The next morning, Louis awoke on the green grass of Bill's yard, and to the feeling of someone's body snuggled up next to his. There was a head of brown curly hair resting on his chest. Waking up this way wasn't new to him. What was new, however, was that it was Lilly that laid asleep next to him. Louis yawned, trying to stretch, but when he tried to move his arm, he noticed that his right hand was holding tight to Lilly's left one. Louis chuckled to himself. So much for mushy shit.
He didn't mind her lying there, snuggled up to him. In fact, he somewhat enjoyed it. She looked so peaceful while she was asleep, and he liked staring at her delicate features; such as her constantly rosy cheeks, long eyelashes, and even her slightly chapped lips. Suddenly, her eyes opened, revealing the light brown eyes that shone so brightly whenever she smiled.
"Taking me up on that 'stare at me whenever you like' offer?" Lilly asked, raising her eyebrows playfully, not moving from him. Louis rolled his eyes.
"You haven't even been awake for 5 minutes and you're already making jokes," he said, squeezing her hand and laughing. Lilly laughed along with him.
"I like jokes." She giggled.
They heard a snap behind them, instantly turning around at the noise. Lilly reached for her knife, which she had kept on her the entire night, and pulled it out, holding it up at Zayn, who was a few yards away.
"Sorry," he mumbled, picking up an empty can and placing it in a trash bag. "I tried to be quiet."
Lilly turned away, waiting to hear some rude remark from him. Why had she been so stupid as to fall asleep with him? The reaction she got wasn't one she expected.
"And I'm really glad you two got some sleep last night." He smiled at her, shouting as he stumbled over the trash bag. Blushing, he threw the bag on the ground. "I'll get that shit later." He looked back up at the 2. "Go ahead and continue. Hope I didn't ruin anything." He then left them alone, apologizing again for being so loud.
As soon as the door closed behind him, he smiled when he heard their loud laughs. Walking by the living room to find an empty couch, he figured that Ness actually slept in the room with Liam, too tired to put up any fight. They had all turned in at about 4 in the morning, Perrie falling asleep earlier than that. He had carried her to bed, tucking her in and heading back out to make sure the fire was out. He left Louis and Lilly where they were, knowing that it would be extremely impolite to bother them. At that time they weren't cuddled up as they had been that morning.
He had offered to carry Ness, saying she looked way too tired to make it all the way there herself. She just answered by saying that she had stayed awake even more exhausted than she had been, protesting that she wasn't going to be getting much sleep that night anyway. He frowned at her words, hoping they weren't true. When he saw her wandering the hall with dead eyes and a pale face, he knew it to be the tragic truth.
"Didn't get much sleep?" he asked, almost smacking himself in the head for engaging in conversation. He was trying to take a step back from her.
"I never do," she answered, and he frowned. She noticed his sad expression and added, "But thanks for asking." Giving him a soft smile, she sat down on the couch. "How's your face?"
He chuckled. "Super sore, but I'll make it."
"Glad to hear it." She shuffled her feet awkwardly on the floor, her hands sweating out of her control. "And I- um, I need to tell you something." He moved to sit next to her, placing a hand gently on her knee for comfort. Trying to remain indiscreet, she rubbed her hands over her knees, knocking his hand off.
"What is it?" he prodded, wanting desperately to know what she could possibly want to tell him. She never seemed to talk to him anyways. He was the one who always had to start a conversation between them if he wanted one to transpire.
"I just wanted to say thank you. I never got the chance to before. Figured I'd do it now just in case.." She didn't have to finish the last sentence-- he knew what she was talking about. Things could be so unlikely these days.
"What exactly is it that you're thanking me for, again?" He looked at her, scooting closer to catch her eyes. She refused to let her gaze meet his.
Running a hand over her face, she stifled a fake laugh. "I'm so bad at this."
"Nah," he said, taking her hand. "You just have to finish your sentences. Maybe even elaborate a little bit," he teased.
"Why do you always touch me?" She pulled her hand from his for the millionth time.
"I'll answer it after you're done explaining." He got close enough that their knees were touching, preserving the feeling of their skin touching.
Her curiosity got the best of her. "It was for giving me blood. I know that it's a little late for a thank you, but I had to say it. The way I thanked you at first wasn't necessarily the best."
