A quick thank you for all the love i've received for Awake, even though my updates are irregular and I really need to spend more time editing my work. This one's for Kell because I probably over-hyped it ;)
Hope you enjoy the chapter x
She was dead. She wasn't dead. I didn't kill her. Her last touch was not my fingertips, was not the bite of my blade through her skin. I didn't kill her. I didn't kill her.
Again, my feet fell into dirt, this time bare, the mud squishing beneath my toes with each frantic step.
It had taken moments for the world to settle again, for the vibrations ricocheting through the basement to settle enough for Evan to move. And when he moved, it was as if time had been thrown into fast forward, his hands fumbling with the ropes around my wrists and the tape over my lips.
I wanted to thank him, but then I was reminded that he was the one who had bound me. But then it occurred to me that none of this was him at all. I hardly knew Evan. That's what Conrad did to them when he took away their will. He took away their person, their morals, and their choice.
The moment I was on my feet the world swayed again, but this time by no physical means. My head seared in disorientation and my knees felt like buckling, but I stood, clutching the back of the chair that had held me captive to stay upright.
"Evan," I breathed hoarsely, clutching my throat as the words vibrated through my wound. "Run far away from here, don't look back. Don't ever come back to him. Don't let anyone stop you."
He didn't even spare me a second horrified glance before his feet were moving him towards the stairs.
Maybe he should have, because it was then that I realised how much I needed him.
As far as I knew, there were a dozen other kids just like Evan and Peter standing there waiting for me up top. But then, surely they'd have heard the commotion. Surely they'd have felt the ground rumble beneath the soles of their feet-- the walls trembling around them.
Or was that just in my imagination? The flow of power throwing me from my senses?
"Power," I muttered aloud, my fingers brushing my hair back from my forehead, which I felt to be caked with sweat and dirt. "I have power."
Maybe my sanity really was on its edge, but I threw away the thought quickly. My mind was all I had. It was ironic that for me to use it, it was what paid the price.
Run far away from here, don't look back. Don't ever come back to him.
This time I needed to be entranced by my own words.
It took two slow steps for my head to stop spinning and for me to put the ache of my bones far enough out of my thoughts. But then, once numbness settled over and my mind was set on flight, my feet carried me up the stairs. There was no point in being quiet, not when Evan had already been so loud in his panic to leave.
But, when I got to the top of the stairs, at the mouth of a lavishly decorated living room, I discovered that his escape maybe hadn't been as easy as anticipated.
Don't let anyone stop you.
Not anyone.
Not even your friend.
My eyes flew to his eyes, the piercing blue shining underneath a fringe of red. They were filled with desperation. They were filled with violence.
The mop of brown hair in front of Evan was touselled with struggle, its owner's fingers clawing out before him, each struggle growing weaker and weaker in the long seconds I was frozen in the threshold.
Evan was strangling him. Peter.
"Stop!" I shrieked as Evan tightened his grip, swinging so I could now see Peter's near-blue face, his silent chokes the only sound echoing in the wake of my order.
But Evan didn't obey. He didn't even look up.
Don't let anyone stop you.
Not even me.
I pushed the scene far from my mind, blinking hard, letting myself run with no vision as I entered the field. I was running adjacent to a road, one that would either take me back to campus or far away.
I didn't know which one I'd prefer. I didn't care.
Deep down, I knew I did. I needed to save them. I didn't know how to do it, or even who to save, but I needed to do it. I couldn't end him, I couldn't kill him alone and I couldn't get anyone else's hands bloody. My instincts were screaming to flee, to flee back to the countryside with my family, to take everyone I could and to run.
Peter had taken his last breath beneath Evan's thumbs, pressing hard into the base of his esophagus until blood rushed to his eyeballs. I had stood there, frozen and terrified. Useless. I'd let him die. I had ordered for him to die.
The second Peter's body hit the floor Evan turned on his feet and ran down the hallway. I'd heard a door open, and then he must have just ran. To where I didn't know. But he'd done exactly what I'd said. He'd run.
And he didn't let Peter stop him.
I think a sob built in my throat, but I couldn't release it. I'd already numbed my senses, numbed my feelings. But even so, again I couldn't move. His lifeless body on the floor was so bizarre-- it didn't make sense to me. The way it had ended so fast, the way he'd put up such a struggle. Evan didn't look capable of such a thing, especially with his injured arm.
