Pic on side is Alec xx
Outfit: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=108957784
I'm 16.
It's been 3 years since I've seen Luke, Ashton, Michael and Calum. They formed a band, 5 Seconds Of Summer. They're on tour with One Direction. Hollie like me, wasn't told about them leaving for Australia to furfil their dreams. 3 years since my father took my little bundle of joy and headed away to America. At the moment I'm living with Hollie, in Ashton's old house.
On a better note, Amelia's moved school, Brandon moved to Ireland but I'm still builled by Hannah and Matthew. I have a boyfriend, his name is Alec and we've been together for 5 months, we met in school, in the music room, he was singing and I was playing guitar, we were playing the same song which made us click, then we discussed what music we liked, he took me on a date to the beach and we made...um sandcastles and then he asked me out, we have a few hiccups, some more major then others. I love him no matter what.
It's now 3am, I'm laying on my bed staring at the ceiling thinking about where it all went wrong. I just don't understand.
"Lily, it's time to get up!" Hollie yelled while tapping my door, I pulled myself out of bed and hopped into the shower before changing into black ripped jeans, an All Time low top, all black converse and my collection of bracelets that will continue to grow and finally my purple hoodie. I headed downstairs and grabbed an apple.
"That bruise is really bad today, I wish we could do something. You ready?" Hollie asked, I nodded before grabbing my plaid bag, slinging it over my shoulder and walking towards her car. Hollie's phone buzzed and she instantly pulled it out, I saw it was a tweet from Ashton.
@Ashton5SOS: I miss you...
"Have you spoke to him since?" I asked her gently, my voice weak and hoarse.
"No, he tried to text me but I didn't want to, he just left and I might never forgive that" She sighed before placing her phone back into her pocket and drove me to hell. Hollie works and I still have to go to School, it sucks.
I put in my head phones and Blink 182 began to play.
(I miss you, I miss you)
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends
(I miss you, I miss you)
(I miss you, I miss you)
Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
[x3]
(I miss you, I miss you) [x4]
She pulled up and I began to feel the sad atmosphere.
"Hey, are you gonna be OK?" Hollie asked.
"When am I not?" I asked her.
"Stupid question Lily!" she told me.
"I'll see you later" I fake smiled before heading into the music room. I pulled out my phone and rolled onto the twitter app.
@HannahStyles: @LilyRivers ur so fat ur gonna pop soon! hahahah
@MattCOD1: @LilyRivers shld go die, no 1 wants u around!
@Luke5SOS: @HannahStyles @MattCOD1 @LilyRivers Leave Lily alone!
@HannahStyles: @Luke5SOS who r u brat!
@Luke5SOS: @HannahStyles call yourself a 1D fan? pfft! I'm Luke Hemmings, I dated Amelia, from your school, I'm now in a band touring with 1D..
That made me smirk and laugh quietly. She began texting me.
Unknown
Fucking slut! no1 cares bout u! go die! the boy may have stuck up 4 u but he isn't here is e?
That sent me into tears, I cried and cried. My thoughts began to fill with dark ones.
No one cares.
You're fat.
You're ugly.
Why don't you just go die?
No one loves you.
Just die already.
I sighed and stared out the window. making up my mind, I pressed record on my phone, sucking in a big breath.
"This is me."
"I'm Lily. I'm the nobody you pass in the corridor, the girl you like to trip up, I'm the girl who still smiles. I'm 16, my birthday is 15th November, so not too long. I'm sorry you all had to see my face. I really am. I don't really know what to say but I'm sorry for everything. Sorry for existing." I stated and began crying, wiping the rolling tears away I continued.
"James Winters if you ever see this, I love you, I heard they changed your name, but I miss you. Have a great life, can't believe your 7! Wow...anyway, Hollie thank you, for absolutely everything, love you like a sister. Alec I love you and I'm sorry, I'm never good enough. I don't know why you left Luke...and I'll never know now!" I exclaimed and wiped way more tears.
"I suppose you're wondering why I'm doing this, well...I don't want to be here anymore, I'm a mess and I deserve to die, you're all right no one cares or loves me, I'm nothing, I'm pathetic and I'm weak." I told them, sadness oozing from the words.
"I'm sorry I was around for these 16 years, I won't be anymore." I cried.
"Luke, Ash, Mike and Cal, good luck with the band. All the best, Lily Rivers." I breathed before shutting off the camera. I stumbled home, the dark thoughts increasing as I came closer to the building. Running into the bathroom, I uploaded the video before tagging in the people I needed to see this.
@5SOS @Alecbadass @Holliexx #noonecares #byebye
I grabbed the box of tablets, tipping them into my hand. My phone flashed with Alec's picture, I let it ring.
"For being fat."
"For being worthless."
"For being pathetic."
"For being useless."
"For never being good enough."
"For not fitting in."
"For being alone,"
"For the haters."
"For letting them win." I whispered before pouring them into my mouth and swallowing.