He smiled, remembering how she had slapped him upon awakening. As he looked at the shy girl sitting next to him, he wondered how he had ever thought of her as cold and unfeeling. That one day where he had upset her just to see her in pain was a day he swore he'd always regret.
When he didn't answer, she kept going, not able to stop. "I guess at the time I was just angry at you for saving me.."
Stunned, he looked at her, not able to keep quiet this time. "Why were you angry?"
"Because I thought it was finally over." She sighed, leaning back deeper into the couch. "But it doesn't matter now, because I'm here still, and I've got people to protect."
He gulped. "Why would you ever want it to be over?"
She snapped her head to look at him, her eyes flashing with realization at the words she had said. "I shouldn't have said that," she said quickly, sitting up straight and moving to stand. He grabbed her hand, frowning deeply as she shook it off again. He would soon get used to that feeling, having it happen so much.
"Tell me," he begged.
"No." She tried to dart out of the room quickly, but Zayn wasn't willing to let her go that easy.
"Don't you want me to tell you why I always touch you?" She stopped dead in her tracks, turning her head slowly to glare at him. Knowing he had her right where he wanted her, he said, "Sit back down and I'll tell you."
Like an obedient child, she sat herself back down, her bottom just barely on the edge of the seat. She glared at her shoes, wanting to get up and leave. Yet his answer was so compelling that she went against her mind for once, listening to someone other than herself. Not saying anything, she waited for his words. No one had ever made a move to touch her before; she usually never let anyone within at least a foot of her. Liam was the only exception-- he actually needed her close to feel any comfort.
"I touch you because-" He stopped, hoping she would look at him after his pause. He guessed right, almost laughing when her head whirled around to look at him, her eyes incredibly wide. Looking into her eyes, he held her attention and finished his sentence. "I touch you because I like the way it feels." He wanted to say much more, elaborating as she never really did. He wanted to say how the warmth in her hands brought so much comfort to him; how her bitten nails didn't scratch him as Perrie's sometimes did; how he loved how she sometimes held his hand tightly, or otherwise not at all. Yet, he stayed silent. One step at a time.
She gasped, the sound subtle. He heard it, though, smiling at her flustered face. Suddenly her eyes grew dim, his grin slowly fading away at the sight. She practically ran out of the room, only stopping at the start of the hallway to harshly spit, "I think Perrie's calling for you."
His face paled as he watched her stomp off, sighing in anguish as he heard the click of a door closing.
Outside, Louis and Lilly lay in the grass, talking about anything and everything they could, just to prolong the pleasant moment they were sharing.
"So," Lilly started, staring at Louis' bright blue eyes, "what did you used to do before the world went to shit?" Louis chuckled nervously, biting his lip. Should he tell her the truth? Would she think less of him?
'No,' he thought. 'She's not like that.'
She nudged him with her shoulder playfully. "Come on, Louis. It can't be that bad!" She laughed.
Louis sighed, deciding on telling her the truth. "I was a preschool teacher."
Lilly's eyes widened. "Really? That's so sweet! So I guess that means that you're good with kids." She laughed. Lilly was awful with children. She could not handle them to save her life.
Louis laughed lightly. "Yeah, you can say that. What about you? What did you do?" he asked her, genuinely interested in what the girl in front of him did for a living.
"Um-" She covered her face. "I was this entertainer person for kid's parties.." She laughed loudly, remembering all of the silly, degrading outfits she had been forced to wear. "Kids hate me, though, so I sucked at it. I'm not exactly all fun and loving."
"Aw, don't say that," he said, nudging her on the shoulder. "I bet you did fine."
"I cussed this kid out one time because he was crying over how I didn't make his balloon animal right. I got kicked out.. Almost got fired, too. They made me work overtime to make up for my behavior. That didn't stop me from pushing a kid over when he wouldn't let me leave after my shift was over." She stopped talking and stared at a patch of grass. "I am a horrible person." She busted out laughing, not able to contain her giggles. Falling to the side, she clutched her stomach as she laughed. Louis chuckled, picturing Lilly with a grumpy face surrounded by hyper little kids. How she ever survived that, he didn't know.
Once her laughing died down a little, he crossed his legs in front of him and said, "I really hope all of those kids are okay. It'd tear me apart to know they didn't make it.." Then, he added, "Sorry, I didn't mean to ruin the good mood."