But then I was reminded of what my brother had told me once when we were watching a zombie movie at home. Usually, humans couldn't even bite through a piece of denim. It wasn't that our jaw wasn't strong enough, or that our teeth weren't sharp enough. It was our mind. It stops us from inflicting harm upon ourselves, from exerting our strength too far. It's instinct.
And I'd taken that away from Evan.
Maybe that's why Conrad didn't kill people himself. Because he could unleash a superhuman strength into ordinary people, by transforming them into his own kind of zombie.
I'd lunged after Evan, but not to chase him. Because he knew the way out. But, even when I'd wound my way to the front of what I assumed to be Blackwood's house, I couldn't see him anywhere. The empty field and winding driveway was empty, the long grass swaying in rolling waves along the wind. The trees in the distance were harrowing, bringing images of my struggle to the forefront of my mind.
I couldn't follow the driveway, not if Conrad could return. But I also couldn't return to the forest. Not again.
So I compromised. I stuck to the treeline, so the driveway was just in view, and I followed it to the main road. From there, I hid from view where possible. The first signpost I saw chilled my blood. It was time to make a choice.
A T-section was a mile away. Right to New West Brighton University. Left back towards the tail end of the national park-- which would lead me to home after only a handful of hours if I managed to find a ride.
Home.
But, despite my longing for safety, I'd made the decision before I could calculate it. My weary legs stumbled to cross the road, my bare feet hitting the cold bitumen and inflaming the cuts and bruises left from my last mission to stumble across this terrain.
I was going back to find them. Isobel. Isaac. Gia. I'd keep them safe. I had to.
Hours must have passed, but unlike when I was trapped in Conrad's basement the minutes blurred together, warping into a slideshow of images of a foggy green landscape, clouds flowing from my numb lips, my lower jaw trembling.
But it was when I was sure my joints would freeze over and I'd be forced to curl into a ball on the side of the road, that I saw my first piece of familiarity. The spire of the tallest building on campus. I could take a shortcut directly to my flat if I just went back through the trees.
I didn't know how my body continued to move, not when every muscle-- every pore surfacing my skin-- was burning with a freezing fire cracking over me like ice fracturing over a lake. I was dying-- physically dying.
I gasped in the freezing air as I clasped a tree trunk for support. I hadn't seen a single car on my journey-- not unusual in a small town, considering it felt like early morning. But even if I had, I'd have never trusted anyone for help. That's something he'd taken away from me too. Trust.
Fuck it. Those were the words I literally spoke aloud under my breath as I stumbled past the tree line. I had a lot to lose, but only so much energy left to fight. I couldn't let my fear or my uncertainty stop me now-- not when I had blood on my hands.
All it had taken was one desperate, poorly-phrased sentence to destroy someone's life. Someone who was innocent, someone who I didn't even know.
Power of intention. I didn't intend for him to die. I never meant for that.
Approaching my apartment brought a sick wave of nostalgia. Even though it couldn't have been more than days since I'd run away, it felt like months. It felt like an eternity since those few weeks of oblivious normality. Laughing with Gia and Isobel about boys-- and girls-- and meeting new people every day. Breaking out of my shell, only to find that the outside world was crueler than I could have ever imagined.
Isaac. I should have found Isaac first, to make sure he was okay. After all, he'd be the only one looking for me. He was the one I could voice this to, the one who could give me a sane person's opinion. He could ground me.
But the terror in my mind was too hard to shake, and I couldn't stop myself from approaching. Even though my insincts were screaming at me not to believe him, I had to check on Gia.
I'd lost my exterior building key, which was no surprise in my struggles. But still, my apartment key sat safely on the long golden chain around my neck.
The first figure to pass me made me jump. I didn't recognise them, and I didn't let them see me, but it was still alarming to see another person after the attack I'd just witnessed.
I can overpower him. If he's controlling these people, then I can take them. Like I did with Evan.
Taking a deep breath, I scampered after them as they unlocked the front door. If they looked at me long enough they'd panic. I was covered in wounds and blood, my clothes ripped and my feet bare. But I hid in the shadows until the door was just about to close.
And then I was in.