Goodbye...
Luke's P.O.V
"Yes Ashton you can eat the skittles" I muttered. All of our phones buzzed loudly signalling we were mentioned on the band account. I pulled out my phone quickly and clicked on it, a video of Lily popped up.
"This is me."
"I'm Lily. I'm the nobody you pass in the corridor, the girl you like to trip up, I'm the girl who still smiles. I'm 16, my birthday is 15th November, so not too long. I'm sorry you all had to see my face. I really am. I don't really know what to say but I'm sorry for everything. Sorry for existing." She started, tears fell and I began crying as well, Ashton was crying but the other two had tears in their eyes.
"James Winters if you ever see this, I love you, I heard they changed your name, but I miss you. Have a great life, can't believe your 7! Wow...anyway, Hollie thank you, for absolutely everything, love you like a sister. Alec I love you and I'm sorry I'm never good enough. I don't know why you left Luke...and I'll never know now!" She exclaimed, wiping away more tears.
"I suppose you're wondering why I'm doing this, well...I don't want to be here anymore, I'm a mess and I deserve to die, you're all right no one cares or loves me, I'm nothing, I'm pathetic and I'm weak." I screamed, breaking into tears, they flew around my cheeks, Michael tried to remove the phone but I told him 'No.'
"I'm sorry I was around for these 16 years, I won't be anymore." She cried and we all cried harder.
"Luke, Ash, Mike and Cal, good luck with the band. All the best, Lily Rivers." She finished before the screen turned black, I quickly rang Hollie's number.
"Hello, Luke?" Her voice flooded through the phone.
"LILY'S KILLING HERSELF!" I yelled into the phone.
"WHAT? I'm on my way now" She said and I heard her jump into her car. She was semi talking to me and soon I herd her pull up before running into her house, I could hear her jogging up the stairs.
"LILY!" She screamed.
"OMG LILY WAKE UP!" She yelled, there was no reply, I sobbed loudly.
"I'm gonna call an ambulance call you back later!" Hollie rushed. I muttered a quiet 'OK' before she hung up.
"Ashton can you check when to next flight to the UK is?" I asked him, he nodded and headed off to search it up.
"But...but we have a show." Calum said, I looked at him with the what-the-hell-did-you-just-say look.
"Lily Rivers, A girl we used to know could be dead right now!" I exclaimed, Calum nodded before turning to his phone.
"OK, Luke they have a flight in about half an hour." Ashton told me, I nodded and hugged him.
"Thanks man." I smiled.
"No problem are you gonna be OK?" He asked while we walked into his car. I sat down and he climbed into drivers.
"No..." I sighed, tears began to roll down my flushed cheeks, Ashton pulled me into another hug, I began sobbing into his shoulder.
"She'll be fine, I bet she's up and walking around right now." Ashton said but I could tell he wasn't saying this with all honesty.
"It's all my fault, I left her!" I yelled. Ashton shook his head and pulled away from our hug.
"No! You know what she's feeling Luke, you're going through it too." Ashton said glancing down at my bracelet covered wrist. I moved it out of his eye line and stared at the window.
"Actually, I stopped. I stopped because of her." Ashton sighed before driving to the airport. We arrived and I climbed out heading to the right gate before saying goodbye to Ashton. I sat down next to the window, waiting to arrive in the UK. Before we took off I quickly posted a tweet.
@Luke5SOS: Won't be in tonights show, sorry x Personal reasons and need to see a close friend, that is very ill at the moment and needs me x Be back asap, I love you all, every single one.
I turned my phone off, closing my eyes and laying back. My mind raced as I thought of Lily, it still hadn't hit me that she could be dead. I slowly fell to sleep as I thought back to when I was 15.
*A few hours later*
"Excuse me sir. We are here." The flight attendant said while shaking me, I stood up and stretched, my arms hit the roof of the plane. I strolled out and turned on my phone immediately getting a text from Hollie.
From: Hollie
She's fine, the doctors managed to save her, thank you for ringing me, a minute later and she wouldn't of made it.
To: Hollie
As long as she's safe.
From: Hollie
She is, we're in the best hospital, the one near town.
To: Hollie
Great. Text ya later.
I then realised I had no money, no clothes, no nothing. Well, this sucks...
I began walking towards the hospital, walking past a few people I recognised, waving a little before continuing my journey to the hospital. I arrived, nurses and doctors ran around, helping the paramedics carry a patient inside. I walked up to the desk, a short brunette was on the wheelie chair, a phone attached to her ear as she typed on the computer.
"I'm looking for Lily Rivers." I told her once she had put the phone down.
"Are you family?" She asked, I nodded and she smiled before typing on the computer.
"Room 4. Ward 6." She smiled, I nodded and followed the signs till I reached the right room, Hollie walked out and bumped into me, I smiled as she hugged me.
"Hey!" She exclaimed.
"Hey." I smiled, hugging her, she had puffy, red eyes and her hair was all ragged like she had pulled at it.