"You didn't," she reassured. "It's sweet how you care about them like that. I'm the complete opposite," she said. "I hope some of those little devils got bit." Louis gasped loudly, holding a hand over his chest.
"How could you say something like that? They're just kids!" Lilly's eyes widened at his tone of voice.
"I was kidding," she said flatly, rolling her eyes and leaning against his shoulder. "You're such an idiot." He just chuckled, pressing his lips against her hair. She shrunk back at his touch. When his hand tried to find hers again, she yanked it away, scrambling to get up.
"What'd I do?" he immediately asked, holding up his hands.
"I need to go," she hurriedly said. The thoughts that swamped her head were horrible. One specifically about El made her physically cringe.
Louis stood up quickly, blocking her way. He grabbed her arms, causing her to stay right in front of him. "What is your problem? What did I do?" Louis asked worriedly. Lilly struggled to get out of his grasp, to get away from him.
"Lilly! Lilly, look at me!" Lilly stopped wiggling and looked at his bright blue eyes. "Tell me what's wrong," Louis said with authority.
"I can't do this, Louis." She sighed. Louis raised his eyebrows.
"Do what?"
"Everything. Act all mushy with you; hold your hand, snuggle with you at night, tell you my personal stories, when I know that your girlfriend is out there fighting for her life!" she shouted at him. His eyes grew wide and he let up his grasp on her arms. She was right. How could he act this way with Lilly when his love was out in the cruel, heartless world?
'Because she makes you happy,' the voice inside his head echoed throughout his thoughts. She had helped him forget so much from the night before. She had been his savior when he was so close to losing his mind. Too much thinking and you inch closer to the edge of insanity that all of us are one push from falling over.
Without another word, he let Lilly go, turning to walk back to where they had slept the past night. Not sparing Louis another glance, Lilly head off towards the house, stopping to linger in the living room upon seeing Zayn's hopeless expression.
"Which one was it?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Her emotions were raging, so she came off crueler than usual.
"Hmm?" He didn't look at her. He didn't even move.
"Ness or Perrie?" She knew him enough by now to know when he was having girl problems.
"I don't want to talk to you," he said. "You hate me anyways. I'd really rather you not put me down while I weigh choices."
"I've never said I hated you.." She slowly let her arms fall to her sides.
"You never had to say anything," he said slowly. "I get it."
"Well then, you get it wrong. I don't necessarily hate you. I know what hatred is, and I don't feel it with you. Maybe I don't like you, but surely not hate."
"Could've fooled me," he murmured, running a hand over his thigh. "And what's the difference with you? You don't like me, you're angry and cross all the time. You hate me, you'd most likely be angry and cross all the time."
"No, that's not how it is. If I hated you, every time I saw your face I'd want to fill your skull with bullets. You're lucky you're not that bad off with me."
"So lucky," he sarcastically said. She simply glared at him.
"Anyways," she said, her tone softening, "is there anything I can do to help?" He shook his head.
"I don't want your help."
"But I know Ness. Certainly I know her more than you." At her words, she sat beside him on the couch, guessing it was safe enough for her now.
He sighed. "Fine. You know that I want to stay with one of them, but I just can't pick which one. It feels horrible to leave Ness when she's just now starting to trust me, but even she wants me to go with Perrie."
"I'm pretty sure that's not something she wants. Everyone can see that she enjoys your company."
"So does Perrie, and with her I know for sure that she at least loves me back." Lilly's eyes widened.
"Whoa, I thought we were talking about you simply helping her here."
"We- I didn't, um- no, we are. I'm just helping her."
Lilly was now staring at him in awe, her thoughts running a mile per minute. If Ness knew that someone out there did care for her to the point of love, then maybe she would stop hating everything so much. But as she continued to think, her smile grew dimmer and her eyes shined with less excitement. If he did happen to tell her the news, Ness would be terrified. She may say she didn't care, but she would. She would care deeply, the paranoia and feeling of something different terrifying her.
"You can't tell her." She interrupted his rambling.
"Tell her what?" he shot back, glaring at her to let it go. She did, her eyes conveying messages that didn't need to be said. Now that she knew, she would keep it a secret. Ness couldn't find out. It'd tear her apart.