I was almost too weak to make the stairs. Six circular flights of burning, my lungs collapsing beneath my chest and my throat ripping from the inside out. But my mind had long left my physical body, already tearing open that door before I'd even reached it.
My first steps down the doorway were slow. My breathing was loud and raspy, but it wasn't that keeping me from the kitchen. It was the uncertainty of what-- or who-- I would find.
But as soon as the threshold came into view-- as soon as I saw who was standing there-- my body flushed with an intense relief.
Gia.
Instantly the wall of fear fell to the ground around me, and I bounded over to her, barely flitting over her horror-struck gaze as I wrapped my arms around her petite body, cradling her silky black hair in my fingers and inhaling the cloud of jasmine around her.
"God, Gia," I breathed, tears spilling from my eyes. Then my voice was only a whisper. "I was so scared."
Her body was still stiff in mine for a long time, but it didn't matter. For the first time I felt safe. For the first time I had something to be thankful for.
Until she spoke.
"Aspen, run."
The words were barely audible, but they were enough to freeze my blood as I spun around-- expecting him to be there. But the hallway was empty.
It was when I turned around that I saw the danger.
Because Gia was cradling a knife.
"No," I whispered hoarsely.
But then she lunged at me.
I sprinted for the door. Though looking back on it, I could have tried to persuade her to see reason, it was human error that stopped me. It was the sight of my best friend trying to kill me that shocked me from logic.
She followed me, of course. Just like he would have asked her to. Her eyes were wild, her hair flowing out behind her like a villain's cape, and a horror-struck grimace imprinted on her lips. I screamed, but none of the flats around us opened their doors. It was me and her, and my mind was racing too fast to do anything.
"Stop!" I cried as I edged towards the stairs. She'd slowed, as if sensing I was going to run and attempting to lure me to stay. But her eyes were still fixed with deadly precision, as if she longed for my life beneath her fingertips.
Was this what her last victim saw? Before she'd buried her in the forest?
"Please," I said, the word weak. It lacked any of the power or strength it needed to to do anything meaningful. But I kept repeating it. Begging. "Please, please please."
But then she lunged again, and I jumped backward against the banister, the metal railing cool against my back. I gasped and looked behind me-- looked at the seemingly never ending abyss that haunted my dreams-- my fear of falling down the stairs, toppling to my death.
Please, please, please.
Just as my head whipped around and my hair flung from my vision she lunged again, grunting as the metal brushed my collarbone, narrowly dodging my neck.
"Stop," I willed her, trying to catch her eyes. But she was too busy focussing on her target-- my vital organs. The ones that would be easy to puncture.
And again, she lunged.
I grabbed the knife-wielding wrist, but I was weak, and she was strong. What had I said about Evan before? Superhuman strength. I couldn't win.
I cried out as I tried to push my body against us, moving us away from the railing. But she pushed back with twice as much force. The best I could do was turn us around so my death wouldn't come as easily. As gruesomely.
"Gia don't kill me," I begged. "You couldn't live with that. You can't let him win, you have to fight it."
Where was it, where was that power I needed?
"Goddamit Gia, listen to me," I sobbed as she wordlessly lunged again. I pushed her back, trying to keep the blade as far away from me as possible. But I hadn't secured her hand-- it snaked out and punctured my bicep, its sharp edge easily drawing blood.
I was shaking so hard that I lost grip, and without hesitation she came at me again, this time aiming for my stomach. But at the last second I mustered the ability to block her, my reflexes shoving her elbow and her shoulder with what little strength I had left.
But it was too much strength.
Just a little too much.
In my life-or-death haste, I'd missed that we were against the railing. I'd forgotten that I was the one who now had her cornered. That she was crazed enough to forget the danger of falling.
Falling.
There were a few neverending seconds where she flailed, trying to catch her balance. Though her hands swayed frantically, desperately clawing at the air, she never dropped the knife.
Those seconds would last forever in my mind. Those moments where she saw me. Really saw me. The fear in her eyes choked me more than if Evan had pressed his fingers into my own throat.
Because when they ended, gravity had won.
The only thing I remembered next was the sickening crunch of bone falling through flesh. Of blood spraying the tiles below.
My best friend's eyes begging me to save her.
She was dead. She wasn't dead. I didn't kill her. Her last touch was not my fingertips, was not the bite of my blade through her skin. I didn't kill her. I didn't kill her.