"How is she?" I asked.
"She's still asleep, she woke up a while ago and kept crying because she said and I quote 'What I was supposed to die! why?! Why can't you just let me die!' I honestly can't do this anymore, I'm not saying I give up on her it's just she's a lot of responsibility, this is the 4th time now." Hollie sighed, I looked at her with wide eyes.
"What?!" I asked.
"She tried to kill herself 3 times before. First, just before you left she was going to hang herself, but I walked in, 2nd time she was going to slit her wrist but I had thrown away the blade and 3rd time she went to jump off a bridge but her music saved her, she was a mess that last time, she came home and she completely tore the house apart." Hollie sighed and I felt the tears rise, I wanted to cry, 4 TIMES! I hadn't even attempted once! We walked in and saw Lily still fast asleep. I sat down and talked with Hollie for a while before the doctor walked in.
"Good to se she's getting some sleep. Anyway, I need to tell you about some side affects, first off she will have very severe liver pain, so I would suggest no major exercise. She will also be extremely tired for a long time, a side affect of the pain tablets I will put her on. She, by any means, can not, I repeat NOT, have alcohol. And a few questions, has she been on anti-depressants?" He asked, Hollie nodded.
"They didn't work out and she ended up, shoving them down a boys trousers." Hollie drifted off.
"Oh, OK, we won't give her any but she will have to go to therapy." He told us and I saw Hollie's look in her eyes, I couldn't tell what it was, it was sort of unreadable.
"Oh, OK." Hollie sighed. The doctor nodded before leaving the room. A few minutes after a boy with black dyed hair arrived in the room, he stared at Lily and sighed.
"Again?" He asked.
"Yes, again." Hollie snapped, he looked at her angrily before turning to Lily, he sat on the end of her bed, stroking her hair.
"Who is that?" I whispered, her eyes rolled and she crossed her arms over her chest angrily.
"Alec, Lily's 'boyfriend'." Hollie whispered back putting air quotes around boyfriend. I felt a pang of jealousy and I began getting angry. BOYFRIEND?!
"I need to make a phone call if she wakes up please tell her I was here." Alec sneered before leaving the room, Hollie muttered something under her breath it sounded like 'oh so you can knock her about' but I wasn't 100% sure.
"Why don't you like him?" I asked, he did seem pretty cool, he had a lip piercing!
"He treats me like shit but when I'm around Lily, he's all nice and charming. He slags Lily off behind her back and she knows but is still with him and I'm sure he's cheating on her, but she won't confront him!" Hollie exclaimed, kicking a chair near to us. I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her in for a hug.
"Ugh, I thought he looked nice." I muttered.
"Everyone does, that's what draws Lily in, and the fact that he is completely two faced." Hollie sighed, Lily began stirring and once she saw me, she did a double take.
"W-Why are you here?" She asked.
"Because I want you and Hollie to move to Australia with me." I told her, she looked at me oddly before looking over at Hollie.
"But what if I don't want to." Lily asked.
"Well I think you should." I muttered.
"BUT WHY? I MEAN YOU LEFT BEFORE YOU KNOW WHERE THE DOOR IS YOU CAN LEAVE AGAIN!! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? ARE YOU WAITING FOR ME TO LET YOU IN AGAIN CAUSE GOOD LUCK WITH THAT BECAUSE I HATE YOU!" Lily screamed, I felt hurt but I knew why she was like this, to be honest I did leave. I sat at night crying, I thought she hated me and I was going to stay and fix it but by the time I decided to stay our plane was already off the ground, my mum told me I would get over her but look at me now. Still completely head over heels for a girl who hates me.
"Lily, stop." Hollie told her.
"NO! I mean seriously, he left taking his 'best friends' with him, no good bye, no nothing, leaving us completely in the dark where we both fell apart, why can't I yell?" She asked, Hollie just shook her head.
"He came from Australia to see if YOU were OK!" Hollie exclaimed.
"Just please Lily." I begged.
"It's not up to me, it's up to Hollie." Lily spat. I turned to Hollie and gave her a questioning look.
"Well, I want to go, just think of it as a holiday." Hollie smiled, I nodded and grabbed my phone. I phoned Ashton and we arranged what we were going to do. After I finished I walked back into the room where Lily was playing 'Flappy bird' on her phone.
"Oh My God what's your high score?" I asked her.
"42, you?" She asked.
"41." I laughed, she smiled before laughing quietly.
"Right Luke, visiting time is over." Hollie told me, I nodded and we said good bye to Lily before going back to their house. We began packing before watching a few films and going to sleep. Finally I had my Lily back.
A/N- HEY!!!!!!
Vote?xx
Comment?xx
Love you!! xx
If any of you have tried to kill yourself and think no one cares, I've been in that same place, I care, a lot even if I don't know you, it upsets me when I see others down. I'm not gonna say I understand because everyone has their own personal struggles, but if you think no one cares, or loves you,
I do x