that Harry, but I know that it won’t be the same for us again,” he said with utmost despair, his eyes focused on the guns as he started to sort them out and situate them in a black bag he got from under the table.
“What are you doing?” I asked upon witnessing his rushed actions.
He was nimbly putting some of the weapons in his big pack, and from the way he acted, he was giving me the impression of his resembling departure. His forehead began to have small drips of sweat coasting down his furrowed face, his attention not leaving on his sudden packing of his choices of pistols.
“I’m doing this for my daughter Harry. I’m doing this for you,” he asserted in a sober tone, and a pang of alarm made me more roused to what he was doing.
“What do you mean? Please tell me.”
As soon as I spoke, his eyes speared through mine with that intense look he had given me moments earlier, his pupils seemed to dilate with every second passing as he never left his gaze on mine.
“I’m going back there Harry. I’m going to find the answers. I know that it’s there. I just can’t find the right time to go because Hannah will definitely stop me, but now I’m ready to do it.”
“Where are you going? Let me come with you. I can help.”
“No. Please let me do this on my own. It’s the only thing I can do for my daughter, and for you boys. I’m the only one who can do this,” he implored with such persuasion as he put his hands on my shoulders. “Harry, please take care of my daughter for me, okay?” After declaring his appeal, he immediately trudged quickly out of the room, carrying his bag full of weapons and made his way to the door.
“Mike! Please, let me help you. You don’t have to go alone,” I then hollered inadvertently, fearful that I might awaken my friends from their sleep.
“Please, at least consider me helping you. I want to find the answers myself. Wherever you’re going, let me go with you. I want to help as well. Hannah will be okay with Lou and Niall right now, I promise,” I said, my voice failing not to quiver as every word transpired from my mouth.
"You don't have to do this alone."
As if capitulating to my insistent words, Mike handed me one of the revolvers and a leather jacket that hung from a hook on the side of the door.
“Okay. I’ll just find the necessary documents in Schmidt, as well as to find essential antibiotics that you would need when you go back to Cheshire. Once we got everything, we’d go back here, alright?” He renounced, giving me the chance I had always wanted to give back to all of the things he and Hannah had done to me in the past.
“Okay, deal.”
“Follow my rules. If anything happens to me, run and save yourself. Don't even dare save me. I have known these monsters the moment they were born. You’ll find out more when we find some answers.”
Despite my hesitation to agree about saving myself, I only nodded in response. He sounded so firm and authoritative, and I couldn't say no. I wanted to join him on this, so I had to respect his decisions. In two weeks of being confined to the Fosters’ residence, my mind had already been wanting to break free. I wanted to make an action. I wanted to do something to help as much as I could, and I was thankful that this chance had been given to me.
In life, one can truly live as he’s willing to take a risk. It’s worthy to take a chance, for him to be able to find something, to find answers. As for our life, we wanted to take that big leap. We wanted to know the truth, and here I was, a guy with nothing but a sole gun in his hand, trying to make that big leap back to the world outside full of peril and blood. As much as I didn't want to go back there, I couldn't. Life is about taking chances, and I’m about to do it right now.
“Harry, last chance to back out.”
“No Mike. I’m ready to look for answers.”
He affirmed to my answer, and the two of us made our way outside the door towards the deathly grounds of London.